I have an addict under my roof !

[Badger Kyre]

Ok ok, jokes aside.

Sounds like a lot of good suggestions;
and the parental control thing might have kept this from going this far - unless making another account would have side-stepped the controls, in which case he woulda...

BUT if and when the current sheet-storm wears off, is gaming with parental controls even in the foreseeable future?

Other activities -alongside, perhaps, rather than exclusive of - have been suggested...

Is any of this helping at all>?

Food for thought? sleep on it?

edit i type slow, so i missed the previous post before mine was finished.
I think it's a damn good post, too - but i don't think the issue is scolding for having interests. I think you did hit on the issue, so I'll leave it at that.

 

[Isolda Sage]

I think a good start would be taking his computers power cable every night.

Yeah, I did that. That resulted in a blow up not so different than that video.

Remember, he's a human being. I think the best way to compare it is if someone took away your car/tv/computer/whatever you really love to use, and there was no way besides pretending and faking happiness for years to get it back. Sound like torture? It's what you're doing.

NO! That is not what I am doing! If I played as much as he does I would loose my car/tv/computer and place to live! No one can do the one thing they love to do 24/7!

No need to overreact. Read this post:

There's a popular misconception. He's not "forfeiting his life". If one were to casually observe me the might think the same. I spend most of my time at my large table me and my father built specially for all my gaming and computer stuff that has all my controllers, consoles, games, my PC, my capture card and more on it (including an unopened can of Mountain Dew Halo 3 Game Fuel). I spend most of my time either on here, on TvTropes, on games or watching everything from Buffy The Vampire Slayer to Ghost In The Shell on my 360's Netflix Instant Stream. I just turn the TV and lay in bed and watch it. However, a few years back I switched from normal schooling to using Florida Virtual School [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florida_Virtual_School] for it. I'm an awesome student, finally don't have to go at the pace of all the retards who were in school (I normally do 5 or 6 lessons a day while we'd do 1 a week in school) and am normally an A student. Yet besides for that time, I just normally play video games, watch TV and post. To anyone who didn't know all that info I'd seem like I'd have to be failing and pathetic. While to some people I still am pathetic, you can't deny the rest. Just because someone spends most of their time gaming/watching TV/posting/losing themselves for most of a month to TV Tropes doesn't mean they can't do a remarkable amount of schoolwork in a short amount of time. To sum this post, looks can be deceiving.

I did read this and you are right sometimes looks can be deceiving. My problem is that I have a kid who is not eating, not sleeping and becoming consumed by a video game. And yes his behavior is intolerable.

Wait, wait, wait. Not sleeping? He's 12. Back when I was 12 I would often secretly get back online and go back to sleep at 2. I had to get up at 5 (or was it 6). I still stayed a straight A student. As for not eating, how bad is it?

He's just not a kid who can function with no sleep! If he could this would be much less of an issue!

I didn't say that. I'm just saying, how much sleep does he get? It's still against your rules (though I'd suggest trying my suggestion on the last page, but of course I'd say that since I made them) but I'm just trying to figure out how big of an issue this is. Is he constantly falling asleep? Does he just seem exhausted? If so, do you only see him before he leaves for school and after he's home? Because that could be part of it. You're still tired when you wake up and by the time you get home you're just as tired. I'm nor sure if it's the same for him, but I remember having to take at least 3 really heavy textbooks home every night and having to bring them back to school each day. That REALLY will take you out.

snip

Not the time, not the place.

Here, here!

He's an emotional wreck when he is tired. His problem becomes EVERYONE'S problem. Most of our problems have gone on this summer, so I wanted to have him playing less and sleeping more before he was back in school.

 

[BadassCyborg]

Well, for a start I wouldn't let a child of 12 access the internet to play games online.

Second, WoW is a notoriously addictive and geeky game, where I come from playing such a game is socially unnacceptable and anyone known to do so is considered to be a loser, usually with good reason too. I can only see loneliness and bullying in your sons future if he continues his addiction.

Also, online 'friends' are not really true friends, you can't meet up with them and go to the park or whatever like other 12 year olds, do not let him get too attached to them

 

[Moromillas]

I am not much of gamer. I come on here to read the articles, really. I am however the mother of a 12 year old gamer, who has lost his mind to World of Warcraft. I have had to block all access to WoW because He had been acting like a true addict.
He plays all night. He sneaks up in the middle of the night to play. When I take the game and his computer away this normally well behaved child turns into a crazed idiot willing to fight me for his computer and the ability to play it.
So as it stands he cannot play and he is mourning the loss of his online friends. Is this a common experience?

Your resolve and concern is commendable. I can certainly empathize with how frustrating this might be. You have to understand though, that playing video games as a boy is actually very normal. If fact, a young man that doesn't play video games is socially abnormal, and a cause for concern.

WoW, is very different to most games given its sophistication. It is basically a very large chat program (without social queues), that lets you do various things while chatting, mainly the collection of in-game items. The Philately of the modern age. Amongst young men the topic of video games does come up often, so I do disagree with taking away video games entirely. Social circles and conversations about video games are much more prevalent these days, and can lead to feelings (shielded by anger) of inadequacy or frustration about not fitting in with other boys if they know nothing about it, and can stunt his growth socially.

