How many pathetic video gamers do you know?
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No, not unemployment. It means that she is getting money from the government to do nothing. This should mean that she is unable to work but that is less and less the case. It drains the system for people that really need it and since there are so many taking advantage of the system it taints the view of even the people that need it..No. said:
OT:
I am going to figure that she was somewhat socially adept prior to this since she obviously has friends IRL. It seems that few can put that together. She is letting her RL social life die over a game one. She is turning RL people down for people she only knows in a game. She is being short tempered with RL people that she used to have a social life with prior to a game. I have done it and I have watched it. Your real world doesn't have to be anywhere near unbearable or even bad. Games are fun and when you add in the ability to socialize, be needed and goals to obtain it can turn bad.
As far as what to do? I have no idea other than make a personal choice for yourself. You cannot change her. You can choose to put up with her like this or not. You can choose to back off for now and be there when/if she comes back around. You can choose to drop it entirely (doesn't sound like you will). You can choose to nag her which will probably just get her pissed off. Anyone that hasn't experienced it really doesn't believe it can happen. It is like any other addiction, the only choice you have is your choice to be involved, not much else.
I guess I'm different than most in that I picked up WoW when I had nothing in real life. I was pretty much always a socially inept person, with pretty bad social anxiety but despite that as a kid still I went to school, played sports, had friends which I saw every day after school but high school changed that. My close friends all went to different schools and because of that (and my social anxiety) it was difficult for me to fit in with new people I hardly knew. I couldn't open up and trust all these new people so soon like everybody else was able to. I tried, I really did but whenever I did I guess I came off as somewhat awkward and people shunned me. Before I knew it I was a kind of social pariah but it got worse - instead of ignoring me (which didn't really bother me) they began to mercilessly bully me. It was only a few guys at first but soon the only words anybody ever said to me were insults, I was bashed (sometimes with the teachers watching and not lifting a finger to help), beaten and brought to tears more times than I could count. This went on everyday for two years (start of 9th grade) before my parents finally pulled me out of school. By the end of it I was a mess; I was horribly depressed, had zero self confidence, no friends, no interests or hobbies (didn't even really play video games) and was such a nervous, anxiety ridden mess I could barely leave my room.
Then WoW was released, I saw a trailer for it and decided to give it a try. Because of it being online and there being no face to face interaction I found it easy to talk to people, soon I had made a few friends and after about six months I was a changed person. Because of WoW I had some enjoyment in my life, had some interests, I had friends (even if they were online) and most importantly of all I had rebuilt some shaky form of self confidence. After another six months I was confident enough to crawl my way back (it was a damn tough process) to school (a different one of course), I made some real life friends and rebuilt my life.
Skip forward to now and I'm 20 years old, a student, have a social life with several close friends and I still play WoW. Yes I sometimes decide to play WoW over going to clubs or bars or some douchebag's party who I don't even know but I wouldn't be going to these types of places even if I didn't play WoW - I'm still a pretty damaged person and find myself feeling like a scared cat with his back arched up whenever I go to these places. But I still see my friends every week and I'm pretty content with my life. Here's a fact for you - WoW saved my life, without it I would have either slit my wrists or be some nervous basement dweller living off a disability cheque.
Yes in some situations where people have addicting personalities and play it, WoW can destroy their lives, but if it wasn't WoW it could have just as easily been cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, sex etc. But for most people it is just a harmless, casual hobby (these people make up a good 90% of WoW's population) and for others (like I used to be) it was the only damn thing they had. Let me tell you something - socializing in WoW is still a shit ton better than sitting in your room all day by yourself and with people as beaten down as I was, getting out and making real life friends is simply not an option. So all these broad and sweeping generalizations you are saying about people spending all their time on video games are pretty offensive to me.
Then WoW was released, I saw a trailer for it and decided to give it a try. Because of it being online and there being no face to face interaction I found it easy to talk to people, soon I had made a few friends and after about six months I was a changed person. Because of WoW I had some enjoyment in my life, had some interests, I had friends (even if they were online) and most importantly of all I had rebuilt some shaky form of self confidence. After another six months I was confident enough to crawl my way back (it was a damn tough process) to school (a different one of course), I made some real life friends and rebuilt my life.
Skip forward to now and I'm 20 years old, a student, have a social life with several close friends and I still play WoW. Yes I sometimes decide to play WoW over going to clubs or bars or some douchebag's party who I don't even know but I wouldn't be going to these types of places even if I didn't play WoW - I'm still a pretty damaged person and find myself feeling like a scared cat with his back arched up whenever I go to these places. But I still see my friends every week and I'm pretty content with my life. Here's a fact for you - WoW saved my life, without it I would have either slit my wrists or be some nervous basement dweller living off a disability cheque.
