How do you deal with your partner's exs?

[chozo_hybrid]

Seeing as how her ex is my best friend, I tend to hang out and play video games with him. He's also my flat mate, make of that what you will. But I talked to him about it, he assured me (And I know when he's full of crap) that he was cool with it, so it hasn't affected our friendship.

He broke up with her almost two years ago, we started going out properly about a month ago. He was the one who encouraged me to tell her how I feel, since he knows how much I like her and I won't screw her over and she's not the type to do so.

With my previous girlfriend however (And the one before that.), I just avoided them. There were a few situations where I couldn't, but that's life.

 

[ForensicYOYO]

Bang them.

O you mean my exs! LOL.

 

[SimuLord]

If she can handle the fact that I've been around the block more times than the village postman, I can deal with the fact that I'm not her first.

Besides, at my age it's creepy to sleep with 18-year-old virgins. The older you get the more you realize that people had lives before you showed up and they'll have lives after you're gone. Unless you marry them and raise kids and grow old together. And even then there's the possibility that you'll die first.

 

[Drakane]

Life is a game, if you don't learn how to play it, it will kill you. Obsessing bout someone's exs is like beating a dead horse w/ a tennis racket, sure it makes a funny sound but nothing really comes of it.
If I got upset bout the ppl my gf has been w/ talks to and all that noise I'm just a jealous asshole. She's with me because I'm better then them and if I don't believe that and think her to be a cheating whore, leave her. If you can't trust her it won't last anyways.

 

[SilverStrike]

What the title says. If you're in a relationship, and you're not the first one they've hooked up with, how do you deal with the knowledge that, to put it bluntly, someone else has been with your girl/guy? Potentially intimately, love, etc. That they loved someone before you, or screwed someone before you. Even if they're safely in the past, it could be an uncomfortable truth.
Or you could simply be completely cool with it and dealing is not required, but, y'know. Some can't.

Personally, I try not to think of my girl's exs with her. Made slightly harder due to the fact I've seen them around, one of them is even on the same floor as me at college. Neither of them treated her particularly well, either. Am I alone in being jealous and possessive thinking about it? Nobody is perfect, but how do others cope with thoughts like that? Especially if bad things occurred.

Because it's gotta come up in conversation occasionally, hasn't it. I like the comforting suggestion as said by Marten on Questionable Content about the hope that all the ex's died due to being involved in horrible skiing accidents and then snowed under by avalanches before being hunted down by polar bears that love to eat bad ex boyfriends.

So, members of the Escapist, how do you handle the knowledge you're not the first one to be with them?

I think its a ludicrous assumption that you are getting together with a virgin. In today's world? There are some cultures where this happens. Good for them.

In Western cultures though (aside from the religious sects that practice abstinence until marriage) its a given that someone you meet will more than likely have had sex with AT LEAST one person. Given that it is somewhat of a societal norm to choose whatever sexual partner you want, whenever you want, am I shocked that my partner has been intimate with another person aside from me? Uhm..no.

Unless you grew up in strict, conservative, confining communities where it is a no brainer to keep yourself promised to one person, forever, getting upset because your gf/bf had someone aside from you touch them intimately is ridiculous. Its selfish, an aspect of your own insecurity that requires the people you have sex with to be pure and just for you. Did I mention unrealistic yet? I think it can be inferred. I'll throw in some sprinkles of control issues as well to finish it off.

I'm well aware of the extreme likelihood that you are not the first intimate partner with your partner, I agree, in today's world, it'd just be silly to think otherwise. But I wasn't just focusing on the whole sex aspect, I mean, relationship wise too. It's all fine and dandy if they broke up on good terms, but what if one of the ex's abused your partner in the past? Caused emotional trauma? Bad memories? And then your partner occasionally gets depressed remembering bad times and you have to comfort him/her.

Also, no need to get quite so riled about the whole insecurity thing. =p Given you quoted me I'll assume it was aimed at me, and I'll simply say, yes, I know jealousy isn't a particularly nice trait to have, but it's the way I am. I try not to let it get in the way, and I tend to succeed. I'm not -expecting- them to have never been with anyone. It's a thing that is simply gonna happen, and for people who have an issue or two, preparation may be required. As long as it doesn't negatively affect those around me, it's not really an issue.

 

[Shadowfaze]

I get on quite well with them, i just don't think about that fact. Also, enough with the Scott pilgrim! obvious jokes wear thin very quickly.

 

[Judgement101]

Shallow grave behind Burger King should keep them away.

 

[D3l7a3ch0]

never had an issue with it

 

[cheatking]

Speaking as an evil ex. Keep us away. I currently like to frustrate my ex and make her pin for me even though she is with a guy who she cant leave (they share a flat and both at the same uni). This usually leads to fights with her current bf and saucy exchanges between me and her. Im going to hell i know but its an ego trip. Doesn't justify it but makes me feel good (yet cheep) because of this with my girlfriends i get suspicious of their ex's and get wary if they're "friends".

 

[Danzaivar]

People care about that stuff? Wow. :|

 

[AWC Viper]

Be Scott Pilgrim and defeat all of them

This /thread

 

[CarpathianMuffin]

It used to bug me for quite awhile, especially since her ex still had feelings for her for a few months after they broke up. But she said that beyond physical attraction, there's nothing else redeeming about him in her eyes, and he was trying to rush her into intimacy.
It makes me feel good knowing that she chose to be with me, knowing that I wouldn't try to pressure her into it if she didn't want to.

She was also involved in my last relationship as a third party that was negatively affected by it, so I try to keep the subject of my ex secret unless she asks. We've talked things out, so it's all out in the open, and any and all worrying has gone away.

Did anyone not first think of Scott Pilgrim when they saw this thread?

And yes. Yes I did. xD