Greatest Quotes Ever

[Copter400]

Some choice Pratchett:

Mr. Pump: Up We Get, Mr. Lipwig!
Moist von Lipwig: It's pronounced Lipvig, you moron! A v, not a w!
Mr. Pump: Up Ve Get, Mr. Lipvig!

Adora Belle Dearheart: That bastard just walked into the place! Reacher Gilt! I'll just kill him and join you for the pudding...
Moist: You can't do that!
Adora: Oh? Why not?
Moist: You're using the wrong knife! That's for the fish! You'll get into trouble!
Adora: They don't have a knife for stabbing rich murdering bastards?
Moist: They bring it to the table when you order one.

Groat: You've done well to get this far, sir.
Moist: Oh, all right. What's the worst that can happen, eh?
Groat: ...
Moist: I said-
Groat: I was just working that out, sir. Let's see...yes, sir. The worst that can happen is that you lose all your fingers on one hand, are crippled for life, and break half the bones in your body. Oh, and then they don't let you join.

 

[sapient]

War does not determine who is right. Only who is left.

-Bertrand Russel

Know your enemy.

-Sun Tzu

 

[Leonhardt93]

Rincewind: "I'm NOT going on that flying carpet, i'm afraid of grounds!"
Conina: "Don't you mean you're afraid of heights?"
Rincewind: "I'm not afraid of heights, it's the ground that kills you!"

From Soucery

 

[Haliwali]

BUGS BUNNY SCREWS HIS MOTHER
-Kilrathi fighter pilot

 

[General Mostly Electrified Steel]

"One could write a history of science in reverse by assembling the solemn pronouncements of highest authority about what could not be done and could never happen."
-Robert Heinlein

 

[Tanthalos]

Soubi: "Why did you drive this nail into my hand?"
Youji: "Because it was fun...why else?"

Anime series called Loveless

 

[lithead]

"You Son of a *****!"

My Mom

I-palindrome-I

 

[Anarchemitis]

"Man has the problem of stating the obvious alot. Such as 'Look, the sun is coming out', 'That may not be a good idea', or 'You have fallen from a 30 story building, are you alright?'"
-The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

 

[FireBlade_2049]

"What's the matter Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?"
-Lord Helmet

"Prepare ship..for Ludicrous Speed!"
-Colonel Sandurz

The entire "A$$Hole Family" scene.

 

[bamforth]

In the British House of Commons at Parliment, Vince Cable gave the greatest rhetorical question ever - "Has the House noticed over the past few weeks, the Prime Minister's tranformation from Stalin to Mr Bean"
Video of it (much funnier than reading it on a forum thread) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9zKBhcW3f4

 

[Jawless]

You may feel a bit of ringing in your ears, but fortunately you'll be nowhere near them. ~ Unknown


'Here I lie, be glad of my fall, for if I had lived, I would of buried you all'
'Here I lie, missed by none, mourned by less, you're glad I'm gone'
'Here lies Pete, he loved his meat, a feast for worms, his flesh they eat'
'Those who look down on me, will someday join me'
'Study in decomposition'
'You're standing on my head'
'Here lies Beth, loved to death, slept with nymphs, they stole her breath'

Now, I'm not sure if they can be classed as quotes, but these are all found on gravestones which are dotted around the game called Fable. If they don't count as quotes I do apologize.

 

[gibboss28]

"ook!"
- The librarian

"I take every day one beer at a time, every beer one sip at a time"
- Denis Leary: No cure for cancer

"There's no apathy in this country! Not when there's a nob in a box!"
- Marcus Brigstocke on David Blane

"Listen there's a lot china doesnt do thats still worth our while. Democracy, Human Rights, Cheddar. thats three.
- Marcus Brigstocke on China

"Nothing you say matters to us, Nothing you say matters to us. Fuck you"
- Fear Factory: Cyberwaste

"History is made by stupid people, clever people wouldn't even try. If you want a place in the history books then do something dumb before you die."
- Arrogant Worms: History is made by stupid people

*edit*

You may feel a bit of ringing in your ears, but fortunately you'll be nowhere near them. ~ Unknown

That quote was said by Cecil Terwilliger from the Simpsons.

 

[Takhisis]

Master Chief.....Halo 2

Giving them their bomb back.....

 

[Dessembrae]

"Homo sum, humani a mi nihil alienum puto"
I am human, therefore nothing humans do is alien to me.

"What good fortune for governments that the people do not think." - Adolf Hitler (i suppose he couldn't have been a complete lunatic :/ )

"They are in front of us, behind us, and we are flanked on both sides by an enemy that outnumbers us 29 to 1. They can't get away from us now!"
-General Chesty Puller (this one always cracks me up xD )


"People who for whatever reason don't want to see the truth can be acutely hostile to it and shrill in their denunciation of it. They frequently turn their venomous antagonism on whoever dares to point out that truth ... To those seeking the truth, it?s a matter of simple, rational, self interest to always keep reality in view. Truth is rooted in reality, after all, not the imagination."
- Sword of truth series boock 10 by Terry Goodkind

"It makes no difference what men think of war, said the judge. War endures. As well ask men what they think of stone. War was always here. Before man was, war waited for him. The ultimate trade awaiting its ultimate practitioner. That is the way it was and will be. That way and not some other way."
- Cormac McCarthy, Blood Meridian

 

[RazielDethAngel]

Vae Victus
-Kain

In Absentia Lucis Tenebrae Vincunt
-Old Guy From Hellboy

They say the time will heal all wounds bt what if the future has no place for me.
-Me

"Dick The Stabber"
-From some history book about the Great Depression

 

[thebobmaster_v1legacy]

Dark Helmet: Careful, you idiot! I said across her nose, not up it!

Gunner: *turns, is cross-eyed* I'm sorry sir. I'm doing the best I can.

Dark Helmet: Who made that guy a gunner?

Major: *also cross-eyed* I did, sir. He's my cousin.

Dark Helmet: Who is that guy?

Colonel Sanders: He's an Asshole.

Dark Helmet: I know that! But what's his name?!

Colonel Sanders: That is his name sir. Asshole. Major Asshole.

Dark Helmet: And his cousin?

Colonel Sanders: He's an Asshole too, sir. First Class Gunner Philip Asshole.

Dark Helmet: How many Assholes we got on this ship anyhow?!

Everyone Else: *stands up* Yo!

Dar Helmet: *looks* I knew it, I'm surrounded by Assholes! *puts down mask* Keep firing, Assholes!