Yes in some situations where people have addicting personalities and play it, WoW can destroy their lives, but if it wasn't WoW it could have just as easily been cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, sex etc. But for most people it is just a harmless, casual hobby (these people make up a good 90% of WoW's population) and for others (like I used to be) it was the only damn thing they had. Let me tell you something - socializing in WoW is still a shit ton better than sitting in your room all day by yourself and with people as beaten down as I was, getting out and making real life friends is simply not an option. So all these broad and sweeping generalizations you are saying about people spending all their time on video games are pretty offensive to me.
I only know one pathetic gamer and he's typing a forum response on the escapist right now. I never go out, never been on a date, haven't kissed a girl, haven't hung out with friends in 6 or 7 months, etcetera and so forth. I do have a job - a really demeaning and pointless job. I'd rather think of myself as a pathetic individual who just so happens to play games from time to time. I 100% LA Noire a couple weeks ago and I can't express how incredibly unsatisfying that game was. Back when I was in school, the most common insult thrown my way was that I was a "loser." To be honest, I think I still believe it years after the people who said it have forgotten and moved away. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. I can justify it to myself pretty well (it sucks out there too, why do you want to be friends with them anyways), but at the end of the day, I'm not an active participant of society.
I don't actually know very many other gamers on a really personal level, so I can't really speak on it.
That really sucks about your friend, though. Have you tried asking what she really finds appealing about WoW? I've never managed to get seriously sucked into an MMO that badly; they're too much grinding for my tastes, I don't like having to pay to play the game (paying for DLC is fine enough, but I don't like having to pay just to regularly play the plain game itself), and my interest starts out strong but peters out quickly when I try one.
I do agree that gaming is good in moderation, but that goes for just about everything in the world.
That really sucks about your friend, though. Have you tried asking what she really finds appealing about WoW? I've never managed to get seriously sucked into an MMO that badly; they're too much grinding for my tastes, I don't like having to pay to play the game (paying for DLC is fine enough, but I don't like having to pay just to regularly play the plain game itself), and my interest starts out strong but peters out quickly when I try one.
I do agree that gaming is good in moderation, but that goes for just about everything in the world.
Eeeee, that's awful ;_; I don't know if there's help available for those types of people, but there should be.
My house mate has around 150,000 gamer score, which I think is quite sad. No offense to the people with a similar gamer score, of course. But he doesn't buy games for fun anymore, he only buys them so he game get a 1000 gamer score, or occasionally because his friends tell him to. He only sleeps or plays his 360, doesn't have a girlfriend and never leaves the house.
I think it's good to have some balance in your life and do something other than game all day.
My house mate has around 150,000 gamer score, which I think is quite sad. No offense to the people with a similar gamer score, of course. But he doesn't buy games for fun anymore, he only buys them so he game get a 1000 gamer score, or occasionally because his friends tell him to. He only sleeps or plays his 360, doesn't have a girlfriend and never leaves the house.
I think it's good to have some balance in your life and do something other than game all day.
It's sad when gaming goes from being an enjoyable passtime (however that's spelled) to being a person's life. I've met a few people similar to that, though never anybody who can't seem to do anything other than play games.
Maybe this friend of yours needs help?
Maybe this friend of yours needs help?
I'm really quite shocked at the level of intolerance for gaming as a hobby in this thread... on a gaming website, of all places. Obviously some of these are pretty severe cases of investing all of your time and energy into a game(s) - which I don't support, as it will lead to a very noticeable decline in the quality of someone's life - but some of them just seem like people choosing introversion over going out or socialising in what some deem to be the 'normal' way.
I don't like crowds. I never have. They make me feel uncomfortable and I envitably don't enjoy myself. For this reason, I don't go to parties, concerts, gigs etc. If the choice is between going out on a Friday night or staying in on the Gamecube or whatever, I'll go for the latter. I still have loads of friends, many of whom I speak to on a regular basis. I enjoy my life. But if I don't do it the same way as other people, does that mean there's something wrong with me?
No, not in the slightest. It means I have different ways of enjoying myself than other people, and since I'm not hurting anyone, there's nothing wrong with that.
I don't like crowds. I never have. They make me feel uncomfortable and I envitably don't enjoy myself. For this reason, I don't go to parties, concerts, gigs etc. If the choice is between going out on a Friday night or staying in on the Gamecube or whatever, I'll go for the latter. I still have loads of friends, many of whom I speak to on a regular basis. I enjoy my life. But if I don't do it the same way as other people, does that mean there's something wrong with me?
