Gaming Romances that just don't work

[Jenova65]

Most JRPG romances fail miserably

all except 1, which would be tidus and yuna... thats the only good one, the worst one was dante and trish in devil may cry 1

That wasn't romance. Weren't they related..?

Think she just looks like his mum...
http://devilmaycry.wikia.com/wiki/Trish

It's been awhile since I played DMC1, but I'm sure there was something said about her being Dantes sister.

I don't know, that is why I looked it up tbh, my son has played them all but I've only ever watched DMC being played and even then only snippets of it. I was just curious as to who she was to Dante after your post.

 

[Leodiensian]

Lord Of The Rings: The Third Age

Berethor: Oh elf-lady, I do so desire to smooch thee
Idrial: NO YOU CANNOT BECAUSE I AM AN ELF GO SMOOCH ROHAN GIRL BY THE WAY I AM A COMPLETE *****
Idrial: YOU CAN TELL BECAUSE OF HOW BRITISH I AM
Berethor: lol k *smooches Eowen*
Eowen: Despite having initially been characterised as a strong warrior-woman with nothing to lose and a lust for vengeance, a man is interested in me and so now I am a damsel in distress! Oh no, it's a Nazghul, eeek!
Eowen: Also, Berethor is my true love now despite us having talked like twice through the whole game
Player: Wait, what?

 

[Beartrucci]

definitely Dom and Maria in gears of war 2, my god that was annoying

This indeed. During the development they kept talking about how the story about Dom looking for Maria was going to be a big part and how it would be emotional or something. First level of the game and we have Dom throwing a forced hissy fit tantrum about it and that's pretty much the last we hear of it until Act 4.

 

[P.Tsunami]

Shepard and Garrus.

I mean seriously... he has scales.

I dunno, I personally liked that romance option a lot. There's a matter-of-fact way they go about it, a lack of sappiness, that's pretty refreshing. Besides, it's pretty funny.

 

[Eclectic Dreck]

I LIKED Ashley Williams from Mass Effect. Hell, let's just do a quick run down of the choices:

Liara - self absorbed nieve alien. Jailbait by her species standard.

Tali - self-concious and nervous, undobutedly reminding most of her fans of themselves. Physiology is different enough that romance is hazardous at best as human/quarian tissue is toxic to the opposing species. Where at least a "romance" with an Asari could yield offspring, with a Quarian it would almost inevitably prove lethal in the long run. This isn't even including the part where Tali risks dying of space plague if she so much as cracks her suit open. Sure she's "adorable" and all but she reminds me of an awkward teenager with here regular "I know it all" outlook juxtaposed with her ineptitude at any of a number of social quandries.

Miranda - She's genetically perfect, she works for the ultimate xenophobe and she's a pain in the ass from beginning to end.

Jack - a sociopath in every sense of the word. In a briefer fashion she's utterly insane. I'd be hesitant to take off my armor around her much less put away my firearm.

Ashley on the otherhand is a bit of a racist. Possibly because she has lived her entire life under the shadow of her grandfather who is still the only human ever to surrender to aliens. Or maybe because aliens wiped out her unit. Or maybe because aliens refuse to help humanity. Or maybe because even when humanity throws it all on the line the aliens STILL refuse to help even in the second game. At least she has a shred of humanity, a bit of worldliness and no deal breaking psycological issues (like Miranda's daddy issues or jacks murderin' problem).

 

[MiracleOfSound]

Shepard and Garrus.

I mean seriously... he has scales.

I dunno, I personally liked that romance option a lot. There's a matter-of-fact way they go about it, a lack of sappiness, that's pretty refreshing. Besides, it's pretty funny.

On an emotional level it was actually quite believable, but I mean on a purely sexual basis... I mean does he have the same tough jagged scales on his, er landing shuttle?

That must hurt Shepard's docking bay something fierce...

And welcome to the Escapist, may you enjoy your stay

 

[Penitent]

Shepard and Garrus.

I mean seriously... he has scales.

I dunno, I personally liked that romance option a lot. There's a matter-of-fact way they go about it, a lack of sappiness, that's pretty refreshing. Besides, it's pretty funny.

On an emotional level it was actually quite believable, but I mean on a purely sexual basis... I mean does he have the same tough jagged scales on his, er landing shuttle?

That must hurt Shepard's docking bay something fierce...

And welcome to the Escapist, may you enjoy your stay

I actually liked Garrus' romance simply because it was purely on an emotional level. It was a lot more subtle than all the others, which was something I could appreciate. There's a reason why they left it at the meeting-heads business, after all.

 

[GoWithDAFro]

Jak and Ashelin. What the hell happened to Keira? And then Ashelin was with Torn again in Jak X. It was a weird love rectangle thing

 

[Shycte]

While I lkes the game, I didn't quite get why the Prince in PoP: WW got his chins worked up about that Empress of Time.

