Gaming Cliches That Must Die

[SilentStranger]

You all know them. It might be a plot device, a game mechanic, a control issue, but almost every video game we have ever played will have atleast one of these monstrosities. Sure, they're cliches because they were relevant once, in the grey beginning of time, but nowadays, they're a blight in the eye of all gamers everywhere. So, my fellow Escapists, what gaming cliches need to die?

From my own archive of loathing comes...

The Holy MacGuffin Of Salvation

This isnt so much a cliche of gaming as it is of fiction in general, but it still insists on popping up in games. It might be a sword, or a key, or a crystal, or a friggin airship, but at some point, someone is goind to ask you to find the piece of junk, because it is the only arbitrary item the writers could come up with to help you SAVE THE WORLD!! Sure, you have never heard of it before, you never will again, and it will most likely turn out that all you need to do is to REALLY belive in yourself and the power was in you all along and blah blah blah...

The Chosen One

Again, a fiction staple, but even more overused in games than books, if thats possible, because now you control the chosen one, destined to save the world despite growing up on a farm or whatever. You know the drill, said chosen one sets out on a journey, meet friends, enemies, kill stuff that looks different from him, and maybe, just maybe, finds love. At any rate, you're more likely than not to end up controlling the spoiled little bastard.

Bastard Son of a Hundred Retards (And you MUST protect him)

There is almost NO other cliche that makes me want to vomit with rage more than this cliche, the thousand-times cursed ESCORT MISSIONS!! I have no idea why they keep appearing because there cannot be a single person who have ever touched a game controller that likes to take the bullets for the retarded simpleton the game forces you to cover, under penalty of restart. The enemies are never retarded at this point though, oh no, that would make things less frustrating, they know exactly where to shoot and make things as miserable as possible for you. Seriously, if there is a Gamer Hell, the deepest circle damn well better be for the designers who keep putting this shit in.

......................

Anyway, I covered the more obvious ones, what do the rest of you think?

 

[[Insert Name Here]]

The awesome hero of awesomeness can't get swimming lessons until the sequel.

 

[MailOrderClone]

The helpless damsel in distress was novel in the early days of gaming, but these days, unless you're an old-school series like Mario or Zelda, it's a bit passe. That doesn't mean that a woman can't get captured, but if the majority of the story features her just sitting there and waiting to be ousted from a tower by a brave man on a pony isn't going to work.

 

[eatenbyagrue]

Elves who stand around, do nothing and expect the intrepid hero to do everything, yet still have the GALL to suggest that they, the Elves Who Do Nothing, are the superior race and that humans are scum sucking dirtbags who are fortunate that the Elves don't use their MIND POWERS to explode all our brains at once.


And squeaky-voiced foul-mouthed 13-year olds who abuse voice chat. They should all be shot out of a cannon.

With no safety net.

And with a 30 lb. cannonball loaded in before them.

Aimed at a downwards angle.

 

[FallenJellyDoughnut]

Elves who stand around, do nothing and expect the intrepid hero to do everything, yet still have the GALL to suggest that they, the Elves Who Do Nothing, are the superior race and that humans are scum sucking dirtbags who are fortunate that the Elves don't use their MIND POWERS to explode all our brains at once.


And squeaky-voiced foul-mouthed 13-year olds who abuse voice chat. They should all be shot out of a cannon.

With no safety net.

And with a 30 lb. cannonball loaded in before them.

Aimed at a downwards angle.

And they are in the cannon face-first.

 

[Souplex]

The hero needs to wear generic power armor. Freeemaaan!

 

[aarontg]

High school musical related plots, as well as the movies themselves.

 

[eatenbyagrue]

Elves who stand around, do nothing and expect the intrepid hero to do everything, yet still have the GALL to suggest that they, the Elves Who Do Nothing, are the superior race and that humans are scum sucking dirtbags who are fortunate that the Elves don't use their MIND POWERS to explode all our brains at once.


And squeaky-voiced foul-mouthed 13-year olds who abuse voice chat. They should all be shot out of a cannon.

With no safety net.

And with a 30 lb. cannonball loaded in before them.

Aimed at a downwards angle.

And they are in the cannon face-first.

And the cannon is in a larger, explodier cannon. (dear god, we've segued into overly long joke territory)

Oh yeah, and that violence = maturity. That's more of a cliche in game reviewing and ignorant commentary, but I still find it incredibly annoying. Just because a game is rated 'for adults' doesn't mean it has mature content.

