I have decided to be completely honest, escapists, so I wrote this. I hope someone will read it.

[DonMartin]

I'll be honest here (as you have been), I dislike how privileged people undermine everything they've got by saying that they don't feel like they have anything...

I understand that happiness isn't as easily attained as simply being good at things, but it's a start, right?

You have all the tools to make you happy: intelligence, a talented artist and musician, friends and family. Use them to create happiness. You have more opportunities than most, you're just not taking them.

Sure, you're having some sort of existential crisis, but why does any philosophy on existentialism have to be so despressing??? Life is meanignless, we're all going to die in the end; so what?

As long as you are here on this Earth, you deserve to be happy...and frankly, you have the makings of someone who can be really happy, you have the privilege of being happy. I think you owe it to all the people who don't have what you have (the poor, the sick, the dying, the millions of people living in squalid conditions in third-world countries) and find happiness. Hunt happiness down and fucking take control of it.

In situations like this, I find it hard to be sympathetic...maybe that's because I have never once felt like you do. I'm a cynic, but also very optomistic. I just think you need to sit down, consider what you can achieve and for fucks sake, find something to be happy about. Screw Finnish conventions, if what you say you can do is true, then you deserve some self-esteem.

Go get it.

Thank you for your response, you really put some thought into it.

I wanted to add, I do love and appreciate life. I have a very bright outlook on life, and other people, most of the time. It might seem to conflict with what I previously wrote, but I do. I do enjoy life, as much as I can. I didnt really put that into the OP, I realize that, so I cant really blame you!

I am happy, as much as I can. I try to celebrate life 8 times a week. I do try. I always try.

Thank you again for your response. I want you to know that I am doing my best, and often I am very happy. But there are always downs, most of us experience them, right? Thank you still, I am grateful for your advice.

 

[Nickolai77]

I think if you rationalise about it hard enough, you have no reason not to be reasonably confident about yourself. (You certainly have reason to be confident about your command of the English language, i should note).

What your dealing with here is an irrational emotion, as you say you FEEL useless, phony and despised. I would therefore recommend that you make some lifestyle changes that will make you feel good about yourself. See your friends more often, i don't know how old you are but you could take a holiday with them perhaps. If money is short find a job, make new friends there. Pick up a hobby and do well in it and you can feel pride in yourself for doing that. If your lucky enough, i also think having a good girlfriend can do a guy's confidence wonders as well.

Some of these may already apply you you, but i think you get the point i am trying to make.

 

[iLikeHippos]

I read all of it, like chugging down a whole bottle of milk, and I realized this could had been shortened down to three paragraphs at least, instead of nine.


I do believe that you need to SMILE more. Like my avatar right there. That's what I try to do. But maybe I have enough confidence in myself to know I am intelligent enough to be extremely silly at times.

Also, we've all had low confidence in ourselves, right up until a point where we know, where we are convinced of our potentials.
You've just got to reach the peak.

Myself, I'd say I have a good amount of confidence. My social structure is horribly broken, but that is because I know very little people and am dis-figuratively restricted for CERTAIN reasons I won't bother mentioning because honesty won't buy me a beer and take me our to a bar for some fun time (I tried. Didn' work ) and is frankly boring me enough the more and more I attempt it.
*GAAASP*
...

I dunno what the point of this post is. Perhaps I feel intrigued to give some criticism or viewpoints. But eeehhh, it adds up to my total post list.

 

[King Crab]

Hello DonMartin, nice to hear some honest words. Well, seeing as I've been met with such I will try to return the same.

Do you really need help? It seems from what you've written that your problems ain't really problems at all, just a reflection on how you see the world. The more intelligent someone is, the more self doubts they have. why is this? because they are able to see themselves more clearly. stupid people are confident 'cause they overestimate themselves, they cannot provide a measure of self criticism are unable to improve, caught up in a mire of ignorance and blissful stagnation. Once someone becomes self satisfied they cease to evolve.

This is why we have so many stupid old people, as opposed to paragons of intellect which is what those who continually doubt and seek to expand their knowledge become. well, could become.

