I have decided to be completely honest, escapists, so I wrote this. I hope someone will read it.

[Outright Villainy]

My friend looked at me, grabbed my shoulders and said "Hey. Never apologize for being happy, okay?"

That's a good friend.

Ot: Well, it's extremely normal to have feelings like that OP. I'd be surprised if someone told me they didn't have constant self doubt at some stage. Nearly everyone will have it to some extent, throughout their entire life. It's good that you recognise that it's you overthinking things, but you're also apologising for what you're saying every second sentence as well. You had something you felt was worth sharing, something honest, you don't have to apologise constantly for it. That doesn't help you, and it doesn't help anyone else.

I think you can see by the replies that most people here are agreeing with you, and no one's calling you a hypocrite. You just need to have more confidence in what you say, particularly if it's from the heart.

 

[hedges1001]

thanks for sharing i guess im socially awkward myself its convincing myself to interact thats hard (too many reasons not too from experience) but i am super confident and even repeat a certain line to myself before i do anything so thats advice i give to anyone find that one phrase that powers you up

 

[rutger5000]

Since this is quiet anominous, I can brag a little here. I'm an overly friendly person, always willing sometimes seeking to help. It's more compulsive, then a choice, and I'm not sure to see it as a positive aspect of my personality. Anyway now you know why I read the entire post, but I still don't know what to do here.
What do you want me to say? What is the problem you have?
I too have low selfesteem, but can bluf very well. This bluffing/lying allows me to act social capable, even though I can't comprehend complex social behaviour.
From my prespective all complex social behaviour is fake, and serves no purpose. Just be honest, don't tell half truths and help people out if you can. Any social behaviour more complex then this is out of my understanding.
I also have low selfesteem, and I'm not very emotionally capable. I'm very sensitive, and that leaves me helpless in any emotional situation. I get completly overwhelmed, and then I'm just helpless. (I use helpless because of lack of a better word).
I'm sharing this, because I don't know another way to reply. What are you asking here?

 

[KaiRai]

Reading that kind of gave me a sense of perspective. You do need to improve your outlook on life though, you do seem like an intelligent guy and an all round good guy. You seem to have your emotions in check too, hence the posting on here.

I wish you the best of luck in your future.

 

[Shymer]

Practical response: Look up 'existential depression'. Know that you are not alone. Continue to make contact with others. Practise doing and thinking about nothing - I mean _nothing_, regularly. Make space in your life for time with your emotions - reading, computers, TV and other escapism is OK in the short-term, but is not a solution. Anger is poison unless you find some outlet. I haven't found mine yet - but it's probably related to physical work. Have a look at your diet and exercise regime, because you might find you could do with more B vitamins, more fruit and veg, and/or more energetic workouts.

Common ground: I laboured with feelings similar to yours since an event when I was 14 where I nearly died. I was diagnosed with Existential depression last year, 24 years later. I have been treated for depression many times - but none of the drugs seemed to work and I got annoyed by how shallow some of the 'therapy' was. My moods would cycle. I knew times were rough when the cycle became more frequent. Seasonal cycles are OK to manage - I become very reserved in Winter and don't go out much. I save Summer for becoming more expansive. Monthly, weekly or daily cycles are bad news. That's when I seek out the best counselling available.

My friends and family have been very supportive. I am worried about being too open with work about it - societal prejudice against mental healthcare issues possibly having a negative effect on future job prospects and all that - although occupational health unit has been excellent.

Social: Thanks for posting. Stay in touch.

 

[DonMartin]

You need to stop apologizing and assuming that everyone is going to take what you said and hate you for it. Every other sentence was sorry, I'm so dumb, sorry, I'm an idiot. Its rather sad to see somebody so afraid to just say how they feel.

Congrats on opening up tho. Just man up and take responsibility for what you say tho. If you are good at things, then don't apologize for saying you, goddamn man.

You don't have to be a martyr or a lesson or a warning. You just need to man up.

Thanks for reading, man.

The apologizing is mainly there to show my train of thought, sort of to illustrate a point. I tried to put everything in there, and everytime I doubted myself, I wrote it down. I suppose it was to prove a point, of sorts. I am fully aware that it is ridiculous, however. It was also so that people would not get the impression that Im trying to be a martyr, because that would just be pointless. I hope you understand me better now, Ive had to add a lot of things to that post, a lot of stuff I forgot too put in there in the first place!

Thanks again for reading, I am grateful for that.

 

[DonMartin]

Reading that kind of gave me a sense of perspective. You do need to improve your outlook on life though, you do seem like an intelligent guy and an all round good guy. You seem to have your emotions in check too, hence the posting on here.

I wish you the best of luck in your future.

That means a lot, man. Thank you very much.

