How big a role does sex play in a relationship?

[TomLikesGuitar]

In a romantic relationship, it is honestly the most important thing.

Fact of the matter is that men and women need sex and if one side isn't pulling through, the other side won't be happy.

Please just take it from me, I'm not proud of all of them, but I've been with a lot of girls and I fucking REALLY know my shit here. Just go online and read a bunch of shit about sex and how to please her. Get used to eating girls out because it is the quickest way to a woman's heart.

Ok now commence a bunch of neckbeards telling me that "True love is about a deep spiritual connection" or some nonsense that virgins like to think.

 

[Julianking93]

I'm happy I'm in a relationship that doesn't require such stress. >.>
As for your problem, it's been more or less stated at this point; just be honest with her and ask.
Some people don't find it as important as others.
Maybe your lady friend is one of those types who can't live without sex or maybe she's someone who couldn't care less either way.
Honesty is always key though.

 

[TomLikesGuitar]

snip

There was a good amount of time in my life where I didn't work out at all, smoked a pack a day, and sat on my ass for at least 4 hours a day playing video games and being online. A lot of people don't see how this is unhealthy (even without the smoking) which is kind of sad. Anyway, I had NO SEX DRIVE AT ALL at this time, and almost began to live with the fact that I was a bone thin out of shape piece of shit.

But then one day I just said "fuck it", got my shit together, and actually worked out a little. Within a week I was horny as fuck and I looked good enough to actually get laid again.

Soooo... In all likelihood, the OP is just out of shape enough to have really low testosterone and that's why he has no sex drive. You are absolutely correct that there is something seriously wrong either way and he should go see a doctor.

 

[Caffiene]

The crux of my question is, can a relationship last without sex, and, if not, how long will it last without it?

Can a relationship last? Yes. As others have said already, sexual compatibility is important, but that can include both partners not being interested in sex.

Can your relationship last? That depends entirely on how different your and her expectations and needs are regarding sex. If she is happy without sex, then it could last quite well. If she is happy for you to please her even though you arent particularly interested in your own pleasure, then it could last. If she needs sex but you are one of those rare people who are ok with her going to someone else for that then it could last (although chances are lower due to how complex the situation gets).

The most important thing is to talk to her. There is absolutely no way around it. The only way to know the details of how she feels about sex are for her to tell you (and yes, you do need to know the details if you are going to come to an understanding that will sustain a relationship in the long term).

I'm really not very comfortable talking about it, so perhaps I should wait for her to definitively bring it up rather than go on inference.

Well, I guess it depends. Which is more important to you: Avoiding some discomfort; or having a healthy relationship and making sure you arent causing your partner distress?

Ill give you a hint: One of those options is a very clear indicator about how likely it is that your relationship will last. And it doesnt indicate a positive result.

 

[Monkeyman O'Brien]

A relationship without sex is just a friendship (or marriage if you were stupid enough to go through with that) so not a real relationship at all.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

My lady friend has been subtly hinting that she'd like to get intimate with me (although I am by no means a behavioural analyst so I can't confirm anything) and I'm terrified.

I'm a virgin. I've never had any real sexual thoughts and I find the whole thing rather off-putting, honestly. I have no desire to do anything of the sort. The crux of my question is, can a relationship last without sex, and, if not, how long will it last without it?

How long will it last? Depends on how long you keep lying to her. I'd continue with this, but I think the rest of the thread handled this point pretty well.

On to my other main point: Do you self-identify as an Asexual? If so, you already have your answer - stop leading the poor girl on.

If not... then what are your thoughts/feelings on sexual desire? Do you find masturbation pleasurable? Do you find her attractive? Do you have a desire to make HER feel good?

The answer to those questions would likely help us to better advise you.

If (as another poster suggested) your libido is being supplanted by your fear of Intercourse itself, then I'd ask if you are aware that there is a whole lot of middle ground to sex. Mutual Masturbation is often more effective in pleasuring a woman than full intercourse (which is why I asked about your views on masturbation above). If you enjoy masturbation, then you might be able to share that with her without necessarily attempting intercourse if that makes you uncomfortable.

So yeah, the main question is "are you asexual?" Because, if so, then the rest of this thread (and all of my advice above) is moot.

 

[SpAc3man]

Give it a go. I find it to be an important part of a long term romantic relationship. Even if you aren't an overly sexual person it is important that you enjoy pleasuring to your significant other. Make sure you talk to your lady about it and let her know you don't think you are a very sexual person but you are willing to have a shot at it. You may find you enjoy it.

 

[Bat Vader]

I've been in a relationship for a good few months now. I'm enjoying it thoroughly. However, as we're getting closer and closer, the inevitable question of sex is being brought up. My lady friend has been subtly hinting that she'd like to get intimate with me (although I am by no means a behavioural analyst so I can't confirm anything) and I'm terrified.

I'm a virgin. I've never had any real sexual thoughts and I find the whole thing rather off-putting, honestly. I have no desire to do anything of the sort. The crux of my question is, can a relationship last without sex, and, if not, how long will it last without it?

I am sure there have been many relationships where sex wasn't involved but that would have most likely been a decision both people in the relationship decided on. The best thing to do would be to discuss this with your girlfriend and see how she feels about it.

I have never been in a relationship though so I have no real right to talk.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

The crux of my question is, can a relationship last without sex, and, if not, how long will it last without it?

I'm not really the best person to be asking since I have very little experience in that area and the few relationships I have had never got to that stage. However I am of the opinion that if it can't last without sex, than it's not worth maintaining in the first place.

 

[dorkette1990]

Someone that calls himself a forensic psychotherapist asking us this strikes me as something either incredibly ironic (false occupation claim) or investigatory (story is false, interested in the asexuals here).

Could be all above board, tickles me inappropriately though.

---

Sex is the difference between a best friend and a partner, to me at least.

This.

I've been asked out by people who are asexual, which is great and all, but to me, sex plays an major part of a romantic relationship. Otherwise... you may as well be a friend I cuddle with, and I do have those. I don't really reach the pinnacle of my attachment to someone until I have sex with them, so it would be difficult to regard a sexless relationship as equally as important as that of my other romantic partners. This all being said, I have a through-the-roof sex drive, so you can take my input with a grain of salt.

 

[Shraggler]

Like many others have said, there is no right answer. Some relationships thrive without it, some relationships smoulder with it.

Although in your case, if your lady friend is hinting at stepping up intimacy and the "physical connection", I'd figure she does consider sex part of a relationship, if not an important part.

I'd say be honest, as GoaThief advised. Your relationship will strengthen and up the level of trust. Who knows, you may feel differently after discussing it and get laid.

Shit dude, it's life. We get one go. Some of us aren't nearly as lucky. Enjoy the ride and relish the experience, whatever it turns out to be.

 

[The .50 Caliber Cow]

Seeing as sex is about 80% of my relationship...

Yeah, I'd dump you faster than a pile of books with a tarantula on top OP. Sorry but that's how it is.

[sub][sub]Moo! [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9iIgQN5uZE&feature=related][/sub][/sub]

 

[BOOM headshot65]

Well, In mine, it is exactly 0%...but I dought that is helpful.

 

[Colour Scientist]

Sex is something you learn to like.

That makes it sound like a chore.

I don't think it will last, particularly if she wants to be intimate and you don't. There's no point in forcing yourself to do it either because it's really obvious when one party isn't enjoying it.

You're going to have to be frank with her and make sure she realises you have no interest in IT not no interest in her. Even still though, if I found out someone I was with had no sexual feelings for me I'd have to leave for my own self-esteem and well-being.

 

[Vault Citizen]

I think a sexless relationship can only work if both participants are asexual.