"get back in the kitchen"

[cas]

I really hate that sort of thing. Not because I am a feminist but because it makes it very hard for me to justify the fact that I think a man should take care of a woman. I think the traditional family structure thing is really cool. A woman who takes care of the children and the homestead

but it has been twisted and contorted more by men than women it seems. Some girls want to work and have professional careers and thats cool, maybe ill do that too, and I guess a lot of guys feel that emasculates them somehow that they arent the sole provider anymore.

sometimes I feel whatever you choose you will be looked down on by some group. Women who are all about female empowerment will think you are holding back progress if you choose to raise your children and men will repeat their tired lines about sandwich making if you want to be a career woman.

that and if a guy wants to do something for me, I will let them. I could prolly lift that heavy object, but if a guy gets something out of the act of helping a girl I think thats great. It doesnt make me weak or dependant but there are people who will make it out to be like that.

i feel like its harder than ever to just be 'normal' maybe i dont want to be super progressive about some things, is that so bad?

 

[Cargando]

Do you want to be normal?

 

[Snowalker]

Well, my mom worked and so did my dad, and now I have both an Xbox 360 and a PS3... so the kids win..

 

[BonsaiK]

Don't worry about what is or isn't "normal". Just do what you want. If that means cooking, cleaning and being a housewife, great. If it means running a corporation or climbing Mt. Everest, great too. The whole point of the feminist movement was to give women the CHOICE to be who they wanted to be, not to say "all women must behave like X". Just chill out, relax and do what pleases you in life, and be happy that a previous generation of women fought for your ability to make those choices.

 

[Aunel]

if I will ever settle down, and if a girl fits into my plans, we will see which job pays more, simple as that.

 

[historybuff]

The men who say that kind of thing aren't real men.

You have to find a real man who isn't going to abuse his position as the sole breadwinner if you want to stay home.

Real feminism is about having the choice to either work at home or work in the public sphere and to be expected to be compensated equally. Today's feminism has been twisted into something else.

 

[Legion]

Sometimes I feel whatever you choose you will be looked down on by some group.

Of course you will, no matter what it is there will always be people who disapprove, even with really trivial things.

To be honest I'd say don't care. It's your life, you do what's best for you. If raising kids and staying home with them works for you then whose business is it? If you instead would prefer to have a job and work full-time then again, only your opinion matters.

If you are with a guy who feels emasculated then find a new one, because that's just pathetic. The same goes for girls who think you shouldn't stick with the traditional "mother" role, tell them where they can shove their opinion.

I cannot agree that it has been twisted more by men though, I don't know any guy who seriously believes that women should stay at home while men work, whereas I know a lot of women who thinks that it's the guys job to hold the door, pay for everything and take the first steps in any relationship.

 

[Labyrinth]

My eyebrows shot upwards at the title of this thread. I hate that kind of attitude because I am a feminist, and because I think it's a rather idiotic thing to say in the first place. You don't want to send me to the kitchen. The kitchen contains lots of shiny, pointy and very sharp knives in a range of shapes and sizes.

The archetypal family structure of a working father, home mother still applies in the broad sense. Women may also work, but there are exceptionally few home-fathers who do the housework, cook, shop, care for children etc. The expectation is still there that a woman, even one who has a career, will be the primary carer. I'm not saying that all men should be the people in the home as that a) wouldn't work and b) is as sexist as stating that the women should do it. It's the underlying theme which ticks me off.

 

[Noamuth]

Eh. It's frustrating about the stereotypes about women and men, but in the end, doesn't matter, obviously. Frustrating is all it is. Just go with what works and what makes you happy.

I mean, when my partner and I get a place together, yeah, I'd like to stay home and make sure there's food on the table, but I want to be able to bring in some money too, as I wouldn't like leaving it all up to her.

.. So, anyway. I personally think a bit of 'housebitchery' is awesome, as I really like to cook and don't mind cleaning. But that's me. I don't expect everyone to be that way, and if you feel the same way about some things, or not, it is not bad at all.

-snip-

I cannot agree that it has been twisted more by men though, I don't know any guy who seriously believes that women should stay at home while men work, whereas I know a lot of women who thinks that it's the guys job to hold the door, pay for everything and take the first steps in any relationship.

I hear this a lot as well, especially the last two parts. It bugs me a lot, probably a bit more than the whole 'women should stay at home' comments.

 

[Darenus]

Define 'normal' here. I think the "normal" is basicly an equivalent to stereotype for the most part nowadays. And yes, it's true, you can't do it right for everyone's expectations. But that only ends up on the sole fact that you should only bother about doing whatver you wish to do and achieve and care (if you like) for what those that are close to you think would be good.

Considerations and compromises are welcome hereby but so would your partner need to be able to take them if you have to take some.

Progression in whatever direction you wish to take it to is always a good thing if you don't get others harmed or in harms way, but so does that apply for the partner in a relationship again, too. Male or female, doesn't matter.

What I'm saying here is basicly:
Know of your responsibilities and priorities and set them in order as you see fit and be ready to adjust them if necessary.

