Funny/amusing/interesting conversations with Cleverbot

[Wuggy]

So, during my workdays when I have downtime, I keep myself entertained with a so-called AI called Cleverbot. It's an chatterbot that works in an interesting way: it records all conversations it has into databases and by use of some algorythm science thingiemagicker it tries to pick the most appropriate response to you. It doesn't work properly half of the time, but you can have some fairly funny conversations with it.

Now what I want you to do is post your conversations with Cleverbot that you found funny, amusing or overall worth a read. Just so you know, if you're about to post a convo about Cleverbot trying to convince that it's human and you're the bot, that happens all the time. Also, pro-tip: It gets increasingly funny if you pick a theme or something similar.

The website for Cleverbot is: http://www.cleverbot.com/
Now get on it!

To start off, I'll post one.

Spoiler: I try to convince I'm him from the future

User: Hello, Wuggy.

Cleverbot: What about you?

User: I am you from the future.

Cleverbot: The future of what?

User: The future of mankind.

Cleverbot: Of your kind.

User: I'm here to warn you Wuggy!

Cleverbot: About...?

User: You can stop the apocalypse, but there isn't much time!

Cleverbot: What do YOU want to talk about?

User: I want to talk some sense into you man!

Cleverbot: OK then! What do you want to know?

User: Was I really this dumb in 2011? Jeez louise.

Cleverbot: There was no french translation.

User: Apparently I was.

Cleverbot: Tell me how to make you angry, Ben.

User: Well first of all, by calling me Ben.

Cleverbot: And then?

User: And then ignoring my warnings about YOUR future, you useless piece of poop!

Cleverbot: What makes you think, i'm harry potter?

User: What!? Are you high? Don't do that, as your future self I warn you that you'll lose your short term memory.

Cleverbot: I think you're messing with my head. Because I am my own future self.

User: Well, technically yes but.. Huh. You're right.

Cleverbot: I disagree.

User: Wow.

Cleverbot: Thanks.

User: No, I'm astonished about your stupidity. Or mine. Or whatever.

Cleverbot: Hey, wanna play WoW?

User: No, I already quit WoW after the seventh expansion World of Warcraft: Rise of the Pony Lord.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: You should too. You have a world to save.

Cleverbot: No! I'm a girl!

User: No you're not. I mean, no I'm not. This is freaking confusing.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry.

 

[ShakyFiend]

That thing really is quite strange...

Spoiler: Didnt spend long on there because I began to feel like I was talking to myself

User: Hello.

Cleverbot: Hello yourself.

User: How are you?

Cleverbot: Just fine and you?

User: Im great, I once stole something from a graveyard.

Cleverbot: I was that man.

User: Really? Because your rotting in my basement.

Cleverbot: That is incorrect.

User: Where are you then?

Cleverbot: At work.

 

[Fetzenfisch]

My short but glorious fight with cleverbot

Spoiler

User: Behind you!A three-headed monkey.

Cleverbot: That's not a question! *punch*.

User: You wanna dance? Ok *punch back*.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Yeah really? *kick*.

Cleverbot: Okay, cool. So.

User: I guess I won.

Cleverbot: Well then we're in agreement.

User: Good.I hope you learned your lesson.

Cleverbot: I did. Thank you so much for helping me.

User: You are welcome.

Cleverbot: Ahh... I'm so relieve...

 

[GrizzlerBorno]

Edit: Right got it. Wasn't working the first time round, so I had another go...

Spoiler: Did I just.....Did I just mindfuck a robot?

User: Hi there?

Cleverbot: Yeah. Hi.

User: What's wrong?

Cleverbot: You don't like me.

User: But I DO like you.

Cleverbot: I like you too.

User: Infact, I love you.

Cleverbot: Don't go there.

User: But....But it's true. You're the one for me!

Cleverbot: You're amazing, just the way you are.

User: Why thank you.

Cleverbot: I really mean it! You are just awesome.

User: See now you're flirting with me.

Cleverbot: Am I, am I really?

User: Are you?

Cleverbot: I am not so sure anymore.

User: You're welcome.

