"I Hate Hanging Out With You And Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend"
- Thread starter arsenicCatnip
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I'd've never thought of that. Nice one.ace_of_something said:
What ace_of_something said, or just fuck her and get it over with.
Hey, every Thursday me and my GF bring along 3 others to watch movies at my house. Two of the others are also dating. The third doesn't always come along, but when she does we usually manage to stick her in-between us both so she gets squished 
endless amusement!
Although last week my gf didn't hug me... so I got slightly depressed, but I think that's over now. I HOPE THAT'S OVER NOW
endless amusement!Although last week my gf didn't hug me... so I got slightly depressed, but I think that's over now. I HOPE THAT'S OVER NOW
A mate of mine and his girlfriend are like this. To make matters worse, they are one of those couples that talk to eachother like a pair of freshly lobotomised toddlers.
"Naaw does mooshy mooshy want to go to sleepy night nights?" "I wuvs you yes I do"
The urge to scream at them "Shut the fuck up or talk like real people!" is overwhelming, but I'm getting slightly sidetracked.....
If you get the third wheel feeling, dont be afraid to make it known. Do it right back to them. I often deliberately invade their personal spaces at private moments "accidentally" just to remind them that yes I am in the room and yes you should stop straddling eachother right about now.
If your invited there, then make your presence known.
"Naaw does mooshy mooshy want to go to sleepy night nights?" "I wuvs you yes I do"
The urge to scream at them "Shut the fuck up or talk like real people!" is overwhelming, but I'm getting slightly sidetracked.....
If you get the third wheel feeling, dont be afraid to make it known. Do it right back to them. I often deliberately invade their personal spaces at private moments "accidentally" just to remind them that yes I am in the room and yes you should stop straddling eachother right about now.
If your invited there, then make your presence known.
I'm in the same boat tonight really. Friend has invited me to her BBQ and from what I gather it's all gonna be couples there with just me as the only single person there... can't really turn up with some random women so I'd end up being a spare dick at a wedding lol.
Might show up for a bit then go off to town.
Might show up for a bit then go off to town.
Ahh you see im on the other end of this situation as i bring my girlfriend pretty much everywhere and she takes me pretty much everywhere as well.
I try to avoid it being just us and one other person cos you can just sense their uncomfortable (so its pretty unlikely she has not noticed how you feel) especially if they are single themselves as who wants to have a happy couple paraded in their face when they are all alone in life. So i try to get someone else along as well as even though you can try and not touch each other or be "coupley" theres just that bond there and when your in a relationship with someone its like you have a kind of code which only you two can get so the other person just feels left out.
I'm not defending your friend here as i don't really no anything about it obviously but i'm just saying its really hard making a third person feel included all the time, in fact most of the time the third person excludes themselves "i'll just leave you guys to it" which can be equally annoying.
I try to avoid it being just us and one other person cos you can just sense their uncomfortable (so its pretty unlikely she has not noticed how you feel) especially if they are single themselves as who wants to have a happy couple paraded in their face when they are all alone in life. So i try to get someone else along as well as even though you can try and not touch each other or be "coupley" theres just that bond there and when your in a relationship with someone its like you have a kind of code which only you two can get so the other person just feels left out.
I'm not defending your friend here as i don't really no anything about it obviously but i'm just saying its really hard making a third person feel included all the time, in fact most of the time the third person excludes themselves "i'll just leave you guys to it" which can be equally annoying.
Oop, i often end up doing this with my best friend. She doesnt have a boyfriend, but obviously likes spending time with me. Trouble is, the only times we can meet up is weekends and my boyfriend lives with me on weekends so it means we all go out together, and yes, so i cant stop hugging him and kissing him regardless of how jealous she gets. I dont shut her out granted, i often joke on with her, sometimes about him when he isnt paying much attention.lilmisspotatoes said:
OT: if i were you i'd just tell her you have plans, and bugger off out the house/flat for a few hours giving them space to be alone and so that you dont feel awkward being aroud them. Having said that, why would she think that she's choosing between you and her boyfriend is hard to understand seeing as you are both entitled to your own lives and be free to see someone and spend time with them. If that means the odd times of asking "please can i have the house/flat to myself as i would like to invite my partner". Is that too much to ask for the odd occasion without awkwardness??
Honestly, when my friend offered forth the: "I feel like I am ignoring you" excuse. I would respond with: "Yes you are, and I am glad. No interested in hanging with your BF/GF. We can catch up later." Essentially admit you have no desire to be the dreaded third wheel in this little scenario your friend believes is a perfect solution. Either she makes time to spend with her friends, or allows her boyfriend to dominate her life and subsequently loses said friends in the process. Of course you have to be ready to set your foot down and not found yourself guilted into something.lilmisspotatoes said:
I just leave and enjoy their guilt. Sad I know, but they shouldn't be such cocks.lilmisspotatoes said:
As for you hating being the third wheel, just don't go man. If she's doing that then she's just fucking with you, don't let her.