As for your question, yes absolutely. You'd be surprised at the level of friendships you can acquire in this video game, I myself know of two marriages and I still talk to another guy who I refer to as "old mate" almost daily. Dr. Mark I know has quite a lot of friends also. Old mate just had a son btw, which is awesome.

For your situation, it does sound like this young man doesn't know or doesn't have the skills to set boundaries for his recreational activities (namely WoW). You would certainly like him, later on in life to know it's not a good idea to play a game until 3am in the morning, as this may result in a verbal warning from the boss, if he has to go to work the next day. I would suggest letting him fail, and see the consequences for himself. Hopefully an after school detention and a scolding/grounding from Mum will make him think twice about getting "just one more quest" done in WoW during the wee hours of the morning, giving him the opportunity to learn from his mistakes. Also this way, the blame rests squarely on his shoulder, and not his "mean old" Mum.

Playing WoW in this fashion (from what you've described) could also be a symptom of another issue entirely. That said, playing WoW extensively, may be a from of escapism from the real world or an issue/problem that he's having. I don't know how often he sneaks out at night to play WoW, but it could be that he's using WoW as a coping mechanism, it certainly fits the bill.

I would definitely get in touch with Dr. Mark on this, he's very knowledgeable about such things. And yes, I do admit I would also like to read his article on the subject.

 

[Isolda Sage]

Ok ok, jokes aside.

Sounds like a lot of good suggestions;
and the parental control thing might have kept this from going this far - unless making another account would have side-stepped the controls, in which case he woulda...

BUT if and when the current sheet-storm wears off, is gaming with parental controls even in the foreseeable future?

Other activities -alongside, perhaps, rather than exclusive of - have been suggested...

Is any of this helping at all>?

Food for thought? sleep on it?

Yes there have been a lot of good suggestions. Gaming may be in his foreseeable future.

 

[Isolda Sage]

Someone suggested I delete his characters. Maybe.
I don't think I'll beat him.

That was a joke. A joke lifted and altered from an internet comedian who also created this [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=manly_suicide]. Funny, but not good advice.

I did not take it as serious advice.

 

[SenseOfTumour]

I'd personally suggest a few things, as a WOW gamer myself.

Firstly, maybe try to sit down and ask him what draws him to spend so much time there, maybe get him to show you how it's played for a while, the more you understand something, the less it will seem threatening, I'm sure. I'd also say the limited time is a very sensible path, rather than an outright ban, as from him perspective, it will come across as 'all these people you like to talk to, I'm saying you can't see any of them!', not just 'you can't play one game'. Perhaps agreeing a 2 hour window in the evening, subject to behaviour would be a good place to start.

As a guild leader myself, I understand real life comes first, and I've supported the parents when kids have told me 'dammit my dad says I've gotta get off the computer' with a general 'his rules mate, we'll still be here tomorrow!' Hwoever a sudden 'cut off' with no warning could mean that he's let down groups of people he considers friends when they all show up for an event and wait for him, and he knows he can't get on to see them.

I'm not saying at all that you shouldn't cut him off, but just trying to show that maybe it's not just a freakout that he can't play, but maybe that he's letting people down and it's out of his control.

Just from my viewpoint, a vast amount of why people end up playing games like WOW so much is the social aspect, you're a part of a large society, and with guilds and the like, you're regularly greeted just for logging in, etc.

Teenage life can be very rough, and maybe a virtual world where he's accepted isn't worse than none. I'm not saying he shouldn't be out in the real world making real friends, but I do think there's value in learning how to be a popular player in WOW, in terms of simple honesty, fairness, politeness, etc.

Pleasae don't take my words as criticism, I'm fully in favour of what you're doing, you need to look after your son, and if he's throwing tantrums etc, well, lets just say we've got a few people in my guild who can only play a few hours a week, and they don't complain, they just get on with enjoying the game when they can and get back to real life after.

I'd suggest a 7-9 maybe, after dinner and homework. Nowadays gaming is what TV was to kids 20 years ago, and at least they're using their brains, not just staring at flashing colours.

The above poster has a point however, even a short simple dungeon crawl with 4 other people can take an hour or more, that's if you find the right 4 people immediately, which is why I suggest a 2 hour slot, he can probably achieve something he wants to do without feeling he's being 'switched off' halfway thru something. To be honest, most people would be kind of pissed if you sneaked in and switched off the projectors 10 minutes before the end of the movie at a cinema.

 

[Android2137]

It's been said several times before, but I will say it again: stop paying for his subscription. If he throws a (non-destructive) fit, let him throw a fit. Then encourage him to go out and do stuff with friends or take up a more productive hobby. Like maybe coming up with a concept and story for his own video game. Or writing stories about his WoW character if he's THAT addicted. Might transition to something more original and productive later on. Or to a career in Blizzard.

And if he actually destroys something expensive or steals your credit card to pay for WoW, then get him professional help.

