Fun ways to answer the phone

[jobobob]

Big John's house of penis, ask and I serve.

 

[RagnorakTres]

"*last name* residence, *first name* speaking."

It confuses people and machines. Usually, and especially if you drop the last bit.

"Ninja."

Then hang up. Assuming it's not important.

I also like spouting off some random disgusting/stupid/made-up/creepy fact about a random subject as I answer the phone. It can be really strange and hilarious.

 

[DividedUnity]

I have a really funny long one

psychiatric hotline

You can use these from the Psychiatric Hotline:


- If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

- If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.

- If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

- If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

- If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

- If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

- If you are a depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

- If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969696969.

- If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

- If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

- If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

- If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or during the beep. Please wait for the beep.

- If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

- If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.

- If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.

- If you are a blonde, don't press any buttons - you'll just mess it up.?

more are..

- Joe's pool hall eightball speaking.
- city morgue, you kill em', we chill em.
- The number you have called is not in service.. Please try again
- 911 - What is your emergency

That was quite good

 

[Ham_authority95]

[small]*In a Christian Bale batman voice*[/small]

"Hello. You've reached the Bat-cave, the sexiest place on earth."

"If you want batman to strip for you, press 1"

"If you want the bat-spank, press 2"

"If you want batman's sensual delight, press 69"

And so on

 

[Jagers1994]

"Hello sir I'm frank and I'm from the department of (your states name) telephone and electrical services. Our department is currently working on a live wire and my partner could get electrocuted if you call or answer anybody in the next 1 hour."

And the call them back in 45 minutes and if they answer start yelling and screaming as if you are being electrocuted.

 

[Mr.Petey]

One day in the right joking mood, I ring up someone and answer it with either:

"Maserati 3200 talk to me"
"Italian fireplace talk to me"

 

[Shynobee]

"Buddy the elf, Whats your favorite Color?"

Thats a classic, but some good times can be had by just answering with a foreign accent. My friend has a pretty good cockney English accent that I've heard him use when he answered the phone, it was pretty funny.

 

[Samcanuck]

(Your town/cities name) abortion clinic. No Fetus can defeat us.

 

[Karlaxx]

I've assimilated the obnoxious thing my dad does' start of going "Yeah?" but sliding into "Hello", the end result sounding like "Yeeeaaaaallo?"

 

[Rakun Man]

"Hello, Time Traveling Agency, We do not exist at this time, but call us yesterday and we will contact you before you know it."
Or...
"Hello, you have reached yourself..." and then repeat everything they say like an echo.

 

[Lonely Swordsman]

"You have reached the Simmering gay phone sex call centre, which one of our boys do you want today?"
Freaks people the fuck out.

 

[sirkai007]

12 Style points!!! You are currently in second place. Leader has 15.

 

[Generator]

The greatest single prank using the phone I've ever heard is this, courtesy of comedian Tom Mabe on the Bob and Tom Show:

Long but well worth it.

That was hilarious! Thanks for that.

OT: I don't really have one; I just came on here to look for ones I could use, myself, and this one was just brilliant. Not that I'll be able to imitate it, I just thought you deserved props for posting this awesome call.

 

[Red Rum]

"Hello, and Welcome to Moviefone."

or

First Voice: "Is it safe?" "Is it safe?" "Is it safe?"
Second Voice: "It puts the lotion on the skin, or else it gets the hose again."
First Voice: "Dude, shut up! Is it safe?"

 

[ViolentlyHappy91]

"Suicide hot-line, I'm a bit busy and my shift ends in 5 minutes, I suggest going through with it."

 

[Warchiefwill]

"Hello this is[insert superheros name]"

"This is God speaking."

"Why haven't you spoken to me sooner!"

 

[Baralak]

I like going:

"Thank you for calling FlanCrest Enterprises, how may I add some Flanders to your life?"


Cookie to who gets the easy ref.

 

[socialmenace42]

The swinging door Inn: Liquor in the front, poker in the rear (have to say it out loud for it to make sense)

Also, if you get people calling from Telemarketing departments trying to sell you stuff, try one of the following:

I would love to take down your details but my Wife/ Husband manages the finances and he/ she is going to be in Prison for at least the next sixteen years so...

I would write down your details but I'm afraid I don't have a pen; you see i'm not allowed to have anything sharp in the house...

Or the classic:

I'm afraid I don't have time to make a transaction right now, but if you give me YOUR home phone number I can call you on your Sunday off next week while you're enjoying your evening meal, is that allright?