No, not in the slightest. It means I have different ways of enjoying myself than other people, and since I'm not hurting anyone, there's nothing wrong with that.
meh, feel sorry for your friend, I mean, it really takes a lot of effort for her to get out of it, I don't think you can do anything to help her, this I say from experience.
I spent 8 years on a different MMO and racked up ~240 days game time ( I played kinda on and off) and I was addicted, my excuse to myself was that the games lore was amazing and I had to keep busy between quest releases. I hadn't realised how much I was rejecting my education(I was a pretty smart kid at school
), friends and whatnot whilst playing.
It only hit me that I was in too deep when my teacher called me aside and told me I had got an E for my first ICT module, which really came to me as a shock as I was expecting at worst a C. I started playing less, and realised the difference...
But once the year was over and the holidays started I started playing again, and the same thing happened the next year, and the next, until I finally decided that I'll have to quit permanently and I couldn't bring myself to just leave so much of my personal work behind, all the friends I'd made etc. etc. So I decided I'd sell all my ingame belongings and account for RL money, and heck, people bought it(and for a lot), it's against game rules and all but I couldn't see another way around it.
When I do something, whether gaming or different, if I'm enthusiastic about it, I will give 110% of my effort to the cause, and I'm not the only one by the looks of it.
Its these type of people who usually get addicted to MMO's, when their efforts could be used to do so many better things.
On another note, heck, non-MMO gaming costs a lot compared to the measly monthly subscription fee XD
As for socialising on the internet, its really not the same as RL, as in, they're not very comparable. RL is a bit like politics, what you say affects what people think of you whereas on the internet you could say what you want, and just change your name and be a brand new person. Which is why pedo's are doing so well on the social networking sites
As for long distance relationships, I don't see what's wrong with it on a dating site where people are looking to hook up but on games, from my experience, its just someone trying to get their hands on the stuff on your account. Which is why the MMO I played made dating on the game a bannable offence.
Someone wrote an essay about MMO's and how they're made to be addicting:
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.285740-Trapped-in-Another-World-An-Essay-on-MMORPG-Addiction-long#11278363
I spent 8 years on a different MMO and racked up ~240 days game time ( I played kinda on and off) and I was addicted, my excuse to myself was that the games lore was amazing and I had to keep busy between quest releases. I hadn't realised how much I was rejecting my education(I was a pretty smart kid at school
), friends and whatnot whilst playing.It only hit me that I was in too deep when my teacher called me aside and told me I had got an E for my first ICT module, which really came to me as a shock as I was expecting at worst a C. I started playing less, and realised the difference...
But once the year was over and the holidays started I started playing again, and the same thing happened the next year, and the next, until I finally decided that I'll have to quit permanently and I couldn't bring myself to just leave so much of my personal work behind, all the friends I'd made etc. etc. So I decided I'd sell all my ingame belongings and account for RL money, and heck, people bought it(and for a lot), it's against game rules and all but I couldn't see another way around it.
When I do something, whether gaming or different, if I'm enthusiastic about it, I will give 110% of my effort to the cause, and I'm not the only one by the looks of it.
Its these type of people who usually get addicted to MMO's, when their efforts could be used to do so many better things.
On another note, heck, non-MMO gaming costs a lot compared to the measly monthly subscription fee XD
As for socialising on the internet, its really not the same as RL, as in, they're not very comparable. RL is a bit like politics, what you say affects what people think of you whereas on the internet you could say what you want, and just change your name and be a brand new person. Which is why pedo's are doing so well on the social networking sites
As for long distance relationships, I don't see what's wrong with it on a dating site where people are looking to hook up but on games, from my experience, its just someone trying to get their hands on the stuff on your account. Which is why the MMO I played made dating on the game a bannable offence.
Someone wrote an essay about MMO's and how they're made to be addicting:
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.285740-Trapped-in-Another-World-An-Essay-on-MMORPG-Addiction-long#11278363
Perhaps I was being presumptuous. You say that you're in an online relationship. I take it that means that you aren't in a relationship relationship. If you prefer speaking to people on the internet who may be lying about their identity or who do not require you to ever leave your home, that would suggest that you don't like to leave your home or meet people in person. You stop short of actual disdain for real relationships, but you do state that, in your opinion, they are in some ways inferior to online relationships.Doom-Slayer said:
I wonder how they are "extremely similar" in your opinion. I am aware of webcam technology, which still is a poor substitute for actual contact. Look at long distance relationships. They almost never ever work, especially over long periods of time, even when the 2 people have known each other for years. This is because contact is integral to deep, meaningful relationships. Your opinions smack of a fantasy world. I could be wrong there, but you seem to want to believe that the people you talk to on the Escapist, who in all likelihood do not know your real name, as well as the women you meet on the internet who live nowhere near you and usually use the internet as an outlet because they feel stuck in their real relationship, really do know you as well or better than your real life friends and family. This is delusion.
