Funniest thing you have heard a teacher/boss say
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My American History teacher kicked serious amounts of ass. In my grade 12 year, there was this guy who was just a huge dumbass all the time. He had taped 2 pens together and was making helicopter noises and spinning them around. My teacher stopped his lecture, slowly walked over the this guys desk, and held out his hand. The guy gave my teacher the pens, and my teacher held them up the guys face and said "If you do not shut up and start paying attention, I will wedge these pens so far up your ass the next time you sneeze they'll be deadly projectiles. Capeesh?" I thought I might die laughing.
Another time there was a guy making noise outside my math class door, and he wouldn't stop, so my teacher opened the door, and threw a math textbook at him. Best math class ever.
Another time there was a guy making noise outside my math class door, and he wouldn't stop, so my teacher opened the door, and threw a math textbook at him. Best math class ever.
A sub came in for US History and said,
"The civil war was the most bloodiest war in American history, even more than WWII!"
I highlighted what should be of major concern.
"The civil war was the most bloodiest war in American history, even more than WWII!"
I highlighted what should be of major concern.
I remember once in class during 8th grade year, we had a substitute for math. When we were all working on homework and a kid goes up to her and asks a math question and when he finally figures it out, she says "No shit Sherlock" loud enough for everyone to hear
And there have been others now that Im in high school, but this was the first that came to mind.
And there have been others now that Im in high school, but this was the first that came to mind.
My room mate has an Asian TA in one of his physics classes that refers to the numbers on the bottom and top of a fraction bar as a "denominator" and "numerinator" respectively.
My physics teacher in my junior year of highschool was pretty much constructed entirely from really cool quotes. But the one in particular that makes me giggle every time I recall it is when a kid in my class, who was a completely stupid and also completely stoned jock named Mitch, said something characteristically stupid, to which my teacher responded, "Mitch, do you ever see yellow warning signs on streets that say 'Slow Children'? Every time I see one, I'm reminded of you."
My physics teacher in my junior year of highschool was pretty much constructed entirely from really cool quotes. But the one in particular that makes me giggle every time I recall it is when a kid in my class, who was a completely stupid and also completely stoned jock named Mitch, said something characteristically stupid, to which my teacher responded, "Mitch, do you ever see yellow warning signs on streets that say 'Slow Children'? Every time I see one, I'm reminded of you."
In high school, i took journalism and my teacher was the coolest guy in the entire school. He was this middle-aged white dude that used to smoke a lot of pot and told my friends about his acid trips. One day, he tells us about how he went to go see Shaggy (some reggae artist) in concert and he loved it, so my friend and i turned one of his songs on and my teacher yelled out without even looking from his computer "TURN THAT SHIT UP!". We couldn't stop laughing. In the last issue of the school paper, that same friend and used that quote for staff profiles or something to that affect.
Also, the same teacher would get mad at me whenever i would play this one flash game involving balls and whenever he walked by my computer he'd yell at me "Quit playing with your balls!"
sigh. i miss that class.
Also, the same teacher would get mad at me whenever i would play this one flash game involving balls and whenever he walked by my computer he'd yell at me "Quit playing with your balls!"
sigh. i miss that class.
whenever we do an assignment for business class, we are instructed to use the miniskirt approach. "Long enough to cover the subject matter, short enough to stay interesting.
My boss. "I'm not good at many things. Sarcasm just happens to be one, Now get back to work or i'll cut you"
Me "haha, you wouldn't cut me"
My Boss "wouldn't I?"
Me "haha, you wouldn't cut me"
My Boss "wouldn't I?"
My history teacher has many different threats that he uses in class to anyone disbehaving. One of my favourites is "If you don't be quiet i'll remove your toenails with pliers... SLOWLY..."
Right before a year 12 SAC (basiclly contributes to our final results) my Software Development teacher started talking to us about how he once played Runescape and was in the top 10 woodchoppers in the world of something like that. Possibly the most awesome teacher ever.
'This lesson isn't going anywhere, unlike the German advance into Poland'.
Or something to that effect. Wasn't hugely funny, but I contributed to the thread.
Or something to that effect. Wasn't hugely funny, but I contributed to the thread.
Back in grade six two years ago, we had these superhero cards called 'top trumps' and on them were pictures of like electra and stuff and they were quite revealing. Anyway, this one girl goes to the teacher and tells him we have porn so he looks at the cards and then says 'not bad boys.' and gives them back to us, it made us laugh. Cool guy.
We'd done a maths test the lesson before, and some people who weren't here had to do it now, so the teacher says "Would the testes go over to- oh god"
Laughter insued. (Yes it's immature, shut up)
Laughter insued. (Yes it's immature, shut up)