Greatest Quotes Ever

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werepossum

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"Baseball all wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!
--Confucius

"I used to complain because I had no shoes, then I met a man with no feet... So I took his shoes."
--Stephen Wright

"Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets mad you're a mile away. And you've got his shoes."
--Stephen Wright
 

werepossum

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"I beat games like I beat children and small animals: enthusiastically and often."
--Andy Chalk
 

PurpleRain

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Wow, this thread has spiralled out of controll. I think this thing will keep going until noone in the world has anything left to say.

Anyway, my contributions:

-Anything Douglas Adams has ever put to paper.

Perry: Look up "idiot" in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?
Harry: A picture of me?
Perry: No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!
-Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Harry: And that's how she got to the same party as me. Oh shit. I skipped something. Damn it. This whole robot bit. I made a big deal, then I like totally forgot. Fuck, this is bad narrating. Like my dad telling a joke. "Oh, wait back up. I forgot to tell you the cowboy rode a blue horse." Fuck. Anyway, I don't know if you want to see it now, but here's the fucking robot stuff for your viewing pleasure. Can I say "fuck" more?
-Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

And basically any other line of dialogue from that movie. Buy it!
 

Saskwach

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PurpleRain said:
Wow, this thread has spiralled out of controll. I think this thing will keep going until noone in the world has anything left to say.

Anyway, my contributions:

-Anything Douglas Adams has ever put to paper.

Perry: Look up "idiot" in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?
Harry: A picture of me?
Perry: No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!
-Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Harry: And that's how she got to the same party as me. Oh shit. I skipped something. Damn it. This whole robot bit. I made a big deal, then I like totally forgot. Fuck, this is bad narrating. Like my dad telling a joke. "Oh, wait back up. I forgot to tell you the cowboy rode a blue horse." Fuck. Anyway, I don't know if you want to see it now, but here's the fucking robot stuff for your viewing pleasure. Can I say "fuck" more?
-Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

And basically any other line of dialogue from that movie. Buy it!
That movie made me laugh a whole lot, especially the above quotes.

"There are some ideas so wrong that only a very intelligent person could believe in them."-George Orwell
 

Duck Sandwich

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doughnut said:
Profanity is the inevitable linguistic crutch of the inarticulate ************.
Friggin' hilarious.

"Baby, when you get this cool, you don't bother with details." - Dante (Awesome May Cry)

"BACK. OFF. GOLIATHS. Not in my hood... Storm- OH WHATDGADGADGA!!!" - A guy narrating an online game of Starcraft

"And when you die once, that's it. You're brown bread." - Angry Video Game Nerd

"BIMMY and Jimmy? I'm sorry. I just can't get over that. BIMMY and Jimmy." - Angry Video Game Nerd, on a typo in Double Dragon 3

"Hey! Don't get too close! You'll get destroyed in the waves of...stuff that happens." - Ninja Turtles Youtube Dub

"You'll be so fast Mother Nature will be like "SLOOOOOW. DOOOOOWN." and you'll be like "fuck you" and kick her in the face with your ENERGY LEGS!" - Powerthirst
 

AnGeL.SLayer

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"Dr. Gonzo: Let's give the boy a lift.
Raoul Duke: What? No. We can't stop here. This is bat country!"

and

"Dr. Gonzo: It's okay. He's just admiring the shape of your skull."

and

"Raoul Duke: You better take care of me, Lord. If you don't you're gonna have me on your hands."

and

"Dr. Gonzo: Who said anything about slicing you up, man? I just wanted to carve a little Z on your forehead."

-Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

lol that whole movie is just so much fun hehe gotta love Depp. anyone whos seen it knows exactly what I'm talking about. hehehe

^_^
 

AnGeL.SLayer

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oh and

"Bullet Tooth Tony: You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity"

and

"Brick Top: In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary... come again?"

andddd

"Bullet Tooth Tony: So, you are obviously the big dick. The men on the side of ya are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big brave balls, and there are little mincey ****** balls.
Vinny: These are your last words, so make them a prayer.
Bullet Tooth Tony: Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two small mincey ****** balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties mangled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your gun...
[Zoom in on the side of Sol's gun, which indeed has "REPLICA" etched on the side; zoom out, as they sneak peeks at the sides of their guns]
Bullet Tooth Tony: And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O"...
[Withdraws his gun and puts it on the table]
Bullet Tooth Tony: Written down the side of mine...
[They look, zoom in on the side of his gun, which indeed has "DESERT EAGLE .50" etched on the side]
Bullet Tooth Tony: Should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Fuck off!"

and finally

"Brick Top: You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.
Sol: Would someone mind telling me, who are you?
Brick Top: And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig". "

-Snatch

Hurray for random fun facts!

yeah yeah I've got a soft spot for Guy Ritchie films.

