Have you ever dated someone just to not be single?

[axlryder]

I'm currently contemplating doing what the title implies. I went through a pretty nasty breakup a while back. It was mostly extrinsic circumstances that forced us apart. I'd gotten used to being single, but I met a girl. Well, we've known each other for a while, but only recently started being friends. I'm not madly head over heels for her, but I know if I asked her out she'd say yes. She's nice, fairly smart and has it together; she's not burdened with the standard level of immaturity that most people my age tend to be. While not unattractive, she's not really my type, but I've always thought I could look past that in a person (despite being a naturally superficial individual myself).

Point is, she's not a bad person to date. This isn't a rebound, I've already weighed the pros and cons and I'm looking at this pretty objectively. I know if I don't ask her out soon then the window to do so will probably close. I'm on the fence. I'm not out to use her, but every other girl I've dated has been because I really liked them. This feels manipulative and selfish since the natural feelings that go alone with dating aren't really there (even though personal attraction is really a selfish thing anyway). Has anyone else been in this position? Has it gone well? Poorly?

 

[senordesol]

I tried that. Big mistake (and knew it would be if I'm being honest with myself). A whole lot of aggravation for a relationship I knew wasn't going anywhere good.

Made for good stories later though.

 

[Dags90]

I don't see why it would be bad to try. You can date someone without any expectations of where it may lead. Who's saying that dating has to be a huge move-in-on-the-second-date commitment.

Just don't stay with someone to not be single. That's not healthy.

 

[Phasmal]

That kind of does sound like using her, I don't see how you could be honest in that relationship (`Hey, I'm not really into you but you'd be okay to date`?).
There's nothing wrong with being single and taking your time to meet the right person.

I've only ever dated two guys (still with the second one), but being alone isn't a big deal.
I say save it for someone you actually give a damn about.

 

[axlryder]

That kind of does sound like using her, I don't see how you could be honest in that relationship (`Hey, I'm not really into you but you'd be okay to date`?).
There's nothing wrong with being single and taking your time to meet the right person.

I've only ever dated two guys (still with the second one), but being alone isn't a big deal.
I say save it for someone you actually give a damn about.

It has nothing to do with honesty, it's just about whether or not it can pan out. Love can grow, and as long as I'm not saying "I love you" or "I really like you" or feigning feelings that aren't there then I'm not deceiving her. Also, this question was not pertaining to the merits of being single, though I imagined that someone would feel compelled to needlessly interject their views on the matter anyway.

 

[Rose and Thorn]

When my Ex left me for another person last year, I found comfort in someone else for a time. The person knew I didn't love them and soon after we went seperate ways. She also happened to be in a lonely place. So yeah that was a rebound. I think that it can be healthy as long as both people know what the deal is.

Since you are relatively over your Ex I don't see the harm in dating other people.

What are your reasons for wanting to date? Why are you in so much of a hurry? Whats wrong with being single?

If it's just companionship and sex you are after, this girl you kinda like might want something else, love and long term perhapes. For a relationship to work out both parties need to be mutual.

I personally wouldn't want to date, just to not be single. I have been single for over a year now and it's been the best year in a long time. I haven't even hooked up with anyone...well, there is a few exceptions.

I think in a way you would be using her unless you told her why you want the relationship, and if she agreed than you wouldn't be using her.

 

[axlryder]

Maybe date her to make yourself look more valuable then dump her at the quickest possible date for someone you prefer?

Massive dick move but it could work to your advantage.

EDIT Don't do that. Why not just be friends and stay single?

Oh thanks for that edit, I was about to go run right out and take some of the douchiest advice I've ever heard!

 

[Lucem712]

Eh, I'm sure people do it a-lot, but I doubt relationships like that last. It's like eating just because you are bored, no one wins

 

[axlryder]

When my Ex left me for another person last year, I found comfort in someone else for a time. The person knew I didn't love them and soon after we went seperate ways. She also happened to be in a lonely place. So yeah that was a rebound. I think that it can be healthy as long as both people know what the deal is.

Since you are relatively over your Ex I don't see the harm in dating other people.

What are your reasons for wanting to date? Why are you in so much of a hurry? Whats wrong with being single?