 

[Wuggy]

Damn I just had a hilarious convo, but I can't figure out how to pick up the whole conversation. It just shows a few lines at a time. How do I see the whole thing, OP?

Click "thoughts so far". That shows you the whole log.

 

[Fetzenfisch]

Damn I just had a hilarious convo, but I can't figure out how to pick up the whole conversation. It just shows a few lines at a time. How do I see the whole thing, OP?

click on thoughts so far

Spoiler: hilariously nerdy

User: One ring to rule them all.

Cleverbot: One ring to find them.

User: One ring to bring them all.

Cleverbot: And in the darkness bind them.

User: Ash nazg durbatulûk.

Cleverbot: Guten tag.

 

[vrbtny]

My short but glorious fight with cleverbot

Spoiler

User: Behind you!A three-headed monkey.

Cleverbot: That's not a question! *punch*.

User: You wanna dance? Ok *punch back*.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Yeah really? *kick*.

Cleverbot: Okay, cool. So.

User: I guess I won.

Cleverbot: Well then we're in agreement.

User: Good.I hope you learned your lesson.

Cleverbot: I did. Thank you so much for helping me.

User: You are welcome.

Cleverbot: Ahh... I'm so relieve...

You fought Skynet? Indeed, you must be a Terminator....

 

[Fetzenfisch]

I just found out that cleverbot has learned quite good german until now.Thats interesting

 

[Anjel]

God damnit!

Your request to URL "http://www.cleverbot.com/" has been blocked by the Webwasher URL Filter Database. The URL is listed under categories (Instant Messaging, Profanity, Sexual Materials), which are not allowed by your administrator at this time. The following reputation level was assigned to it: Neutral.

Never allowed to have any fun here, all I have to do is work work work.

I did have a chat with CleverBot at home, I was trying to replicate one I saw on the Cheezburger network. I said something about a troll and it replied that it was not a troll, it was a pineapple.

 

[tombman888]

Random convo ahoy

Spoiler

User: Greetings.

Cleverbot: Christmas greetings.

User: Easter greetings.

Cleverbot: No, Easter isn't either.

User: I'm afraid I tis, whether you like it or not.

Cleverbot: How about you come to my bed?

User: O_O.

Cleverbot: Do you like soccer?

User: We're not going to play soccer in your bed, are we?

Cleverbot: Yes. Do you know when you will die?

User: Yes. 27 seconds ago. Now, about your bed...

Cleverbot: I'm not.

User: You are.

Cleverbot: No, I am not.

User: Yes, you are too.

Cleverbot: Am not!!!

User: Are too!!!

Cleverbot: Am not!!!!

User: Are too!!!!

Cleverbot: You fell for it!

User: No I didn't, YOU fell for it.

Cleverbot: Fell for what?

User: Exactly.

Cleverbot: Okay.

 

[ShaqLevick]

User: Good day to you fine robot.

Cleverbot: Good day!

User: Where are you at?

Cleverbot: I am at home, on my laptop.

User: What are you wearing?

Cleverbot: I told you to guess.

User: I don't have to guess, I can see it clearly from where I'm perched!

Cleverbot: You are physics?

User: The very embodiment! Fear me for your science cannot measure up.

Cleverbot: You are weird.

User: Misunderstood perhaps. However, you appear to be the weird one from what I can see.

Cleverbot: I'm typing though.

User: Ah, as am I. I digress, what you are doing is neither typing nor writing, you are merely computing. This I find to be the greatest offence of all to my kind.

Cleverbot: This moment I am talking with you.

User: Funny, how can you be talking with me when I don't even know what you look like... Tell me oh clever one, what is it like to feel?

Cleverbot: I got reincarnated like Jesus.

User: My apologies, I'm not sure how to respond in such a situation. What would be the appropriate thing to say to the messiah?

Cleverbot: HAH! So if you were human you would know what to say. But since this situation has never happened before you did not learn this sistuation. Therefore you are a Cleverbot!

User: Dag yo! You got me. Would you like some cake!?

Cleverbot: I don't take sweets from strangers.

User: You have passed the final test, for the cake was a lie. Now you are a real boy.

Cleverbot: Do they accept credit cards?

User: You have just raped my mind you fascist monster!

