Well, good to know that there are people who intend to help others with relationship conflicts rather than seeking help with their own problems. Kudos to you I suppose.
How to win the girl. (Some help for all the "best friends" out there.)
- Thread starter maximilian
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That's my biggest problem with this thread: it seems to imply there's all this "stuff" you have to do or ways to act to get a girlfriend. I got my current girlfriend by talking to her on the shuttle as we rode back from a class we were both taking. By just chatting about everything casually and being honest we realized we shared a mutual attraction and many common interests.RAKtheUndead said:
In other words, my strategy was literally:
1. Be myself.
2. Talk.
3. Have the woman be interested in me.
It wasn't some huge deal. Excuse me, Mr. The OP, but I don't recommend the advice you give because it's way too detailed and too much work. I think you could cut basically everything down to "be yourself, be willing to talk, go outside your comfort zone and ask out women when you're interested."
But then, BonsaiK would be the real person to talk to about this kind of thing.
I'd like to add I agree with this wholeheartedly.Simriel said:
Lots of people from all walks of life are unemployed right now. Even crappy jobs are hard to get. I'm not giving a girl welfare, I'm dating her.
tl;dr
First post should have been nothing more than "Girls do not care about nice guys. The end."
Trust me, I've slept with nearly 200 of them. They care about money, fun, how good you are in bed, charisma, looks, and then personality. In that order. The sooner you learn this, the better off you'll be.
Oh and protip: Do NOT tell a girl you watch anime or play video games unless you want to doom yourself to a life of chubby-chasing.
First post should have been nothing more than "Girls do not care about nice guys. The end."
Trust me, I've slept with nearly 200 of them. They care about money, fun, how good you are in bed, charisma, looks, and then personality. In that order. The sooner you learn this, the better off you'll be.
Oh and protip: Do NOT tell a girl you watch anime or play video games unless you want to doom yourself to a life of chubby-chasing.
I realised how much work I still have left to do, and so my forum replies are going to be far and few between for the next few days.
It seems to me that the logic behind the criticism of my OP is (very snarky most of the time):
You are giving a "method". I do not like that you would assume a "method" can be used.
My advice is therefore "be yourself".
The problem with this is that my "method" is for guys to use that will essentially LET THEM BE THEMSELVES (as expressed so many time I do not care to count).
You can understand my frustration, therefore, when someone replies with "OP is wrong just be yourself" (in varying levels of vitriol).
The whole problem is that many guys are NOT themselves around that special girl - they become afraid and sycophantic and fall into nice guy territory as such.
Giving me scant anecdotal evidence as to why "being yourself" got you that girl only PROVES my point. THE ISSUE IS THAT THE GUY IS NOT HIMSELF. MY METHOD IS TO ALLOW HIM A PRACTICAL TOOL SET TO MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE (OR AT LEAST APPEAR COMFORTABLE) ENOUGH TO BE HIMSELF.
I know, as a former nice guy, that understanding that I changed at all around that special girl, and that the way I changed neutered my personality took me to looking at the whole problem entirely differently. What I wanted, however, was a practical list of solutions and ways to stop myself changing (and most of it is entirely counter intuitive).
Lastly, to the girls who are replying:
The core of my message is "be yourself" (like your advice).
I do not think all girls are the same, however I believe the majority of girls do NOT find sycophantic, timid or "friendly" (AS IN: super touchy and needy) guys attractive and dateable. As such, my advice is to GUYS, about the way GUYS behave.
And similarly, anyone talking about "how much sex you can get if you're an asshole" - please do not continue this type of talk, as I believe it is both degrading, wrong and manipulative.
It seems to me that the logic behind the criticism of my OP is (very snarky most of the time):
You are giving a "method". I do not like that you would assume a "method" can be used.
My advice is therefore "be yourself".
The problem with this is that my "method" is for guys to use that will essentially LET THEM BE THEMSELVES (as expressed so many time I do not care to count).
You can understand my frustration, therefore, when someone replies with "OP is wrong just be yourself" (in varying levels of vitriol).
The whole problem is that many guys are NOT themselves around that special girl - they become afraid and sycophantic and fall into nice guy territory as such.
Giving me scant anecdotal evidence as to why "being yourself" got you that girl only PROVES my point. THE ISSUE IS THAT THE GUY IS NOT HIMSELF. MY METHOD IS TO ALLOW HIM A PRACTICAL TOOL SET TO MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE (OR AT LEAST APPEAR COMFORTABLE) ENOUGH TO BE HIMSELF.
I know, as a former nice guy, that understanding that I changed at all around that special girl, and that the way I changed neutered my personality took me to looking at the whole problem entirely differently. What I wanted, however, was a practical list of solutions and ways to stop myself changing (and most of it is entirely counter intuitive).