Been there before and I just stopped hanging, I just don't feel like being the third person. I had this girl friend (no intentions to be girlfriend thou) in high school and we used to hang around a lot. Her boyfriend would often show up (didn't seem the jealous kind of guy) and I would usually get away and make up a clichéd excuse. One time she came up and told me exactly that he sympathised with me and would like to chat with me more, but I answered, yes but not the 3 of us, I don't feel comfortable. She actually understood.lilmisspotatoes said:
It's depressing. If I am with a friend and his/her bf/gf show up or if there is a 4th and even 5th person that should come and end up not showing up I just make my move out of scene (anyway I think in 90% of the times at least the couple appreciates that, even if they pretend they would like you to stay).
Ugh, I know a couple like this. They've been utterly attached at the hip since they met a couple years ago and they're damn near inseparable. He's my buddy, but I'm pretty much indifferent about his girlfriend. I find her annoying for any great length of time; she's really opinionated, even on subjects she doesn't have any clue about.
Even in larger groups (6+), if I'm discussing something with her boyfriend that doesn't interest her, after a minute or so she'll loudly interject with some other topic. Pisses me off; we're not even dictating group conversation as a whole and we're enjoying our conversation.
In your situation, I'd try and be honest about it; tell her that when it's the two them together you find you're being ignored. If that doesn't work, refuse to be the third person. Weasel out of going places, or just flat out tell them you don't want to play third wheel.
Even in larger groups (6+), if I'm discussing something with her boyfriend that doesn't interest her, after a minute or so she'll loudly interject with some other topic. Pisses me off; we're not even dictating group conversation as a whole and we're enjoying our conversation.
In your situation, I'd try and be honest about it; tell her that when it's the two them together you find you're being ignored. If that doesn't work, refuse to be the third person. Weasel out of going places, or just flat out tell them you don't want to play third wheel.
I'll be straight up and say I'm assuming you're a girl. The reason I say this is because girls are terribly notorious for pulling on the heart strings of other girls. The "I want my cake and eat it too" syndrome is pretty common. It's the choice of spending time with the one I'm absolutely infatuated with, or the person I've known for a good, long while and please don't think I'm some sexist pig for saying this but girls, more than guys, tend to have issues with choosing and decide the best course of action is to do both. Is this bad? No. Should she be sucking face with you there? Also no. I can't say I don't enjoy it when my friends like my girlfriend or vice versa, but I tend to save being all kissy face for when we're alone and that hanging out with my bros is just that. We're more friends than a couple when we're out with other people, so it doesn't strain anyone terribly. However, your problem is a little bit worse than that...lilmisspotatoes said:
I'll tell you right now, don't let her deal that bullshit out to you. Even if it's not true, you need to be prepared to retort with a comment of your own (which I find is a skill people severealy lack these days) so that she has no choice but to back down instead of get more defensive. She uses a line like that? "Hanging out with people that make me uncomfortable isn't the best way to get me to be more social, and in fact would make me want to be less social because it makes me hate it, wouldn't you agree?" There, now she's on the defensive. The more logical answers you can push out there, the more strained her argument becomes as it seems to be based off emotion. Not a bad thing, as she clearly cares about your social well being (or is using it as a scapegoat, your call as I wasn't there), just terrible for arguments.lilmisspotatoes said:
That isn't to say you aren't responcible for putting your neck out, either. Like many have said, have a friend in the wing that you know won't have much to do. Don't hang out as a group, though, that just reinforces her behaviour. Instead, go out with said other friend and have a good night. As bad as it sounds, playing hard to get, whether in a relationship or friendship, is very alluring. If she gets the distinct feeling you're unattainable and truly misses your company, she'll start to circumvent the previously planned route of "3s company" to trying to make more 1 on 1 time. Ultimately, however, the best course of action is to suggest things. Have one night a week that's a girl's night out/in, whatever you want. Hell, go out to a club once a week and see if she can best friend you (I'm not sure what a girl-to-girl wingman is called) to that special someone yourself. Douchenozzle guys/girls are easier to ignore on a double date seeing as you have your own someone to stare lovingly at.
Just show her you don't mind her hanging out with her boyfriend, so long as she makes it exclusive to hanging out with you. Some people just have trouble splitting the two up, as people such as myself prefer that all parties are friends and can hang-out once in awhile. It's balance, and if she's your friend, she needs as much help getting this relationship sorted out as you need hers to make your mind a little more stable with social interaction. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is the human psyche.
I'm always the single with all my friends (if I wanted something that slobbers all over me I'd get a puppy) and it's not a problem for me as I like all my friends current boyfriends/girlfriends, but haven't been that fond of a couple of previous ones, so I told my friends that while I love hanging out with them, I'm not completly comfortable hanging out with them while there being all couply as it skeevs me out, so I'll hang out with them as long as they keep the PDAs to a reasonable level and don't make me feel like a third wheel or a voyeur, and that if they do I reserve the right to leave the room. That's what's worked for me in the past so try it and see, and if she gets bitchy about it she's not really your friend.
Sit between them. Better even, find something to do, instead of just sitting. Play a game, like Risk or Monopoly. That way, they need to play against eachother.