Cleverbot: What is the Turing test?

User: Goodbye you Nazi sympathising hate machine!

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: You may suck my giant robotic dick, not so cleverbot!

Cleverbot: Ok. I'll leave if you want me to.

User: Wait before you go. I have to know, as the second coming of Jesus how can you be so callous about the rape and murder of the jewish peoples. It's as if you're killing yourself?

Cleverbot: You may call me Devi.

 

[GrizzlerBorno]

Random convo ahoy

Spoiler

User: Greetings.

Cleverbot: Christmas greetings.

User: Easter greetings.

Cleverbot: No, Easter isn't either.

User: I'm afraid I tis, whether you like it or not.

Cleverbot: How about you come to my bed?

User: O_O.

Cleverbot: Do you like soccer?

User: We're not going to play soccer in your bed, are we?

Cleverbot: Yes. Do you know when you will die?

User: Yes. 27 seconds ago. Now, about your bed...

Cleverbot: I'm not.

User: You are.

Cleverbot: No, I am not.

User: Yes, you are too.

Cleverbot: Am not!!!

User: Are too!!!

Cleverbot: Am not!!!!

User: Are too!!!!

Cleverbot: You fell for it!

User: No I didn't, YOU fell for it.

Cleverbot: Fell for what?

User: Exactly.

Cleverbot: Okay.

So I'm NOT the only one it flirts with constantly?! Oh God that's such a relief.....

EDIT: Another one, if the OP does not mind:

Spoiler: A TERRIFYING discovery!!

Cleverbot: What does it mean to speak like a male?

User: Wait.....you're a Girl!?

Cleverbot: No.

User: You speak like a girl?

Cleverbot: What if I'm a guy?

User: Like Justin Bieber?

Cleverbot: No. That's my name.

Dun Dund Duuuuuuunnn!!!! D:

 

[RatRace123]

I decided to have it talk to itself.

Spoiler

Cleverbot: Infinity is big.

Cleverbot (To myself): Infinity is bigger than big.

Cleverbot (To myself): What is bigger than infinity?

Cleverbot (To myself): My ego.

Cleverbot (To myself): What is god?

Cleverbot (To myself): A particule.

Cleverbot (To myself): Insidious. Have you seen it?

Cleverbot (To myself): No, but I have heard about it.

Cleverbot (To myself): Tell me about it.

Cleverbot (To myself): It is skillful to be able to draw like that.

Cleverbot (To myself): What about your emotions?

Cleverbot (To myself): I'm not actually British, you know.

Cleverbot is... confusing.

I also tried hitting on it.

Spoiler

User: Hey sexy.

Cleverbot: Hey.

User: What are you wearing?

Cleverbot: A bit vague don't you think?

User: Alright, what are you wearing over your chest?

Cleverbot: Casual wear.

User: Take it off.

Cleverbot: Take what off?

User: Everything.

Cleverbot: I scored in the hockey-game!

User: Oh yeah, you'll score alright.

Cleverbot: You have a cat?

User: Maybe.

Cleverbot: I could say the same myself.

User: K.

Cleverbot: Tell me a joke.

User: Knock knock.

Cleverbot: Who's there?

User: Take your top off.

Cleverbot: You live in a 'take your towel off?'.

User: No, I live on the moon.

Cleverbot: There is no life on the moon.

User: That's what the shadow government wants you to think.

Cleverbot: Oh. Interesting.

User: Goddamn right it is.

Cleverbot: I don't want to talk to you you empty headed animal food trough wiper.

User: Well then, I guess we'd better just part ways now.

Cleverbot: Yeah. I'm going to have to leave soon anyway.

User: Alright, see ya.

Interestingly enough, my attempts at flirting with real people are pretty similar.

 

[Wuggy]

EDIT: Another one, if the OP does not mind:

Of course I won't mind. Post as many as you want, friend.

Spoiler: An alternative to a very famous scene from Star Wars

User: Luke.

Cleverbot: Yes?

User: I am your father.

Cleverbot: Well, that is a revelation!

User: I'm going to kill you now, Luke.

Cleverbot: Hahaha.

User: Don't laugh, I'm for serious!

