Help. Just help.

[Extra-Ordinary]

I'd suggest quitting WoW if you're just doing it to prove a point. I doubt any point is worth making a video game a chore especially a mog.

Save you a few bucks, too.

 

[ICanBreakTheseCuffs]

for your kitten,a funeral song
and for the rest...."if you're going through hell....keep going"-Winston Churchill

 

[smurf_you]

Dude.... I cried like I was 12 man, god I can't even imagine what it must have been like to lose your poor kitty that way :'( *many many e-hugs sent your way*

 

[Blemontea]

well...shit... im not sure what to say... i guess (probably shouldn't follow it) keep doing the college course if you can see it doing you good in the future, dump the band but still play guitar if it makes you happy, quit WOW its a life destroyer, don't think your not good enough for anyone because everyone has something special to give that no one else can, and finally...well i can see you and your kitten were very attached, don't forget about him, but try to move on and start doing things that make you happy for yourself. If you need a hand, we here will give you many, and maybe you should talk with your familiars they to will help you out.

 

[GraegoriHauss]

I ask myself a simple question every day: which is stronger? Your wish to die, or your wish to live?

I'm afraid of death; I don't want to die. I want to live. So I live. I just think about how much I want to live, and how good it feels being alive; breathing, walking, talking, doing. That's what keeps me going.

My advice to you is don't complicate things. When you're ready to make a change in this seemingly-bleak lifestyle of yours, you will.

 

[lacktheknack]

Stop trying to prove yourself, you are who you are, and proving yourself to... whoever doesn't achieve anything (unless you're trying to get a job).

Next time someone makes a blanket statement about you that you don't like, simply tell them you're better then that. And walk off. You'll feel better.

Anyways...

 

[Tonimata]

You probably shouldn't break up with someone just because you think it's for her.

I didn't break up with her. Technically, I never even was with her.

 

[Tonimata]

I'd suggest quitting WoW if you're just doing it to prove a point. I doubt any point is worth making a video game a chore especially a mog.

Save you a few bucks, too.

I'm still on the first free month.

 

[Tonimata]

Spoiler: Spoilered Snip

Scenario: I'm currently in a point of my life where I've realized that having dreams and fighting for them is more than pointless: it has destroyed me. I've taken a university degree only to prove my father wrong. I continue to play guitar because I have a compromise with my band. I'm levelling up a WoW character just to prove that I can. I decided to give up on the love of my life because I had to come to terms with the fact that I'd never be good enough for her .I've decided to give up on a chance to fall in love with another girl in my class just because my best friend likes her too. I've become class delegate in uni just because no-one would do it.

I'm, in essence, no longer living for myself, because I've found that it brings me no satisfaction. I've become an automat, doing things not for the purpose, for the ultimate goal, but for the sake of doing it.

And now?
My cat just died. My 3 week old kitten, the only light that shined in my life, just died, when I could've avoided this. I had to pull her out of the water-filled bucket in which she drowned. I had to believe that I could resuscitate her. I tried to resuscitate her, thinking that my previous experience in saving lives that way could be of some use, only to taste blood in my mouth. Blood from the internal organs that had taken damage from the cleaning fluid in the water. I had to stare into her dead eyes, believing that they would look at me again with that innocent stare. I had to wrap her in her towel so I wouldn't have to look at her anymore. I've cried my eyes out. And it's not the first time this has happened to me. I cannot fully explain all the implications of this situation, all the feelings, all the reasons for me being so utterly shattered. I can't, I won't, I don't want to.

I just want help. A kind gesture, a helping hand. It's not much to ask, and at the same time, it's hard to console someone who's just lost someone. I understand that, some of you might even think I'm a fool for getting so worked up over a kitten. But please.

Just please. Help.

It might not be much, but I am truly sorry about your kitten. I have a young cat myself, and there's always a fear she might drown as she likes to play with the fish in our pond, and our first two cats were killed by a car and went missing respectively. So I feel your pain, and hope that everything turns out alright for you again.

As for your first problems, you need to learn to let go of what other people want and just do things for yourself. Keep up with the things you are doing, if they interest you or if you enjoy them, and drop the stuff that isn't making you happy.

Here's a bit of advice lifted from my own life. I've spent most of my life trying to please everyone else. And it's not really gotten me much joy. I was lucky in just one point, when my family were pushing me so hard to join the RAF after I expressed an interest in it, to the point where they were smothering me over it. In the end I just rejected it, decided to go to university instead, and now I'm on the third year of a Mathematics BSc in Leeds and couldn't be happier.

Nevertheless, I feel like I've squandered most of my university time. I'm still young but there's so much more stuff I want to be able to do that I haven't done yet. So now I have a part-time job and can afford to do new things, I'm making a list of all the things I want to achieve and do in my final year of university.

