I have an addict under my roof !

[Isolda Sage]

I think a good start would be taking his computers power cable every night.

Yeah, I did that. That resulted in a blow up not so different than that video.

Remember, he's a human being. I think the best way to compare it is if someone took away your car/tv/computer/whatever you really love to use, and there was no way besides pretending and faking happiness for years to get it back. Sound like torture? It's what you're doing.

This goes back to the entitlement thing.

Using your mother's computer and your mother's internet while living in your mother's home, isn't a RIGHT -

it's a privilege.

ALL privileges are based on good behavior, at least to a point.
If he doesn't like it, he can buy his own computer and his own interent - in boarding school

Anyway, if he had regulated his play time responsibly, this situation would not have occurred, methinks, in the first place.

DO NOT MAKE ME CALL DR. DREW ON YOUR ASSES!!!

EXACTLY! THANK YOU!

 

[Isolda Sage]

I have to say I'm pretty pleased and impressed at how "the community" has responded to this -
especially those that went "above and beyond" - you know who you are.

Well done, folks.

I take offense at this post for some arbitrary reason.

I agree we seem to be calm about this where is my flash mob?

OP I really want to know what you do and how it works, keep us in the loop. Having the internet as a parent, what could be cooler?

I will! Thank you for your interest and your earlier response

 

[Audio]

So as it stands he cannot play and he is mourning the loss of his online friends. Is this a common experience?

Yes. Very much so.
There are many news articles across the internet on this topic. Personally I think it's his friends that he misses most.

If you understand how things roll within Warcraft you will see that to be cool, you need to do & wear certain things. These are things that need 25 people to complete and they all need to work together because it is actually difficult. Your son is most likely part of one of these 'teams' and they generaly start in the evenings. This is due to others having work or things to do during the afternoons.
While it may look like addiction, the things you son wants from the game has a 'chance rate'. He could join the same team for a whole week and still not get what he is after. Lets say he needs a necklace that makes him stronger: He will have to play for 4 hours or so (if all goes well..longer if not!) to get to the dragon that has it. Not only will there be others who want the necklace...but the chance of it being found could well be 10% --- that is how ridiculous it can get.

I'm sure he feels like he is letting down his friends because of the hole in the team...which will get replaced. Believe it or not, these 'teams' need application forms these days.
Sorry i cant help with any solutions but you are not alone with this

 

[Gudrests]

So as it stands he cannot play and he is mourning the loss of his online friends. Is this a common experience?

I'm afraid so. So people get over it, many others don't. By this I mean the long hours spent on a MMORPG. He will never give up trying to get it back. Limiting his time to a few hours a day is much better for all parties involved instead of cutting him off completely.

This is when it comes down to...yell at the kid and he is punished to his room...and pleese do not tell me he has a 360 and HD TV in his room..thats not a punishment. He's what 12....if you shut down the account tell him you have no money to spend on it.....unless he has a serious problem explain that you cant pay for it for him...if its a lie..who cares...and also.....if his friends in real life...also play online with him....it might just be because he dosent know how to act in a real social enviroment.....

P.S, Just dont kill the kid....video games have enough of a bad Rap for crazy parents and that would make this new court case all the worse..

P.P.S!!!! OHHHH idea to make him learn and let him play....tell him to research the supreme court case that is (not exactly sure) upcomming or in progress about video games being protected under the 1st admmentent <---Spelt wrong...AND make sure he has good grades so he can play...something he can acomplish..not A+'s or something he cant do. Who knows mabie he might become a laywer because of you getting him interisted in it. http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/extra-credits/1961-Free-Speech if you havnt watched it

I must ask, why would she want her son to grow up to help let murders and rapists walk free?

Woahhh...what did i miss that you interprit something here about that?!??!?

"Who knows mabie he might become a lawyer because of you getting him interisted in it." I just gave a job description of a lawyer.

Oh....Oh god that scared me for a second...i was completly lost. But by a lawyer it could be anything, Criminal Defense yes....or one who specializes in law...like helping to fight against Arnold and his bad memory's of breaking every game controler because he was too strong...hence why he is going after the video game industry to possibility cripple it....ORRRR a divorce lawyer...might not be the most loved guy...but hey...lol

 

[Isolda Sage]

I have a problem with the carrot and stick thing. Sure, he'll act good, but that's just what it is, an act. He'll grow up harboring deep hatred that he can't express without being made even more unhappy. That's a quick path to really bad news.