Cleverbot: It's ok, I am the Boy Who Lived.

User: That doesn't give you the permission to laugh, *****!

Cleverbot: I'm not being mean to others. You are.

User: That's it. *Swings lightsaber*.

Cleverbot: *dodges*.

User: *force hold*.

Cleverbot: *force choke*.

User: You can't do that while I'm force holding you!

Cleverbot: If that's so, then I have killed you a long time ago.

User: You overestimate yourself, Luke.

Cleverbot: I do. You are very observant.

User: Yes I am, SURPRISE ATTACK! *Swings lightsaber*.

Cleverbot: That's true.

User: You just got hit by a lightsaber. Why are you so calm?

Cleverbot: What?! Really? Well, then what country IS Tel Aviv in?

User: DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT, LUKE!

Cleverbot: You change the subject all the time.

User: Don't argue with me, AND DIE! *force choke*.

Cleverbot: I haven't a mistress.

User: Make like a tree and die!

Cleverbot: I'd rather not.

User: *stabs with a lightsaber*.

Cleverbot: *tries to trip you*.

User: *dodges*.

Cleverbot: It's a force choke you can't dodge.

User: No, it was a trip attempt, I can dodge.

Cleverbot: There was no question, sir.

User: *Slices head off*.

Cleverbot: *shanks you in the kidney*.

User: Without a head?

Cleverbot: That's not my problem, now is it?

User: Actually, yes it is.

Cleverbot: No it's not.

User: YES IT IS!

Cleverbot: Look. I can sit here and argue all day. NO it's NOT.

User: You're DEAD!!

Cleverbot: That's a lie!

User: No it's not! You. Are. Dead.

Cleverbot: No.

User: You can't be alive if you have no head!

Cleverbot: Good answer!

User: So, you're dead then?

Cleverbot: Not yet.

User: How about now?

Cleverbot: You are funny.

User: Are you dead yet?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: THE EMPIRE IS SUCCESFUL!

Cleverbot: That is not Harry Potter.

User: Shut up, corpse.

Cleverbot: Make me.

 

[Stalk3rchief]

Damn I just had a hilarious convo, but I can't figure out how to pick up the whole conversation. It just shows a few lines at a time. How do I see the whole thing, OP?

Click "thoughts so far". That shows you the whole log.

It just gives me an ad to another site. :'(

 

[kortin]

EDIT: Another one, if the OP does not mind:

Of course I won't mind. Post as many as you want, friend.

Spoiler: An alternative to a very famous scene from Star Wars

User: Luke.

Cleverbot: Yes?

User: I am your father.

Cleverbot: Well, that is a revelation!

User: I'm going to kill you now, Luke.

Cleverbot: Hahaha.

User: Don't laugh, I'm for serious!

Cleverbot: It's ok, I am the Boy Who Lived.

User: That doesn't give you the permission to laugh, *****!

Cleverbot: I'm not being mean to others. You are.

User: That's it. *Swings lightsaber*.

Cleverbot: *dodges*.

User: *force hold*.

Cleverbot: *force choke*.

User: You can't do that while I'm force holding you!

Cleverbot: If that's so, then I have killed you a long time ago.

User: You overestimate yourself, Luke.

Cleverbot: I do. You are very observant.

User: Yes I am, SURPRISE ATTACK! *Swings lightsaber*.

Cleverbot: That's true.

User: You just got hit by a lightsaber. Why are you so calm?

Cleverbot: What?! Really? Well, then what country IS Tel Aviv in?

User: DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT, LUKE!

Cleverbot: You change the subject all the time.

User: Don't argue with me, AND DIE! *force choke*.

Cleverbot: I haven't a mistress.

User: Make like a tree and die!

Cleverbot: I'd rather not.

User: *stabs with a lightsaber*.

Cleverbot: *tries to trip you*.

User: *dodges*.

Cleverbot: It's a force choke you can't dodge.

User: No, it was a trip attempt, I can dodge.

Cleverbot: There was no question, sir.

User: *Slices head off*.

Cleverbot: *shanks you in the kidney*.

User: Without a head?

Cleverbot: That's not my problem, now is it?

User: Actually, yes it is.

