I wish I was a gay man...(updated on Page 4)

[Dragonclaw]

I almost get what you are saying but as a Bay Area resident with quite a few gay friends I think you are definitely over romanticising it. Feeling a need to belong is normal, but being part of a crowd for the right reasons is important. I understand the need for the LGBT community to announce their pride and to wave flags because so many in our society still wishes to see them crapped on for no good reason. It's part of their struggle and a reminder of that. My aunt liked to do things for attention and shock, for a time she only dated inter-ratially because it angered my grandfather, but she wasted a lot of time in relationships she didn't want to be in and lost out on a lot of guys who would have cared for her once she realized that wasn't where here attraction really was and she was just trying to get a rise out of the family.

I don;t know how old you are, but you sound pretty young. There's nothing wrong with being "normal" just like there's nothing wrong with being "homosexual". You say you are attracted to guys and I'm sure you can find a great guy who shares many of your ideals, though I'd strongly suggest talking to a professional about the esteem issues you are definately showing long before looking at a relationship. I'd also recomend finding a CAUSE to be passionate about and turn your attention there for pride, but trying to become something that it doesn't sound like you really are is only going to end badly.

 

[Rawne1980]

I just popped in to say this is, quite possibly, the strangest thread i've read in a long time.

 

[Vault101]

Hear me out on this.

I have no desire to produce offspring, I don't really want to be a 'wife', and my love for male things (like games and action moves) seemed to have put me out of the running for any normal male affections, and really I often recoil at 'typical' hetro romances in books and media.
.

surely thats not true..I cant imagine a sane reasonable man rejecting a women because she isnt "feminine" enough (not talking about attractivness..but femininity)

 

[bullet_sandw1ch]

good luck on the tank thing, but... dont become one of those flamboyant gay men. they are so irritating. once, i was walking to school, and this gay man had the rainbow flag, and only the rainbow flag, wrapped around him. thats ignorant, no-one wants to see your sausage.

 

[Savagezion]

I have had gay friends and its just as "real" as any other relationships. You'll hate each other over dumb shit in a gay relationship too. They will cheat on each other, resent one another, and everything else straight people do. The only difference is two plugs or two outlets.
One friend once said that he wished he was straight precisely because he thought our relationships would be much easier. I didn't really ask him why though. I just told him they weren't.

 

[Valis88]

Anothing thing comes to mind.

Perhaps it's just where I live, but I find that so many straight men are near complete homophibes, and that's a huge turn off for me. As soul crushingly lonely as I am, I could never date or be with someone that tires to 'be a man', and hate on the gay community.

Hell I've gone so far as to really deny that I am in fact 'straight' I've kind of back away from that label due to all the negativity that it seems to produce. Why would I want to be straight? Or labeled as such? it seems like a nasty thing to be, now a days.

I guess I just yearn to belong to something, to a people, and I don't feel that I belong to what I am....if that makes any sense. >_<

 

[Elate]

Hear me out on this.

I'm a straight woman, in her mid 30's and often it feels like I've been thrown into the wrong body, and that I'm pretty much doomed to heterosexuality.


Perhaps I'm being overly nieve, perhaps I'm being overly romantic about this, but it seems to me like gay man, and gay male relationships are always so strong, and so loving. Every time you see them in movies and games they always seem so true, and so much more real thin the overplayed hetro relationships. They seem to have more of a connection, and a closeness.

It looks lie it's real 'true love'.

I have no desire to produce offspring, I don't really want to be a 'wife', and my love for male things (like games and action moves) seemed to have put me out of the running for any normal male affections, and really I often recoil at 'typical' hetro romances in books and media.

What is wrong with me? Is their something wrong with me? Are my assumptions about gay male love correct?

I just feel so itchy, and so...ugh...in the skin that I am in...i wish I could change it. I wish I could be 'better'.

"Everytime you see them in movies and games" Yeah, so are hetero relationships. Dear god.

I admit, we do have more "closeness" but that's just due to having more on common and understanding each other better.. y'know, being men. But no, your assumptions aren't correct, they're just as rose tinted as every other love story. It's just about finding someone who is compatible.

-snip-

You try to be something you aren't because you aren't happy with what you are.. sounds like a case of.. escapism.

 

[ReservoirAngel]

Anothing thing comes to mind.