 

[DonMartin]

Since this is quiet anominous, I can brag a little here. I'm an overly friendly person, always willing sometimes seeking to help. It's more compulsive, then a choice, and I'm not sure to see it as a positive aspect of my personality. Anyway now you know why I read the entire post, but I still don't know what to do here.
What do you want me to say? What is the problem you have?
I too have low selfesteem, but can bluf very well. This bluffing/lying allows me to act social capable, even though I can't comprehend complex social behaviour.
From my prespective all complex social behaviour is fake, and serves no purpose. Just be honest, don't tell half truths and help people out if you can. Any social behaviour more complex then this is out of my understanding.
I also have low selfesteem, and I'm not very emotionally capable. I'm very sensitive, and that leaves me helpless in any emotional situation. I get completly overwhelmed, and then I'm just helpless. (I use helpless because of lack of a better word).
I'm sharing this, because I don't know another way to reply. What are you asking here?

I dont know what Im asking for, I suppose I just felt a need to be completely open, and I tried my best to be. I suppose, if anything, that I was hoping to give people a perspective on it, because so many go through this stage in their life, as many already have stated. I dont know, I suppose I was hoping someone would gain something from it, other than that it felt good venting it. Some people seem to have enjoyed reading it and even thanked me for it, and that makes me really happy.

Thanks for responding and reading, man. Any response is a good response, but yours happened to actually be good.

 

[XHolySmokesX]

Cut

I read about half way down, i would read it all but im short for time right now.

I have a similar problem to you from what i understand, and that's intelligence.

My whole life i've found learning and subjects like maths, science, and understanding things, easy. becasue of this i have developed quite an arrogant section of my personality where i find it hard to believe that im wrong about stuff when i believe i know the truth.

I recently realised this when i read an article about this on the internet that made so much sence, i has an epiphany.

The thing is when you think your right all the time, you make yourself believe that your wrong. it sounds kinda paradoxical, but the fact that you think your too clevel to be wrong means if you don't 100% understand something like your emotions, then it's best to stay away from them and focus on knowledge which is what your good at.

Your fathers alcoholic problems and such would have made amplifies your uncertainty, and the mix of your uncertainty about a lot of things and your difficulty in disagreeing with yourself, is most probably the cause of your self-confidence, as you don't believe you are as intelligent as you subconsciously believe yourself to be.

It's pretty confusing stuff, but i recon once you know this then you have a starting point to sorting it out =)

I'm starting the same journey for the sake of improving my success with women, as this is the part of my life i believe is causing my episodes of depression.

I hope you all the best in sorting this out, and i know that you'll get there in the end =)

 

[DonMartin]

Bored shitless reading this.

Sorry about that. I can kind of see how it would bore someone, dont get me wrong.

But hey, now you dont have to shit in a while, huh? At least something good came out of it. Cheers for responding anyway, buddy.

 

[DonMartin]

DonMartin, I actually had to register after reading your post simply because aside from not being Finnish or having a drunken father, that post could have been written entirely by me. I don't think that there is anything I can add here that can sum up how I feel most of the time above what you have written. It's comforting to know that you're (I'm) not the only person who feels this way about themselves.

Thanks!

As a lot of people already said, and as I do know, were not alone. Most people go through this, or something like it.

Glad it got you onto the Escapist, though! Welcome, and stay out of the basement.


Thanks again, man. It's great to hear from someone who is actively going through the same stuff.

 

[herts]

Hmm, I don't know if it was intended but the message I got from your post was along the lines of...

'Don't write yourself or life in general off and just label it as being a cynic, we're all worth more effort then that'

If that's the case, I think that's an awesome message to spread and more power to you :3

 

[GWarface]

Yeah, the Jante-Law is a *****.. Didnt know it was up in Finland as well, thought it was mostly a danish thing..

Keep your head high dude.. Life is a war, but all humans has the power to win the battles.. I myself has just recently found that out..

Peace out..

 

[numbersix1979]

Now, yes, I go think that it's very nice and brave of you to post something so personal on an internet forum. That said, why are you wasting such eloquence and insight on an internet forum, also known as the land of tl;dr?

 

[DonMartin]

That is an interesting post, and one of the few times I really invest time in trying to read through the first post (an issue caused by my own lack of ability to focus, mind you). I'll make my comments as I read it through.

First of all, I come from Scandinavia myself (but I do not regard myself as from any of the nations therein), and have heard the "Jante-law" being thrown around before (and at times targeted at me). Personally I believe it to be an erroneous localization of a general human issue of self-esteem. In other words, it isn't unique to Scandinavia, but Scandinavia has a word and concept for it.

I suffer from severe issues with self-esteem myself, but the origins are very clear for me as to why. I have been caught up in a very difficult epistemological issue that has torn me apart for many years: How can I ever know anything about myself? How can I be aware of what I am? What I can do?

