Fun ways to answer the phone

[thebestaround21]

Pretend to be in a hostage situation either you are the hostage or the hostage taker it works sometimes, or mimick the accent of the person calling your house.

 

[Not-here-anymore]

The greatest single prank using the phone I've ever heard is this, courtesy of comedian Tom Mabe on the Bob and Tom Show:


Long but well worth it.

If this is the call I think it is (2 seconds later: It is!), it is the single greatest use of a telephone I have ever heard. Even after that guy used the telephone to prevent the start of the zombie apocalypse.

*phone rings*
Me: *I answer* "Hello is Steven there?"
Person: "wuh, I err.., I called you"
Me: "Yeah, I'd like to know if Steven's there please?"
Person: "No, this is--"
Me: "Oh? Steven's not there? Ok, sorry, it must be a wrong number."
*hangs up*

I've done this once or twice; always funny.

But mostly I stick with 'Hi'. It seems to work!

Oh, I did once manage to convince a telemarketer to send someone in person to promote their product, only to open the door and then close it again on the salesperson who showed up. Real-life hanging-up - it works! As, apparently, does persuading a telemarketer that the reason you're not interested in their deal (making sure to specifically say what they're offering directly back to them) is that you're deaf. Yeah, that actually worked.

 

[teutonicman]

I got this from my Dad, "City morgue, you stab'em we slab'em".

 

[wordsmith]

A known number:
"Wordsmith's phone, speak to me"
"What you got for me?"

An unknown number:
"Who's this?"

Yeah... kinda rude :/

 

[nebtheslayer95]

"I'm trying to defuse a bomb, what do you want? Wha- Great, now The south East of England has blown up. I hope you're happy."

one you could tie into that would be "i need your help right now; when diffusing bombs, is it the green wire or the red wire you cut?, i really really need to know."

 

[Deleric]

If I know who it's from I say:

"Are you the guy?" in a very low, crackly voice.

 

[toadking07]

One I like to do is if I know who's calling, I say, "Hey (my name), it's (their name)! What's up man?" Normally people stop for a second there.

 

[uberube]

When you answer go:

"Yes, hi I would like to order a pizza."

They always get flustered.

 

[GrinningManiac]

I ALREADY TOLD YOU I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY I- oh hello! I thought you were...um...someone else

"Yellow Hello!?"

"Crimeny and a Bushwacker, Batman! We've got ourselves a telemarketer!"

And one I reserve only for the blatantly Indian call centres (you can tell because they say "I'm calling from England" (Why would you feel the need to say this unless you WEREN'T? It's like the guilty kid saying "I didn't do anything!" before you'd even asked))

"Namaste! What's the weather like in Delhi?"

I'm learning Hindi, so one day I plan to start arguing with them IN HINDI to completley blow their mind

 

[NotAPie]

"Why HARROW..."

 

[Antitonic]

I'm probably not original, but I answer with "Goodbye", and hang up after saying "Hello"...

 

[GrinningManiac]

"Hallo, who iz it?"

In best Monty Python frenchman voice

Aaaah com nao surr, eez onlee Waffur Feen!

 

[Discon]

When I'm answering the phone at my granparents' house, I usually say:

"Hello, this is the [surname] residence. You are speaking to [name]."

 

[jehuty_zero69]

Crazy Richards abortion clinic, no fetus can beat us!

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Hello, you have reached the army recruitment line.

If you want to join the army, press 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, #, *, or hang up.

If you don't want to join the army, press 10.

 

[GamerLuck]

according to my family i do a really good stereotypical indian voice, so i answer with "Jajeeb's Gas And Go, How may i halp you" and take it from there

 

[Aisaka]

Hello, this is *Insert town name* cemetery, you stab 'em we slab 'em.

 

[bartman675]

the one i do the most is:
Mikes taxidermy you kill 'em we stuff 'em