Getting tired of (certain) women.

[winginson]

People in general give less of a shit about people they don't know.

A decade ago I could walk down a street in my village (pop ~2000) and say good morning to someone I didn't know and they would usually say it back. Now you get viewed with suspicion.

 

[Gottesstrafe]

Snip

On the street?
How do you get shit done?

I can tell you, as a woman, its more annoying to have some random dude come up to you and start talking to you. Just cause I'm a lady doesn't mean I have to give a shit. (People always talk to me at bus stops. I hate it).

Oh god, bus stops. I lived in Honolulu for a year; I could write a fucking book on all the awkward conversation people would try and make (as could anyone who lives in a big enough city, I'm sure). Do you not see the headphones? Leave me alone.

You sure about that? I've lived on Oahu for almost entire life and that's never happened to me before (different story on the other islands, but Honolulu falls under city behavior). Happened to me all the time when I was going to school in Oregon for a year though, so I suppose it might've just been that we had an out-of-towner look to us.

 

[Erana]

It sucks to be considered a potential rapist until proven trustworthy.

I reserve my right to do this. Rape is one of the more scary potential dangers to me, and considering my height and build, more men are going to be able to physically overpower me than women. And honestly, even the people in the "trustworthy" category are possible dangers, with trusted men being statistically a greater rape threat.

The heart of the matter though: everyone is a potential threat. Yeah, a big strong guy could come and rape me, but a preteen girl could pull a gun and shoot me, too, and I'd be just (if not more) helpless.
I'm not going to treat people like rapists or murderers just because there is some kind of physical possibility of that occurring, but I'm not going to stop being cautious just because it makes some people uncomfortable with my thinking that way. Just don't take it personally.

 

[VivaciousDeimos]

Snip

On the street?
How do you get shit done?

I can tell you, as a woman, its more annoying to have some random dude come up to you and start talking to you. Just cause I'm a lady doesn't mean I have to give a shit. (People always talk to me at bus stops. I hate it).

Oh god, bus stops. I lived in Honolulu for a year; I could write a fucking book on all the awkward conversation people would try and make (as could anyone who lives in a big enough city, I'm sure). Do you not see the headphones? Leave me alone.

You sure about that? I've lived on Oahu for almost entire life and that's never happened to me before (different story on the other islands, but Honolulu falls under city behavior). Happened to me all the time when I was going to school in Oregon for a year though, so I suppose it might've just been that we had an out-of-towner look to us.

*shrugs* Maybe. I can only speak to what my experience was. I remember once I was at the bus terminal at Ala Moana waiting for one to get back to Kaneohe. A guy sits down next to me, tells me he likes my hair, asks me if I'd ever considered modeling/photography, informs me he's a photographer and would love to take my picture. And I could bring a friend. I respond politely but firmly in the negative. My bus arrives; guy gets on the same bus, sits near me, and starts asking me what music I like, while I'm trying to listen to said music.

It's just frustrating. I understand the whole "it's only common courtesy" thing, and I respect that to a degree. I definitely try and be courteous when I can and if someone is lost or needs help I'll try and help, but being polite certainly didn't gut the above mentioned guy to back off. He was the worst, but there were others, and after so many times your default state just sort of becomes one of "please, leave me alone".

 

[VivaciousDeimos]

It sucks to be considered a potential rapist until proven trustworthy.

I reserve my right to do this. Rape is one of the more scary potential dangers to me, and considering my height and build, more men are going to be able to physically overpower me than women. And honestly, even the people in the "trustworthy" category are possible dangers, with trusted men being statistically a greater rape threat.

There's a quote from Gavin De Becker I'm rather fond of, "It is understandable that the perspectives of men and women on safety are so different--men and women live in different worlds...at core, men are afraid women will laugh at them, while at core, women are afraid men will kill them."

Like I said above, I try and be polite when I can, so if the worst I have to do to someone is be rude to them to preserve my safety, then I don't really feel that bad.