And if one guy still sends you off to the kitchen, tell him to stop being a wanker and rather grow the vegetables and hunt the hog if he wants something for dinner.

 

[Labyrinth]

-snip-

I cannot agree that it has been twisted more by men though, I don't know any guy who seriously believes that women should stay at home while men work, whereas I know a lot of women who thinks that it's the guys job to hold the door, pay for everything and take the first steps in any relationship.

I hear this a lot as well, especially the last two parts. It bugs me a lot, probably a bit more than the whole 'women should stay at home' comments.

I put much of that down to the fact that very few women are feminists. Fewer than you think even. Much of this is due to the negative stereotype surrounding feminism, other parts come from ingrained gender roles which women still believe in and promote (Here's looking at you, Thatcher) and various other things play a part like social pressures and the like.

 

[nova18]

that and if a guy wants to do something for me, I will let them. I could prolly lift that heavy object, but if a guy gets something out of the act of helping a girl I think thats great.

[small]I am fully aware that I just ruined the aim of this thread.[/small]

Seriously though, feminism is all about eliminating stereotypes and bringing equality to females.
Therefore, working in an office or staying home to take care of your kids shouldnt make a difference, its your choice. Feminism is all about choice at the end of the day.

 

[Agema]

I really hate that sort of thing. Not because I am a feminist but because it makes it very hard for me to justify the fact that I think a man should take care of a woman. I think the traditional family structure thing is really cool. A woman who takes care of the children and the homestead

but it has been twisted and contorted more by men than women it seems. Some girls want to work and have professional careers and thats cool, maybe ill do that too, and I guess a lot of guys feel that emasculates them somehow that they arent the sole provider anymore.

sometimes I feel whatever you choose you will be looked down on by some group. Women who are all about female empowerment will think you are holding back progress if you choose to raise your children and men will repeat their tired lines about sandwich making if you want to be a career woman.

that and if a guy wants to do something for me, I will let them. I could prolly lift that heavy object, but if a guy gets something out of the act of helping a girl I think thats great. It doesnt make me weak or dependant but there are people who will make it out to be like that.

i feel like its harder than ever to just be 'normal' maybe i dont want to be super progressive about some things, is that so bad?

If you believe any woman should be able to make decisions about her life and be treated by others without prejudice due to her gender, you are a feminist. I'm a man, and I'm a feminist.

The reason people seem to be embarrassed to say they are feminists is that the same backward, repressive idiots who think women should "get back in the kitchen" have successfully managed to portray the whole movement in terms of its tiny, lunatic, extremist fringe. They did that to discredit the idea that women should have an equal place in society.

The word needs to be reclaimed from the definition of reactionary bigots.

 

[Eleuthera]

I know I'm a pretty bad example of a typical guy but I'd actually assume my partner would (try to) get a job/ have a career as well. Not just from an equality standpoint but I just don't make enough money to support a family by myself. And as dual incomes are starting to become the standard this will probably only increase.

Of course once the theoratical future me has actually managed to produce offspring someone is probably going to have to start working less but I see no real reason why that should be the woman. Logic would suggest whoever makes the most money stays on fulltime, but lots of other aspects will influence this of course...

EDIT: In a somewhat direct response to the thread title. I would prefer a partner who would d the cooking, but that's just because I can't manage to boil an egg or microwave a TV dinner...

 

[pipboy2010]

I'm actually in a situation where, having lost my job, my partner is the breadwinner. Hell, even when I did have a job she earned a crap-load more than me. But I don't think either of us are particuarly caught up in thinking about our roles. I do sometimes feel odd as the kind of 'house-husband', and I think she'd rather I was earning at least what she does, so she doesn't have the responsibility of being the bigger earner.

I think a lot of this kind of thinking is generational - in my and my partners' families at least, our fathers are the main earners - but these days it only matters to insecure men who feel the need to stamp their authority on a relationship and make sure everybody knows that they're the 'man of the house'.

For me, I don't really care, and I think that as long as you're happy with your role, as many above me have already said, that's all that really matters.

 

[Casual Shinji]

Well then call me Theodore"Beaver"Cleaver.

My Mom was a tradational homemaker and my Dad was the provider.

 

[lwm3398]

Well, my mom worked and so did my dad, and now I have both an Xbox 360 and a PS3... so the kids win..

No. YOU win. That was just epic.

 

[Deity1986]

Personally I think a wife who does the housework AND brings in the cash would be the best

The funny thing is the most sexist person I know is a girl. Her favourite saying goes along the lines of "But I'm a girl!"
I told her that the glass ceiling dropped an inch everytime she said that. She asked me what glass ceiling I was talking about, since we were outside.
*sigh*

 

[AvsJoe]

Women may also work, but there are exceptionally few home-fathers who do the housework, cook, shop, care for children etc.

That's because the divorce rates skyrocket when the woman is the breadwinner.

Spoiler: Here's the link.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-467390/Househusband-backlash-high-flying-wives-ditch-men-em-em-wanted-stay-home.html

Most men are becoming aware of this fact and refuse to let the woman be the breadwinner in spite of how much sense it makes on paper (i.e when the woman has the higher-paying job and is more likely to advance in the company).