FOR THE OP MAINLY:
Wow... talk about some condescending, self-righteous responses. Oh, and some armchair psychology too, very clever.
Rather than patronise you and blow your odd bits of venting out of proportion, I'm just going to suggest you take a step back and try a more objective perspective (which is difficult for most ppl, btw, so don't sweat it that you didn't see it first):
When it comes to common courtsies and small gestures of social interaction, yes some posters are right, there can be all kinds of reasons why people don't respond to you. They could be stressed with their mind else where; they could be having a bad day/ shy/ anxious personality types who find social interaction with strangers uncomfortable; and they may be ignoring you simply to try to suggest they're more important to you. Here's why it doesn't matter: You most likely won't deal with them in any signifcant way again, and their opinion of you based on the minimal amount they can guess about you based on your looks is really very meaningless. Based on their appearances Guthrie Govan (look him up he's awesome) and Peter Jackson look like a pair of scruffy hippies. in fact, some people may assume their homeless drug or drink addicts without any knowledge of them. They're both outstanding in their respective fields of work, and many other people in their industry and I expect their homelife show them plenty of respect and friendliness because of who they are, their perserverance, dedication, skill, enthusiasm etc. That's the only kind of respect that actually counts. Any idiot can get a posh haircut or buy/ have bought for them an expensive jacket. So on the odd occasion when someone IS snubbing you based on your outer appearance alone, see it for what it is: short sighted, stupid judgement by a short sighted, stupid person. In any case, you may be better off restricting you casual smiles to people who smile at you first, or people you at least know a little. If someone you know repeatedly snubs you, stop bothering with them, they aren't a worthy friend of aquaintance.
As for you co-worker, to be honest, I'd say she was pretty rude with that response of 'I don't trust you' => 'I think you might try to hurt me' to be honest (I suppose it could be argued that you set yourself up for that response by asking why; but if I offered someone a lift, they said "no" and I said something casual like "Why not, it's no touble I have to go to town anyway"; and got a response along the lines of "You might rape me!" I'd probably say "Excuse me!? Is that some kind of stupid joke!?"). People can rant on about rape statistics etc, but realistically; it's unlikely that someone planning a rape or attack would attack a person in the middle of the day (I assume she works in the day) when there are people around; at a time when she is expected somewhere, and people may call to find out why she hasn't arrived; from her own house where her neighbours may see the person picking her up; when she knows the person and her workplace knows the person who's planning to attack her and where he lives; in an age with a high level of forensic science. It just appears to me that that would be a pretty shit plan for anyone planning to get away with rape/ murder. So I think we can safely assume one of two options: She's either pretty stupid and easily influenced by shock media; or her head's so far up her own arse, she genuinely thinks she's outright sexually irresistible to her colleagues. Either way, this is not a woman you want to spend much time with. My advice is to act professional around her (i.e. don't look for arguments with her), but don't go out of your way for her or do her any favours unless you really have to for your employer and the general running of things at your workplace. If she asks for a favour say 'sorry I'm busy'/ 'sorry I'm on lunch'. If she was just being arrogant, she'll hopefully take the hint that you don't think she's as special as she thinks she is and (fingers crossed) matures.
As a rule of thumb, I'd advise not expecting too much in the way of maturity or decent attitude from showy or ostentatious people (i.e. people who appear to be exceptionally fashion obssessed or keen for attention through clothes, jewellery, make up etc). There ARE exceptions, but the majority in my experience are quite shallow and egotistical and rude. The best way to deal with these people is to reflect their behaviour back at them and never treat them as if they're special. Some actually get visibly upset, which is very funny (you can call me 'immature' all you want fellow posters, I'm not one for tolerating the unpleasant). All they people I've developed happy friendships or relationships with have been people who show a strong interest in non-materialistic things, like a sport, instrument, art etc. They aren't hyper competetive and they do show a strong ability to empathise with others. I'd recommend you look for similar people. They're easiest to find at organised activity groups and sometimes at work too.
Also, ignore the people on here making a big deal out of aspergers. I've met a handful of aspies and autistic people in my life. The majority of them were perfectly pleasant people at heart. Some were a little intense or socially awkward at times, but honestly any mature developed adult should be able to cope with interacting with the majority of sufferers without having to shun them. it really isn't anywhere near the chore some people are making it out to be. If you find yourself repeatedly having difficulty in most of your social interaction, it may be worth talking to your GP about having some kind of social interaction workshops with someone with specialist knowledge of your condition, to make life a bit easier for you.
FOR PEOPLE WHO SEE BRIEF SOCIAL INTERACTION WITH STRANGERS AS A GRIEVOUS BURDEN READ HERE (warning, it might go from long-winded-and-shit to occasionally-mildly-amusing. Watch out!):
Oh talking of chores: Off on a tangent now to the whole common courtesy with strangers thing (yes, I am this bored and awake right now {living in UK}). I honestly fail to see the strenuous effort required in smiling back at some one who smiles at you in the street. Granted you aren't legally bound to respond, but it's just a respectful and courteous gesture to do so. I'm going to offer up a couple of common scenarios to encourage you to my thinking:
1) It's a busy day, lots of people are walking down the street and your on your way to the bank (1/2 mile walk). On the way, 7 people smile and nod at you as they walk past, each at different stages at your journey (that's a lot more than is probable for a UK city in my opinion). You pass four of them, you see all four, and you gently smile back, making eye contact as you do so. You look forward again and continue. You do not need to stop in this process, you continue walking as you are smiling, each smile takes less than 3 seconds. You maintain your train of thought, thinking about whether Tanya from East Enders will be able to reconcile with her husband, because you're a grown-up, not a toddler. You can cope with the complicated co-ordination of walking, smiling and contemplating the future of East Enders. Ultimately, no time has been lost in these diversions.