If it's just companionship and sex you are after, this girl you kinda like might want something else, love and long term perhapes. For a relationship to work out both parties need to be mutual.

I personally wouldn't want to date, just to not be single. I have been single for over a year now and it's been the best year in a long time. I haven't even hooked up with anyone...well, there is a few exceptions.

I think in a way you would be using her unless you told her why you want the relationship, and if she agreed than you wouldn't be using her.

It's not about sex, I don't really need sex. It's honestly more for experience and companionship(I've dated a lot in the past, but it's been two years and I'm entering a different phase of my life now). If it was about sex then I'd go look for a friends with benefits relationship. Honestly though, I don't really see it that way. If I say "do you want to go out with me?" and she says "yes" then that's that. We'll talk, certainly, and if things quickly sour then I'll end it. If I get attached, well, there you go. Things can go very very bad very fast even if both people really like each other. I know, it's happened. I don't see how it could be all that worse in this scenario.

 

[axlryder]

Maybe date her to make yourself look more valuable then dump her at the quickest possible date for someone you prefer?

Massive dick move but it could work to your advantage.

EDIT Don't do that. Why not just be friends and stay single?

Oh thanks for that edit, I was about to go run right out and take some of the douchiest advice I've ever heard!

Can't tell if serious or condescending sarcasm...

the latter, good sir. Not really meant to be cutting though. To answer your question though, it's been a while since I've dated (two years). It was a good thing for the first year, I needed a break. The second year was nice, since I managed to start to look at things more objectively. Then, a month or so ago I just felt like I really just didn't want to be single anymore. I mean, I don't want to spend my youth just waiting for Mrs. Right to come along.

 

[axlryder]

Eh, I'm sure people do it a-lot, but I doubt relationships like that last. It's like eating just because you are bored, no one wins

I do, but then I've got a ridiculously fast metabolism.

 

[sextus the crazy]

nope. If you go into a relationship without planning or forethought, it's bound to collapse upon itself.

 

[Rose and Thorn]

snip

It's not about sex, I don't really need sex. It's honestly more for experience and companionship(I've dated a lot in the past, but it's been two years and I'm entering a different phase of my life now). If it was about sex then I'd go look for a friends with benefits relationship. Honestly though, I don't really see it that way. If I say "do you want to go out with me?" and she says "yes" then that's that. We'll talk, certainly, and if things quickly sour then I'll end it. If I get attached, well, there you go. Things can go very very bad very fast even if both people really like each other. I know, it's happened. I don't see how it could be all that worse in this scenario.

Well it sounds like you pretty much know what you want to do and how you want to handle it. It also sounds pretty mature and normal to me.

I don't see anything wrong with your plan of casual dating, if you end up really liking her then great! If things turn for the worse, then ending it won't hurt the heart and soul as you were never attached from the get go. You are right, this isn't really a different scenario from any other relationship, I just wasn't sure of your actual intentions with the whole dating someone just so you aren't single. I have seen many broken hearts so I always assume the worst.

I say you ask her out, why not? I wish you luck!

 

[Johndo]

Sooo you want to date someone to see if it works? Or you are thinking that because you know her, that it's possible to work? You're not head over heels over her so that means your usual women that you date is not her so you want to try.

Weigh the consequences of if it doesn't work out. Are you alright with the possibility of losing a friend if this doesn't pan out?

It sounds like you want to try to date someone a little out of your range that you're used to. That's fine, but this is your friend here. Be careful. If you want to try looking for different women than usual, go right ahead. It will help you figure out what could work for you.

 

[The Wykydtron]

Y'know I did that once... Then after spending about 2 hours straight with the girl as soon as she left my first thought was:

"Well, that was a waste of time. I could have finished the last few episodes of Umineko by now if it wasn't for her..."

Had to rethink my priorities after that little revelation XD

So fuck the whole dating thing, i've always been happier on my own anyway.

Oh, on the subject of Umineko, the first 11 or so episodes are really good then it all starts to go downhill DX

Apparently the game was far better... Yet another reason why I need a better PC XP

[sub]Derailing skill +1[/sub]

 

[hazabaza1]

Seems like a bit of a dick move.
I'd just stay friends unless you're willing to commit.