I am not a confident guy, I find it difficult to be around people generally and prefer my own company to that of others. But my dad is . . . well stubborn, prideful, egocentric and a dick. I've never been able to have a proper discussion that didn't quickly become an argument. I've found the best thing to do when dealing with people who spew their ego with every word is to abandon yours, to play the fool or be a real cynic; bark like a dog and wag your tail. it really doesn't matter what you say to them so long as it sounds nice, your words will never reach them.

oh, btw - I masturbate every day. just thought I'd get it out there, us being honest folk and all.

 

[bluepilot]

I do not think you sound special/unique,reading through all of this, it just seems like your are trying to find your own way, just like everyone else.

It can be hard to answer questions such as `who am I` or `what am I good at` or even `what do I want to do` and I think that these answers get questions as you get a bit older and wiser.

Just remember that nobody likes a Gary Stu/Mary Sue, and it is our mistakes and flaws which make is better people..or at least more interesting.

Thanks for telling me about Jante law. I want to study medicine in Finland in a few years so it is useful to know more about the culture. My Finnish really sucks though... Finnish is hard...

 

[Fwee]

I can definitely identify with the way you're feeling. Personally, and to use a (paraphrased) cliche, "I have stared into the abyss, and felt the abyss stare back."
I know the feeling of unworthiness, but that can be a healthy thing. Knowing you aren't perfect, you have flaws, you'll make mistakes, you'll overestimate yourself and underestimate others. You'll also find that you'll probably at least break even every day. Mostly all a person can do is try to help to keep each other standing.

 

[DonMartin]

Seriously? Are you sure your not in my head? You basically just described my own psych (as far as I can tell, you can never truly know yourself).
I find it kind of funny how a lot of people that I observes psychs, and indeed my own, tend to be somewhat contradictory. Its good to know that I (In fact we) are not the only ones with this 'problem' (If it can be called as such).
I personally have attributed much of this to growing maturity, and the nights that I can't sleep and instead think about who I am. Unfortunately, a number of attitudes and morals that I tend to attribute to myself cannot be tested as the situation to test them rarely comes up. I believe it will be interesting to watch others around me mature, and see if they becaome more like us (for lack of a better way of phrasing it)
I tend to be considered anti-social by many, but I feel that that is because they choose not to talk to me, and I wil not force conversation upon those who I am not sure want them. Get me around my friends, and I will not stop talking.
I feel that I am a man born out of my time, and I tend to be polite and prefer formalities to casual behaviour.

Though this only really scratches the surface of I am, much as your post would only scratch the surface of who you are, I must agree that it does feel good to get this off my chest. Its even better to have a community that completely accepts this.

A lot of that sounds familiar, it really does. Also, I agree with the part of me maturing, a lot of what Im going through is probably just that.

Thank you for that response, it was very interesting. Thank you, really.

 

[DonMartin]

I read all of it, like chugging down a whole bottle of milk, and I realized this could had been shortened down to three paragraphs at least, instead of nine.


I do believe that you need to SMILE more. Like my avatar right there. That's what I try to do. But maybe I have enough confidence in myself to know I am intelligent enough to be extremely silly at times.

Also, we've all had low confidence in ourselves, right up until a point where we know, where we are convinced of our potentials.
You've just got to reach the peak.

Myself, I'd say I have a good amount of confidence. My social structure is horribly broken, but that is because I know very little people and am dis-figuratively restricted for CERTAIN reasons I won't bother mentioning because honesty won't buy me a beer and take me our to a bar for some fun time (I tried. Didn' work ) and is frankly boring me enough the more and more I attempt it.
*GAAASP*
...

I dunno what the point of this post is. Perhaps I feel intrigued to give some criticism or viewpoints. But eeehhh, it adds up to my total post list.

Thank you, I do smile. A lot. I even perform standup on certain occasions. I enjoy life, most of the time. I love life, and I love others. I suppose that didnt show in the OP, my bad.

Thank you again!

 

[DonMartin]

I do not think you sound special/unique,reading through all of this, it just seems like your are trying to find your own way, just like everyone else.

It can be hard to answer questions such as `who am I` or `what am I good at` or even `what do I want to do` and I think that these answers get questions as you get a bit older and wiser.

Just remember that nobody likes a Gary Stu/Mary Sue, and it is our mistakes and flaws which make is better people..or at least more interesting.

Thanks for telling me about Jante law. I want to study medicine in Finland in a few years so it is useful to know more about the culture. My Finnish really sucks though... Finnish is hard...

