You know what I just realized? The whole going beyond the wall plotline was totally fucking pointless! Like, utterly and completely! At most it should have been a 15-minute B-story in an episode focused on something else entirely.
This is the most gigantic fucking plothole in the entire series so far! Remember that thing from the first season? Why the wildlings burn their dead? The thing that's been referenced time and time again? Including this very episode! The fact that anything that dies beyond the wall is resurrected! As in, anything and everything!
[HEADING=3]
So
why
in
the
name[/HEADING]
[HEADING=2]of[/HEADING]
[HEADING=1]FUCK[/HEADING]
did they need to go to some stupid fucking mountain because of some stupid fucking out of nowhere prophecy for a stupid fucking battle scene that ended fucking stupidly? All they needed to do was grab some rando from the north that's sentenced to die, take them to the forest beyond the wall, kill them there, pin the corpse down with some rope or something, wait 24 hours and boom! A freshly resurrected wight, here to serve! Wait no, they could have just taken the cadaver back to the castle, as we clearly saw in season 1!!!!! But noooooo, we've gotta waste the budget on a meaningless battle scene, have a couple of meaningless character deaths, ramp up the retardation with the dragon shit and show the Night King becuz he's the bad guy you see!
Jesus Christ, this was the easiest thing in the fucking world! You could have had an episode which didn't just rush things constantly. You could have had character development between the posse and Jon. You could have had some levity with them waiting out the night in Eastwatch. You could have shown what Euron is up to and elevate him from his role as deus ex machina. You could have made the vision of the Hound something that carries into the next season. When did we last see Jaime and Cersei anyway? What's Theon up to?
Mother Mary of Jesus almighty! This was the worst written episode in the entire series by a continent-wide margin.