Girls and Pity

[Rooster Cogburn]

My advice to you is, treat it as friendliness. Not as interest, and definitely not as pity. Just roll with the friendliness for a while. Sooner or later, you'll pick up on signs and get a better feel for their intentions. If it's pity, you'll figure it out, and drift apart. If it's affection, you might figure that out, too. Although eventually you may just have to take a chance, if you're so inclined. If it's friendliness, you've got a friend.

As for the look, it can vary. But it's a patronizing, fawning kind of look. Hard to describe a look, really. hehe.

 

[johnman]

Usually hugs, especially long ones where we'll rub your back.
We'll also laugh at you. But not in a 'point and laugh' kind of way, more like a sympathetic giggle, if that makes sense.

What about short, rather awkward hugs and and getting said hi to/smiled at a lot?

Why would she be feeling pity for for you? Any real reason?
If not then it sounds like she wants you, pity has nothign to do with it.

 

[spudz47]

In This Life - Too much love is just too much... and it isn't love!

 

[Vorpals]

Pay attention to the frequency with which she uses the word "adorable" to describe you or something you did. If it roughly averages to one utterance or greater per unit of conversation, sorry man: She pities you.

The problem is that we almost never actually talk (I'm only really interested in one of them, the one that hasn't hugged me), we just say hi and smile at each other a lot, and I want to start talking to her more often, but before that, I need to know if she pities me or just wants to know me or something.

 

[johnman]

More details:

For more details: My situation is these two girls who almost always smile and/or say hi to me all the time, usually with a nice, big, smile. I always say hi back, being the overly-kind person I am. One of them gave me hug for remembering her birthday.

Then I heard that one of them gave a hug to one of the kids that no one in their grade likes for some reason, and my paranoia kicked in, and that's why I'm asking this question.

Today, one of them also asked me what's up and started leaning on a wall when I said hi to her.

Is this pity, friendliness, or interest?

This will be edited into the main post.

Friendliness and possibly interest. If they go around hugging people they never normaly talk too/assassocite with/ its pity

 

[wewontdie11]

If you can observe her mannerisms towards other people in comparison to you. If they seem actively more accommodating and less jokey around you then that means they are probably feigning friendship.

 

[Ursus Astrorum]

I think this is pretty much everytime you're not someone she wants to go out with. After all I can bet she needs you a lot less than you want her, plus she knows you want to do naughty things to her and finds humour in this fact

Aye, though in the case of truly romantic folks like myself, revealing that naughty things are actually very far down on your to do list has a rather interesting effect. Generally, it causes a great deal of "Wait... What?", followed by disbelief, disinterest, or what have you. Sadly, most people regardless of gender fail to comprehend the existence of a primarily emotional attachment to a loved one. It must be an romantic thing.

 

[DannyBoy451]

This is a simple question: What are signs that a girl has pity for you in the "Awww, he's such a loser" way, for whatever reason?

For more details: My situation is these two girls who almost always smile and/or say hi to me all the time, usually with a nice, big, smile. I always say hi back, being the overly-kind person I am. One of them gave me hug for remembering her birthday.

Then I heard that one of them gave a hug to one of the kids that no one in their grade likes for some reason, and my paranoia kicked in, and that's why I'm asking this question.

Today, one of them also asked me what's up and started leaning on a wall when I said hi to her.

Is this pity, friendliness, or interest?


Edit: This is not the same girl from my other thread.

What reason would she have to pity you?

 

[Vorpals]

Usually hugs, especially long ones where we'll rub your back.
We'll also laugh at you. But not in a 'point and laugh' kind of way, more like a sympathetic giggle, if that makes sense.

What about short, rather awkward hugs and and getting said hi to/smiled at a lot?

Why would she be feeling pity for for you? Any real reason?
If not then it sounds like she wants you, pity has nothign to do with it.

People sort of regard me as a loser in school, and she may have heard this being a popular kid in her grade and felt pity for me, thus initiating the series of greetings.