Some are fairly mundane, like trying sushi or riding a bike along the Yorkshire Dales. Some are somewhat more advanced, like my dream to write a play to be performed at my university (through the theatre group we have), or to get a long-term girlfriend. Either way, these are all things I really want to do, to broaden my horizons, expand my mind, and just to enjoy the time I have left as a student while I'm young and free to do it.

So that's what I want you to do. Write a list of all the things that you hate about your life, where you're getting nowhere, and quit or drop those things (if you can afford to, like don't just drop out of uni or quit your job for this, keep at those because they'll help you in the long run). Then, write another list of all the things you really want to do, and just go out and do them. You're only young once, so just go out and enjoy it, and stop trying to live just to please everyone else.

Oh, and as a side note, to get a better idea of all this, try watching the film Amelie. It's a French subtitled film with Audrey Tatou, and basically her character is the same as you (except from a romantic standpoint). It'll open your eyes, believe me...

I own a copy of Amelie, but thanks anyways.

 

[minarri]

About WoW:
Dude please quit. I used to play too, and it wasn't until my senior year of college that I realized what a sink of time and money it was. It isn't helping you socially and you don't seem to be enjoying it, so you might just want to stop.

About love:
You're too kind (by which I mean that you are excessively deferential to others). I'm probably not exactly in a position to be giving others advice but I honestly think that love is by its very nature a selfish thing and that you should feel your feelings--repressing one's feelings never seems to end well.

About the kitty:
I don't think it's over-dramatic to be emotional about the death of a pet. They're family too.

I recommend getting another pet. Not to "replace" the one you lost but to help yourself recover. It will help you to avoid dwelling on and blaming yourself for the death you probably couldn't have prevented anyway. If you do decide to get another, please adopt! There are thousands upon thousands of unloved pets who would benefit just as much from your love as you from theirs.


In conclusion, for what it's worth:
You seem to be going through a really tough spot right now, and though I don't know you I really hope you can pull through and be all right. Please know I'm cheering for you.

 

[hyperhammy]

You need to quit trying to prove yourself, do what you want to do.
Now to your ex girlfriend there is a saying: "If you're ever with a girl that could do so much better than you, marry her".

 

[Tonimata]

<youtube=KIiUqfxFttM>

You probably shouldn't break up with someone just because you think it's for her.

Nah, he did her a favor. Would YOU want to be with someone who would dump you for such a stupid ass, contrived reason?

I never was with her. I never got to tell her how I felt, because I was scared to ruin our friendship, because she's amongst the few people and even fewer girls who haven't treated me like a worthless piece of shit, or even worse, discriminated me for being "different". She helped me through some of the roughest patches of my life (my parents breaking up, my mother's cancer, getting kicked out of my mum's house to then be kicked out of my dad's house because neither wanted to take care of me), and that's how I fell in love with her. And when I had to let go of my feelings, I did without regrets or rancour. I had to understand that, simply, and even though she would've wanted to correspond me, she would've been unable to do so.

Now you have the right argument to flame me.

 

[Outright Villainy]

I decided to give up on the love of my life because I had to come to terms with the fact that I'd never be good enough for her.

Let her decide that. Your opinion of your self worth is obviously very skewed, but even more than that, you have no right to make that decision for her. If you love that girl, and that was the only reason you broke up, grovel to her to take you back.

Grovel.

Edit: I'm not trying to be mean, it was just on that point you really need a kick in the ass. I feel for you, really, but that was an idiotic thing to do.

 

[Spitting Blood]

I'm, in essence, no longer living for myself, because I've found that it brings me no satisfaction. I've become an automat, doing things not for the purpose, for the ultimate goal, but for the sake of doing it.
Just please. Help.

If you only live for others and gain nothing in return; then you have nothing to give to those around you. Happiness and have meaning? Everyone wants that, but to put others before yourself?!? How can you help them when you need help yourself?

Which ever your religious views, I do not try to interpose beliefs, though I think this sums it up.

Matthew 7:3-4 (Paraphrase)
3.) And why behold the speck that is in my brother's eye, but consider not the plank that is in my own eye? 4.) Or how will you say to your brother, Let me pull out the speck out of your eye; and, behold, a plank is in my own eye?

This is not going to be easy, probably more difficult then a lot of things. Because of the emotional and mental attachment you made in those 3 weeks. Even in that short of time we can make meaningful connections.

This has brought you down, but if you do not get back up? then that time and experience may be lost.
Though if you do, then this may have more meaning that can impact another's life through your experience!

No one should have to go through this experience alone. Myself, and number of the staff and community (though I can only speak for myself) are here for you in your time of need.

