great lies to tell little kids.

[person427]

"Go ask that guy for a left-handed smoke shifter"*goes to the guy*"I'll give it to you if you go to that guy and get me a packet of dehydrated water"*Goes to the guy*"Okay, but first go ask that guy for a water-proof teabag" and so on...

 

[chiggerwood]

Another word for candy\cookie\sweets is fuck.

 

[murlo360]

That's not your real mother, it's a prostitute wearing her skin.
Don't let her know though, then she'll really get pissed off.

im gonna use that one

 

[Katherine Kerensky]

But, on topic, if you're hand is bigger than your face, you have cancer.

*Smacks his hand*
(Does that count as a facepalm...?)

Rain is Jesus' wee-wee. (Taken from the book)

I can't find my Loads More Lies To Tell Small Kids

so I'll try to remember one...
ah!

If you write all the numbers up to *Infinity* I'll give you *Infinity* Pounds(£)!

keeps them out of trouble for a while and helps their numerical skills.

 

[The_Blue_Rider]

Tell me the truth, I wont get mad

 

[ForgetRealism09]

"If you type Google into Google you'll break the internet" I can't believe that one worked!

 

[eatenbyagrue]

"Girls will love you if you'd just be yourself."

Load. Of. Bull. I tried being myself, and all I have to show are 21 years of late night dates with Ms. Palmer.

 

[Motti]

Or...

Get a room under a stair case, line the walls with foetus-looking babies in jars with water. Tell them they these are their aborted brothers and sisters, whenever they misbehave show them the empty spot on the wall that could've been their jar and make them sit in the room til they apologise.

I can't take credit for that last one, it was a friend's idea.

No, what you do is take 'em in to the room and say 'these were the ones that didn't quite make it'.

 

[Xorghul]

To fly, throw yourself at the ground and miss.

that isnt a lie

Alright then,
"To fly, throw yourself at the ground and miss. It's very hard though, but if you throw yourself from a great height, your chances of success increases tenfold."

Happy?

 

[bluepilot]

When the icecream truck plays music, they are out of ice cream

They will never bother you for an ice cream when they here that wretched music every again

 

[NeutralMunchHotel]

what are some really brilliant lies to tell to little kids for amusement?
here are a few to get the ball rolling:

If you put a slice of ham in a dvd player it will play a short film about pigs.

Every night, the cat buries a new piece of chocolate in the litter box.

It's bad luck not to name every ant you see.

The yellow snow tastes the best.

Copying things out a book doesn't constitute a thread. That's right, I'm onto you.

And you need the pictures to make it funny.

 

[cartzo]

what are some really brilliant lies to tell to little kids for amusement?
here are a few to get the ball rolling:

If you put a slice of ham in a dvd player it will play a short film about pigs.

Every night, the cat buries a new piece of chocolate in the litter box.

It's bad luck not to name every ant you see.

The yellow snow tastes the best.

Copying things out a book doesn't constitute a thread. That's right, I'm onto you.

And you need the pictures to make it funny.

the thread was popular it promoted discussion so quite frankly mate i dont give a shit.

 

[NeutralMunchHotel]

what are some really brilliant lies to tell to little kids for amusement?
here are a few to get the ball rolling:

If you put a slice of ham in a dvd player it will play a short film about pigs.

Every night, the cat buries a new piece of chocolate in the litter box.

It's bad luck not to name every ant you see.

The yellow snow tastes the best.

Copying things out a book doesn't constitute a thread. That's right, I'm onto you.

And you need the pictures to make it funny.

the thread was popular it promoted discussion so quite frankly mate i dont give a shit.

Hmm, swearing at an opponent and sounding like a thug, clearly the best way to win an arguement...

This is the last post I'm going to make in this thread, because I wouldn't want to derail your popular AND discussion promoting thread, but copying things out of a book and putting it as a thread isn't thought-filled. It's plagiarism.

 

[cartzo]

what are some really brilliant lies to tell to little kids for amusement?
here are a few to get the ball rolling:

If you put a slice of ham in a dvd player it will play a short film about pigs.

Every night, the cat buries a new piece of chocolate in the litter box.

It's bad luck not to name every ant you see.

The yellow snow tastes the best.

Copying things out a book doesn't constitute a thread. That's right, I'm onto you.

And you need the pictures to make it funny.

the thread was popular it promoted discussion so quite frankly mate i dont give a shit.

Hmm, swearing at an opponent and sounding like a thug, clearly the best way to win an arguement...

This is the last post I'm going to make in this thread, because I wouldn't want to derail your popular AND discussion promoting thread, but copying things out of a book and putting it as a thread isn't thought-filled. It's plagiarism.

come on does it really matter that much? besides just because i swore doesnt mean i'm being aggressive, i just dont give a shit.

 

[Chipperz]

The Christmobile only appears in two of the gospels.

The last wheeled elephant was killed in 1921.

Your daddy is a superhero. He has all the powers of a man. His hero name is "Man-man". He fights crime while you're asleep.

The Vatican "rebranded" Jesus in 1992 by giving him a surfboard and sunglasses. When this was found to be unpopular, the original was rereleased as "Jesus Classic" in 1996.

I love this book.

 

[wilted_orchid]

Can lies get any better than that?

 

[Booze Zombie]

Mommy likes it when you replace her white pills with tic-tics.

Mommy likes it when you pour Jack Daniels in her coffee, make sure it's not too much, though. About 2 caps full.