A waste of time, effort and electricity. Where you only obey a computer program's commands. Nasty and violent.
Yeah, he's like that.
Every game ever.
Yeah, he's like that.
Games as my dad describes them.
- Thread starter MajorTomServo
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That's what you get! Super vagueness was requested, super vagueness was delivered XD.The_Lost_King said:
I don't think I've ever played a RPG where the main character knew exactly what was going on and his or her role in it. Not mysterious and suspenseful enough for developers perhaps.
So you are the bosss of a bunch of humans and robots and you have to build to fight insects and aliens.
You are a god that is a hand and you can be good or bad, but other gods want to kill you.
So there is a disease that changes people in zombies or something like that and you are also sick, but you aren't a zombie and you can fly and run up buildings and eat people. The zombies and military all want to kill you.
It is a very old game because it is very ugly. You can destroy everything and build anything you want, there are some green cactusmen who explode and destroy everything you build.
Starcraft
You are a god that is a hand and you can be good or bad, but other gods want to kill you.
Black or white
So there is a disease that changes people in zombies or something like that and you are also sick, but you aren't a zombie and you can fly and run up buildings and eat people. The zombies and military all want to kill you.
Prototype
It is a very old game because it is very ugly. You can destroy everything and build anything you want, there are some green cactusmen who explode and destroy everything you build.
minecraft
Okay, so what about that game where everything's really white and your have to keep jumping around because a voice in the air tells you to? And you've got that claw thing and there's that one guy ranting about shit?
Portal 2
You get concussed and lose your memory just as you arrive at some village, and you dedicate the rest of your life to killing animals and wearing their skins.
Monster Hunter
"So you're this guy, see? Some science shit happens and now you gotta get out from this, uh, place you're in! There's people dying and oh - it's actually in the desert and there's zombies but not *really* zombies, y'know?
So you leave this compound thing and you fight a bunch of tentacles and then BOOM, this douchebag locks you up in a dark room. It's like, fuck this, man! At least Halo makes, like, sense and shit! This is all, like, physics and aliens and shit and the best guns are way too fucking late in the game.
The ending's a total cocktease, too. S'like 'Thanks for playing my game, numbnuts, but you don't get an ending because I'm super clever and you're just an asshole.' Yeah, fuck you. Buy the sequel that's going to take for fucking ever to show up and even THEN shit won't make sense.
Fuck you, Sierra. Fuck you."
"So you're on this island and shit, and there's lots of machines and stuff only you're alone and nobody tells you what to do. There isn't even a fucking tutorial! Man, CoD: BlOps at least gives me objectives and shit! What is this game, 'Stand Around Like an Asshole Looking at Some Cheap-Ass Pre-Rendered Graphics'? Bet you the devs were a bunch of artsy-fartsy gaylords or some shit like that.
Gimme a gun, at least! I'll use it to fucking shoot myself! Fuck!"
"Man, this is, like, the best fucking game ever! There's helicopter shootouts and guns and cars blowing up and guns and Russians and Arabs and sand and snow and GUNS! Oh, and the storyline actually makes sense, not like this gay Lord of the Rings crap you keep playing where you keep running around all damn day and scream at people for no fucking reason.
I mean, what's the deal with that? You see some zombie dude and you're, like, 'WAAAUUGH!' and he's like, thrown across the fucking room only that doesn't kill him so it's pretty fucking gay.
You should play real games, dude. Like that, uh... Shit, I forgot what it's called."
To be fair, I did that from the perspective of some of my youngest cousin's typical friends, who apparently can't wrap their heads around games that don't feature foreign antagonists, modern firearms or generic Space Opera protagonists and future firearms.
So you leave this compound thing and you fight a bunch of tentacles and then BOOM, this douchebag locks you up in a dark room. It's like, fuck this, man! At least Halo makes, like, sense and shit! This is all, like, physics and aliens and shit and the best guns are way too fucking late in the game.
The ending's a total cocktease, too. S'like 'Thanks for playing my game, numbnuts, but you don't get an ending because I'm super clever and you're just an asshole.' Yeah, fuck you. Buy the sequel that's going to take for fucking ever to show up and even THEN shit won't make sense.
Fuck you, Sierra. Fuck you."
Half-Life
"So you're on this island and shit, and there's lots of machines and stuff only you're alone and nobody tells you what to do. There isn't even a fucking tutorial! Man, CoD: BlOps at least gives me objectives and shit! What is this game, 'Stand Around Like an Asshole Looking at Some Cheap-Ass Pre-Rendered Graphics'? Bet you the devs were a bunch of artsy-fartsy gaylords or some shit like that.
Gimme a gun, at least! I'll use it to fucking shoot myself! Fuck!"