I am truly sorry for you loss, I would like to say more(and explain more), but my head hurts

 

[Stollos]

Hey man, thats really tough. I have a friend who says music solves every emotion, and I believe he's right. There was a time in my life (my still very young life) when I felt overwhelmed by everything, and had a personal tragedy just to top it off. Sure, it seems consequential now that I look back on it, but the feelings were very real.

I don't know if this will help you, but it helped me, and whenever I listened to it it made me feel better. And a bloody good song too. I'd listen to it over and over when I felt down I'm not trying to fix your problems with a song, but the message helped me see past mine.

 

[Seneschal]

First of all, I'd like to say how the Escapist forum never stops surprising me. It's filled with such nice people! Well, racking up two pages on a pep-talk thread is maybe a little gullible, if cute, as anywhere else Tonimata would most likely be an attention-seeking liar. Hey, I'm not pointing fingers, it's just that I've seen it before. People like doing that. But since this is the Escapist, it's most likely true.

While the gigantic "PITY!" poster was rather, um, direct about it, he has a point. "Such horror, dreams collapsing, loved ones passing away; obviously, writing a tear-jerker post will bring tangible benefits somehow! :'("

It's not that I'm trying to be an asshole, I wouldn't dream of doing that; it's just that Tonimata is currently purely emotional, and seems to be living in a greek tragedy, his head laid back in mourning, a hand resting on his forehead, singing "OH WOE IS ME" to the tune of a crippled blind man's piano ballad.

Come on, on an objective scale of misery, you're a 4/10 at most. You're writing under emotional distress, that's why your post is so poignant and gripping. If you were thinking straight, it would be boring - no happy man ever makes good poetry.

What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't trust yourself to make wise choices because your emotions are screaming "CHANGE YOUR LIFE, WAAAAGH!", and you certainly shouldn't listen to the self-help books in this topic telling you to "embrace life to the fullest" and go skydiving. You might not like skydiving. You might actually get a grip on yourself in the middle of a recklessly-organized sky-dive, and regret it. And while you're puking your way down to planet Earth in a parachute, you'll be wishing you had just WAITED.

What you need is time. The grief you are feeling now is one heck of an experience, regardless of whether it's positive or negative to you at the moment. Pardon me if I admit I wouldn't want to be in your shoes for one second, but it's my loss, for you'll be richer for it in the end. If you hadn't reached that boiling point in that first post, you might have continued blissfully living the life of the underdog, giving up love interests, indulging the father-figures around you. Oh, and you'd have a cat to barf on your carpet periodically.

And that would be a perfectly fine existence that you wouldn't badger the internet with. However, when something happens that actually gets you to reflect back on your life and write an impassioned post about, suddenly everyone pities you and you must go bungie-jumping to make it better.

What I'm saying is: don't try to refurbish the entire apartment if the coffee table breaks. Your life is perfectly fine as it is, you're a college student for the same reason as 90% of the population - because their parents wield the guilt-sword. You have a month of free WoW, okay, not my cup of tea, but people collect postal stamps and it brings them satisfaction - at least you have shiny gear to show for your timesink. You survived the death of a pet - i survived seven, and it makes for a funny story. Yours is a little more graphic, okay, so it makes for a sad story.

Your entire existence doesn't require drastic rearranging so that you would be happy. Happiness by its nature exists in unlimited quantities and can be gained from ANYTHING. That's why life, freedom and the pursuit of happiness exist hand-in-hand - as long as one respects others' freedom, one is free to experience happiness from whatever the hell floats one's boat. Now, you can listen to the people here saying "go wild, go on a binge, start a fight, live life to the fullest", or realize that this is not a Lifetime Original movie, and they picked up those slogans from a Nike commercial or something.

 

[Red Right Hand]

All I can say is do something you want to do rather than doing the things that are expected of you. That is how I enjoy my life. I do what I want to do, and fuck anybody else who tells me otherwise. That doesn't mean that you don't do things for other people, or that you are completely self-absorbed and selfish. Still help others or accept orders from others if you are comfortable with doing whatever needs to be done. But, the point is, a life lived for other people is not a life at all.

 

[Seneschal]

All I can say is do something you want to do rather than doing the things that are expected of you. That is how I enjoy my life. I do what I want to do, and fuck anybody else who tells me otherwise. That doesn't mean that you don't do things for other people, or that you are completely self-absorbed and selfish. Still help others or accept orders from others if you are comfortable with doing whatever needs to be done. But, the point is, a life lived for other people is not a life at all.

Aw, come on, don't try to douche-up the guy, I'm sure that works for you (and it definitely works for me too), but he really seems like a sweet person. Yeah, maybe he's a bit of a pushover - that never killed anyobody. And he's altruistic, oh god, sue him!