Fun ways to answer the phone

[Redingold]

Once I made my voicemail just: 'Hello' and the funny part is that people just says 'hello' and start babbling untill they notice that 'I' haven't said anything.

I remember someone who did that, only after 10 seconds he said "I'm sorry, I'm not in right now!"

 

[traineesword]

Hello, we have your children hostage

EDIT: would offer a cookie for whoever gets the reference, but i don't get how i would give you it

 

[Broady Brio]

"Welcome to Kame House, where the drink is good and the bitches are finer!"

 

[LWS666]

ace kebabs, dog walking service.
ace kebabs, undertakers.
taj mahal resteraunt, formerly ace kebabs.

 

[Kellerb]

Road kill cafe, you kill'em we grill'em

I used to answer the phones at work like his, even for other staff members, It kept up for nearly a month before the boss told me to stop... then people started asking what happened to the funny greeting.

sounds like you have a fun boss... 0_@

 

[Kellerb]

Crazy Richards abortion clinic, no fetus can beat us!

oh you cunning Bastard.

 

[NyteRaven]

One that my brother used once,

"Arnold's Armory, if it blows, it go's"

 

[Treblaine]

"God Damn it, Rod! I said if you called again I'd tell the cops what you did! Oh wait, who is this?"

Pretend to be an answer phone:
"Hello, I'm afraid I can't get to the phone at the moment, if you could just leave a message after the tone I'll get right back to you... now fuck how do I get this to stop recording, Stupid mother fucking shit just work damn it, HOOO-LEE FUCK now I've got to start again, fucking ass wipe shit FUUUUUUUUUUUU- *BEEEP*"

Rick roll telemarketers till they cry

"I can't keep up the lies any more, look, I know they'll kill me but I have to tell you. You haven't been selling anything to anyone, your company, they've just been connecting you to actors. It's all just a huge sick experiment to see if people will follow orders, see how unscrupulous people will be selling worthless and dangerous crap to vulnerable people!
It gets worse, eventually they'll have you selling faulty medical equipment to disabled people, they are trying to select the most heartless and obedient. Run! RUN while you still can! Oh god, he's here!"
(fake voice) "Get away from that phone"
"NO! you can't stop the truth!"
*scuffle*
(fake voice) "Ahem, don't worry about that guy, that's just a prank call, now you just tell your handler exactly what happened here and... uh... don't tell anyone else about this conversation. There definitely ain't no conspiracy to test authority compliance, just do your job and follow procedure. What's your employee code by the way?"

 

[Beartrucci]

I had the Metal Gear Solid Codec call noise as my ringtone for a while so whenever someone would call me I would say "This is Snake, do you read me Colonel?" in Snake's gravelly voice. Then when they would say something back I would yell out "METAL GEAR?"

 

[FoolKiller]

"I'm trying to defuse a bomb, what do you want? Wha- Great, now The south East of England has blown up. I hope you're happy."

Yes, yes I am. I'm in Canada so the southeast of England doesn't concern me.

Ah, but if the South East of England is gone, then Buckingham Palace and the Queen are gone, and you'll have nothing to put on the back of your coins.

My ugly mug

 

[zHellas]

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU PEOPLE TO NEVER CALL ME!

OH...I'm sorry,I thought you were my grandma.


Cookie for who gets the reference.

"John, YOU called me!"

 

[DocBalance]

My two favorite ones are:
"Franks Mortuary, you stab 'em we slab 'em!"
and
"Hung Chow Chinese Restaurant, you want poo poo yes?"

 

[PurpleSky]

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU PEOPLE TO NEVER CALL ME!

OH...I'm sorry,I thought you were my grandma.


Cookie for who gets the reference.

"John, YOU called me!"

He swings.....and he misses

actualy it's from Cow and Chicken

 

[zHellas]

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU PEOPLE TO NEVER CALL ME!

OH...I'm sorry,I thought you were my grandma.


Cookie for who gets the reference.

"John, YOU called me!"

He swings.....and he misses

What?! I was close!

 

[WhiteFangofWhoa]

You've reached Joe's discount crematorium. "You kill 'em, we grill 'em." (Preferably in a gruff voice)

Hello, this is Mr. Pickles' happy fun time abortion clinic. "We bring out the kid in you."*

Any kind of business, like Pizza Hut. I'm so glad we have call display so I can do things like that without pissing off anyone who might not get the joke.

*- Not my idea, but can't remember where I heard that.

 

[PurpleSky]

You've reached Joe's discount crematorium. "You kill 'em, we grill 'em." (Preferably in a gruff voice)

Hello, this is Mr. Pickles' happy fun time abortion clinic. "We bring out the kid in you."*

Any kind of business, like Pizza Hut. I'm so glad we have call display so I can do things like that without pissing off anyone who might not get the joke.

*- Not my idea, but can't remember where I heard that.

That sounded so wrong it became right again.

 

[Quaxar]

"Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"
Stretch it as much as possible with one breath.

"You've reached the Westboro Baptist Church. If you want to donate money to our foundation please press 1. If you want our reverend to perform at your children's party please press 2."

 

[Miffmoff]

City Morgue

but then you take it a step further to "City Morgue you stab'em we slab'em."

Love it, I may have to steal it

 

[Tzekelkan]

<a href=http://www.cracked.com/video_18066_6-types-youtube-videos-there-are-waaay-too-many-of.html>"Smelly Wieners Asscrack! I'm Michael."

Also, I heard a good one: you put your voice mail message to be "Hello? *long pause* Just kidding, I'm not here, leave a message" or some variation. Hilarity ensues when people send you angry messages about fooling them into talking to your voice mail.

 

[Little Miss Emo]

This is by far my favourite way to answer the phone
"Buddy the Elf, what's your favourite colour?"
It's even funnier when you get someone who plays along and tells you their favourite colour and even better, why.