Perhaps it's just where I live, but I find that so many straight men are near complete homophibes, and that's a huge turn off for me. As soul crushingly lonely as I am, I could never date or be with someone that tires to 'be a man', and hate on the gay community.

I'll state the obvious here and point out that being straight and being a homophobe are far from being one and the same. Sure quite a few straight people don't like fags, but it's hardly all of them, or even anywhere near a majority. Of course that varies from place to place and certain areas (I'm looking at you Alabama and neighbouring Southern States!) have higher concentrations of bigoted morons than other places.

 

[Valis88]

*sigh* I just wish I could belong somewhere, to someone, to an organization, peoples, and culture...but not the one I belong to now...

The grass isn't greener on the other side?

If it isn't then how can we work on making heterosexuality less the bane of jerks, ignorants, and other complete undesirables.

I can never say that I'm proud of who I am. :/

 

[Terminal Blue]

Being straight, it has no flag, no unity, perhaps I recoil from it because it gets tagged with 'hetronormative' and I despise that...designation.

Straightness and heteronormativity are not the same thing.

I already know I deserve an equal chance of a happy life. I already know I deserve not to be regarded as abnormal. I don't need you to affirm that by living in penance, and anyone who would ask that of you is a deeply unpleasant and insecure person.

You'd do me far more honour as an LGBT person by insisting, against all odds, on seeing me as a person, first and foremost rather than a faceless expression of whatever "unity" you think I have. Because actually, I'm just like you. I don't really have some flag or community to affirm my self worth. I still have to measure my self worth like everyone else does, based on who I am and what I've done.

Heterosexuality isn't "nothing". I should know, I had to go through losing it.

Perhaps it's just where I live, but I find that so many straight men are near complete homophibes, and that's a huge turn off for me. As soul crushingly lonely as I am, I could never date or be with someone that tires to 'be a man', and hate on the gay community.

Look, you can't judge yourself against these people, and actually one of the advantages of being straight is that you shouldn't ever have to. These people don't get to determine who you are, you're not a unified mass who have to wave the same flag to get noticed. You are allowed to be independent people.

And you know what. As bad as your community environment might seem, there are probably gay people in it. They might be living very closeted lives and just trying to blend in and get by, they might be absolutely terrified. If you can believe that you can be a compassionate straight woman, if you can have the courage to live openly with your anti-homophobic convictions, then if not a partner then you might well find friends who can support you, if you feel you're worthy to support them.

I'm not promising anything. It sounds like this is something which isn't going to be fixed with a few words, I'm just saying try it and see. Life won't get better if you give up on it.

If it isn't then how can we work on making heterosexuality less the bane of jerks, ignorants, and other complete undesirables.

Well, let's start with the one heterosexual we know we can get through to and work on..

If you're willing to stand up for what you believe, to refuse to be a jerk, not only are you setting an example, you might also find you reclaim some of the self-respect these people have hammered out of you.

You may even find that once you have a bit of security, you attract people who aren't quite so insecure themselves, who have similar convictions and similar standards, and who might be willing to build the kind of relationship you want to have, not the one you feel you're expected to have.

But you need to get over that fundamental wall which stops you being proud of who you are. It might look like an impossible task, but that's why you might need someone to help you break it down, and fortunately those people exist.

 

[Helmholtz Watson]

If it isn't then how can we work on making heterosexuality less the bane of jerks, ignorants, and other complete undesirables.

I can never say that I'm proud of who I am. :/

You can start by not labeling the rest of us straight people as "jerks ignorant, and completely undesirable".

You want to fit in, go to your local gym, join a workout class and meet new people. Go to your place of worship(if your religious at all) at meet other people there who you can be friends with. Network, network, network! See if the people you work with want to go out for drinks afterwards. Look at your local community center and see if they have any meet ups for hobbies that interest you. Take a few classes at a community college and meet some new people, join some clubs. and most importantly, when you are doing these things.....network, network, network!!

 

[bluepilot]

Hear me out on this.

I'm a straight woman, in her mid 30's and often it feels like I've been thrown into the wrong body, and that I'm pretty much doomed to heterosexuality.


Perhaps I'm being overly nieve, perhaps I'm being overly romantic about this, but it seems to me like gay man, and gay male relationships are always so strong, and so loving. Every time you see them in movies and games they always seem so true, and so much more real thin the overplayed hetro relationships. They seem to have more of a connection, and a closeness.