An internet exchange on its own can foster an emotional and intellectual bond, but not nearly so much as a real life exchange. Take sex, for example. All the good and all the bad, potential and realized, involved in sex. Akwardness, ecstasy, longing, fulfilment, accidents, regret, guilt. You can't feel this the same way when you cheat on your fake internet girlfriend by having fake internet sex with another fake internet friend. You also cannot explode together. You can't introduce her to your parents, or hold her when she cries. You can't wake up next to each other. And yet this is somehow superior to real relationships, because you think it allows for more honesty? Ever seen To Catch A Predator? People lie about their age, their looks, their job, their wealth, every single part of their lives on the internet. At least as much lying occurs between internet friends, if not more, than in the real world.
Internet relationships can do a lot to enrich one's life and further his/her goals. Networking, for example, and anonymous advice. But it will never ever do for a human being what an actual relationship will do. And you should always be wary of spending too much time in an environment, virtual or actual, wherein it is easier to lie to yourself.
This is not a hate thread, though it is the internet so you could be MLK, Ron Jeremy or Bill Gates and there'd still be plenty of people to tell you that they think you're pathetic. Hell, I've been told that I'm pathetic for thinking that the skinheads were a bunch of racists (silly me!) or that anarchy was the belief that there should be no government. It sounds very melodramatic when you claim that you're being hated on. OP wants to help his friend before she alienates everyone in favor of a virtual world that isn't even cool and trippy like the Matrix.Daniel Janhagen said:
This was genuinely inspiring - good on you! Unfortunately though, gaming can also be used to *avoid* social content - an attempt to fill a social hole that starts off as a place holder activity but in the end replaces social interaction in its entirety. I am not saying online relations aren't "real", but I think they will rarely be as meaningful if you don't meet people IRL. As a former WoW addict I can see that often in people, and for similar reasons - the key is to let it help you, not be a crutch.Zeriah said:
As for the original post - your best bet may be to try to wean her off gradually, rather than a traumatic break with an online community. Maybe you could try scheduling time for you to do something with her IRL at the same time every week. She might be more amendable if it is routine, and therefore avoids clashing with her online life as she can plan ahead. Then gradually increase that amount of time IRL and reduce her dependency? Either way, good luck!
I know a guy who plays Halo: Reach like that, he's bought every item in the armory and spends quite litterally if you believe him, all day playing Halo: Reach. He's not really my friend but he was once the friend of my other friends, they say he's become totally removed from everyone else, the only time he's not playing Halo is when he post his status on Facebook complaining that nobody is hanging out with him.
EDIT: Ok, thats wierd, its not showing up. My original post is invisible for some reason, long story short I have an aquaintance that is a Halo: Reach addict.
EDIT: Ok, thats wierd, its not showing up. My original post is invisible for some reason, long story short I have an aquaintance that is a Halo: Reach addict.
No, i hate the dateline style sitting some one down and in a confrontational manner state 'You have a Problem'.Ragsnstitches said:
it is such a broken method of therapy that i strongly disagree with. If compounds the problems so much more so then setting it on the right track....
The person either becomes confused or the person becomes angry. And either action just simply acts as 'proof' that what ever you confronted the person with is true. Regardless of what happens or what is said, this method says in a rather direct manner 'You are wrong, i am Right'. I would much rather creating an evolving discussion where both individuals arrive to the conclusion through their on introspection Rather then directly confronting the individual with an absolute and asking them to either accept to deny it.
your analaysis on the possibilities and reasons is valid, although i disagree with it from my life experience.
This view is pretty narrow minded, I have a full time job, I go out with friends, I have several sporting teams I play for, I don't like going to parties and I spend a lot of time gaming. I've talked to a lot of people who love partying and I can safely assure you I will always prefer an online interaction over anything you'll ever get at a party. I've had girls in my indoor netball team talk about going to a party with the entire intention of getting drunk and vomiting at least once, seen so many status updates on Facebook about people not even remembering what they did last night at a party...SillyBear said:
I've made life long friends over the internet, not only that but with some people I never would have met otherwise (in different countries/states). I've moved games and still talk to some of these people about things ranging from how their kids are doing or anything non-gaming related. I love going out with "outside friends" and doing stuff together but I'd still count some of my online friends as equal or sometimes even better friends and have even arranged and gone to meet-ups with a few of them.
You're going on and on about her problem, maybe you need to look at your own.