 

[Vegosiux]

There's only one type of women I absolutely loathe. The "Chivalry if I like it, chauvinism if I don't" type.

I reserve my right to do this. Rape is one of the more scary potential dangers to me, and considering my height and build, more men are going to be able to physically overpower me than women. And honestly, even the people in the "trustworthy" category are possible dangers, with trusted men being statistically a greater rape threat.

Well, I'm not going to argue your right to assume every man you ever meet a potential rapist, but I don't really understand why you'd do that. I mean, sure, being cautious is all good and well, but the way you put it there borders on paranoid and I could tell you a thing or two about that *cough* Such as, it really can mess up my stuff >.< Paranoia, I mean.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

It sucks to be considered a potential rapist until proven trustworthy.

I reserve my right to do this. Rape is one of the more scary potential dangers to me, and considering my height and build, more men are going to be able to physically overpower me than women. And honestly, even the people in the "trustworthy" category are possible dangers, with trusted men being statistically a greater rape threat.

The heart of the matter though: everyone is a potential threat. Yeah, a big strong guy could come and rape me, but a preteen girl could pull a gun and shoot me, too, and I'd be just (if not more) helpless.
I'm not going to treat people like rapists or murderers just because there is some kind of physical possibility of that occurring, but I'm not going to stop being cautious just because it makes some people uncomfortable with my thinking that way. Just don't take it personally.

Statistically, you're more likely to be sexually assaulted by a male family member or friend.

But I also know that statistics matter very little to an individual and it saddens me to think that some women feel the need to be on edge all the time.

This isn't your fault, of course, and I can't imagine what it's like. I'm a tall, well built, white male, so in terms of victimology, I'm hardly an ideal subject.

I hate that we still live in a society where a woman can't walk the streets without feeling threatened.

 

[Elf Defiler Korgan]

Ever since I moved to the big city, I've been consistently surprised by one thing. Why do people look at me in terror when I smile at them in the street, on the tram? Do smiles scare people? Do they fear their fellow members of the public? Even the friendly ones?

Make some eye contact, act friendly, acknowledge their existence and you can see their heart-rate quicken in worry.

The looks, "omg I am going to die", "who is this weirdo". It makes you wonder about the mental states of people around you, how scared they must be.

200lb boxer is sad...

 

[Elf Defiler Korgan]

It sucks to be considered a potential rapist until proven trustworthy.

I reserve my right to do this. Rape is one of the more scary potential dangers to me, and considering my height and build, more men are going to be able to physically overpower me than women. And honestly, even the people in the "trustworthy" category are possible dangers, with trusted men being statistically a greater rape threat.

The heart of the matter though: everyone is a potential threat. Yeah, a big strong guy could come and rape me, but a preteen girl could pull a gun and shoot me, too, and I'd be just (if not more) helpless.
I'm not going to treat people like rapists or murderers just because there is some kind of physical possibility of that occurring, but I'm not going to stop being cautious just because it makes some people uncomfortable with my thinking that way. Just don't take it personally.

Statistically, you're more likely to be sexually assaulted by a male family member or friend.

But I also know that statistics matter very little to an individual and it saddens me to think that some women feel the need to be on edge all the time.

This isn't your fault, of course, and I can't imagine what it's like. I'm a tall, well built, white male, so in terms of victimology, I'm hardly an ideal subject.

I hate that we still live in a society where a woman can't walk the streets without feeling threatened.

It is indeed a sad state of affairs. Seeing rapists everywhere.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

Ever since I moved to the big city, I've been consistently surprised by one thing. Why do people look at me in terror when I smile at them in the street, on the tram? Do smiles scare people? Do they fear their fellow members of the public? Even the friendly ones?

Make some eye contact, act friendly, acknowledge their existence and you can see their heart-rate quicken in worry.

The looks, "omg I am going to die", "who is this weirdo". It makes you wonder about the mental states of people around you, how scared they must be.