I dunno, in principle I agree with you -

but there has to be limits - surely no one, not yourself, was allowed to do WHATEVER they wanted with no stick or carrot?

And let me tell you, I've had to learn to "act" and not express everything - in real life and the internet.

I'd like MAslow's Hierarchy to be at step 4 or 5, but... sadly, most people need stick and carrot IMO.

I know everyone's an act. It's part of my deepest feeling on society. Everyone's acting 24/7, the people you know are not the people they really are. The true person isn't the one seen in public or with friends or family or even when drunk, it's when they're anonymous. People are only themselves when nobody else can physically retaliate, ever. In their core, most people are assholes. They act like nice, well-adjusted members of society, but they aren't. It's a mask. You meet the true person online. What you do is give him a few rules:

1) Your grades may not fall.
2) Your work must get done.
3) You are to go to bed at X time.

Those are all that's needed. If he violates them, then dish out punishments. However, if his grades do not fall you shouldn't worry, ESPECIALLY if he role plays. If he role plays he's 100% prepared for society, since it's a 24/7 role play.

You make some good point here and I am not trying to make him give up gaming. I think it does have real world value. I just hope that he does not forfeit his life to a computer game.

 

[someotherguy]

Battlenet has parental things that'll only let him play for x amount of hours, or at certain times. use that. Encourage him to be with friends, offer to drive him places whenever he wants (if you're available) I sure as hell knew I'd have spent more time with friends then if I'd have had a ride. Whoever said karate or archery, thats good if he likes it. For the love of god don't force him to do something he doesn't want to. Try and make it clear "hey, you know, if I canceled the subscription, you could use that money to fund another hobby, or do X" I don't know if he'd be willing at that age to pursue life goals, but try to make it apparent to him what he'll be able to do with the free time.

 

[Badger Kyre]

I know everyone's an act. It's part of my deepest feeling on society. Everyone's acting 24/7, the people you know are not the people they really are. The true person isn't the one seen in public or with friends or family or even when drunk, it's when they're anonymous. People are only themselves when nobody else can physically retaliate, ever. In their core, most people are assholes. They act like nice, well-adjusted members of society, but they aren't. It's a mask. You meet the true person online. What you do is give him a few rules:

1) Your grades may not fall.
2) Your work must get done.
3) You are to go to bed at X time.

Those are all that's needed. If he violates them, then dish out punishments. However, if his grades do not fall you shouldn't worry, ESPECIALLY if he role plays. If he role plays he's 100% prepared for society, since it's a 24/7 role play.

LOL. first off, damn good post.
second, i type so slow i wasn't doen responding when your second response hit the pike - sorry.
Anyway:
Our society functions to a great degree on what you said, I understand as the Japanese say "WA" ( loosely, harmony)...

In theory, at least, I'd like people to be able to be REAL and SINCERE, to the point of NOT hurting others.
This gets hard with "offense" - the "pc" thing - and that's a border our whole society is working on ( such boundaries, i mean ).

You're sounding a bit cynical and bitter, i hope that's only "part of the story" that you feel.

As to your suggestions, that sounds very reasonable, stick and carrot.

These kinds of boundaries and issues, of ocurse, are ultimately a deep part of the eternal human question-
the balancing act that hopefully we get better at as we "mature".

I think your points were all valid, and hope I didn't rub you the wrong way.

This discussion has taken on special signifigance for me because, although i am in some ways, one of the nicer people i've met ( and i say that without bravado ) - I am also a nasty son of a *****, and often have to restrain my mouth - and physical actions, to live in "civilized" society.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Should probably make a deal with him that if he takes up another hobby, spends more time with his real friends or you, you'll give his computer back. He'll have to keep up his side of the bargain. No night uses either, a growing boy needs his sleep.
If anything, he may grow out of it, or start to play it less as he gets older.

 

[Om Nom Nom]

snip

No, he wouldn't. He'd act like he was, but there'd be a burning hatred. Also, forcing kids into sports? That's sick and wrong.

