Girlfriend advice; I cheated

[vampirekid.13]

Once a cheater always a cheater. I don't care how early it was or how 'weak' you were. Leave her because she likely deserves someone better who will be honest and not carry around a lie for well close to a year and then justify it with "I shouldn't hurt her." Karma pal ... karma.

i agree!

basically if you cheated once, you will always cheat. ur making excuses trying to justify yourself not telling her because u want to have someone at home when u get there after banging the rest of the town and u know that telling her the truth is a sure way to get dumped.


i would say tell her.


i would also guarantee that anyone that would cheat on me would get dumped in the most embarrassing way possible just to get back at them.

 

[Mcface]

I wouldn't take advice from this site.
have you ever seen the "Are you lonely" or "Last time you went on a date" threads?

Dont listen to anyone here, haha.

 

[Internet Kraken]

Imagine if she found out that you posted about this on the internet. What a disaster!

But that's exactly why I think you should tell her. The problem isn't going to go away, and odds are she will end up finding out somehow. It's just that if she finds out from someone other than you it will probably make her far more angry than if you had just been honest.

i would say tell her.


i would also guarantee that anyone that would cheat on me would get dumped in the most embarrassing way possible just to get back at them.

Because saying things like that will definitely encourage the OP to tell the truth!

 

[Booze Zombie]

I suppose you could tell her you cheated early in the relationship, but there's no accurate way to gauge how this will effect the relationship.
She could view your admission as either making you unsuitable or suitable for a relationship, she could get angry, any number of perfectly understandable, though most likely upsetting, responses.

Really though, I think the best thing for you go and to make sure that there's as little repessed emotion in the relationship as possible and be honest with her, but it won't be risk free, as I've previously stated.

Try your best to say it directly and honestly, don't force your words.
Just talk like a real person and you can walk away from this knowing, no matter what happens, that it's for the better, because you were yourself.

 

[Captain Blackout]

My girlfriend and I have been going out for a year now. Recently she has suspected me of cheating on her ,but I haven't recently. By this I mean in the beginning of our relationship I had moment of weakness and cheated on her. I still feel guilty to this day now she is saying if I cheated on her to tell her. She has been hurt by past boyfriends and I don't want to hurt her and I don't know what the right thing to do is.
Can anyone help me out or give me advice? Should I tell her and hurt her or should I be quiet and let it fade out?

If you tell her, are you doing the right thing by being honest, or the wrong thing by hurting her to fix your own feelings of guilt. I say don't tell her IF you are never going to cheat again. If you think polyamory is more your speed, dump her now, don't tell her you cheated, tell her she's wonderful but you need to go a different direction.
Only tell her if you believe honesty is more important than compassion. When you tell her, accept the consequences and move on. The relationship will end when you tell her, and sooner would be better than later.

 

[Cliff_m85]

I remember cheating on my girlfriend and wondering what to do. My advice? Blame her for it. My girlfriend had recently gained about 5-10 pounds so I just blamed it on that. I mean, like the guy in the $5000 suit is going to sleep with that....COME ON!

She cried and told me she'd lose the weight, which she did. I then went out with her sister.

 

[sethwood]

I'm not the best person to ask, but show her you love her in a romantic way. Then break it to her after. See!!! Terrible, terrible advice.

 

[leighjet]

escapist..
#1 for relationship advice lol..

you may have to come clean .. you dont want it to come around and ruin your relationship if she finds out another way

 

[Cliff_m85]

I'm not the best person to ask, but show her you love her in a romantic way. Then break it to her after. See!!! Terrible, terrible advice.

Perhaps if he wrote his apology in chocolate, women love chocolate. It'll be a nice way to pad the hurt. Or forget-me-nows.

 

[astrav1]

You can go kill yourself for being an asshole pussy.

 

[HotShooter]

I'm pretty sure if you tell her the truth one of these 2 things will happen:

She will understand and look past it and moreover see that you learned from your mistake and that you really care about her, thus strengthening your relationship so this incident will never occur again for either of you.