^_^
 

Saskwach

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Duck Sandwich said:
doughnut said:
"You'll be so fast Mother Nature will be like "SLOOOOOW. DOOOOOWN." and you'll be like "fuck you" and kick her in the face with your ENERGY LEGS!" - Powerthirst
All of Powerthirst is hilarious.
"Don't like strawberries? Try RAWberries."
"SO you can run as fast as KENYANS and everyone will think you're from KENYA and you'll beat all the KENYANS at the Olympics and be deported back to KENYAAAA."
 

tubadude123

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forgot some:

"He went axe-happy on a trout farm. He killed 62 fish" - Garth Marenghi

"Let's just say I'm window shopping, and right now there's a half-price sale on weird" - also Garth Marenghi
 

Anarchemitis

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"Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe. Maybe... I have yet to see one who can outsmart bullet."
-The Heavy
 

The Reverend

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"I don't mind being single; I'm always here when I need me" - Art Leo
"A man with an obsession is a man with very little sales resistance" - C.S Lewis
"On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time" - George Orwell
"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age" - Lucille Ball
"I love mankind; its people I cant stand" - Charles Schultz
"Clearly, then, the city is not a concrete jungle, it is a human zoo" - Desmond Morris
"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it" - Voltaire
"Genius is the ability to put into effect what is in your mind" - F. Scott Fitzgerald
"Everyone has his day, and some days last longer than others" - Sir Winston Churchill
"A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life" - Charles Darwin
"Wonder is the feeling of a philosopher, and philosophy begins in wonder" - Socrates
"Nothing great will ever be achieved without great men, and men are great only if they are determined to do so" - Charles De Gaulle
"The cure for boredom is curiosity. And there is no cure for curiosity" - Ellen Parr
"A person starts to live when he can live outside himself" - Albert Einstein
"Be careful of reading health books, you could die of a misprint" - Mark Twain
"It's amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit" - Harry S. Truman
 

stubbmann

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"Any coward can die; it takes courage to live." -Some random character in a random western I saw.

"The only thing about masturbation to be ashamed of is doing it badly." -Freud.
 

Copter400

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A good exchange between Moist and Mr. Pump:

Mr. Pump: I Have Worked It Out. You Have Killed Two Point Three Three Eight People.

Moist: I have never laid a finger on anyone in my life, Mr. Pump. I may be - all the things you know I am, but I am not a killer! I have never so much as drawn a sword!

Mr. Pump: No, You Have Not. But You Have Stolen, Embezzled, Defrauded And Swindled Without Discrimination, Mr. Lipvig. You Have Ruined Businesses And Destroyed Jobs. When Banks Fail, It Is Seldom Bankers Who Starve. Your Actions Have Taken Money From Those Who Had Little Enough To Begin With. In A Myriad Small Ways, You Have Hastened The Deaths Of Many. You Do Not Know Them. You Did Not See Them Bleed. But You Snatched Bread From Their Mouths And Tore Clothes From Their Backs. For Sport, Mr. Lipvig. For Sport. For The Joy Of The Game.
 

Seldon2639

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OneHP said:
sammyfreak said:
Almightyjoe said:
"sir, if i was your wife, i would poison your tea"
"madame if i was your husband i would drink it"
- someone famous, a president i think
Tsk tsk, thats Winston Churhill.
Another Churchill one-
Lady: Sir, you are drunk.
Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.
Those interactions were with Lady Astor. Speaking of the English:

Queen Elizabeth II speaking of evacuating the children during WW II:

"The children won't go without me. I won't leave the King. And the King will never leave."

An exchange of Telegrams between Churchill and George Bernard Shaw:
Shaw: 'Two tickets reserved for you, first night Pygmalion. Bring a friend, if you have one.
Churchill: 'Cannot make first night. Will come to second. If there is one.'

But, the one that's been inspiring me lately is:

"If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid"
-Epictetus
 

2_short_plancks

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Mar 26, 2008
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werepossum said:
"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight for, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men."
--John Stewart Mill
I believe that was John STUART Mill....

On a less pedantic note:


"Hell is... Other People!"
-Jean Paul Satre, Huis Clos


"No, no, no! A psychopath kills people for no reason. I kill people for money...
-John Cusack as hitman Martin Blank in Grosse Pointe Blank
 

Minic

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Dec 18, 2007
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"You know what your problem is?"
"I only have one?"
-Ocean's Eleven (2001)

"I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
-Casablanca

Howard Beale's "mad as hell" rant from Network is terrific as well.

On the video game side, I love the hilarious, improvised beatnik poems you could bust out in Grim Fandango.