It's was like, what?

 

[Christemo]

Bayonetta and the dude with the scarf (I can't remember his name).

Luka? she doesnt seem to like him, shes just teasing him. at the Iustitia cutscene, in the Umbra proving grounds. she seems more interested in herself that Luka.

 

[JeanLuc761]

I agree entirely, which is why the romance in 2 seems a bit 'forced', sure your love interest from ME has had two years but those two years never happened for Shepard he/she should still be in love with the love interest from ME if it meant as much as it seemed to. I think it is just a way to empathise more with the life that the characters lead and decisions they have to make.

Incidentally, I didn't romance anyone in ME and went for Tali in the second one and it felt completely natural and compelling. It worked well because of the history between Shepard and her and the fact that you've had two games to develop that only works more in that favor.

OT: Another romance that I didn't much care for, the one in Painkiller. Sorry, I'm just here to kill demons guys.

 

[Meggiepants]

Alistair, now there is a perfect game romance. Do you know, and this is a bit more than pathetic on my part, that I cannot play through DA and say anything bad to Alistair? I didn't even allow my husband to be mean to Alistair, and he was playing a guy. He was fine with it though, said he had a bit of a bromance thing going on with Alistair. Talk about good writing. I have never been so attached to a video gamecharacter before. Swoon indeed!

I really like Thane. But he is tragic as all get out. He is my other romance save for ME2. But I don't know if I will be able to play that through to the end if they pick him up in ME3. It might just be too much for me.

I think that is the thing about Alistair, very few people dislike him, just about everyone can get on board with Alistair My son (my eldest who is 18) loves being an asshole in games that allow it, but he can't be mean to Alistair either, and he killed Wynne to stay on Morrigan's good side :-O See, I like Zevran he entertains me greatly and would love to play through a romance with him, but that means not having a romance with Alistair, and I just have to on principal cos he is so yummy.
I can't help but wonder where they will go with the Thane story, it isn't beyond belief that Mordin, brilliant scientist that he is could find a 'cure', for his condition. He is certainly the most intriguing of all of the new characters. Him and Mordin, I think. The Jacob romance is awful in part because of how pervy they make Shepard sound, tbh, she just comes across as a bit of a trollop there isn't any natural getting to know stuff there at all, and he is all,
''I don't like forcing these things'' and goes straight from that to,
''We've got a good thing thing let's not push it'',
WTF, dude I just want to talk...... Horrible horrible romance option.

Not to mention, I watched the romance scene with Jacob on youtube, and I felt like bow-chikka-wow-wow riff should be playing in the background. It was the cheesiest damn thing. I felt like I was watching a bad 70's movie. Jacob was too dull for me. They even made his sidequest dull. I don't even know how they did that, since the premise was actually quite interesting, but somehow, they did it.

Jacob should be put in the romance hall of shame.

 

[Latinidiot]

Fable II. so boring to come back and make sure the ***** doesn't leave you

 

[Avatar Roku]

Nero and Kyrie from DMC 4. I'll also give special mention to Raiden and Rose from MGS 2 oh christ what a bunch of whiny cunts

Oh come on, Raiden wasn't that whiny (although Rose was, I'll give you that).

I think the Garrus FemShep romance is a little strange. I mean... Asari, I can get... Quarians, I might be able to get... Turians? It would literally be like making out with a statue of a spikey cat

That's why, when you romance him, you see that, instead of kissing, they just put their foreheads together. It's actually kind of sweet in a really weird sort of way.

 

[Meggiepants]

Shepard and Garrus.

I mean seriously... he has scales.

I dunno, I personally liked that romance option a lot. There's a matter-of-fact way they go about it, a lack of sappiness, that's pretty refreshing. Besides, it's pretty funny.

On an emotional level it was actually quite believable, but I mean on a purely sexual basis... I mean does he have the same tough jagged scales on his, er landing shuttle?

That must hurt Shepard's docking bay something fierce...

I've always found it amusing, that no matter what sci-fi you seem to be watching where interspecies canoodling is going on, that this is never an issue. You can have writers who are careful to be accurate when talking about how gravity will effect the skin of different creatures, and how viruses can't pass between species... but when it comes to this, they are like, "We'll have some crab people, and some squid people, ooh ooh, and some insect people, and maybe toss in a humanoid who looks sexy in a cat suit. Okay, now... just make sure that no matter what they are, they all have the proper reproductive bits, because my protagonist needs to be able to get physical with them, if ya know what I mean." Are humans really traveling into space because we are looking for all the various ways we can boink every living creature out there? Really? /rant

Back to the topic, Garrus wasn't bad... if you don't think about that too much. He actually had much more charisma than the human (Jacob) so I can certainly see the appeal. Not only that, he has a long history with Shep, so of all the female choices, it makes sense that you might hook up with him over the others. Same goes with Tali really.

