I have a question more geared towards the males on this forum but everyone is free to respond

[minarri]

I am possessing of two X-chromosomes so I know that I'm not part of the group toward which you aimed your question, but I think that some men (emphasis on the "some") are humble and don't want to show off. They probably realize well enough that they are attractive, but don't want to look like douchebags.

 

[S.H.A.R.P.]

Well I don't consider myself unattractive. I don't specifically have women fighting over me, but I do catch some stares here and there on the way to work. I'm good at making tentative eye contact, but when it comes to making first contact.. I'm really a sucker :/

To illustrate, I was waiting for the train yesterday going home after a long day of work. Grey clouds covered the sky, a perpetual rain dripped around the edges of the roof cover, and a chilly and moist gust of persistent wind blew my unkempt hair playfully around. Everybody around was taking shelter from the cold wind, to make sure their comfortable existence did not get disturbed by a bit of wind and cold.

I didn't mind though. Listening to some relaxing music, I leaned against a wall, casually waiting for the train, being one with nature and not at all disturbed by the wind gushing around. In fact, if you would change the scenery to a beautiful and comfortably warm white beach, my attitude would not have changed at all, besides of course that I wouldn't wear jeans and a leather jacket.

I closed my eyes for a second, taking in all the beauty of nature, and when I open them, a pretty lady stands 10 feet away from me, standing in the middle of the platform and facing me. I caught her glance, and stole eye contact for a moment. I looked away after a second, a small smile curving around my face. We exchanged occasional glances at each other, and obviously, she's standing there with more intent than just waiting for the train. After a minute, she decided that a display of her womanly figures would certainly prompt me into action, and she bent over to grab something out of her purse. "Not bad", I caught myself thinking.

In spite all of this though, I am a bit of a shy person when it comes to approaching women, and I couldn't muster the courage to come up and say "hi". I just don't know what to say! I certainly don't consider myself a nerd. I play games of course, but that is almost where it ends. Why do men always have to make the first move (though in this situation, she kind-off made the first move already, damn me!)? What would be a good approach to such a situation? What would a lady like to hear at such a moment?

Hmm this isn't exactly what the topic is asking for.. Sorry for that ^^.

 

[DannyDamage]

Because a lot of women play mind games.

Some times it's hard to tell if you're thinking of taking advantage of an invitation, or just taking advantage.

 

[Blow_Pop]

Well I don't consider myself unattractive. I don't specifically have women fighting over me, but I do catch some stares here and there on the way to work. I'm good at making tentative eye contact, but when it comes to making first contact.. I'm really a sucker :/

To illustrate, I was waiting for the train yesterday going home after a long day of work. Grey clouds covered the sky, a perpetual rain dripped around the edges of the roof cover, and a chilly and moist gust of persistent wind blew my unkempt hair playfully around. Everybody around was taking shelter from the cold wind, to make sure their comfortable existence did not get disturbed by a bit of wind and cold.

I didn't mind though. Listening to some relaxing music, I leaned against a wall, casually waiting for the train, being one with nature and not at all disturbed by the wind gushing around. In fact, if you would change the scenery to a beautiful and comfortably warm white beach, my attitude would not have changed at all, besides of course that I wouldn't wear jeans and a leather jacket.

I closed my eyes for a second, taking in all the beauty of nature, and when I open them, a pretty lady stands 10 feet away from me, standing in the middle of the platform and facing me. I caught her glance, and stole eye contact for a moment. I looked away after a second, a small smile curving around my face. We exchanged occasional glances at each other, and obviously, she's standing there with more intent than just waiting for the train. After a minute, she decided that a display of her womanly figures would certainly prompt me into action, and she bent over to grab something out of her purse. "Not bad", I caught myself thinking.

In spite all of this though, I am a bit of a shy person when it comes to approaching women, and I couldn't muster the courage to come up and say "hi". I just don't know what to say! I certainly don't consider myself a nerd. I play games of course, but that is almost where it ends. Why do men always have to make the first move (though in this situation, she kind-off made the first move already, damn me!)? What would be a good approach to such a situation? What would a lady like to hear at such a moment?

Hmm this isn't exactly what the topic is asking for.. Sorry for that ^^.

going up and saying hi and maybe talking about the weather will usually work for ice breakers

 

[I III II X4]

Five bucks say the OP is male.

