"I Hate Hanging Out With You And Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend"

[arsenicCatnip]

This is a rant/question. You have been warned.

I've been guilt-tripped into spending the evening with my roommate and her boyfriend tonight, simply because she told me that she feels like she has to choose between him and me.

Really, though, I hate hanging out with her when she's with him. Every time I do, I get ignored. Epic third wheel feeling, and I'm sick and tired of it. She leaves me behind to spend time with him, but wouldn't give up an evening with him just to hang with me.

(Doesn't hurt that I hate her boyfriend anyway. Pretentious douchenozzle.)

How do you deal with that "I don't really belong with you guys" feeling? And what's a more polite way to phrase the title of this thread?

 

[ace_of_something]

Try and bringing along a fourth person if possible? That way when they ignore you you can talk with each other.

 

[Miumaru]

Depression, but then I always felt like that around my friends. Becuase I did not want to be that person either, I never did anything with them since I wanted them to invite me cause they wanted to, not cause I forced them to or just followed them.

 

[Biosophilogical]

Well, not meaning to sound condescending or anything, but when you have time with your friend, you could just say how you feel, and ask that she doesn't invite her boyfriend to your 'friend time' and for her not to invite you to her 'boyfriend time' because it makes you uncomfortable.

Alternatively, if you feel like being the hero/dick (depending on the relationship they have) you could sabotage the relationship, though that might just be me, seeing as the last time I didn't like a friend's relationship and the broke up, he completely agrees that I was right all along ... so yeah, this second suggestion is probably doomed to fail, no matter how successful it is, and my suggesting it may just be my rose-coloured-glasses-vision.

EDIT: Then again, I'm 16, so my opinion may be completely naive and stupid in every possible meaning of the words.

 

[arsenicCatnip]

Well, not meaning to sound condescending or anything, but when you have time with your friend, you could just say how you feel, and ask that she doesn't invite her boyfriend to your 'friend time' and for her not to invite you to her 'boyfriend time' because it makes you uncomfortable.

I've tried to explain to her, actually. Tonight, I told her flat-out that I don't enjoy being with them, and she proceeded to tell me that he enjoyed my company, even if I don't like his... and that (in not quite so many words) I'm a shut-in who needs to spend more time with people.

 

[wkrepelin]

I hate the whole "couple comes as a pair" thing. If your friend can't accept that you don't want to hang with her and her guy well, then, poo. I wasn't in a roommate relationship in either case but I have stopped hanging out with no less than three friends because they had their significant other joined surgically at the hip. If you just want to be friends with one and not the other that's well within your rights. You want to make some effort but where you draw the line is up to you.

 

[Sjakie]

This is a rant/question. You have been warned.

I've been guilt-tripped into spending the evening with my roommate and her boyfriend tonight, simply because she told me that she feels like she has to choose between him and me.

Really, though, I hate hanging out with her when she's with him. Every time I do, I get ignored. Epic third wheel feeling, and I'm sick and tired of it. She leaves me behind to spend time with him, but wouldn't give up an evening with him just to hang with me.

(Doesn't hurt that I hate her boyfriend anyway. Pretentious douchenozzle.)

How do you deal with that "I don't really belong with you guys" feeling? And what's a more polite way to phrase the title of this thread?

Simply say : NO and then proceed with doing something fun without her (if she asks why, tell her to figure it out by herself.)
If your being guilt-tripped, you need to be more aggressive at first to stop it from happening again and later on you will become more assertive by itself
Learn to do that or get used to being a doormat for somebody elses feelings...your choice

 

[Skinny_Ninja]

I usually avoid my friends when they're with their girl/boy friends.

They don't do it on purpose, but all that lovey dovey crap really makes a single fellow feel like a lonely piece of shit.

I'm not jealous of my friends or mad. I just don't like being reminded that I'm alone.

Now if/when I'm dating I do tend to hang out with friends who also are in a relationship. Double Dates and the like so I don't make my single friends feel like crap.

I do explain to my friends why I don't hang out with them and their boy/girlfriends. Since most of us have been the depressed third wheel at some point, they understood and opted to hang out when their lover wasn't around.

The ones that don't understand can just piss off for all I care.

Suggestion Time!

Make new friends. It doesn't seem like the one you have currently cares that much about how you feel. Just tell her that you don't want to hang out with her and her guy. If she doesn't like it then tell her to piss off and proceed to find yourself a real friend who actually cares about how you feel.

 

[Eleima]

More polite way for naming thread: Accept what you want, for why you want it.
This silly third wheel crap shouldn't bother you. If someone pulls that card "feels like she has to choose between him and me" you are dealing with someone that isn't worth your time. Have some pride, feel you have some worth, and do something because you want to, not because someone is leading you along like a lost puppy.
Teen years are full of trial and error, don't get down because you have been f'd over at this point. Try to take it all in as a lesson. Hopefully next time you will learn from your mistakes.

That must be the wisest thing I've read this morning. Sober Thal is right, and on every single point. There's only one thing I might add: don't let her guilt trip you into spending time with them if they're too busy being engrossed with each other. If you don't like spending time with them, go do something else: go out with other friends, read a book, whatever. Just be diplomatic and assertive about it. Being assertive [http://www.enterprisemedia.com/cgi-bin/screener.cgi?get=00568_1.asx] is key: firm, but not aggressive.

 

[Aura Guardian]

This is a rant/question. You have been warned.

