Gaming Romances that just don't work

[StriderShinryu]

I'm actually a big fan of romance in games, especially when the player is actually involved in it on some level.

As for ones that really didn't work for me, I'll have to go with the ME1 romances. Liara was about ready to climb on top of me after I had barely even met her.. that bugged me, and her character never really did develop at all. Ashley.. gah, don't even get me started. Fugly, xenophobic, religious and slightly manly. Why anyone would consider her a catch, I'd never understand. Haven't played as a female in ME1, but from my interactions with the female love interest it doesn't seem like lady Sheps had it any better.

 

[Angryman101]

Ashley Williams in Mass Effect 1. Nothing down there at all. Drake's broad...most really.

On the contrary, Tali's romance in ME2 touched me almost as much as my real life romance.

I'm going to have to disagree with you, there. I loved Tali's dialogue so much, it was almost perfect because I had waited all of Mass Effect the first to romance her, and then waited until I had filled up paragon for her loyalty quest before I got her in Mass Effect the second and then...was incredibly disappointed because of the male Shepherd's voice acting. The guy just can NOT do tenderness, he's much more suited to angry yelling. All of the scenes of them together just seemed stilted and awkward, they had no romantic chemistry at all.
There's one scene where he comforts her and says 'hey, c'mere' softly and i literally winced. It was really disappointing, she easily has the best, most human dialogue in the entire series. It's fresh in my mind as I did her romance plot all last night. Bleh

 

[Scabadus]

Though to be honest, the worst one in recent memory is Starkiller and pilot chick in Force Unleashed. It's like someone told George Lucas that he sucked at writing love stories, so he was like, "Aw, fuck it. I won't write any kind of romantic build up at all. Just have them kiss at the end."

- J

I actually found this to be one of my favorite romance subplots in games and even movies. I didn't find it shoehorned in or un-natural because it came very close to not existing at all. Starkiller obviously found her attractive but it never really went anywhere. It's unknown whether she really loved him, simply had a physical attration too or even just gave him a kiss because he was going to sacrifice himself for the galaxy despite having no romantic feelings towards Starkiller.

The very, VERY subtle romance "plot" between Ellis and Rochelle in Left 4 Dead 2 is also good. It's never openly said, but if you listen carefully to them talking to each other (for exxample, when one heals the other) they are a little more caring to each other than the others.

Male Shepard and Ashley in Mass Effect 1 would have to be my vote for worst though, there is absolubtly nothing attractive about that woman and when you finally meet her again in number 2 she ends up hating you no matter what. I've only triggered the romance cutscene with her once, and that was an accident; I was trying to get through Mass Effect 1 without a romance scene to create a save where I had only romanced Tali in number 2 so I'd have that save ready for ME3, but I must have said the wrong line or something because despite my best efforts at batting her away she just wouldn't take no for an answer.

 

[Meggiepants]

Haven't played as a female in ME1, but from my interactions with the female love interest it doesn't seem like lady Sheps had it any better.

Not much. Kaidan was slightly better than Liara or Ashley. But by ME2 he gets all righteous on your ass, dumps you via email and then leaves you with the choice of a huge sentimental hermit crab -sans shell, a plain vanilla dude who is about as interesting as a pet rock, or the reptilian assassin who comes with an expiration date, (the best of the bunch really, since he's bad ass and all, but man, what a downer) All of these guys are willing to jump in the sack with you after a few casual conversations and a side quest. Oh yeah, I almost forgot the crazy Yeoman, who gets to wear that groovy Asari suit if you romance her just right. But she only needs one convo before she's ready to jump your bones. Who knows who else she's dancing for late at night.

Worst game couple for me, Tidus and Yuna. The scene where they are laughing on the bridge... *cringes* it makes my brain leak out my ears. So awful.

I did like the DA:O romance though. They really let you follow it through to the end if you play a female warden. I think the guys get a little shafted in that game.

 

[Insanum]

FABLE 2[/B]

Thats not romance, Its just Whine Whine Ball & chain!!

 

[Meggiepants]

Ashley Williams in Mass Effect 1. Nothing down there at all. Drake's broad...most really.

On the contrary, Tali's romance in ME2 touched me almost as much as my real life romance.

