Horror Movie Survival 101

[brainslurper]

1. do not go to texas and hang out in a house in the middle of nowhere
2. do not go to a place called crystal lake, and when you see jasons mom, stick a pitchfork through her face
3. do not say IM MICHAEL MYERS SISTER it is really cheesy. and when he comes, chop him into little bitty peices
4. do not have dreams, and if there is any claws involved in your night sleep, please see a doctor!
5. DO NOT GO BACK IT THE HOUSE YOU RETARD
6. do not kill someone, kill them again then throw them in a mineshaft and then realize they are not dead.
7. do not live in a house when your neighbors have dollfaces

 

[masterjiji]

For the love of god, DO NOT use the phrases "Everything's going to be all right" or "Things couldn't possibly get any worse". Everything is not going to be all right, and the minute you utter the second phrase, things will immediately find a way to get worse.

fire. no problem cannot be made worse by the addition of fire.

also, take martial arts and NEVER back into a thin-walled corner if there is any chance at all something can buts through walls. open, well-lit spaces=good.

 

[luna_moth]

http://loadingreadyrun.com/videos/view/60/Ways-to-Get-Yourself-Killed-in-a-Horror-Movie
Do any of these things

 

[whiskey rock n' roller]

Aim for the head you imbociles! Failing that get on a plane and get otta the country.

 

[AWC Viper]

Always have a LOADED sidearm and never hang out with the Black guy / nerd / douche / the total hottie. and never ever use Chainsaws around survivors (cookie for reference)

 

[JoshGod]

erm well im not sure there is much beyond what has already been said,
how about not noisily walkng around your house shouting HELLLOOO? ANYONE THERE?? WHOS THERE? THIS ISNT FUNNY! (ow and it is cause they're so stupid)

ow when a serial killer is on the phone talking to you dont keep on talking to them lol!! just when they start talking put it down (on table not hang up) and silently walk away

how about having some kind of emergancy button (can be remote so no running anywhere lol) and just call in police and what not (hey they may do some good eventually its bound to happen one day)

dont trust a random stranger!!

hide guns in the wall

dont be a cheerleader

dont panic

dont be nasty to others

 

[wilted_orchid]

5. DO NOT GO BACK IN THE HOUSE YOU RETARD

Amen! That really, really pissed me off in Return to House on Haunted Hill. She got out, she bloody got out, but oh, no, she had to walk the hell back into the damn house, didn't she?

 

[Iron Mal]

Don't have the misfortune to be caught in the middle of a horror movie would be a pretty important one to remember.

Also:

1- If you are going to go anywhere that is fabled to be haunted or creepy etc, go during daytime. Honestly, it will probably be less eventful and less dangerous.

2- Again, if your plans involve going into somewhere haunted/creepy, tell someone who isn't going so that they can alert the authorities if you don't return after a couple of hours.

3- Bring firepower, lots and lots of firepower.

4- Dress practically, while a miniskirt and tube top/shorts and vest combo (for women and men respectively) might make you look like a sex god/ess, this will probably not impress the monster/being that is thirsty for your blood or otherwise convince them to spare your life. Reccomended articles of clothing include: Full length trousers, T-shirt or long sleeve shirt (depending on weather), a comfortable and durable jacket, comfortable trainers or shoes that you can easily run in and, where possible, full blown power armour.

5- Ensure that any electrical devices you bring with you (such as mobiles or torches) have fully charged batteries (and, if possible, a spare set of batteries if the current ones are drained at any time).

 

[UberMore]

Walk Softly. And Carry A Big Gun.

Yes Commander.
Xenos Sighted!
Fire at will!!

Ah...anyway.

OT: If something doesn't seem right, don't go investigate, or stay in the area.
For example: House of Wax; if the place is deserted, leave!!!!!!

 

[UberMore]

"There are certain RULES that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance, number one: you can never have sex. BIG NO NO! BIG NO NO! Sex equals death, okay? Number two: you can never drink or do drugs. The sin factor! It's a sin. It's an extension of number one. And number three: never, ever, ever under any circumstances say, "I'll be right back." Because you won't be back."

Gotta love it when the movie makes fun of itself.

Which film?

 

[azurawolf]

"There are certain RULES that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance, number one: you can never have sex. BIG NO NO! BIG NO NO! Sex equals death, okay? Number two: you can never drink or do drugs. The sin factor! It's a sin. It's an extension of number one. And number three: never, ever, ever under any circumstances say, "I'll be right back." Because you won't be back."

Gotta love it when the movie makes fun of itself.

Which film?

That quote was taken from Scream. I love that movie.

 

[Helmet]

Make it clear with the members of your party that, should the killer get you, just go. No sense in two of you dying.

And, just out of common courtesy, as he's killing you try to yell out where he is right now so nobody else pops in and dies.

On a similar note, if you hear screams of agony from one area, turn the fuck around and go home.

 

[wewontdie11]

1. When in an even remotely threatening or suspicious situation NEVER have sex, you will be bumped off promptly and possibly in a way involving your genitals.

2. Whenever possible, stay in as large a group as you can. No matter how good an idea splitting up seems, it isn't. You will die.

3. Don't be in any way more attractive than the people around you. The hot ones are normally among the first to go.

4. Use fucking common sense. If you hear a strange groaning noise or something that sounds like people being mascaraed, don't go and investigate!

5. Don't drink. A good general life lesson, but also you will either get killed going for more booze or you'll be too sloshed to notice the psychopath behind you with the knife.

6. May sound slightly prejudiced, but don't be gay. There never seems to be a surviving gay person or lesbian in any of the horrors I've seen.

7. If anybody uses the words "abandoned" or "deserted" in conjunction with any location you're thinking about going, stay the fuck away or you might as well do yourself right there and then.

8. Don't sleep. Bad shit always happens when you're asleep, just stock up on Relentless and ProPlus and ride it out.

9. If you fit into any American high school clique stereotype you're already done for. Nerds, jocks, "popular girls", dorks and goths will not survive.

10. For the love of God carry a weapon! The amount of times a serial killer or mass mysterious disappearances are reported and everybody goes about their normal business totally unarmed is ridiculous. At least take a knife or something.

 

[Simmo8591]

ask yourself
do I have a surname?
what school did i go to?
whats my favorite Beatles song?

If you don't know the answer to these then your dead..... you have been characterized very badly and are completely doomed. If you have a back story and a history then your chances are much improved

 

[CargoHold]

Make sure you lose someone close to you just before the movie starts.

Also:
"The horror movie hero knows that horror move law-
When the going gets tough, the tough get a chainsaw."