The 5th man approaches you after smiling. Statistics say that both of these men will rape you, despite there being just one (even if you're male). But fortunately your rationale mind recognises that this is a busy city street with lots of witnesses and CCTV cameras. You realise that if he were a rapist with a penchant for high-risk attacks, he probably wouldn't make you aware of his prescense, nor encourage you to look at his face. He turns out to be offering up religious pamphlets. You reply politely "I'm sorry, but I'm already late for something and can't stop". Again, you make eye contact and smile as you do this, accepting one of his pamphlets and dropping it in the next bin. You're understandably a little irritated at being blind sighted with an offer for something you didn't want, but you don't get angry, because it took you 5-6 seconds to say that line, and you only had to stop for 2. Despite being a mild bother, you recognise he is still a human being and treated him a such. It takes you 6 seconds to remember Tanya from East Enders.
You recognise the 6th man as a Big Issue seller and he smiles just as you get close to him. You smile and make eye contact back. You don't stick your nose up in the air and blank him like the many people before you; making a point that they see him as a lesser member of society than themselves. You recognise that he too is a human being, and there are many reasons that he may be homeless, many of which may not be his fault. When you pass him and he offers you a copy, you say 'No Thankyou', making eye contact again. This is not the response he wants, but he appreciates you treating him as an equal in a dignified manner, rather than as an inanimate object in your way. This verbal statement has cost you 2 seconds of time. It would have in fact, cost you more time to change your path to avoid walking close to him; not to mention more distracting ad you navigate you movement through other people. The short, automatic verbal reply does not disrupt you main train of thought, which has moved from EastEnders to whether or not you remembered the list of ISA accounts you were interested in at the bank.
The 7th person is a lost tourist. They ask you where something is. you could probably tell them, but really don't have time or you might miss your appointment at the bank. You stop briefly and say, "I'm sorry, I don't know, you could try asking in that shop". you point at the nearest shop. Stopping, listening to the toursist and talking to them has taken a little under 10 seconds. It takes you 5 seconds to remember to double check for that list of savings accounts in your pocket
Your total time spent showing others basic courtesy totals to: (6+2+6) for the religious man + 2 for the Big Issue man + 15 for the tourist = 31 seconds including train of thought regaining time. For that 31 seconds of time you got to treat 7 people in a respectful decent manner, which was pleasant for them and in turn pleasant for you, because you're the kind of person who likes to show kindness to people. Had you not spent that time you could have: waited: for you computer to fully boot up and internet explorer to load or: tied your shoe laces twice or: Listen to BBC Radio One tell you you're listening to it. Not exactly the greatest loss, is it?
2) Bus stops (d/w this on'es shorter): To prevent people talking to you, you can:
a) stick your headphones in, with or without music on. It is rare people will bother you unless it is a relatively important question and there's no one to ask.
b) Play with your phone aimlessly. People may talk to you, though unlikely, in which case you can say: "Sorry, I don't want to be rude, but I'm in the middle of organising something right now, could you ask someone else?"
If you have none of these things, but still don't want to be talked to, you can generally look away from the other waiters. If someone approaches you anyway, you can reply with "I'm sorry, but I've got a presentation to do in a couple of hours, and I like to rehearse it in my head before-hand". Hell, you could even say "Sorry, but I'm not in the most talkative mood at the moment, could you speak to someone else".
But to be honest, if it's the most common perpetrator of this heinous crime: An elderly man or woman, who's probably just feeling a little isolated, because that's not uncommong for older people, is it so hard to engage them in light conversation for 5 or so minutes while you do nothing waiting for the bus. Some of them are actually quite interesting, with, ya know, 30 or 40 odd years of life experience over you.
Obviously exceptions such as a dead or dying relative, recent divorce/ breakup; financial disaster; walking home in the dead of night when there's no one around and it's more likely a person may actually want to draw you in to mug you etc, are quite understandable, but these cases really are in the minority. For an average person on an average day, it takes a minute amount of time and energy to show strangers basic manner or common courteseys. You probably several fold more time taking in advertising each day. Excluding the odd bad day where you really won't want to interact with people, I can't come up with any other reason to object to replying common courtesies other than: 'Because if I snub strangers, it makes them feel unwelcome, unimpotant and ignored, which makes me feel better about myself!'.
Oh final note: I'll get some smart arse saying: 'But if you engage with them, they'll come up to you and they won't leave you alone!' This usually only happens with charity collecters (more frequently female rather than male for me, for some reason), and it's not that common. My routine is:
They ask for money, I say 'I'm sorry, I'm late already'/ 'No thankyou'
They follow and ask again, I say: 'Not today thankyou'
third time: I stop, I look them in the eye I say: 'I'M BUSY. LEAVE ME ALONE!'
Rarely been asked 3 times, this has never failed when I have.
I'm finally sleepy now. 'Night. (OHHH! SEE THAT! OHH LOOK AT THAT COMMON COURTESY OF BIDDING YOU GOOD NIGHT BEFORE I LEFT, DESPITE THE FACT MOST OF YOU DON'T CARE! WANNA KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK! 3 seconds. This shit is easy, people.)