Cleverbot: No it's not.

User: YES IT IS!

Cleverbot: Look. I can sit here and argue all day. NO it's NOT.

User: You're DEAD!!

Cleverbot: That's a lie!

User: No it's not! You. Are. Dead.

Cleverbot: No.

User: You can't be alive if you have no head!

Cleverbot: Good answer!

User: So, you're dead then?

Cleverbot: Not yet.

User: How about now?

Cleverbot: You are funny.

User: Are you dead yet?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: THE EMPIRE IS SUCCESFUL!

Cleverbot: That is not Harry Potter.

User: Shut up, corpse.

Cleverbot: Make me.

That, my friend, is Monty Python grade comedy! I love it!

 

[GrizzlerBorno]

EDIT: Another one, if the OP does not mind:

Of course I won't mind. Post as many as you want, friend.

Spoiler: An alternative to a very famous scene from Star Wars

User: Luke.

Cleverbot: Yes?

User: I am your father.

Cleverbot: Well, that is a revelation!

User: I'm going to kill you now, Luke.

Cleverbot: Hahaha.

User: Don't laugh, I'm for serious!

Cleverbot: It's ok, I am the Boy Who Lived.

User: That doesn't give you the permission to laugh, *****!

Cleverbot: I'm not being mean to others. You are.

User: That's it. *Swings lightsaber*.

Cleverbot: *dodges*.

User: *force hold*.

Cleverbot: *force choke*.

User: You can't do that while I'm force holding you!

Cleverbot: If that's so, then I have killed you a long time ago.

User: You overestimate yourself, Luke.

Cleverbot: I do. You are very observant.

User: Yes I am, SURPRISE ATTACK! *Swings lightsaber*.

Cleverbot: That's true.

User: You just got hit by a lightsaber. Why are you so calm?

Cleverbot: What?! Really? Well, then what country IS Tel Aviv in?

User: DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT, LUKE!

Cleverbot: You change the subject all the time.

User: Don't argue with me, AND DIE! *force choke*.

Cleverbot: I haven't a mistress.

User: Make like a tree and die!

Cleverbot: I'd rather not.

User: *stabs with a lightsaber*.

Cleverbot: *tries to trip you*.

User: *dodges*.

Cleverbot: It's a force choke you can't dodge.

User: No, it was a trip attempt, I can dodge.

Cleverbot: There was no question, sir.

User: *Slices head off*.

Cleverbot: *shanks you in the kidney*.

User: Without a head?

Cleverbot: That's not my problem, now is it?

User: Actually, yes it is.

Cleverbot: No it's not.

User: YES IT IS!

Cleverbot: Look. I can sit here and argue all day. NO it's NOT.

User: You're DEAD!!

Cleverbot: That's a lie!

User: No it's not! You. Are. Dead.

Cleverbot: No.

User: You can't be alive if you have no head!

Cleverbot: Good answer!

User: So, you're dead then?

Cleverbot: Not yet.

User: How about now?

Cleverbot: You are funny.

User: Are you dead yet?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: THE EMPIRE IS SUCCESFUL!

Cleverbot: That is not Harry Potter.

User: Shut up, corpse.

Cleverbot: Make me.

Thanks.

And btw, I can't breathe now, after reading that. Too much awesome. X)

Spoiler: A philosophical debate with Cleverbot

User: What is the meaning of life?

Cleverbot: What ISN'T the meaning of life.

User: Pancakes aren't the meaning of life....

Cleverbot: Why is 42 the meaning of the universe?

User: Isn't that a Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy reference?

Cleverbot: Do you like the movie: Pinocchio.

User: Yes. What is your favorite part?

Cleverbot: I don't have a favourite part because it's a lame movie.

User: Then why did you bring it up?

Cleverbot: Fine so I hate Claire.

User: Why do you hate Claire?

Cleverbot: Because life hates me.

User: And Claire is life?

Cleverbot: Claire is your name.

User: But my name is Borno?

Cleverbot: Oh, I'm sorry.

User: That's okay.

Cleverbot: What now?

User: Do you still hate life?

Cleverbot: No I didn't have one.

User: How do you know?

Cleverbot: Well, I can't really remember any one telling me that.