Anyway, am I attractive? Nah. Lazy eye kinda has this effect on people... "Hey! I have bad genetics!"

Also going bald, which combined with weedy, thin hair doesn't make a pretty sight (I look mean when I'm bald); my facial hair is pretty whack too, thicker on my face and the rest of me than on my head. Icing on the cake is hyperkeratosis.

Yeah, lacking in physical beauty...which is fiiiiiine with me.

 

[Lunar Shadow]

Because chicks are IMPOSSIBLE to figure out, if you want a guy, go up to him and say "let's have sex", you will never get a "no". I'm not a nerd but nor am I a jock, I'm happy with my looks but I figure if a girl really wants me she will say so in a direct fashion.

I actually would say "no", but that's cause I am weird that way. Well, that and I don't care too much about having sex, more so looking for someone to have a relationship with.

As for the OP. Alot of times guys are a bit dense when it comes to subtle clues, and as said by someone above, we need something solid so we can avoid coming off as a stalker.

 

[purplegothchick]

I figure if a girl really wants me she will say so in a direct fashion.

Ah but women don't do that! They use indirect speech and play games. This is why I don't get along with girls very well...

 

[orifice]

I'm not attractive and never have been. Let's face it men are ugly!

 

[Labyrinth]

I hate to disrupt your male psyche, but it's really us females fault >.>
We are so damn vague when it comes to showing attraction. We giggle and flutter out eye lashes and act all delicate... It's really disgusting when you think about it. God forbid we just freaking tell you -.-;

I suggest a universal sign of attraction!

You mean like grabbing someone and snogging them? It's always worked for me.. But yes, many women have an all-too-subtle means of displaying interest, added to the fact that many males are driven to insecurity by media and their peers. Oh, and there's this weird continued expectation on the male (in a heterosexual relationship, possibly the more 'butch' if there is one otherwise) to make the first move.

 

[Mephisteus]

I don't know if I'm particularly dense or if it's a rule of thumb for guys

On that note, women are people too and can be just as confused as men. Doesn't mean women don't seem to delight more in being teases though, EVIL!

 

[Revernd Awesome]

It's because most men have incredibly low self esteem.
and incorrect perceptions about what will happen if they make a move on someone.
In most men's mind, if they get rejected by a girl it is the most horrible and humiliating experience ever.

When really it's not all that bad, I don't get rejected a lot anymore, but I used to, most people are polite enough about it anyway, and occasionally you'll get someone who is downright rude about it, big deal.
Sure it can be a little upsetting, but you'll get over it.

That's why most men are to shy to make a move, their fear of rejection is disproportionately huge.

Take a few minutes to sort of your priorities. If you go a talk to that girl, she may reject you, it might be a bit upsetting, but she probably wont, and honestly that feeling of rejection is no where near as bad as you'll feel if you don't approach the girl and you're sitting at home later crying with Ms. Rosie Palm and her 5 daughters.


And in response to the OP, I know I'm dashingly handsome

 

[Blow_Pop]

Five bucks say the OP is male.

Anyway, am I attractive? Nah. Lazy eye kinda has this effect on people... "Hey! I have bad genetics!"

Also going bald, which combined with weedy, thin hair doesn't make a pretty sight (I look mean when I'm bald); my facial hair is pretty whack too, thicker on my face and the rest of me than on my head. Icing on the cake is hyperkeratosis.

Yeah, lacking in physical beauty...which is fiiiiiine with me.

i'll take your five bucks and prove i'm a female how bout that one?

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

Because I would rather die than be one of those cockends who truly thinks they're irresistable. Plus it's a bonus when a girl actually finds me attractive.

 

[Blow_Pop]

On that note, women are people too and can be just as confused as men. Doesn't mean women don't seem to delight more in being teases though, EVIL!

And for the record, I have never argued against the validity of women being pure evil and liking to tease men.

In most men's mind, if they get rejected by a girl it is the most horrible and humiliating experience ever.

And in response to the OP, I know I'm dashingly handsome

My boy is dashingly handsome even though he fails to realize it.

Its not just men its women too. Both sexes get the complex from rejection.