I am terrified that I may be fabricating my beliefs about myself, and that these beliefs are different and inconsistent with reality or how others view me. As such I do not trust anything I think of myself, because I reckon I can't do so. As a result I regard what others say about me as more trustworthy than myself, but even what they say I can not trust, as I may reinterpret what they mean.

However, in addition to this, and likely more related, there is my reasoning that it is better to think negatively of myself instead of positively. For I judge positive thoughts about myself to be a path to arrogance and selfishness, which both are qualities I deeply despise. As a result, many positive thoughts I have of myself I ask to justify. But because I can't justify the positive thought I sometimes (or frequently) turn it the other way around.

Openness might be my most pronounced trait. I rarely hide away myself, and I often reveal things about myself which others would find awkward to reveal. Sure, my core is still fairly hidden away from most people, but in general I have little to no inhibitions on what I reveal to others (for example, I find it fun to voice my interest in getting a dakimakura, and love to see how irrationally people react to that). Of course context is important, but.. err, I could end up talking about this for a long time. However, my rationale for being so open is quite strange. I sometimes feel like I am being selfish if I hide away myself. I'm not sure how I should explain it better.

You echo many words that I have thought before. Thank you.

Well, it seems like I at least expressed some of what I wished to express, and I responded to some of what I wished to respond to. I've probably forgotten or misinterpreted a lot though.

You seem to know this, and know what Im talking about. Thanks for responding, mate. It means a lot.

I have the "positive is bad" attitude too, to some extent. I suppose we just need to find some kind of balance, right? A guy here wrote to me in a PM thanking me for this post (which was very kind of him, and I am really grateful) and told me about his own experiences with this. He made a really good point about balance, and I suppose that's what we need. Either we grow into it, or we just try to develop it as we go. Or both.

Thank me? No, thank you for responding. Youre very kind, and I thank you for your response. As many already have said, and I think we both know, were not alone with these problems. So many go through the same, and seeing as how they still make it, gives me hope and a smile. "In the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow" (Im going to try not telling you that I feel silly for using that kind of a cliché, and for trying to sound deep)

Thanks, again.

 

[DonMartin]

Hmm, I don't know if it was intended but the message I got from your post was along the lines of...

'Don't write yourself or life in general off and just label it as being a cynic, we're all worth more effort then that'

If that's the case, I think that's an awesome message to spread and more power to you :3

Damn, I should have just written that...


Thanks for the summary, man! And thanks for responding, thank you very much.

 

[amppi1236]

I'm a Finn too, so I realize where you're going with this. I'm 15 an during my entire life, I've only had 3 friends, and 2 of them were prics. I learned to look on the bright side of things. I'm a naturally good problem solver and I have a extensive imagination. I can be happy in any situation if I want to. (Somehow I feel kind of pretentious right now) There's also a downside to that. I have a problem with depression. It's not like I get manically depressed or anything. I just can't get depressed easily, which means it all gets automatically packed inside. I live with 2 sisters of the same age, they absolutely HATE when I talk "smartly" or act maturely. They just tell me to stop acting smart, which in turn makes me question myself. I usually just close myself inside my imagination and wait until time passes for long enough and I feel normal again.
To tell you the truth, I have absolutely no idea why I wrote this. I guess I felt like relating. I guess what I'm trying to say is.... I'll come back to you on that one.
Please don't feel negatively about me for writing this. I guess I was in need of some venting out too.
Also, almost forgot! The best way to get trough the hadships of life and the feeling of pointlessness you mentioned is to not care. If you feel useless, then just think of everything you can do, every fun thing you could paint for example. I love drawing myself, I like to just stop and think of all the wonderful thins I can bring to canvas. It helps me feel more special and happy. If I really like some idea, I'll just paint it.

On retrospect, I found it to be quite relaxing to write this.

 

[mechanixis]

You know, when I went through this phase, I had actual friends to talk to about it.

 

[DonMartin]

Now, yes, I go think that it's very nice and brave of you to post something so personal on an internet forum. That said, why are you wasting such eloquence and insight on an internet forum, also known as the land of tl;dr?

I know, I know, I was pretty sure this would just die away pretty quickly, thanks to the ultimate TL;DRness of it.. But Im very happy and grateful that people did read it.

TL;DR: Thanks.

 

[DonMartin]

You know, when I went through this phase, I had actual friends to talk to about it.

I have too, and I do talk to them. But I just somehow find that there is a certain therapy in talking to strangers, you know? Also, the Escapist community can be incredibly supportive, AND I THANK YOU ALL FOR THAT (In a loud voice so everyone hears)

Also, I can reach a bigger "audience" here, so it's easier to find someone who can relate to this and tell me about their experience, if they want to. And that's something I am very grateful for, as many have.

I know it's a phase, and I'll get through it. Im sure I will.

Thanks for responding anyway, man!