Absolutely, I am sure that a lot of people, if not the majority, experience this or something like it. I just felt a need to vent it, and it did help to get it off my chest again.

Also, I realize that I made it sound like I want to be perfect, but I really dont. I am happy being who I am, but what I mean was that sometimes I for some reason despise myself and question everything I do. It's stupid, I do realize that.

I do love life. I am happy, and I try to be, most of the time.

Thanks, again.

 

[Vitor Goncalves]

The supreme snip

Thank you for posting! I can identify myself with many things you describe about yourself.

Although as my first impression I find hard to classify you as underconfident, but more a perfeccionist with low self esteem.

You seem to believe you have capacity to understand and do things, you just seem to be too harsh on yourself, very demanding about your results and therefore, you seem to get doubts about your achievements.

I am sorry for being so supetrficial and answer you in a way that might sound naive.

Unfortunately I have little time at the moment. But I promise I will be back later and have another read.

Stay well!

 

[khiliani]

If you, or anyone reading this would like to discuss this topic further, PLEASE send me a personal message. I'm always here to listen.

Are you a trained psychologist or anything, or just particularly nice?

OT: interesting read that. I have a friend a bit like that, but he is doing a bit better now that he has found something he really loves to do with his time (teaching).

myself, i tend to be arrogant and over confident, but that, i believe, stems from the period of high school where i was bullied, and i just came out the other end with complete confidence in myself tht i was better. its good in a way, cause i have the determination to do well, but i have to temper it with a strong sense of respect for others. still don't suffer fools lightly though.

 

[DonMartin]

The supreme snip

Thank you for posting! I can identify myself with many things you describe about yourself.

Although as my first impression I find hard to classify you as underconfident, but more a perfeccionist with low self esteem.

You seem to believe you have capacity to understand and do things, you just seem to be too harsh on yourself, very demanding about your results and therefore, you seem to get doubts about your achievements.

I am sorry for being so supetrficial and answer you in a way that might sound naive.

Unfortunately I have little time at the moment. But I promise I will be back later and have another read.

Stay well!

You understood me pretty good! However, I dont consider myself a perfectionist. But I do see how you got that impression, and I added a little snip to the end of the post to clarify it! I just try to do things as good as I can, I dont get depressed if I perform poorly. It's when Im depressed I think everything I do is poor, that's what I meant to say.

Thanks for reading as much as you did, and thanks for responding!

 

[DonMartin]

I think if you rationalise about it hard enough, you have no reason not to be reasonably confident about yourself. (You certainly have reason to be confident about your command of the English language, i should note).

What your dealing with here is an irrational emotion, as you say you FEEL useless, phony and despised. I would therefore recommend that you make some lifestyle changes that will make you feel good about yourself. See your friends more often, i don't know how old you are but you could take a holiday with them perhaps. If money is short find a job, make new friends there. Pick up a hobby and do well in it and you can feel pride in yourself for doing that. If your lucky enough, i also think having a good girlfriend can do a guy's confidence wonders as well.

Some of these may already apply you you, but i think you get the point i am trying to make.

Thank you, a lot. Very sound advice, and I am trying to follow them, every day. I added a little snip to the end of the OP, to clarify things, if you want to read it! You made a very good point, and I think I understood it completely.

Also, love your avatar! ...That is Dickinson, right?

Thanks, again.

 

[DonMartin]

I can definitely identify with the way you're feeling. Personally, and to use a (paraphrased) cliche, "I have stared into the abyss, and felt the abyss stare back."
I know the feeling of unworthiness, but that can be a healthy thing. Knowing you aren't perfect, you have flaws, you'll make mistakes, you'll overestimate yourself and underestimate others. You'll also find that you'll probably at least break even every day. Mostly all a person can do is try to help to keep each other standing.

I agree, my mentality is really healthy, to some extent. It's just that I take it too far sometimes, and that's when I get depressed. Thank you, though. Just to add another cliché, "I have been one acquainted with the night". It's just a great poem about depression, I suppose.

You make a good point, and your advice is sound. At least, I think so. Thank you, a lot, for responding.

 

[DonMartin]

Pretty much the same (And now I feel like a pretentious dick...) But I could pretty much relate to your entire post, although I havent been diagnosed with anything so far. I keep well away from any sort of medical/pshyciatric personel. From Sweden btw, incase this is a "Nordic" problem _>

Edit: Ever been proud of anything as you went to bed, and when you woke up it just looked like shit?