 

[TyrunnAlberyn]

I haven't read the entire thread, I skimmed most of the posts beyond the first one and a half page, so I am not entirely certain my post will bring up even a remotely new point, but here goes anyway.

I grew up in a family with two younger brothers (so yes, that's three annoying boy kids =P). Because of my fathers' job we were extremely early adopters of the PC and we had one before most people did. Back in those days there were no such things as MMO's, but it still was something new and interesting and fun to play with. What few (and fairly simple) games there were got played to death by me and my brothers. Our parents set a fairly simple rule: make sure your homework is done, do a few simple chores around the house and you get one hour a week of game time, after you ask for it. (Note that this was still on a DOS computer, so there wasn't much of a way of keeping track, but myeah ).

That way, the gametime we got was a reward for making sure we were doing well at school and were helping out with some basic stuff around the house. It really felt like a reward too... that hour was sort of special. Of course, nowadays, an hour behind a computer might seem rather... brief, what with most homework getting done behind the PC and all the social networking kids do.

There are however fairly easy solutions like setting a password on your OS so he can't log on without your permission, you can use the parental controls Blizzard has at their site to limit his maximum playtime and you can try getting him reading a book, sending him to a movie with some of his friends and going on trips with him yourself to places you know he'll enjoy.

 

[Isolda Sage]

Someone suggested I delete his characters. Maybe.
I don't think I'll beat him.

That was a joke. A joke lifted and altered from an internet comedian who also created this [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=manly_suicide]. Funny, but not good advice.

I did not take it as serious advice.

Good, I just have trouble telling when people are serious sometimes.

Yeah we don't get vocal tone and facial expression on here.

 

[Dascylus]

This question gets over discussed, it's your child in your home.

Investigate Vista/Windows 7 (Depending on what your son has) parental controls.
With the parental controls you can limit when and for how long he will be able to play for. You can also block specific programs so You can block WoW but still allow him access o the computer for schoolwork.
It is up to you to make the best decision as a parent.
As a former 13 year old I can say that just straight cutting him off will result in a tornado of hell in the home but careful discussion and reasonable limits seem ok from my POV.

 

[Spacelord]

I am not much of gamer. I come on here to read the articles, really. I am however the mother of a 12 year old gamer, who has lost his mind to World of Warcraft. I have had to block all access to WoW because He had been acting like a true addict.
He plays all night. He sneaks up in the middle of the night to play. When I take the game and his computer away this normally well behaved child turns into a crazed idiot willing to fight me for his computer and the ability to play it.
So as it stands he cannot play and he is mourning the loss of his online friends. Is this a common experience?

Also, how does finding professional help sound? We're gamers, not mental health experts. A game like WoW has some very similar reward mechanisms to gambling and you wouldn't go to a gambling forum for advice on how to make someone quit. Even if we could provide sound advice you'd need a bit more than that to actually break a habit like that. If it's an actual addiction like you say it is, a bit of stern parenting isn't going to help one bit. Only professional help can.

Also, I couldn't help but noticing that you said he mourns the loss of his online friends. Maybe that's what he might be missing? Not the game itself but rather the social group? At the age of twelve children desperately need an in-group of friends in the face of the upcoming rather troubled period of puberty. It's entirely possible that his friends are a bit more important than you are at this point in his life right now. And this is normal for any boy his age. Playing games with his agemates might actually be very beneficial to his emotional development. That would explain his anger as well. I can imagine he might find it exceptionally cruel of you that you would deprive him of that, no matter how well intentioned.

Then again, what do I know? I'm just a guy on an internet forum. If you really care about the wellbeing of your son you ask an established and licensed clinical psychologist to talk with him. A professional might have better insight on the matter than a worried mom that has already read every game addiction horror story OR a bunch of guys on the internet combined.

 

[Turing]

How about making up some sort of duty/reward plan?
I mean, if he does so and so, he earns himself 1 hour of WoW and such.
I think cutting him off completely will only aggravate the situation. And lets face it, its not that hard to go visit a friend and play WoW at his house.

Also, and I'm not sure that would be helping it much, but there are all sorts of World Of Warcraft stuff that isn't the actual game.
For example, there's the World Of Warcraft boardgame which would require him to meet in person with at couple of friends to play and there's also a WoW RPG.
There's also WoW miniatures which are used for a rather easily accessible tabletop wargame.
Of course, this keeps him in the WoW universe, but you might want to consider the possibility of buying one or more of these things, so he can get off the computer, but still play something WoW-y and then hopefully he'll be inspired to expand his interests.

Another possibility: Have you noticed the articles by Dr. Mark on this very site? He's a professional and has dealt with WoW addiction in the past. You might want to send him a PM and see if he has any advice for you.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/columns/ask-dr-mark/8058-Ask-Dr-Mark-6

 

[MadeinHell]

I dropped smoking 3 days ago...
I really want to punch someone...

 

[Hateren47]

You shouldn't oppress your child like that. He is not an addict in any dangerous sense of the word. You do know that WoW has parental settings right? Just enter your (I assume you are paying for this) account and deny him access to play after his bedtime. That or hide the modem/router in your night table if you are not technical. WoW is not crack, he will grow out of it or get bored eventually.