OR

You will be royally fucked, and not in the good way.

Personally I think you should tell her the truth. If she hates you for it well then your relationship probably wasn't going to last that long anyway.

 

[Emperor Inferno]

Let me ask you a question, bullets, and I want you to look inside yourself and know your feelings before you answer. When you do answer, I will give you the best advice I can. Okay, here it is.

Do you love her?

 

[CoziestPigeon]

You mean you didnt tell her when you did cheat? Tsk tsk. I always say honest is the best policy.

Yea I know I am idoit but I just don't want to hurt her so is it right not to tell her?

you fucked up there, but he suspecting you cheated when you haven't makes her crazy. I'm just assuming this is a highschool-young 20s relationship we are talking about, and if it is, get the FUCK outta there. Last thing you need is a clingy, suspicious psychopath for a girlfriend.

 

[KarumaK]

You know why people take secrets to their graves?

Because secrets are best kept secret.

 

[asiepshtain]

You mean you didnt tell her when you did cheat? Tsk tsk. I always say honest is the best policy.

Yea I know I am idoit but I just don't want to hurt her so is it right not to tell her?

Bullshit! You take that shit to your grave asshole, to the grave! The only reason to tell her is so you won't feel guilty, just more selfish shit.

Want to know what to do?

1. STOP FUCKING CHEATING!
2. Get tested for STDS, AIDS foremost, but do a general check-up as well, do that today! If you're sick, then you have to tell her.
3. Stop for a moment, and ask yourself "Why am I in this relationship? Why did I feel the need to cheat in the first place?". If you can't find good answers, break up.

Monogamy isn't about not wanting to sleep with other people, it's about making the day to day choice to invest in a single person instead of spreading that investment over a lot of people. If you feel better served by being with multiple partners, monogamy isn't for you, nothing wrong with that in general. Cheating however is as indicated by it's name, is a cheat. It's trying to reap the benefits of both conditions, and is bound to fail sooner or later.

Clear your own mind about whether you're going to be monogamous with this girl or not. Then either BE monogamous or break up with her.

P.S.
If she confronts you down the road, do not lie! Tell her the truth. Say "It was in the begining of our relationship before I took the relationship seriously. I never cheated again, becuse I decided to be monogamous. I didn't tell you becuase it would have hurt you for no reason. I'm sorry and I understand if you decide to leave"

 

[Seldon2639]

My advice to you is to let sleeping dogs lie. If it meant nothing back then, it means even les now, and telling her about it will only piss her off, even though there are no longer any intentions of "cheating" in the future. I say "cheating" because starts of relationships are meant for you to still be looking around. If you find someone else that you like better, then it is ended early, but if you come away with no feelings with said woman, then your relationship should do just fine.

It depends on the relationship. I might agree with the "still looking around" if their relationship really did start off as just hanging out, maybe going on the occasional dates. But, if his relationship is any like any of mine, the time to be still looking around was back when you were still getting to know the girl, not when you've finally decided that you like each other enough to be "dating".

OP: If she suspects you of cheating now, it means there's something in your demeanor/actions which has pointed her in that direction. Your hope, if you don't say "yeah I cheated", is that she never figures it out. If she figures it out on her own, it'll be the difference between Hiroshima and a bottle rocket in terms of how big the blow up is. If you tell her, you have a resolution to the issue. If you don't, it's looming.

Also, it's a crappy thing to do, and you kind of deserve whatever verbal ball-kicking you get

 

[Booze Zombie]

I remember cheating on my girlfriend and wondering what to do. My advice? Blame her for it. My girlfriend had recently gained about 5-10 pounds so I just blamed it on that. I mean, like the guy in the $5000 suit is going to sleep with that....COME ON!

She cried and told me she'd lose the weight, which she did. I then went out with her sister.

Umm... is that humor?

 

[philzibit]

Lying to women hurts the most