200lbs boxer is sad...

Well, as someone who lives near a city, there are two types of people who smile at you on the streets.

People trying to get sell/get you to sign up for a charity.

And those guys who ask you for money because 'they only need another quid for their bus/ train ticket'.

Smiling people in the city are never a good sign.

 

[TheVioletBandit]

Also, have you considered that you might just be acting kind of creepy? Do you go around smiling at dudes?

Smile, nod, greet... it's normal here.

On the street?
How do you get shit done?

I can tell you, as a woman, its more annoying to have some random dude come up to you and start talking to you. Just cause I'm a lady doesn't mean I have to give a shit. (People always talk to me at bus stops. I hate it).

Yeah I hate it when people try to interact with me as well, or complement me, or acknowledge my existence. It's such an annoyance to be wanted, sought after, or liked. Ugly people think they have it hard? They don't know the half of it! Try being beautiful for a day; being adored by those you find repulsive, it's just so gross! One time I was at the bus stop and this BALD man complemented my long glorious blonde hair so I was like "uh, whatever" then I spit right in his face. How dare he speak to me! These uglies just don't understand what a total burden this is.

 

[Elf Defiler Korgan]

Yeah, although in melbourne, the beggars are more mewling, oh woe is me types.

I am clearly not a charity worker.

It is just something differentiating the city to the small towns I grew up in. Where you could smile, say hello and no one would die of a heart attack or lose it.

Still, the good news for the main initial poster, is that meeting people is possible. Try clubs of a variety of interests, there people lower their guard a bit and feel surrounded by the like minded.

Smiling people in the city can be a good sign! Of friendly people.

 

[Elf Defiler Korgan]

Also, have you considered that you might just be acting kind of creepy? Do you go around smiling at dudes?

Smile, nod, greet... it's normal here.

On the street?
How do you get shit done?

I can tell you, as a woman, its more annoying to have some random dude come up to you and start talking to you. Just cause I'm a lady doesn't mean I have to give a shit. (People always talk to me at bus stops. I hate it).

Yeah I hate it when people try to interact with me as well, or complement me, or acknowledge my existence. It's such an annoyance to be wanted, sought after, or liked. Ugly people think they have it hard? They don't know the half of it! Try being beautiful for a day; being adored by those you find repulsive, it's just so gross! One time I was at the bus stop and this BALD man complemented my long glorious blonde hair so I was like "uh, whatever" then I spit right in his face. How dare he speak to me! These uglies just don't understand what a total burden this is.

The princess is full of wrath.
Nice one. Some people are so ready to attack with bile.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

Also, have you considered that you might just be acting kind of creepy? Do you go around smiling at dudes?

Smile, nod, greet... it's normal here.

On the street?
How do you get shit done?

I can tell you, as a woman, its more annoying to have some random dude come up to you and start talking to you. Just cause I'm a lady doesn't mean I have to give a shit. (People always talk to me at bus stops. I hate it).

Yeah I hate it when people try to interact with me as well, or complement me, or acknowledge my existence. It's such an annoyance to be wanted, sought after, or liked. Ugly people think they have it hard? They don't know the half of it! Try being beautiful for a day; being adored by those you find repulsive, it's just so gross! One time I was at the bus stop and this BALD man complemented my long glorious blonde hair so I was like "uh, whatever" then I spit right in his face. How dare he speak to me! These uglies just don't understand what a total burden this is.

Hyperbole is fun eh?

It's a cultural thing. Phasmal is British, as am I, and as British people, we only have a certain amount of good cheer available to us.

We don't waste it on strangers.

No, but seriously, we just don't care to talk to strangers unless it's about how bad the weather is. We like to keep to ourselves, so when strangers engage us in conversation, it kind of catches us off guard.

This is all when you're out and about. In the pub, we have different rules

 

[Nouw]

I have a question for you. Why do you care? People will always think what they want and sometimes there is no changing it, plus it's not a big deal. No need to sweat the small stuff.