I've been guilt-tripped into spending the evening with my roommate and her boyfriend tonight, simply because she told me that she feels like she has to choose between him and me.

Really, though, I hate hanging out with her when she's with him. Every time I do, I get ignored. Epic third wheel feeling, and I'm sick and tired of it. She leaves me behind to spend time with him, but wouldn't give up an evening with him just to hang with me.

(Doesn't hurt that I hate her boyfriend anyway. Pretentious douchenozzle.)

How do you deal with that "I don't really belong with you guys" feeling? And what's a more polite way to phrase the title of this thread?

Oh god I hate that. I also hate when I see my friends bio. For example..."I have the best boyfriend in the world. I love my girlfriend so much" Uggh...Some of my friends who are taken usually keeps that stuff to themselves because they know how annoying it is. But at the same time...can't blame them. They would probably be hit on by a lot of people.

As for your title..."That third wheel feeling" "Dammit...I'm a third wheel."

 

[Monkeylord]

Perhaps make your hatred of him clearer? If you're close enough friends you shouldn't have to mince words about it. Tell her you think he's a douchecake and would rather not be around him.

 

[Vampire cat]

This is a rant/question. You have been warned.

I've been guilt-tripped into spending the evening with my roommate and her boyfriend tonight, simply because she told me that she feels like she has to choose between him and me.

Really, though, I hate hanging out with her when she's with him. Every time I do, I get ignored. Epic third wheel feeling, and I'm sick and tired of it. She leaves me behind to spend time with him, but wouldn't give up an evening with him just to hang with me.

(Doesn't hurt that I hate her boyfriend anyway. Pretentious douchenozzle.)

How do you deal with that "I don't really belong with you guys" feeling? And what's a more polite way to phrase the title of this thread?

If she's like that, she's already made her choise... No doubt about that. I'd start paying more attention to my other friends and if she realize what she's done she'll do something about it (if she cares that is).

Yeah, I've been getting that feeling too. But I've always told myself that people that ignore you aren't your friends. When my friends started doing that to me, I simply don't want to spend time with them anymore... I need attention if they want me to pay attention. I'll still enjoy video games and airsoft with them now and again, its not like I hate them, I just don't see them as my friends anymore.

Guess thats sorta sad seeing as we've been "friends" since first grade, but I'm sick and tired of always being the one that comes running when they never do the same for me. I'll go as far as calling them assholes, but I still like shooting assholes in video games and airsoft =p.

 

[Hurray Forums]

Well, I would probably flat out refuse to go as it doesn't sound like she's treating you very nicely or respecting your feelings, but if you insist on going I would make sure you have plans for something that won't be atrociously boring if they choose to ignore you as they have in the past. A movie is good, even if they don't talk to you you can still have a good time. Bonus points if you make the jerk boyfriend pay for it all ^_^

 

[Abedeus]

Well, my sister and their husband have that problem. He wants to invite a friend to come over and play some video games for an evening, and his girlfriend is JEALOUS (of a guy...) and doesn't let him go.

Ignore or kick her in the teeth, it's your choice. Or get a new friend.

 

[Pegghead]

I can't really relate to the situation directly as me and my mates are all dateless virgins (And I say that like it's a bad thing hehehe, ehe...*Sigh*) but I can relate to being the third wheel. In my primary years for the first school I was at I may've been in a group of friends but the "Head" of that group treated me like crap and really I only keep in contact with two people I knew from that school, in my second primary school I only had one friend (But considering what a great friend he is I don't regret having to spend lots of days alone on the schoolyard whenever he was sick or something). When highschool came around I was somewhat lucky as one of my friends from my first primary school was going to the same one I was (The other two friends from my primary years went to other high schools) and considering the diversity and enormous numbers of people you get at highschools I now have a good group of good mates, but whenever parties and get-togethers roll around where they end up inviting a bunch of primary friends I have felt like the third wheel on many occasions, barely getting along with the other guests and desperately trying to stick close to those that I do know.

 

[Yureina]

I run into this sort of thing more often than I would like, however unintentional. It might just be my personality in being sort of a loner, but I always find myself as the odd person out in these kinds of situations. Even so, I don't feel jealous or anything because that's just not how I operate. Sad is more often the case.

With that said, I make conscious effort to avoid these sorts of situations as much as possible, to the point that I am more likely to refuse social invitations where I think i'll be the odd person out rather than not. Shame, I know, but i'm not really a social person anyway.

Anyway, as for the OP, i'd say find some new friends. If this is consistently happening, then there is something wrong about that.

 

[TimeLord]

I hate hanging out with my mate and her boyfriend as all they do is stay attached to each others faces all night

 

[Rakkana]

Never go in threes if their's a boy-girl couple inside it. you will get bored.

I hate hanging out with my mate and her boyfriend as all they do is stay attached to each others faces all night

this happens.

 

[ace_of_something]

I've tried to explain to her, actually. Tonight, I told her flat-out that I don't enjoy being with them, and she proceeded to tell me that he enjoyed my company, even if I don't like his... and that (in not quite so many words) I'm a shut-in who needs to spend more time with people.

I totally read that as a 'slut-in' and was about to tell you to slap her.

My 2nd suggestion beyond inviting more people is talk to the boyfriend one on one if you can. There's a pretty good chance he doesn't want you there either but won't say it because he's afraid of pissing your friend off.