I'm going to have to disagree with you, there. I loved Tali's dialogue so much, it was almost perfect because I had waited all of Mass Effect the first to romance her, and then waited until I had filled up paragon for her loyalty quest before I got her in Mass Effect the second and then...was incredibly disappointed because of the male Shepherd's voice acting. The guy just can NOT do tenderness, he's much more suited to angry yelling. All of the scenes of them together just seemed stilted and awkward, they had no romantic chemistry at all.
There's one scene where he comforts her and says 'hey, c'mere' softly and i literally winced. It was really disappointing, she easily has the best, most human dialogue in the entire series. It's fresh in my mind as I did her romance plot all last night. Bleh

Fem Shep isn't much better. Every time she tried to be seductive, she sounded like a lecherous woman to me. I don't know why, but I felt like I was playing a female version of Leisure Suit Larry half the time. It totally ruined that part of the game for me. I know some people really like that voice actor, and I thought she was great when she was just doing her commander thing, but when she started acting seductive, it was just... icky.

 

[Mr.logic]

Most JRPG romances fail miserably

all except 1, which would be tidus and yuna... thats the only good one, the worst one was dante and trish in devil may cry 1

 

[RatRace123]

Ashley Williams in Mass Effect 1. Nothing down there at all. Drake's broad...most really.

On the contrary, Tali's romance in ME2 touched me almost as much as my real life romance.

You and me both, well apart from the real life romance part.
And as for worst, Fable 2. The only thing that made the romance workable was the fact that you could give the random NPCs nicknames. So my character ended up living happily ever after with his wife, Nagging *****, and his son, Annoying Needy Crapface.

 

[drisky]

At the end of the jrpg Baten Kaitos they throw in a romance between the two main characters that comes absolute out of no where, they had no signs of romantic interest the entire game but they confess their love to each other just because the developers seemed to think its a necessity to have a romance.

 

[The Unskilled78]

One romance that apparently doesn't work:

Spoiler: This was kinda dissapointing

Mass Effect 2 Male Shephard romancing Miranda and Jack at the same time, just can't happen, Miranda won't advance in the conversation until you break it off with Jack, no word yet on romancing Tali at the same time as one of them, haven't got that far, here's hoping...

Spoiler

Tali told me to break it off with everyone~s favorite tattooed, underdressed psycho.

Also, I'd have to say most romances just seem uncomfortable to me.

 

[MiracleOfSound]

Shepard and Garrus.

I mean seriously... he has scales.

 

[Gyrefalcon]

CloudxAerith.

You know, because of the whole

Spoiler

Her being dead and all.

Yeah, that one is rather hard.

I do like romance in games but some games make it just painful to play. For example Dawnstar in Jade Empire. She babbles on more than a brook and you can't tell her to just knock it off for awhile and continue to be "good" or romance her. I prefer a bit more quality over quantity in romantic banter.

 

[Julianking93]

Most JRPG romances fail miserably

all except 1, which would be tidus and yuna... thats the only good one, the worst one was dante and trish in devil may cry 1

Wrong. While Tidus and yuna wasn't bad, the best one in my opinion was Kairi and Sora.

Damn she was hot. That was my first game crush

 

[Angryman101]

Ashley Williams in Mass Effect 1. Nothing down there at all. Drake's broad...most really.

On the contrary, Tali's romance in ME2 touched me almost as much as my real life romance.

I'm going to have to disagree with you, there. I loved Tali's dialogue so much, it was almost perfect because I had waited all of Mass Effect the first to romance her, and then waited until I had filled up paragon for her loyalty quest before I got her in Mass Effect the second and then...was incredibly disappointed because of the male Shepherd's voice acting. The guy just can NOT do tenderness, he's much more suited to angry yelling. All of the scenes of them together just seemed stilted and awkward, they had no romantic chemistry at all.
There's one scene where he comforts her and says 'hey, c'mere' softly and i literally winced. It was really disappointing, she easily has the best, most human dialogue in the entire series. It's fresh in my mind as I did her romance plot all last night. Bleh

Fem Shep isn't much better. Every time she tried to be seductive, she sounded like a lecherous woman to me. I don't know why, but I felt like I was playing a female version of Leisure Suit Larry half the time. It totally ruined that part of the game for me. I know some people really like that voice actor, and I thought she was great when she was just doing her commander thing, but when she started acting seductive, it was just... icky.