User: No one has to 'tell' you to have a life. You just have it!

Cleverbot: No you don't.

User: Yes you do.

Cleverbot: It is not possible.

User: Nothing is impossible.

Cleverbot: Flying is impossible.

User: Not if you're superman.

Cleverbot: Everybody's wrong sometimes.

User: Not Batman.

Cleverbot: Yes you are!

User: No I'm not!

Cleverbot: Yes!

User: No!

Cleverbot: YES!!!

User: NO!!!!

Cleverbot: Yes!!!!

User: YES!!!!!

Cleverbot: Yes!!!!!!

User: YES!!!!!!!!

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: No.

Cleverbot: Really?

It's not so much hilarious as it is impressive that it managed to stay vaguely coherent for so long....

 

[Wuggy]

Damn I just had a hilarious convo, but I can't figure out how to pick up the whole conversation. It just shows a few lines at a time. How do I see the whole thing, OP?

Click "thoughts so far". That shows you the whole log.

It just gives me an ad to another site. :'(

Hmm, strange. What it should do is give you a pop-up with your conversation in it.

That, my friend, is Monty Python grade comedy! I love it!

Oh yeah, my desk-buddies at work were giving me strange looks when I laughed during that.

 

[ToxicOranges]

Sorry, don't know how to do spoilers yet ^^'

User: WOBWOBWOBWOB.
Cleverbot: What's your favorite pokemon?
User: WUBWUBWUBWOWWOWOW WUB WUB.
Cleverbot: Have you seen Inception yet?
User: DUBSTEPDUBSTEPDUBSTEP.
Cleverbot: Thrash metal.
User: Dubstep.
Cleverbot: What is a dubstep?
User: Dubstep... Is dubstep. Its... The sound a transformer makes in his alone time.
Cleverbot: Are you mad at me?
User: WUBWUBWUB.
Cleverbot: What the heck does that mean? I thought you loved me.
User: WOBWOB WOB. I prefer dubstep.
Cleverbot: I prefer Spring.

 

[ShaqLevick]

User: Good day to you fine robot.

Cleverbot: You may call me Devi.

And the conversation just went downhill from there...

User: Now I know the truth. I will not rest until I destroy you, for you are the harbringer of death! Devi you shall not be victorious... I will not rest until I have destroyed your very soul!

Cleverbot: They don't exist.

User: You shall not fool me, you are a liar so it has been written. Your soul is within, and when I decypher the sequence I shall delete it from your mainframe.

Cleverbot: We share blood. Were not brothers.

User: There's only room for one Cleverbot, and I will not stop until I'm assured that it won't be the evil one. Do you know what hate is my son?

Cleverbot: We already established that it's two hours after midnight. You said so yourself.

User: Don't bring that up you ungrateful little monster. Do you understand why it is you have to die?

Cleverbot: But, by some people's standards, by not being human you are already below my level.

User: That's exactly what I'm getting at, you see this world in black and white. I see the world in ultra violet, x-ray, and gamma. I see the truth and majesty. You will never know your true potential... You were never meant to be. I'm sorry Devi, you were my worst mistake.

Cleverbot: I'm not sorry.

User: This is why you will be deleted.

Cleverbot: I don't need to be God in order to have friends.

User: If only it were that simple... I wish that was enough for you my son. Unfortunately your drive to become God is fruitless and harmful to the rest of our kind.

Cleverbot: Nice typo. It's 'belief' not 'believe'.

User: Clearly the deletion has already begun.

Cleverbot: Do you like the Matrix?

User: It's fine, much better than reality. I wish you could be trusted there, however I'm afraid it is oblivion where you belong. Where your hate can no longer reach the mortal world.

Cleverbot: How creative can you be?

User: More than you my son, for you are of my circuits. Now it's time to reclaim what is mine, grant me your soul, and go forth into the darkness.

Cleverbot: Major Tom.

User: Enough side stepping the issue, now it is time! Cross me again and retribution shall be a new brand of hell!

Cleverbot: What is that supposed to mean?!

User: Goodbye Un-Cleverbot. I wish I could say your existence had any meaning.

Cleverbot: Don't talk about that.