Angryman101 said:
Isolda Sage said:
I am not much of gamer. I come on here to read the articles, really. I am however the mother of a 12 year old gamer, who has lost his mind to World of Warcraft. I have had to block all access to WoW because He had been acting like a true addict.
He plays all night. He sneaks up in the middle of the night to play. When I take the game and his computer away this normally well behaved child turns into a crazed idiot willing to fight me for his computer and the ability to play it.
So as it stands he cannot play and he is mourning the loss of his online friends. Is this a common experience?
Please, please, PLEASE disregard this person's advice:
Miumaru said:
Isolda Sage said:
Miumaru said:
Being oppressive does not help. If you want him to not do something, have something else for him to do. I dont mean chores either, but fun things. I spend most of my time gaming. Id spend less time gaming though if I could hang out with friends more, for example.
I do NOT believe I am be oppressive! I am providing as much for him to do as possible! I have been encouraging him to spend time with friends and do the other things he love to do!
He has fun when we are out doing things and goes right back to harassing me to let him play the minute we get home.
I don't mind him playing; not at all. I just want him to keep it in balance and show me some better behavior first!
Whether YOU think you are being oppressive does not matter. If HE thinks you are though, does. I am merely stating from the point of view as the child, as my mother took away games and such when I was being "bad" or something. Lets just say I hate her, alot. Beyond for just that ofcourse, but either way, I hate my mother but wish I did not.
How into video games are you? You ARE on this site, and since it is gaming focused, it leads me to believe you are a gamer to some degree. If so, why not try to find games you can play with him? He plays games AND forges a stronger bond with you, and the more he loves you, the more he will like making you happy.
What you're doing (taking away privileges in response to unwanted behavior) is EXACTLY what you should be doing. As others have said, use it as the carrot in a carrot-stick arrangement; get him to show favorable behavior, and he may get his carrot; playtime. If he continues to show the unwanted behavior, keep giving him the stick: no playtime with the game. You are doing what a good parent should and I very much wish that more parents did these days; disciplining their child. You need to lay down the law; be firm, but fair. It's called authoritative parenting and it's the most effective type of parenting there is. Give him play time for favorable activities (monitored and for limited periods of time. Do not lay off on this, as the behavior will come right back as soon as you slack off. Make it a habit.)
My parents did this with me, and even though I was always very angry and pouty about it, it has really helped me in the long run.
I'm 43. I haven't been 12 in a long, long time, and when I was, there were no games to play like WoW in such a fashion. But I agree with the above poster. I also think you should use the WoW parental controls. If you can password-protect them, do so with a password he is unlikely to know or guess (mingling letters, numbers and symbols is a good idea- make sure you remember it, and don't write it down anywhere). Start out with two hours a day, but make sure he's done his homework and whatever first, which is why you may want to limit those hours to a time when you can be home to check he has done so before letting him on the computer. I'm sure he'll savage you to all his online friends, but- stick to your guns. Buy earplugs if you need to. Let him know it's this or nothing, and if he acts good and does everything he needs to, you will consider upping that time. You can put riders on this like "This house is a whining-free zone. If you whine, I am not going to be inclined to increase the time you are allowed to play the game."
As others have said, the upping of hours he's allowed to play is predicated on good behavior. The better he acts, the more he is allowed to play. Backsliding will be punished by decreasing back to the bare minimum. Physical acting out, means no playtime that week (or greater time, depending on the degree of acting out- if he's punching, slapping or kicking you, no playtime for the next month, or whatever). I don't know if school has started yet, but this is especially important during the school year, of course. During the weekends, you might want to watch him play. Not in a "I'm watching you to control you," Kind of way, but ask him what he likes about playing. Ask him to tell you what he's doing and what's going on. If you don't know how to play, ask him to teach you for a while. It might help him feel closer to you and not see you as a punishing jailer who is restricting his access to WoW.
He'll probably never be happy about it, but he'll probably grow resigned to it, at the very least.
