How much are you willing to change for a partner?

[Candidus]

A pretty clear-cut question.
Are you willing to change parts of yourself (habits, appearance, hobbies, job, location, social circle, political views, religious views, etc)

I'm going to take your list, because I think it's pretty comprehensive.

Habits - Yeah, I'll change habits. If we're talking about the way I often leave bread crumbs on the board and don't even mind them when I'm next preparing bread, I could probably stand to change that for someone...

Appearance - Nope. I wear whatever is nearest to hand and I stop when I'm wearing enough to face the climate and avoid arrest. I'll never change in this attitude. Right now, I'm wearing pink PJ trousers with a heart pattern and a blue dressing gown over a black button shirt. My hair is a mop and my beard is out of control. I took the dog just before lunch in broad daylight. Don't want to come with me? That's your problem.

Hobbies - No. I might pick up some of yours if they're up my alley, but I won't abandon mine because you don't like them.

Job - What?

Social Circle - ... What?

Political Views, Religious Views - No, but I can be civil about our disagreements.

So I guess by and large, the answer is no. With a little wiggle room here and there.

 

[Abomination]

If I have to change to make someone like me or keep someone liking me then that person is not worth changing for.

 

[Rednog]

No I wouldn't change. To be honest that's the thing that makes me pull back in horror from the notion of relationships. I just don't like the concept of having to "change" for someone else. The whole "oh the wife told me to get rid of it" thing just disgusts me. I've been a lone wolf all my life and that's not going to change, I just prefer to do things as I see fit even if it costs me relationships, friends, etc.

 

[Daveman]

A lot of people are saying that if somebody asks them to change they'd say no and end the relationship. I agree with that, but I'd phrase it another way.

I would change. If I'm not willing to do that for them, then why am I in that relationship?

 

[BathorysGraveland]

Not much, that's for sure. At least appearance-wise. If a girl doesn't like long hair on men, then that's too damn bad. I've spent years growing it out and I ain't cutting it off for anyone until I, myself, want to (a little immature I know, since I hold this line of thought for employment too. But goddamn it we're in 2013. Men shouldn't need to have clean cut short hair to work!). I might be a little more open to not having a beard, if a girl so wished, but the hair stays!

As for other things? I would not change my tastes in music, books or games at all. Ever. I would be open to trying new things that she likes, sure, but I ain't getting rid of my heavy metal or cease playing video games just because she doesn't like it. I wouldn't expect her to do that if she had tastes that I didn't like either. It goes both ways.

As for personal little improvements, like using foul language less (I admit, I swear like a fucking sailor) or being less selfish, then I'd happily try to better myself with things like that. But I wouldn't change the core of myself for anyone. I think you cease being an individual if you allow yourself to be enslaved by another, even if it is indirect.

I hope all that makes sense.

 

[Brainwreck]

Oh. I thought this was about transhumanism.

I guess I'd be willing to change for someone I care about. I probably couldn't do it though, because people don't change themselves.
Your means define your existence. Your environment/social interactions/resources define who you are. You can try to be a better, more caring person, but from my experience, people inevitably fail at this.
Maybe I'm just a shitty person who knows only shitty people and sees no way out.

 

[Angie7F]

Although would say I would never change or compromise for someone, I know that I have changed quite a bit over the last few years after meeting my current boyfriend.
I think if you feel that the change is forced, then you shouldnt do it.
If the change comes naturally then it means you get along with that person.

 

[Vault101]

[
To be honest, I get the impression that "I'm perfect the way I am and if the world has a problem with it, tough beans!" is just something people tell themselves so that they can live their lives complacent with never having to address their flaws or imperfections that could stand improvements. I don't think i've ever met someone who didn't have major social/psychological issues who could truthfully tell me they did not see flaws in themselves.

exactly

although I think the reason many people here are so adamant is becuase its a common thing in both real life and media that men (cuz its only men right?) must give up "childish things" like games/anime/ect which isn't completly true

 

[MetalMagpie]

Whilst I wouldn't stay with someone who insisted that I change X "or I leave you", I'm happy to change things about myself (annoying habits, my routine, my diet) to make someone I love happier.

Moving in with my boyfriend meant changing quite a number of my habits. I used to always do all my housework on a Friday evening (leaving me the entire weekend to chill out) but that really annoyed my boyfriend (because all he wanted to do on a Friday is relax - not helped by the sound of me hoovering). We had a chat about it and now we do the housework together on Saturday morning. Similarly, we arrived at various compromises around what food we buy, to avoid having two types of milk, two types of bread, etc.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Habits - If it's not a big deal and if it's something I can help, then sure.

Appearance - Within reason. I'm open to suggestions, but they would have to accept that I'm not willing to wear something that makes me feel like a fucking douche bag.

Hobbies - I'm certainly willing to give new things a try, so if they have something to recommend, I'd give it a whirl, but I have absolutely no desire to tailor my interests for their convenience; anything that I'm really into right now is most likely here to stay, so they'd better get used to it.

Job - If they could find me a better offer that's available elsewhere, I'd like to hear it. But otherwise no, I don't think I'd be willing to quit my job simply because they don't like the idea of me being an [Insert occupation here].