Or it could just be me getting paranoid.

 

[johnman]

For the moment see how its pans out - i was in exactly the same situaiton last year, i wanted to talk to this girl but i didnt want to make it obvious i fancied her. Dont leave it too long but dont rush in, play it cool and wait for when it feels right.

 

[RyantheLion]

In my experience if she looks interested in what your saying its pity and if she is actually involved in the conversation could be something there. But I suck when it comes to women so who knows.

 

[Vorpals]

Johnman: The "problem" is that she started greeting me, and I wanted to return those greetings and grew to fancy her, and I'm not really sure if it's pity or not, but I think it's not. Also, one of them hugging that kid that's unpopular in their grade is hugging people they don't associate with, but I remembered her birthday, as important as that might be, and his hug was most definitely out of pity.

DannyBoy: See my previous post.

 

[Ken Korda]

Aaah, this thread takes me back to the good old days! I'm so old...

No wait, that's not right. What I meant to say was: HAHAHAH Suckers! Enjoy being awkward teenagers! Bwahahah!

Right, I'm off to rent a car, smoke a pipe and saw some wood in the garage.

 

[Lord_Ascendant]

it be just me, or there lots of people asking for advice from people here from the jolly old Escapist?

I guess we people here are that trustworthy.

 

[Riyka]

not to sound totally bitchy...but have you considered not being a paranoid wreck and just being friends and seeing how it goes?

I'll be the first to admit im not a 'normal' girl XD but i don't tend to talk to guys i don't like even if it is just as friends...

given you seem to think your a bit of a loser/loner or at least thats how people see you and she seems to be popular, maybe your paranois is well based....but i lost a lot of potential friends in high school because i convinced myself they were all out to get me...

do you hang out much out of school? if she doesnt want to see you outside of school i wouldn't bother...but consider she might be shy to, i always used to let guys i liked know i liked them by hugging them and no one else, or giving them a kiss good bye or something.

don't write it off as pity, but don't just throw yourself in....

also...the internet...possibly NOT the best place for advice...

 

[Pimppeter2]

The one who hugs pities you, the other one either dosn't give a shit and is annoyed at her friend, or she kinda likes you but wount admit it

 

[minarri]

Always hugging you. 'Tis a sure sign.

What? I thought that was just somethng all girls did.

Hell no, I hate hugging. Trust me: not all women are hug monsters.

 

[Vorpals]

not to sound totally bitchy...but have you considered not being a paranoid wreck and just being friends and seeing how it goes?

I'll be the first to admit im not a 'normal' girl XD but i don't tend to talk to guys i don't like even if it is just as friends...

given you seem to think your a bit of a loser/loner or at least thats how people see you and she seems to be popular, maybe your paranois is well based....but i lost a lot of potential friends in high school because i convinced myself they were all out to get me...

do you hang out much out of school? if she doesnt want to see you outside of school i wouldn't bother...but consider she might be shy to, i always used to let guys i liked know i liked them by hugging them and no one else, or giving them a kiss good bye or something.

don't write it off as pity, but don't just throw yourself in....

also...the internet...possibly NOT the best place for advice...

I have my reasons for being a paranoid, pessimistic "wreck" and they're going to stay that way until I find a good reason not to think that way, but I don't really flaunt those wonderful traits of mine.

We haven't hung out, we just say hi to each other after she started saying hi to me for some reason.

You could be right about being less paranoid, though. I have those thoughts about my "friends" not really liking my company as well, but like I said, I have my reasons for those thoughts, as I said earlier.

 

[ygetoff]

Usually the look she gives you while talking to you. Speaking from experience here. I hate that look.

Can you explain the look, please?

You know. The Look.

Also, if one of your friends asks her why she always talks to you, she replies, "He's sooo cute!" or something along those lines. I know, because I'm always the asshole friend.

 

[EeveeElectro]

When they look at me, I give them a friendly smile, talk to them if they're by themselves, offer them a seat next to me and hug them.