Fun ways to answer the phone
- Thread starter Queen Michael
- Start date
Recommended Videos
Answer the phone like this:
*Ring*
Me: Hey!
Other Guy: Hey, what's up?
M: Listen, I don't have long, the guy who's holding me just left to attend to someone else, I don't know where I'm being held, but you need to help me. I want you to have the Police trace my signal.
OG: Lolwut?
M: *Sigh* Listen. What's your name?
OG: Dude, it's me, stop playin'.
M: Tell me your name!
OG: Dude, it's Devon.
M: Alright, Devon. You ever heard of the SSOA?
OG: The what?
M: The SSOA, it's a spy agency. Listen, I need you to call *insert random phone number here* and tell them that *insert code name here* has been captured and is preparing to terminate the operation. Can you do that for me?
OG: Sure I gue-
M: SHIT! He found me. I gotta go right no- *hang up*
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have a pretty dry sense of humor in real life, so I can usually do that without cracking a laugh...
It works well to confuse the fuck out of your friends.
*Ring*
Me: Hey!
Other Guy: Hey, what's up?
M: Listen, I don't have long, the guy who's holding me just left to attend to someone else, I don't know where I'm being held, but you need to help me. I want you to have the Police trace my signal.
OG: Lolwut?
M: *Sigh* Listen. What's your name?
OG: Dude, it's me, stop playin'.
M: Tell me your name!
OG: Dude, it's Devon.
M: Alright, Devon. You ever heard of the SSOA?
OG: The what?
M: The SSOA, it's a spy agency. Listen, I need you to call *insert random phone number here* and tell them that *insert code name here* has been captured and is preparing to terminate the operation. Can you do that for me?
OG: Sure I gue-
M: SHIT! He found me. I gotta go right no- *hang up*
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have a pretty dry sense of humor in real life, so I can usually do that without cracking a laugh...
It works well to confuse the fuck out of your friends.
Yep! Did it yesterday, actually, when a neighbor called. Most people recognize my voice and don't fall for it. She did, and she hang up, thinking she hit a wrong number. Me and my friends all busted up laughing, and when she called again, it worked again! I might have a career in this...socialmenace42 said:
My personal favorite would be "Papa John's Pizza and Abortion Clinic! Your loss is our sauce! May I take your order?"
Another one would be for when you have a friend over, and you talk for a bit before going "sorry can you hold on a moment? I'm a bit busy and just need to head over to the other room...". Then you signal your friend to start screaming absolute bloody murder, remarking into the phone something along the lines of "oh quit your whining it's just a hack saw!". Resume conversation as normal if they're still on the line.
Or, you could always just open up with Beatles lyrics and segue from one song to the next until they either a) join in and fun times are had or b) give up and hang up.
Another one would be for when you have a friend over, and you talk for a bit before going "sorry can you hold on a moment? I'm a bit busy and just need to head over to the other room...". Then you signal your friend to start screaming absolute bloody murder, remarking into the phone something along the lines of "oh quit your whining it's just a hack saw!". Resume conversation as normal if they're still on the line.
Or, you could always just open up with Beatles lyrics and segue from one song to the next until they either a) join in and fun times are had or b) give up and hang up.
Hello, East Side Morgue. You kill'em, we chill'em; you stab'em, we slab'em; you slay'em we lay'em. How can I help you today sir?
"Steeler Central" is a classic for me.
Also, someone has to say it, sooooo...
Also, someone has to say it, sooooo...
Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?
Once I made my voicemail just: 'Hello' and the funny part is that people just says 'hello' and start babbling untill they notice that 'I' haven't said anything.
I remember one of my friends didn't hang up the phone so he just babbled with his friends and saying like: 'Huh, he hung up. Maybe his battery ran out or something.. etc etc'. Although my wasn't very fond of that little joke.
I remember one of my friends didn't hang up the phone so he just babbled with his friends and saying like: 'Huh, he hung up. Maybe his battery ran out or something.. etc etc'. Although my wasn't very fond of that little joke.
If a anyone calls asking for someone in the house (dad, sister, stepmom, whatever):
Me:"Hello?"
Them:"Yes, is (Mr./Mrs./Ms.) there?"
Me:"Um...yeah, about that, your a little late. You see I just chopped the body up in the bathtub like five minutes ago. Messy business. I can take a message if you want. What's your name and address?"
Me:"Hello?"
Them:"Yes, is (Mr./Mrs./Ms.) there?"