 

[BirdBot]

The relationship with Kaiden in ME was subtly done, I felt and his response to Shepard working with Cerberus is entirely in character they did it right imo, how was he supposed to react after spending two years grieving? Of course he is gonna be pissed, from his point of view she was dead then it turns out she isn't and she is working for the people who killed Kahoku and did a whole mess of evil experiments, and are terrorists (don't think I need to list their crimes, if you played ME you know what they did) So after his first gut reaction to hold Shepard he goes with a knee jerk reaction to be hurt/mad because he thinks she's been alive and chose not to let him know. Following on from this first meeting he has time to digest the things she said to him and time to allow himself to 'feel', his feelings and he knows he still loves her and wants her. I'm not sure why so many players are upset with this turn of events it sure leaves it wide open for ME3 and I really hope they follow through if you are faithful. It is good writing if you are of a patient disposition

I totally agree! It's strange to me that a lot of people are complaining that Kaiden doesn't immediately rush in to forgive and forget the fact that Shepard has apparently disappeared for two years without a word, then turns up again working with terrorists. Of course he'd be pissed off! Even though it meant my Shepard got the mopey picture scene instead of a romance in this game, this really worked for me on a character level. It may be frustrating, but it just seemed right. (But I will be pissed if I don't get a ME3 payoff for my ME2 abstinence. xD )

 

[laststandman]

The Lone Wanderer and Nova in Fallout 3. Not exactly a romance, but a waste of 100 caps nevertheless

 

[MiracleOfSound]

On an emotional level it was actually quite believable, but I mean on a purely sexual basis... I mean does he have the same tough jagged scales on his, er landing shuttle?

That must hurt Shepard's docking bay something fierce...

I've always found it amusing, that no matter what sci-fi you seem to be watching where interspecies canoodling is going on, that this is never an issue. You can have writers who are careful to be accurate when talking about how gravity will effect the skin of different creatures, and how viruses can't pass between species... but when it comes to this, they are like, "We'll have some crab people, and some squid people, ooh ooh, and some insect people, and maybe toss in a humanoid who looks sexy in a cat suit. Okay, now... just make sure that no matter what they are, they all have the proper reproductive bits, because my protagonist needs to be able to get physical with them, if ya know what I mean." Are humans really traveling into space because we are looking for all the various ways we can boink every living creature out there? Really? /rant

Now that I think about it, the answer to your question could very likely be 'yes'.

Honestly though... what are the odds that even one other intelligent species we'd encounter would even be humanoid?

 

[Meggiepants]

On an emotional level it was actually quite believable, but I mean on a purely sexual basis... I mean does he have the same tough jagged scales on his, er landing shuttle?

That must hurt Shepard's docking bay something fierce...

I've always found it amusing, that no matter what sci-fi you seem to be watching where interspecies canoodling is going on, that this is never an issue. You can have writers who are careful to be accurate when talking about how gravity will effect the skin of different creatures, and how viruses can't pass between species... but when it comes to this, they are like, "We'll have some crab people, and some squid people, ooh ooh, and some insect people, and maybe toss in a humanoid who looks sexy in a cat suit. Okay, now... just make sure that no matter what they are, they all have the proper reproductive bits, because my protagonist needs to be able to get physical with them, if ya know what I mean." Are humans really traveling into space because we are looking for all the various ways we can boink every living creature out there? Really? /rant

Now that I think about it, the answer to your question could very likely be 'yes'.

Honestly though... what are the odds that even one other intelligent species we'd encounter would even be humanoid?

Completely off topic, but I find this to be a fun little mental exercise. So if we break down the motivations of some of the species in ME2 it would go something like this.

Asari: We seek knowledge. Going into space will bring us more knowledge.
Krogan: We want to kick some ass. Going into space will help us kick more ass.
Volus: We like money. A sucker is born every minute. In space, a sucker is born every nanosecond.

And then we have us...
Human: Earth chicks are hot. But you know what would be even hotter? Three boobs. We need to find us some aliens.

I realize the human response is from a male perspective, but considering the fact that all three of the choices for the male to romance are generally humanoid shaped and the women get two species that are questionably compatible in that area... well, I figure the people in charge are of the male variety.

But, you are right, I think the answer to my question is 'yes.' And to answer your question, I think the chances are slim, but our sci fi would be so much less tantalizing because... well... then we couldn't sex the aliens, so I guess we shouldn't nitpick. And I fear that life wouldn't have to be intelligent for humans to attempt to boink it. I'm ashamed to say our species has proven that more than once.