Location - Depends on the circumstances, but ultimately as Sexual Harassment Panda said I'd have to be on board for my own reasons as well.

Social circle - What social circle? Really though, at any rate I think it's pretty unfair to expect your partner to abandon their friends at your behest.

Political views - Le nope.

Religious views - Short of the person themselves turning out to be some kind of incarnated deity, I would say no.

By and large, while I'm not so stubborn that I'm not willing to compromise in any capacity, I'm also not so desperate for companionship that I'm willing to completely dis-configure my personality into something that's more palatable for them. If they don't like you for who you are, then I don't see the point.

 

[Realitycrash]

[
To be honest, I get the impression that "I'm perfect the way I am and if the world has a problem with it, tough beans!" is just something people tell themselves so that they can live their lives complacent with never having to address their flaws or imperfections that could stand improvements. I don't think i've ever met someone who didn't have major social/psychological issues who could truthfully tell me they did not see flaws in themselves.

exactly

although I think the reason many people here are so adamant is becuase its a common thing in both real life and media that men (cuz its only men right?) must give up "childish things" like games/anime/ect which isn't completly true

I tend to agree with this sentiment too.
Specifically, I feel that a lot of people do not fully grasp exactly how much they want a partner or a relationship, and while I can accept that people would 'rather be alone' than to 'compromise themselves', it does tend to sound like an excuse, because these people rarely do want to be alone, they just want things to happen on their terms.
I am not too bothered by these people overall, but my ire is drawn when they also actively complains that 'no-one likes me', but at the same time demand that they must be 'loved for who they are'.
You can either play hardball and refuse to change or 'settle', but then you need to shut up and suffer through the loneliness, or you can change parts of yourself and be overall more happy.

 

[Hagi]

The little things that don't define me? Sure, a haircut or getting a bit tidier won't hurt me.

The important things that make me who I am? Hell no.

 

[EeveeElectro]

The only thing I'd change is where I'd live and any bad habits. If I do certain things that piss them off, I'd want them to tell me so I can work on it.
If it's something like "I want you to be a size 8 and dye your hair and stop liking cats" well they can go fuck themselves and find a girlfriend like that rather than moulding me into something I'm not.

I'm not perfect and I never will be but if they don't like the little things that make me and my opinions then they can go find someone else.

 

[Reaper195]

I have no problem wearing tidier/different clothes, since half the stuff I wear at home (At home alone) is some of the mankiest clothing around, all ripped an' shit. Not entirely sure about my hair, as it's taken over five years to get it as long as it is, and just cutting it off for a bit of skirt seems kind of...wrong. Religious views (Of which I have none), political opinions, hobbies, etc? Lolno. Because a genuinely interested person wouldn't give much of a damn what I do/believe. Sure, I'd probably play less video games, but that's because I do fuck all else. But I wouldn't change my taste in music (A mad mixture of classical, modern orchestra (Gotta drop dat Nolan BWAAAAAAAAAAAGH), dubstep, metal, rap, etc), my interest in video games or my incredibly high opinion of my box of a Nissan Cefiro.

 

[klown]

Depends how big of the changes are, and how much they will change as well. If I have to change my passions, and who I am at the core, then they don't really like me for who I am, at which point the relationship will fail at a fundamental level.

If I have to change things like, how often I play games, or how I spend my time, or something like that, that's perfectly fine.

 

[snowbear]

No one should force themselves to change for anyone! If you need to drastically change any kind of behavior or habit in order to get someone to go out with you, then that person is probably not for you and the relationship has less chance of success.

Unforced changes happen though and they happen naturally. Since I started dating my gf my habits have changed drastically. I game a lot less not because she wants me to, but because I want to spend time with her and in order for that to happen something had to change and a compromise had to be made somewhere.

However just because my gf doesn't like anime doesn't mean I'm going suddenly change and not watch my favorite shows anymore.

 

[aba1]

Habits - If I'm being annoying, I have no problem with it being pointed out. If it's reasonable, I'll try to remedy it.

Appearance - Again, if it's reasonable. As in maybe losing some facial hair or cleaning myself up a bit. I'm not having anyone dress me or tell me how to have my hair.

Hobbies - Ha... no.

Job - No.

Location - Possibly. But I would have to be on board for my own reasons too.

Social circle - Doubtful. Though I don't really have one.

Political views - Am I picking them?

Religious views - Again, don't think I'm picking them... think they're just how I feel.

Apparently I'm not willing to change much. Oh well.

Sounds about right nothing wrong with making small changes to be a bit bit more accommodating but that the same time you shouldn't be asked to change the things that define you. I have done stuff I don't agree with necessarily for my girlfriend cause it makes her happy and she has done the same just small things like she asks me to do things less but I will do things for her. I am more of a independent type where you do things for yourself and don't ask others and she is the type where asking others all the time is a norm so we meet each other half way.

 

[disgruntledgamer]

Depends is it something I find annoying about myself or something that actually needs improving like better organization skills? In that case yes I would put forth an effort since I actually want to change that about myself anyway but probably been putting it off from laziness.

If it's something I don't want to change than I'm not going to change period.