Absolutely, but I do try to do something about it when it does!

Kan nog vara att det är ett nordiskt problem.. Har för mig att han som ursprungligen skrev Jantelagen var dansk?

Tack för ditt svar, verkligen. Skönt att veta att vi aldrig egentligen är ensamma, eller hur?

 

[DonMartin]

Hello DonMartin, nice to hear some honest words. Well, seeing as I've been met with such I will try to return the same.

Do you really need help? It seems from what you've written that your problems ain't really problems at all, just a reflection on how you see the world. The more intelligent someone is, the more self doubts they have. why is this? because they are able to see themselves more clearly. stupid people are confident 'cause they overestimate themselves, they cannot provide a measure of self criticism are unable to improve, caught up in a mire of ignorance and blissful stagnation. Once someone becomes self satisfied they cease to evolve.

This is why we have so many stupid old people, as opposed to paragons of intellect which is what those who continually doubt and seek to expand their knowledge become. well, could become.

I am not a confident guy, I find it difficult to be around people generally and prefer my own company to that of others. But my dad is . . . well stubborn, prideful, egocentric and a dick. I've never been able to have a proper discussion that didn't quickly become an argument. I've found the best thing to do when dealing with people who spew their ego with every word is to abandon yours, to play the fool or be a real cynic; bark like a dog and wag your tail. it really doesn't matter what you say to them so long as it sounds nice, your words will never reach them.

oh, btw - I masturbate every day. just thought I'd get it out there, us being honest folk and all.

Great response, man, I really appreciate this. You made some interesting points, and I thank you a lot for that. All in all, thanks for your advice. It made me think about people. Just people, I suppose. Cant explain it more than that.

Also, it's okay to masturbate every day. And youre awesome enough to admit it.

Thank you again, a lot.

 

[Reliq]

Pretty much the same (And now I feel like a pretentious dick...) But I could pretty much relate to your entire post, although I havent been diagnosed with anything so far. I keep well away from any sort of medical/pshyciatric personel. From Sweden btw, incase this is a "Nordic" problem _>

Edit: Ever been proud of anything as you went to bed, and when you woke up it just looked like shit?

Absolutely, but I do try to do something about it when it does!

Kan nog vara att det är ett nordiskt problem.. Har för mig att han som ursprungligen skrev Jantelagen var dansk?

Tack för ditt svar, verkligen. Skönt att veta att vi aldrig egentligen är ensamma, eller hur?

I try the same, but after staring at it over and over it always feels like its lost something, even if I can convince myself its actually ok. Might be that Im always engrossed in the creating and at that time I never really reflect on the thing itself but rather enjoy the creativity.

Mycket möjligt, är inte så väl insatt i Jantelagen, annat än att jag förstår dess relevans på samtalsämnet.

Tack själv

Edit: A small quote from a series I have currently lost my worldly woes in. "I have a soft spot in my heart for cripples, bastards and broken things."

 

[The Funslinger]

Cool story, bro

Seriously, though, you listed several talents, just keep focusing on those and use them to your advantage. Also, like everyone else says, smile, boy!

 

[DonMartin]

Cool story, bro

Seriously, though, you listed several talents, just keep focusing on those and use them to your advantage. Also, like everyone else says, smile, boy!

I smile, as much as I can! Thank you, that first bit made me laugh.

 

[Chaos-Spider]

If science is the exploration of how, not being able to answer why, and religion is the search for why, not being able to grasp how, then philosophy is the attempt to balance both.

I DARE you to search for the origin of those words.

That being said, the word empathy springs to mind while reading your post. You are either

Challenge Accepted

Science: derived from the Latin word ^ scienta ^ (hats in place of italics)which meant knowledge

Religion: also from a Latin word, this time ^ religio ^ which meant literally translates to return to bondage (re- return ligare- bind. Iwasn't cynical when writing this post)

Philosophy: Is derived from a combination of two Greek words, these being #philo# (love) and #sophia# (wisdom), meaning that it literally translates into love of wisdom.

Done.

OP: I can relate to some of the things said here, at least about confidence sometimes (Particularly when I am trying to go to sleep as this seems to be the prime time that my insecurities come back to haunt me).