Highlight where I said to force him into sports, if you please. A fair few kids do enjoy at least one sport. If he has an interest in one, encouraging that isn't 'sick and wrong'. And by encourage, I don't mean to sign him up to a club or anything, I mean offer to take him to see a match/race/whatever sometime.

If he does end up with a 'burning hatred' then there are more issues at play here than just a gaming addiction (or it was handled very badly!)...

 

[Badger Kyre]

The parental controls thing would have been more than likely valid if the poop had not hit the air-circulation device before that was even an issue.
Of course, a non-gamer having no real idea what the game was or that such things existed, until it became a problem ( finding out because it became a problem), well, therein lies the tale. No?

 

[NotSoNimble]

Poor parenting causes kids to behave poorly.

I think it happens often.

 

[Isolda Sage]

I think a good start would be taking his computers power cable every night.

Yeah, I did that. That resulted in a blow up not so different than that video.

Remember, he's a human being. I think the best way to compare it is if someone took away your car/tv/computer/whatever you really love to use, and there was no way besides pretending and faking happiness for years to get it back. Sound like torture? It's what you're doing.

NO! That is not what I am doing! If I played as much as he does I would loose my car/tv/computer and place to live! No one can do the one thing they love to do 24/7!

 

[^=ash=^]

Is it wrong that this thread reminded me that I have to do my daily quests >.>

OT: As previously mentionned Battlenet's parental control settings are very good, I have a friend on WoW that's limited to 4 hours. It's still a lot but it encourages her to do other things. I don't have a limit since I don't think I require one, I wouldn't consider myself an addict, no more so than to MSN since I usually just talk in guild chat and that's what WoW really is to me; an expensive IM with gameplay thrown in.

More OT: I would start with a reasonable limit, say 4-5 hours and keep reducing it, not completely since it's still a game that he finds fun and it shouldn't be taken away. Eventually he will learn to understand and plan his time better. All the while just drop hints on potential hobbies that he might enjoy and he might just pick 'em up.

 

[Signa]

Being oppressive does not help. If you want him to not do something, have something else for him to do. I dont mean chores either, but fun things. I spend most of my time gaming. Id spend less time gaming though if I could hang out with friends more, for example.

I do NOT believe I am be oppressive! I am providing as much for him to do as possible! I have been encouraging him to spend time with friends and do the other things he love to do!
He has fun when we are out doing things and goes right back to harassing me to let him play the minute we get home.
I don't mind him playing; not at all. I just want him to keep it in balance and show me some better behavior first!

If he's like me, then he just might not find challenge or proper stimulation from other activities. I like to think I'm not addicted to games, but there really isn't anything else I enjoy doing. What you need to find out is if there is anything important that he'd skip doing for the sake of video games. Does he fail to do his home work? Does he ignore calls of friends? Is there anything else that he does or fails to do only for the sake of playing more games? If yes, then maybe you have an addict, but it sounds like he's just some one who enjoys the games more than most (the getting up late at night does sound a little concerning for a 12 year old though).

Over the years, I had to fight my parents tooth and nail to get any of the time I wanted to play games. There was all sorts of restrictions, they put on me, but one of the most effective ones was granting game time equal to amount of time of working on chores. I actually ended up saving nearly 19 hours of game time so that I could be allowed to play for longer periods, but once I saved up that much, my soft parents kinda dropped the system. Phooey. I'm sure you could set something up similar though. You can also set a password on the PC so he can't turn it on without your permission, which is something I had to deal with at one time.

I'm 27 now, and while I'm not living the most perfect of lives, I am able to function just fine. Games give me the epic stories and stimulation that some of the best movies fail to do. They even help me sleep with my overactive mind. I've always wondered what I could other than games if I had to, but nothing even comes close for me, or is far too costly to only get less enjoyment out of. One thing that I'd like to think would have helped me is if my parents took a more active role in enjoying the games with me. My dad and I have never been as close as we should be since he is a good dad, but the best thing we've done together for me recently was allowing me to share one of my favorite but simple games, Plants Vs Zombies with him. It's a single player game only, but discussing strategies and close calls has been far better for our relationship than anything else in recent years.