And it's all small stuff. BAM!

 

[Elf Defiler Korgan]

Isn't that just so sad? Probably not psychologically healthy either. Mmmmmm unnecessary stress and fear (I am aware there are psychos and untrustworthy sorts, but it's a see the wheat from the chaff issue for me).

 

[TheVioletBandit]

The growing theme throughout this thread has been that we no longer treat certain public spaces as places where we could potentially meet new people. I've actually struggled with this over the past year myself, coming out of a very long term relationship and moving home twice for jobs, in the same period.

OP: The kind of social interaction your looking for is, franky, if not inappropriate then certainly almost impossible on the street. Other places where you can basically no longer meet new people are: On public transport, in cafes, pubs/bars, in parks/on beaches, basically anywhere that it's 'free' to get into.

You need to save your desire for social recognition and interaction for places like clubs (I used to hate clubbing, but find a place that plays your sort of music and you'll be away), or 'forced social gatherings' such as joinable groups or societies.

It's simply a sad fact of life that nowadays, people just don't want other random people talking to them or looking at them unless they have made some sort of action signifying their desire to interact, by going to a club or joining a group.

That just sounds shitty and sad. I have had the same friends since I was twelve and the same girlfriend forever so I have no idea what it's like to try to meet new people. This is good to know I guess, but still sad.

 

[Elf Defiler Korgan]

I'd say not public transport, that doesn't always go so well (they might think you are some type of bandit trying to hold them up). I've nearly caused heart attacks saying hi on trams. Clubs, make friendships at any uni classes you are taking, pubs for sure. Cafes can be good too, chat to the barista, chat to the patrons.

How people observe a friendly person is also revealing how people may view any attention. I have a number of friends and acquaintances at a certain uni. If I see them, I stop in to say hi. If other people are there on shift, I will say hi to them too. Now this can initially be awkward and some people just don't know what to do (where is the manual, pass me the manual!), but its all a slowly getting through barrier sort of thing. Gradually they become friends or at least acquaintances. Some have assumed, when I am talking to an attractive woman for instance, that I am trying to pick her up, and that I am therefore dodgy (I am married). That is not my actual intent, I just like walking around and chatting to friends, but sometimes it gets seen that way. Then you have to correct would be gossipers.

A word of warning though, some clubs have very... liberal views on contact. So for instance a gay friend of mine goes to a gay choir. He is just there to sing, but the number of times he has been slapped on the arse and had his assets appreciated. Not my type of scene, that's sexual assault, but there it is oooookay... apparently. Different places different norms!

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

Also, have you considered that you might just be acting kind of creepy? Do you go around smiling at dudes?

Smile, nod, greet... it's normal here.

On the street?
How do you get shit done?

I can tell you, as a woman, its more annoying to have some random dude come up to you and start talking to you. Just cause I'm a lady doesn't mean I have to give a shit. (People always talk to me at bus stops. I hate it).

Yeah I hate it when people try to interact with me as well, or complement me, or acknowledge my existence. It's such an annoyance to be wanted, sought after, or liked. Ugly people think they have it hard? They don't know the half of it! Try being beautiful for a day; being adored by those you find repulsive, it's just so gross! One time I was at the bus stop and this BALD man complemented my long glorious blonde hair so I was like "uh, whatever" then I spit right in his face. How dare he speak to me! These uglies just don't understand what a total burden this is.

Hyperbole is fun eh?

It's a cultural thing. Phasmal is British, as am I, and as British people, we only have a certain amount of good cheer available to us.

We don't waste it on strangers.

No, but seriously, we just don't care to talk to strangers unless it's about how bad the weather is. We like to keep to ourselves, so when strangers engage us in conversation, it kind of catches us off guard.

This is all when you're out and about. In the pub, we have different rules

I'm British and I use the automated checkout so I don't even have to talk to the checkout lady.

Strangers...are strange.