Myst
"Man, this is, like, the best fucking game ever! There's helicopter shootouts and guns and cars blowing up and guns and Russians and Arabs and sand and snow and GUNS! Oh, and the storyline actually makes sense, not like this gay Lord of the Rings crap you keep playing where you keep running around all damn day and scream at people for no fucking reason.
I mean, what's the deal with that? You see some zombie dude and you're, like, 'WAAAUUGH!' and he's like, thrown across the fucking room only that doesn't kill him so it's pretty fucking gay.
You should play real games, dude. Like that, uh... Shit, I forgot what it's called."
Every CoD ever made, with a cameo from Skyrim.
To be fair, I did that from the perspective of some of my youngest cousin's typical friends, who apparently can't wrap their heads around games that don't feature foreign antagonists, modern firearms or generic Space Opera protagonists and future firearms.
What is that you're playing? Oh god, that's horrible, why is everything you play so violent?
Anything that isn't sim city, or the sims... My mom, is not a gamer... Well, not much of one anyway, she used to play Civ 2 and eventually 3 with me back in the day, and she was always the more agressive of us, so I've always found it funny, since she would always start shit with other countries who annoyed her, and then I would roll over them with big fresh armies and save her civilization when she got too overloaded with wars... Fun times...
"So, like, you're a really short elf guy and you go around the world and you meet these cat people... and other people... and you kill zombies... and other things... and you go into places with people on the screen and you eat stuff and you fight other people... "
Guild Wars 2
Pointy helmet kills the lizard by nagging them and calling them rude names in Welsh. Then you kind of walk around and knock goats off of mountains and stuff like that.
The "key" bit made it obvious; Kingdom Hearts. Or maybe I was just way too obsessed with that series a few years back.Badguy said:
I made it to "Fuck you, Sierra" before I burst out laughing.IamLEAM1983 said:
And that Myst one strikes really close to home here. I love Myst, it's one of my favorite series. I'm more or less the ONLY person my age who likes it.
"Is that the one with the blue guys and the red guys and then they shoot each other?"
Team Fortress 2. He actually has this one down pretty well.
"What's that game you play, son? You know, the one where you're like a fluffy mouse or possum or something, and you go round this cutesy word doing things, except it's not really cutesy at all because it's kinda crass and everyone around you tends to swear like sailors, which is kind of out of place on a kids game, don't you think?
You know- the one where one minute you're in that nightclub and you're unzipping the pants that you don't even wear and urinating on those big guys who don't like it at all, and going to that giant hill made out of chocolate... at least I think it was chocolate... and then suddenly you're in the goriest war ever with guy's heads exploding and limbs blowing off and stuff.
Oh and it has teddy bears everywhere too."
You know- the one where one minute you're in that nightclub and you're unzipping the pants that you don't even wear and urinating on those big guys who don't like it at all, and going to that giant hill made out of chocolate... at least I think it was chocolate... and then suddenly you're in the goriest war ever with guy's heads exploding and limbs blowing off and stuff.
Oh and it has teddy bears everywhere too."
Conker's Bad Fur Day
I have conversations like this with my dad all the time. Usually when he's telling me about some new game my stepbrother's been playing.
Dad: Luke got that game. The one you were talking about.
Me: Oh yeah? Which one's that?
Dad: The one where you're looking around the place and then things and people come to kill you, but you use your powers to knock them over and kill them, and then you take things off them to upgrade yourself with.
Me: Skyrim...?
Dad: I don't know. Here, I'll let you talk to him.
Me: Okay.
Stepbro: Hey man.
Me: Alright?
Stepbro: I got the new Dawn of War.
Me: Oh, cool.
Sometimes he's so vague I can't even tell what genre the mystery game is.
OT: "So you're flying about, and there's people chasing you, and you have to send your men around to all the rooms, and there's people you fight and you can get better weapons or more men when you beat them, but if you die you have to start all over again."
Dad: Luke got that game. The one you were talking about.
Me: Oh yeah? Which one's that?
Dad: The one where you're looking around the place and then things and people come to kill you, but you use your powers to knock them over and kill them, and then you take things off them to upgrade yourself with.
Me: Skyrim...?
Dad: I don't know. Here, I'll let you talk to him.
Me: Okay.
Stepbro: Hey man.
Me: Alright?
Stepbro: I got the new Dawn of War.
Me: Oh, cool.
Sometimes he's so vague I can't even tell what genre the mystery game is.
OT: "So you're flying about, and there's people chasing you, and you have to send your men around to all the rooms, and there's people you fight and you can get better weapons or more men when you beat them, but if you die you have to start all over again."
FTL: Faster Than Light
an elf and a rat fight bandits and lizards and robots and a bureaucrat and evil aliens
and i dont know how to put in a spoiler
and i dont know how to put in a spoiler