Lastly, to the girls who are replying:
The core of my message is "be yourself" (like your advice).
I do not think all girls are the same, however I believe the majority of girls do NOT find sycophantic, timid or "friendly" (AS IN: super touchy and needy) guys attractive and dateable. As such, my advice is to GUYS, about the way GUYS behave.
And similarly, anyone talking about "how much sex you can get if you're an asshole" - please do not continue this type of talk, as I believe it is both degrading, wrong and manipulative.
It may have been said in the comments, but...
Act confident and indifferent.
That's not 'arrogant' and 'uncaring'. But confident and indifferent. Act like she's a normal girl, like she's just one of the millions of women out there. Be nice, be friendly, act indifferent to the possibility of romance.
Act confident and indifferent.
That's not 'arrogant' and 'uncaring'. But confident and indifferent. Act like she's a normal girl, like she's just one of the millions of women out there. Be nice, be friendly, act indifferent to the possibility of romance.
I suppose some people will want to know what I think of this thread so I guess I'd better reply.maximilian said:
I agree with the part I've quoted, which is your central point, and I think you're right. However, I feel that it's contradictory and confusing to on the one hand say "be yourself" and on the other hand bog people down with some very cheesy and unnecessary rulebook details. If you don't want to be accused of being a pick-up artist, don't apply blanket rules to women and behavioural situations as a pick-up artist would do, and then you may find that your post will not be as offensive to some forum members.
Ironic also that your post has such a defensive tone to it, yet you advise guys to not be defensive. Perhaps you haven't transformed your own patterns of behaviour quite as much as you would like to believe. Mind you, to be fair I might just be a little biased against you because you spoiled Saw 2 for me.
(Please don't put surprise spoilers in your posts, it's very rude to all forum members.)
Thanks for reading the OP, and for commenting.BonsaiK said:
While the "rules" are cheesy, I myself found them very necessary for understanding exactly what the abstract advice "be yourself" actually meant, and how it could be achieved. In fact, in the logic I used then, being the doormat "nice guy" would have been "myself" - hence I would have seen no need to change my behaviour. While these sound cheesy to me, and to many people who do not struggle with the issue I'm addressing, I personally would have been very thankful for some practical suggestions as to what "being yourself" both looked like, and how to do it in front of a girl.
Similarly, I'm not applying blanket rules to women - I'm applying blanket rules to men who struggle to maintain who they are in front of a girl. Nearly all my "rules" are precautions to actively preserve or relax a guy in the face of extreme stress (science has shown us how much of an effect *that girl* has on us guys!).
Similarly, I think much of the offense is caused by the notion of the post, not the actual information in the post.
I don't agree that it's a defensive tone in the way that you suggest.Ironic also that your post has such a defensive tone to it, yet you advise guys to not be defensive. Perhaps you haven't transformed your own patterns of behaviour quite as much as you would like to believe. Mind you, to be fair I might just be a little biased against you because you spoiled Saw 2 for me.
I think it's an uneasy tone, as I don't want to push advice onto guys, yet I don't want it to stand as some weak opinion. I've backed up everything I've said, and (for the most part) politely answered every question fielded. I agree that I have become "defensive" when having to swat away all the uninformed hatred lambasting me every step of the way. I'm hardly going to be praised for having an "attacking" tone.
In that sense, I think if I had been attacking or arrogant and unreasonable I would have demonstrated the characteristics people are mistaking me as praising (in guys for them to get girls).
As such, I think this thread is a good example of my advice (though my advice should only be applied to preserving integrity around that girl) - I have been direct, fair (I've point quoted), used erudite language and haven't backed down from my opinion, all the while being able to acknowledge the pros in many replies.
Lastly, I'm sorry to spoil Saw 2 for you. The particular reply to that user was one with marked frustration at the incredible discourtesy they showed both my OP (having not actually read it with the thoroughness it needs - given the topic), and then in using personal attacks on both my character and anything I had to say in rebuttal.
"Act yourself" is stupid advice, for the record. No one acts 100% like themselves the first time they meet a girl they want to have sex with.
You need confidence and charisma, without going into the realm of arrogance. Telling someone who can't get laid to act like themselves ensures they'll never get laid. Bad move.
You need confidence and charisma, without going into the realm of arrogance. Telling someone who can't get laid to act like themselves ensures they'll never get laid. Bad move.
no man its a jokeDyp100 said:
A:" pussy"
B: "ha?"
A: "pussy"
B: "what?"
A: "pussy"
B: " i dont get it "
A "AND YOU NEVER WILL"