Hilarious Quotes From People You Know...

[arsenicCatnip]

I was actually talking to a friend in Steam awhile back, and this ensued. I thought it was pretty awesome, at least.

InShaneee: KLONDIKE BARS. I've had a craving for those for days now.
Colorado Coffee Chick: What WOULD you do for a Klondike bar, Shane?
InShaneee: Rob a secret Swiss bank with nothing more than a Nerf gun and a bad attitude.

 

[Sixties Spidey]

"Fuck you. I'm an athiest."

My friend to a nun.

 

[Cody Bauer]

There is actually a story to go with this quote

New years eve, totally wasted, long story short the people that haven't passed out yet decide to play strip poker. I'm in the tanning bed almost passed out when I say hey, I wana play, so i proceed to get all the way naked and run around doing laps in just a twister blanket used as a cape. Cameron says in the morning,
"dude, the fucked up part is, we didn't even play twister last night how the hell did you get that?"

 

[Darth Rahu]

"trust me, you answer the door naked with a raw chicken in your hand and the Jehovah's Witnesses will never bother you again."

 

[SnipErlite]

My friend once said:

"You want a sweet name for a heavy metal band? Click Random article twice on wikipedia"

Port of Sulina - that's awesome. I almost feel you should make a new thread purely dedicated to this...... (oh damn I was ninja'd in saying that. Oh well, still)

OT: "Hey I've found a fault with Hitler!"

He meant he'd found some inconsistency in Hitler's policies or something? But it was damn funny.

From the same guy:

A: "Apparently Hitler did actually have one ball, it wasn't a rumour made by up by his enemies, but it was larger than normal"

Everyone else: "How and why would you know something like that"

A: ".......*waves hand* It's complicated"

If there's anything he could have said to make that sound weirder, I'd like to hear it....

 

[walhallafive]

Actual quotes from my clients last week.
"The were trying to tell me something but I told them I was 90% incompetent and that I didn't understand them."
...and...
Me: "Would you like to be an organ donor?"
Client: "I don't see how that would work. I want to be cremated and I don't think my organs will be any good after that."

 

[JLML]

"you're so stupid you're almost as stupid as me!!!"

said by my annoying friend.. and believe me, if you're almost as stupid as him, you're probably retarded.

 

[Locust227]

I was eating lunch in the cafeteria with my friends and the guy siting next to me was calling the guy in front of me gay, so he motions to the whole table and says, "well everyone here is gay except for us". The guy making fun of him just had to sit and think about that for a minute.

 

[TheGameXXVII]

My friend once said:

"You want a sweet name for a heavy metal band? Click Random article twice on wikipedia"

"List of Vice Presidents of the United States by longevity"

umm...rock on?

 

[ThatTallGuy]

Well, I do improv comedy, so my friends are particularly hilarious. For example:

"Cthulhu has no place on the dance floor."

"Stop right there, Dr. Tightpants!"

 

[El gazibo]

Sooo im sleeping on my freinds shoulder
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
freind ; shhhhhhhhhhhh
me ; grmmmmm your like a gaint pillow filled with hotdogs .........
friend ;
me ; and chille

 

[Ponch]

"The Roberto Stevenson's Academy for Mexican Jews"

I thought that was the name for a metal band.

On Topic: A friend of mine, while we were playing HALO(the original on an original Behemoth XBOX), jumped through the ceiling of a building(can't remember the stage)and tried to be cool and shout out, "Oh, Batman style!"

Instead, he succeeded in erotically moaning, "Oh, Batman!"

That just made everyone's weekend.

 

[Delock]

My history professor was talking about the 2nd ammendment, and he two questions:
"Who owns a gun here?"
then
"Who currently has one on them?"
One person raises their hand. The professor stares at him for a second.
"One moment, let me just change your grade to an A."

 

[rdaleric]

"Cathariinae"

Hmmmmm it's not a bad name i guess.

My girlfriend has come out with a few great lines:

" Your not my eyes!!!" When we disputed something she said she had seen
" Babies are people to!"
"Nuke the Whales" Which she thought was a good thing
" We should go see that new film, called... don't forget your Otter" (she meant how to train your dragon)

 

[Caligulove]

One of my best friends on the subject of my roommates new car;

"well you asked my opinion! its a hard truth but no ones panties are getting wet over a fucking Honda civic"

 

[Eggsnham]

"Cathariinae"

Hmmmmm it's not a bad name i guess.

My girlfriend has come out with a few great lines:

" Your not my eyes!!!" When we disputed something she said she had seen
" Babies are people to!"
"Nuke the Whales" Which she thought was a good thing
" We should go see that new film, called... don't forget your Otter" (she meant how to train your dragon)

Your girlfriend sounds... Interesting, to say the least, but she is correct on a couple of points, you are indeed not her eyes, and babies, no matter how small, defenseless and stupid they are, are still people.

 

[JanatUrlich]

After a friend of mine realised that he hadn't heard anything from his holiday mates about where they were actually staying and how they were getting there the only info he managed to get out of them was

"Nah lad, nah lad. All you need to know is that the pool is rectangular."

Needless to say he lost his money and 'the pool is rectangular' became slang at our college

 

[Ponch]

"Nuke the Whales" Which she thought was a good thing

Hey, ya gotta nuke somethin'.

 

[Deef]

My friend once said:

"You want a sweet name for a heavy metal band? Click Random article twice on wikipedia"

That's actually quite a good one.
Also I tried it.
I got "33 Vulpeculae Lipia".
Sounds like it could actually work, although I would name my metal band "I cum locomotives".

 

[King of the Sandbox]

"The Roberto Stevenson's Academy for Mexican Jews"

I thought that was the name for a metal band.

On Topic: A friend of mine, while we were playing HALO(the original on an original Behemoth XBOX), jumped through the ceiling of a building(can't remember the stage)and tried to be cool and shout out, "Oh, Batman style!"

Instead, he succeeded in erotically moaning, "Oh, Batman!"

That just made everyone's weekend.

Hahahahahahaha, oh sweet jesus, just reading that made me seriously lol.

I'm getting odd stares from people in the office now.