Me:"Um...yeah, about that, your a little late. You see I just chopped the body up in the bathtub like five minutes ago. Messy business. I can take a message if you want. What's your name and address?"
I have a number of answers for 800 numbers:
"Columbia's finest cocaine for only 50$ a pound! You want any?"
"*Sexual moans*"
"Hey baby..."
"I SAID USE A SECURE LINE!"
"There are 3 snipers aiming at your face as we speak. Make your last words count."
"METAL GEAR!?"
"Meet me at the boardwalks at midnight..."
"************ I'M ON THE LAST BOSS WHAT DO YOU WANT!?"
(Note:I can do a really good impression of an automated messenger.)"The user of this phone was murdered 30 years ago. He's coming to get you.Run sir or mam."
"Yeah I'll have 3 of your finest male prostitues."
"Bob's Big Cocks! Would you like our cock of the day special?"
And so on...
"Columbia's finest cocaine for only 50$ a pound! You want any?"
"*Sexual moans*"
"Hey baby..."
"I SAID USE A SECURE LINE!"
"There are 3 snipers aiming at your face as we speak. Make your last words count."
"METAL GEAR!?"
"Meet me at the boardwalks at midnight..."
"************ I'M ON THE LAST BOSS WHAT DO YOU WANT!?"
(Note:I can do a really good impression of an automated messenger.)"The user of this phone was murdered 30 years ago. He's coming to get you.Run sir or mam."
"Yeah I'll have 3 of your finest male prostitues."
"Bob's Big Cocks! Would you like our cock of the day special?"
And so on...
The best is if you have a personalised voicemail, simply copy it and press a button on the microwave. You'd be AMAZED how many people fall for it, constantly. My favourite one at the minute is to put on a seriously outdated upper class British accent 9Not weird, since I'm British) whenever an 0845 or 0800 number calls, or one listed as 'out of area' by our housephone. The usual questions, what energy supplier are you with etc, then when they ask how much I pay, I say "14 shillings, bloody bargain if I've ever heard one!" They usually put the phone down at this point. I'll spoiler this next one that my dad did to EDF cause it's going to make this a wall of text.
So basically, my mom was late paying the electricity bill, and they called up asking for her, this is pretty much the transcript:
EDF: Can we speak to Kerry please?
Dad: No I'm afraid she's in Greece at the the minute, who's calling?
EDF: Oh it's EDF, we were calling about a bill, when is a good time to call?
Dad: Well, you'd have to wait until she gets some downtime, she's over there for 6 months on a peacekeeping mission.
EDF: Oh well, could you notify her, and tell her to call this number, and that we wish her luck.
I shit you not, it happened. They even gave us an international number to call. I hope they call back again soon, because my next idea is to put MW2 multiplayer full blast when she calls them.
EDF: Can we speak to Kerry please?
Dad: No I'm afraid she's in Greece at the the minute, who's calling?
EDF: Oh it's EDF, we were calling about a bill, when is a good time to call?
Dad: Well, you'd have to wait until she gets some downtime, she's over there for 6 months on a peacekeeping mission.
EDF: Oh well, could you notify her, and tell her to call this number, and that we wish her luck.
I shit you not, it happened. They even gave us an international number to call. I hope they call back again soon, because my next idea is to put MW2 multiplayer full blast when she calls them.
I love to answer in different languages everytime, french, spanish, japanise, greek, persian. Always Hello but in the other language, just randomly.
Or if I don't want to take a message and don't know the number "Hello, this is the Psycic Hot Line, you have dialed the wrong number."
True Story: My mom had my two sisters and I make animal noises while she recorded this messege on the answering machine "Hello and thank you for calling the Golester Zoo. We would take your call but the animals have escaped and we need to get them back in their cages, but leave a name and number and we'll call you back."
A month later, my Mom's boss stopped her and asked what her home number was, because when he tried to call he kept getting the zoo, or and did she know they had a massive animal escape on Saterday that lasted all weekend? (We had gone to the cottage)
Or if I don't want to take a message and don't know the number "Hello, this is the Psycic Hot Line, you have dialed the wrong number."
True Story: My mom had my two sisters and I make animal noises while she recorded this messege on the answering machine "Hello and thank you for calling the Golester Zoo. We would take your call but the animals have escaped and we need to get them back in their cages, but leave a name and number and we'll call you back."
A month later, my Mom's boss stopped her and asked what her home number was, because when he tried to call he kept getting the zoo, or and did she know they had a massive animal escape on Saterday that lasted all weekend? (We had gone to the cottage)