Exactly. The VAs are really good at being badasses, but once it comes time to romance it's just...awkward and, as you said, icky.
Actually female shepherd sounded really butch in the first ME, I was glad she had the option of a lesbian romance. The fact that she looked like something out of Walking with the Dinosaurs didn't really help

 

[David Bray]

Ashley Williams in Mass Effect 1. Nothing down there at all. Drake's broad...most really.

On the contrary, Tali's romance in ME2 touched me almost as much as my real life romance.

I'm going to have to disagree with you, there. I loved Tali's dialogue so much, it was almost perfect because I had waited all of Mass Effect the first to romance her, and then waited until I had filled up paragon for her loyalty quest before I got her in Mass Effect the second and then...was incredibly disappointed because of the male Shepherd's voice acting. The guy just can NOT do tenderness, he's much more suited to angry yelling. All of the scenes of them together just seemed stilted and awkward, they had no romantic chemistry at all.
There's one scene where he comforts her and says 'hey, c'mere' softly and i literally winced. It was really disappointing, she easily has the best, most human dialogue in the entire series. It's fresh in my mind as I did her romance plot all last night. Bleh

Damn, guess i like geek girls

 

[Meggiepants]

Ashley Williams in Mass Effect 1. Nothing down there at all. Drake's broad...most really.

On the contrary, Tali's romance in ME2 touched me almost as much as my real life romance.

I'm going to have to disagree with you, there. I loved Tali's dialogue so much, it was almost perfect because I had waited all of Mass Effect the first to romance her, and then waited until I had filled up paragon for her loyalty quest before I got her in Mass Effect the second and then...was incredibly disappointed because of the male Shepherd's voice acting. The guy just can NOT do tenderness, he's much more suited to angry yelling. All of the scenes of them together just seemed stilted and awkward, they had no romantic chemistry at all.
There's one scene where he comforts her and says 'hey, c'mere' softly and i literally winced. It was really disappointing, she easily has the best, most human dialogue in the entire series. It's fresh in my mind as I did her romance plot all last night. Bleh

Fem Shep isn't much better. Every time she tried to be seductive, she sounded like a lecherous woman to me. I don't know why, but I felt like I was playing a female version of Leisure Suit Larry half the time. It totally ruined that part of the game for me. I know some people really like that voice actor, and I thought she was great when she was just doing her commander thing, but when she started acting seductive, it was just... icky.

Exactly. The VAs are really good at being badasses, but once it comes time to romance it's just...awkward and, as you said, icky.
Actually female shepherd sounded really butch in the first ME, I was glad she had the option of a lesbian romance. The fact that she looked like something out of Walking with the Dinosaurs didn't really help

Hahaha! So true. I tried to make fem Shep look good, but they made it really hard in ME. I think it had something to do with the fact that they had to animate the character talking, so you were limited on how customizable you could make her look. No matter what I did, she always ended up looking like the same character once she was animated.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

Ashley Williams in Mass Effect 1. Nothing down there at all. Drake's broad...most really.

On the contrary, Tali's romance in ME2 touched me almost as much as my real life romance.

I agree, Tali is probably one of the best acted and most fleshed out romance options in gaming to this day.

 

[reg42]

One romance that apparently doesn't work:

Spoiler: This was kinda dissapointing

Mass Effect 2 Male Shephard romancing Miranda and Jack at the same time, just can't happen, Miranda won't advance in the conversation until you break it off with Jack, no word yet on romancing Tali at the same time as one of them, haven't got that far, here's hoping...

You can have sex with Kelly Chambers and someone else though.

 

[SomeBritishDude]

I think the Garrus FemShep romance is a little strange. I mean... Asari, I can get... Quarians, I might be able to get... Turians? It would literally be like making out with a statue of a spikey cat

Honestly I thought it was the most touching and realistic romances you could have as FemShep. It wasn't about love or any of that cheesy crap. It was about two friends "blowing off steam" before they throw themselves into certain death. As for how it actually works...Umm...It...Mordin, help me out here!


Umm...Yeah...Chaffing.

...Putting that WAY out of the way I have to say that the majority of game romances just don't work. Final Fantasy 10 was a laughably awkward one I usually bring up. Mass Effect 2 did a pretty good job but honestly about the only game where I really cared for the romance was Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time.