On that note, foul language = maturity.

 

[Aedes]

Hmmm, no. I don't think they should die.
They're key pieces of the game, for more cliche they might be, to make the story to go on.

I support the ideia, however, to add new ways of building the plot.
I can't think on any brillant ideia for it aside mixing the ones we have atm. The chosen hero must get the Sword of God to save his beloved one from the hands of the evil demon who will inevitably destroy the world if he continues to live. Yep, cliche indeed.

I do not want'em to die. I want more to be added.

 

[fix-the-spade]

The Englishman is not your friend

It would be nice for an English character to make it to the end of the game both alive and still a good guy. Aside from Modern Warfare (and maybe Fall of Man) I can't think of any games where this remains he case all the way through.

 

[wooty]

Games that dont really have a plot, GoW could be a good example.
2 games in and I still dont have a blind clue why your cutting down locust, did I miss something?

Edit: I realise its not really a cliche, but I guess the one im aiming at is those games that amke you buy the trilogy before explaining anything

 

[Eggsnham]

Problem: Having to hop through hoops and give satan a blowjob before being able to touch the main baddie and then only doing like 3 damage, you have to do the process over again until you win.
Solution: Having the final boss, be like a normal person and take as much damage as you, maybe he has more firepower, but I don't want him to never die.

Problem: Chronic "Isawthissamelevelwithadifferentcolorschemefiveminutesago-itis"
Solution: Common originality.

Problem: Chase scenes.
Solution: Creativity to come up with something other than a chase scene.

I have so many more, but I'm so tired, I'll be back later.

 

[mjc0961]

Games that dont really have a plot, GoW could be a good example.
2 games in and I still dont have a blind clue why your cutting down locust, did I miss something?

Really? They made it pretty obvious right at the start of Gears 1: The Locust are trying to kill you and all of the rest of the humans. You're fighting back because you don't want them to kill you.

Anyway, the thing I really hate: mandatory rhythm mini-games in other genres. Platformers, action/adventure titles, sandbox titles, and more... To the developers of these, please stop it! I know DDR was super popular, and that Rock Band and Guitar Hero are super popular now, but you know what? If I wanted to play those games, I would go play them instead of your game. So stop forcing me to play these unoriginal, and quite frankly bland compared to the previously mentioned popular games, rhythm mini-games 4-5 times throughout your game just because you can't think of a better way for us to interactively open a locked door or whatever.

 

[lasersandbearsohno]

well i do agree some things are very tired in gaming, and it would be lovely if they were reworked, but some of these cliches like 'the chosen one' is an extremely common archetype in a lot of mythology, where I'm assuming gaming gets most of inspiration from, and I'm obviously not just talking about Greek and Roman and the like, just story telling and mythology in general. Getting the building blocks of our story telling out of the stories of games would be quite the feat.

 

[wooty]

Games that dont really have a plot, GoW could be a good example.
2 games in and I still dont have a blind clue why your cutting down locust, did I miss something?

Really? They made it pretty obvious right at the start of Gears 1: The Locust are trying to kill you and all of the rest of the humans. You're fighting back because you don't want them to kill you.

I get that part, the locust queen says at the end of gears 1 that "they do not know why we fight this war" or along those lines

And we still dont, but there has to be some reason surely

 

[mjc0961]

I get that part, the locust queen says at the end of gears 1 that "they do not know why we fight this war" or along those lines

And we still dont, but there has to be some reason surely

Well, I don't know if it was their only motive, but you do get a big fat slice of "Locust motive pie" in Gears 2.

Another cliche I hate: Whiny player characters that complain about everything and how they don't want to do this or that but then go and do it anyway. I've been playing GTA: Vice City Stories, and the gameplay is fun, but Vic has been pissing me off left and right with his whining.

 

[NuclearPenguin]

You are the motherfucking Chosen One!
You're better then everyone else for no fucking reason!
You will be the worlds savior!
Just be-fucking-cause.

I want to play a game that I play as a god damn marine that doesnt have any bloody magical armor of doom that protects him from bullets and makes his hp regenerate instantly.
I want to be a regular fucking mercenary with just a bullet-proof vest and a sniper.
I want to be shot down in a few fucking seconds
Where is the difficulty?!