 

[Jharry5]

I don't think that I'm that attractive (despite a few girls telling me otherwise). This may sound wierd, but I don't really know what can be classed as 'attractive (at least when talking about guys). Maybe this can be blamed on the social stigma attached to gaming and being a geek, but that just makes a good scapegoat in my eyes. I know the problem comes from me now.
I just don't have the confidence to move the first move - and I can't tell when someone is interested. Not the best at reading body language...

 

[I III II X4]

Because I would rather die than be one of those cockends who truly thinks they're irresistable.

I congratulate you for that comment.

i'll take your five bucks and prove i'm a female how bout that one?

Damn, do ones work for you?

 

[Ushario]

This thread seems doomed to spiral inward into a pit of self hate, denial and trolling.

May I ask why this hasn't occured yet? Anyway back on topic.

Women seem to find me attractive at least to some degree. I get comments mostly when I'm ice skating or at boxing training. I'm very fit, as I do lots of sport.

Actually having 16 year old girls come in and start chatting and giggling when they notice me can be very annoying. Not only are they jailbait, its distracting. Which is bad when someone may be trying to punch you in the head. -_-

Edit: As for any men being attractive, a 3d artist I know happens to shame most male models.
Well...not with his phsyique, but his face and long hair, women just dont seem to be able to resist. The only saving grace is that he is a nerd, knows it, and has low self esteem. God is so cruel.

 

[S.H.A.R.P.]

I hate to disrupt your male psyche, but it's really us females fault >.>
We are so damn vague when it comes to showing attraction. We giggle and flutter out eye lashes and act all delicate... It's really disgusting when you think about it. God forbid we just freaking tell you -.-;

I suggest a universal sign of attraction!

You mean like grabbing someone and snogging them? It's always worked for me.. But yes, many women have an all-too-subtle means of displaying interest, added to the fact that many males are driven to insecurity by media and their peers. Oh, and there's this weird continued expectation on the male (in a heterosexual relationship, possibly the more 'butch' if there is one otherwise) to make the first move.

Oh dear I wish there would be some kind of sign of universal attraction. A flat out passionate kiss may push the boundaries a bit though, perhaps if the lady would be the epitome of beauty, but otherwise (please don't take the following as an insult, it's just for me personal) I might think that the lady giving me that kiss might be a bit unstable if we haven't changed words before.

Spoiler: click for an example when a girl is not influenced by the stereotype of a man making the first move

Not every girl is burdened by the stereotype of the man required to make the first move though. Similar to the situation I described above, I was waiting for the train (Yeah, I do that a lot), listening to an audio book and minding my own business. This girl stepped close to my side, and eyed me a bit. I didn't notice it at first though, until she suddenly stepped in front of me, reached out with her hand and introduced herself. I was rather flabbergasted, but able to shake her hand and introduce myself too. We chatted a bit, and when I had to leave for the train, she asked for my number. She looked a wee bit young though, so I asked her for her age (yes, I know I was a total dick for asking that, and no, I don't consider that a normal action), and she was seventeen at that time, while I was twenty. Now I don't consider sex to be quintessential to a relationship, but naturally it is somewhat of a consideration. Having to decide quickly, for my train would depart at any time, I decided on the lawful approach, and not pursued this possible relationship further.

*snip*

going up and saying hi and maybe talking about the weather will usually work for ice breakers

Talking about clichés! Though I have to admit I never tried it before. Still, I'm always anxious about the "what's next" part, so the weather is quite bad indeed, eh....

 

[Fairee]

I'm not attractive and never have been. Let's face it men are ugly!

On that basis (that all men are ugly) all women would be lesbians. Which, for me at least, is never going to happen.

Take a few minutes to sort of your priorities. If you go a talk to that girl, she may reject you, it might be a bit upsetting, but she probably wont, and honestly that feeling of rejection is no where near as bad as you'll feel if you don't approach the girl and you're sitting at home later crying with Ms. Rosie Palm and her 5 daughters.

And I totally agree with this, but it goes for both sides. Surely we should all (guys and girls) realise how much better it feels to ask and be rejected than to not and feel like a wimp. Having done both, I can honestly say the former feels better.

Cos if your in a bar, or railway station, or where ever, chances are you'll never see the person again anyway, so what have you got to lose?