Girlfriend advice; I cheated

[DeathsAmbassador]

I think you should tell her. You are an idiot, but if you don't tell her then you'll always have trouble with guilt which will hurt the relationship. Also, if she finds out about it from somebody else then it will be a lot worse. It's always better to be honest in relationships, being deceitful always leads to trouble.

 

[BonsaiK]

My girlfriend and I have been going out for a year now. Recently she has suspected me of cheating on her ,but I haven't recently. By this I mean in the beginning of our relationship I had moment of weakness and cheated on her. I still feel guilty to this day now she is saying if I cheated on her to tell her. She has been hurt by past boyfriends and I don't want to hurt her and I don't know what the right thing to do is.
Can anyone help me out or give me advice? Should I tell her and hurt her or should I be quiet and let it fade out?

I've posted what should be a fairly eye-opening response for you in the Relationship Problem Thread, which is here, and which is a good place for you to know the existence of. The link is:

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161?page=10#3360775

Bookmark it... because I sense that you may need to use it again shortly.

 

[Berethond]

I say just tell you did. If she really loves you she will understand.......

.....I think.

Or she'll savagely murder him in his sleep.
You never know.

 

[feather240]

I say just tell you did. If she really loves you she will understand.......

.....I think.

Or she'll savagely murder him in his sleep.
You never know.

He can sleep in the walls and put a dummy in his bed...

 

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

You already violated her trust horribly be cheating on her. If you can't see that you owe her the goddamn truth instead of you continuing to withhold it from her, no matter how you think she's going to react, I do believe you need to take some .45 caliber aspirin.

Oh, and OP? Don't give me that "moment of weakness" shit. There are no mental disorders that cause people to spontaneously lose their fidelity. You made a conscious decision to fuck someone else while you were in a relationship and you are wholly undeserving of pity.

Another thing? Go to hell.

 

[Berethond]

I say just tell you did. If she really loves you she will understand.......

.....I think.

Or she'll savagely murder him in his sleep.
You never know.

He can sleep in the walls and put a dummy in his bed...

...until she burns the house down.

 

[lockeslylcrit]

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Since you've gone this long without telling her, it's going to be just a slap in the face for her when you tell her. And if you keep it hidden, and she finds out in the future (and she will), then REALLY bad things are in store for you. No matter what route you take on this decision, you had best be preparing to be single again. She's NOT going to be happy that you kept such a huge thing hidden away for so long.

 

[HassEsser]

If you don't cheat, you can't get caught. Simple as that. (500 points to who ever catches that reference)

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Well I'll refrain from berating you for your weakness, but I'm sure she'd appreciate your honesty if you came out and told her about it. After all, it's not like it was recent.

No, No! That is terrible Advice! Never expect women to be rational. I think the best way to tell her is slowly and surely, And make sure she takes it how you want it to take it, BE HONEST but don't just flat out and say it, She will be pissed, And Angry!

Who said anything about her being rational? Not I. I just said she'd probably appreciate the honesty rather than keeping secrets. She'll probably still be pissed though.

 

[Agrael]

Moment of what ? Weakness ?

Jeesus christ, WEAKNESS !?

It's not love, thus, knock yourself out ! Have fun.

''She has been hurt before'' BOO-fucken'-HOO.

She is young, you are young - GET ON WITH IT!

 

[Cilliandrew]

You were at the beginning so you did not know if it was serious so you slept with someone else. Do it now and you are a cheater but back then you were just amorous. If she asks say no but if she pushes say during the first few dates you were not exclusive.

I agree with this. Early on in a relationship, i think there is some leeway where you can claim that you were not sure if this woman was good for you, and you wanted to keep your options open.

If you really do love her and don't envision this ever happening again, i would keep it to yourself and just let her know how much she means to you by treating her right.

What she doesn't know can't hurt her, and odds are good she probably has some secrets that she would rather you not know, too.

 

[Yunami]

Being a lady myself...I say tell her. If you love her at all, you owe her the truth. Yes, it will hurt, but guess what? You already hurt her by cheating. She deserves to know the truth, know who you really are, and make her own decision on whether or not to stay with you. If you respect her at all, treat her like an adult and be honest with her.

Be honest, don't try to justify your behavior, just let her know that you did betray her, that you are truly regretful, and then wait and see what she says. She'll probably need some time to think. She'll probably be furious, hurt, and upset. Let her say or do whatever she needs to to express her emotions, and if she wants you to leave, do it. You might be able to salvage the relationship, but at that point, it's really up to her. Give her whatever time she needs, whether that's a few hours or a few days.

After that...It's up to her what she wants to do, whether she thinks she can forgive you or ever trust you again. But stop lying to her. Every lie you tell will only make it worse when the truth inevitably comes out.

Also, I'd suggest doing some self-evaluation to figure out why you cheated; was it the situation you were in? The person you were with? Something else going on in your life at the time? Think about why you cheated on her, and whether you're likely to do so again if given the opportunity. If you think you are likely to cheat again, you should probably break up with her, since she deserves to date someone who can be faithful.

 

[SimuLord]

If she's so insecure, no wonder she gets cheated on. She sounds like a clingy, neurotic thing...although with a snake like you for her boyfriend, I can't say I blame her. You probably deserve each other.

 

[khaimera]

Always tell her. Otherwise you will go towards the dark side. Have some respect for her.

 

[letsnoobtehpwns]

When you say cheat, do you mean like using hacks in Counter Strike?

 

[Sansha]

If it's that long ago, it's best to keep it under the rug.

If you tell her, you're honest but thick.

 

[Master_Fubar23]

i dont know why everyone is saying "tell her she'll understand" cuz she wont. no woman will every "understand" becuz they are FEMALES. she'll get angry, sad, think you betrayed her, become insecur about herself (ie beauty, not doing enough,etc) and your faithfulness in the future, use it against you some time in the future. if you dont have a wedding ring on then i personly dont believe you cheated. i always tell whoever im dating that until im married im not bound with her. although i do see it as a courtesy to not sleep with other women when im dating some1. if you value her n plan to be with her for many more years.... dont tell her.

 

[Nieroshai]

Best advice: will she be more upset if you tell her soon, or she finds out later?
Also, if she decides to completely shun you for a mistake of the past you've repented for, her love isn't necessarily strong enough for a real lifelong relationship that will have its share of disappointments down the road.

 

[Slayer_2]

Well, you're probably boned. You should try and tell her, maybe she'll forgive you. I wouldn't bet on it, but it's worth a shot.