great lies to tell little kids.

[similar.squirrel]

Santa is Satan.

 

[RICK BO]

When Airplanes fly it puts a crack in the sky...See, *Points*
If the sky gets too many cracks it could break and fall.

-My Highschool physics teacher.

 

[userwhoquitthesite]

So...lying to children is amusing for you?
'the fuck is wrong with you?

dude, have you ever lied to children? its hilarious

Santa doesn't exist.

Because we all know he really does!

my verison of that one is "santa is real, but hes dead. He fell into a diabetic coma and died in the snow."

 

[Dr Ampersand]

If you ever need ketchup then cut your wrists because everyone has some inside of them.

Dear God I'm evil!please don't mod me

 

[Ridonculous_Ninja]

I just dropped some invisible gum, it was really tasty too! You should look for it!

Me and my friends (mostly my friends) actually used that on some kindergarteners. I think one of them started looking...

 

[kamario]

you're adopted because your real parents don't love you, and neither do your fake ones.

harsh.

 

[lolmynamewastaken]

you're adopted because your real parents don't love you, and neither do your fake ones.

harsh.

they probably have it coming....

 

[Axle_Bullitt_19]

I just had to put this

Spoiler: A talk between Tycho and a baby

 

[Torque669]

I told my mates little brother than a condom was a magical unicorn. That was pretty hilarious.

 

[TimeLord]

if you yank on your wiener enough, there's mayonesse in it.

someone has to say it.

*Raises gun*

On Topic: If you make a stupid face and the wind changes, you will stay like that forever

 

[Amethyst Wind]

Here's one you'll mostly hear in the south US:

"Those people have dark skin because God burned them."


And on a lighter note:

"We had a son before you, he's getting repaired right now, you're just a back-up until he's fixed."

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Tell them lies? Never!

You need to tell them the cold, unflinching truth.

Santa doesn't exist.
Your parents don't love you.
Mr. Tibbles did not go to heaven, it doesn't exist. He's just rotting in the ground.

 

[Gaderael]

Every time you touch yourself *down there*, God kills a kitten.
The monster under your bed doesn't like it when you wet the bed.
The monster in the closet eats little kids when the hide in the closet while playing hide and seek.
You're adopted.
Your parents are really space aliens who try to suck out your brain while you sleep and keep your bath water to grow evil alien clones of you.
The tooth fairy is supposed to leave you at least $100, but if there's only a couple of dollars there, it's because your parents stole it.

 

[Jadak]

I told my mates little brother than a condom was a magical unicorn. That was pretty hilarious.

I don't get it...

 

[yosophat]

"I don't like you anymore and I don't want to be your friend" This helps when the tiny human is being a brat and it's fun to make them think you don't like or love them, but probably not healthy for them.

 

[DarkMessiah]

Every time you touch yourself *down there*, God kills a kitten.

That's a lie?
...I'll be right back.

Ahem. Anyway.
Do good things and good things will happen to you.
If you want to see some puppies, there's some in this van.

 

[MrA]

The Toothfairy died when the recession hit.

 

[PatrioticPineapple]

"Im Your Real Father" and " I have Popsicles in my basement"

 

[Sky Captanio]

If you type Google into Google the universe will fold itself into the size of a CD case and implode. (from book) See how long it takes before they actually try.