It looks lie it's real 'true love'.

I have no desire to produce offspring, I don't really want to be a 'wife', and my love for male things (like games and action moves) seemed to have put me out of the running for any normal male affections, and really I often recoil at 'typical' hetro romances in books and media.

What is wrong with me? Is their something wrong with me? Are my assumptions about gay male love correct?

I just feel so itchy, and so...ugh...in the skin that I am in...i wish I could change it. I wish I could be 'better'.

All the straight girls want to be gay guys and all the gay guys want to be straight girls (tee hee)

Joking aside, it is totally okay to be the way you are. Not all girls want to be a mother or a wife and your interests are your own so don't let anyone put you down for them,

I think you are idealising the gay relationships, which is understandable because gays are AWESOME. But underneath the surface they have their own issues about dissapointing their families, never being able to have their own biological kids together, not being real "men". Plus the gay community is so small that it can be hard to meet the right person or if they play around too much then they get caught.

Maybe the gay thing looks so great because there are two people together in the face of adversity. Maybe you need that, you sound like a rebel so maybe you need to meet another rebel just like yourself.

On the other hand, it is not unheard of for women to become gay men and if the itch never goes, try looking like a man for sometime. It differs from county to country but if you want the surgery you have to live like the opposite sex for x amount of years

 

[Valis88]

A development....of sorts...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/03/denmark-gay-bar-straight-kissing-_n_1475445.html?ref=gay-voices

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/04/separatist-policies-benefit-harm-lgbt_n_1477697.html?ref=gay-voices

More and more I fear, getting into a relationship, with a man. I mean I desire men, but now I feel that it's wrong, and that if I do, I will become the enemy of LGBTQ people.

I struggle with a sexuality that I'm now beginning to actively loathe....I don't know what to think anymore....I don't want to be a foe.

It's so hard, not to wish, I was a gay man.

 

[Dags90]

People voted 2-to-1 against LGBT inclusiveness? I mean it's an internet poll so it's not the best source, but the poll is sort of pro-inclusiveness...

Also, why are you so obsessed with LGBTQ people? There are other minorities. Why don't you wish to be a racial minority?

 

[Colour Scientist]

More and more I fear, getting into a relationship, with a man. I mean I desire men, but now I feel that it's wrong, and that if I do, I will become the enemy of LGBTQ people.

Are you for real? The enemy of LGBT?
I'm starting to think you're joking now, that or you live in a seriously messed up fantasy land.

You think embracing your sexuality is going to make you the enemy of... How can you even think that? Why should your sexuality matter one bit to anyone else? Isn't that the point of a lot of the LGBT movement?

I'm so confused.
I'm trying to understand how you think the world works but it's not happening.

 

[Colour Scientist]

Also, why are you so obsessed with LGBTQ people? There are other minorities. Why don't you wish to be a racial minority?

Those minorities aren't fashionable anymore, get with the times.
Gay is totally in right now.

 

[Valis88]

People voted 2-to-1 against LGBT inclusiveness? I mean it's an internet poll so it's not the best source, but the poll is sort of pro-inclusiveness...

Also, why are you so obsessed with LGBTQ people? There are other minorities. Why don't you wish to be a racial minority?

Actually I do, however that an entire other facet of pain that I have inside.

More and more I fear, getting into a relationship, with a man. I mean I desire men, but now I feel that it's wrong, and that if I do, I will become the enemy of LGBTQ people.

Are you for real? The enemy of LGBT?
I'm starting to think you're joking now, that or you live in a seriously messed up fantasy land.

You think embracing your sexuality is going to make you the enemy of... How can you even think that? Why should your sexuality matter one bit to anyone else? Isn't that the point of a lot of the LGBT movement?

I'm so confused.
I'm trying to understand how you think the world works but it's not happening.

I swear to you I am not, in any way, joking about this. I struggle with this, just about every day of my life.

The thing is I'm not sure why, but it seems the older I get the more I feel like being Hetro is just...I mean all the horrible things Hetro people have done.

I feel guilty, by proxy.

 

[Colour Scientist]

I swear to you I am not, in any way, joking about this. I struggle with this, just about every day of my life.

The thing is I'm not sure why, but it seems the older I get the more I feel like being Hetro is just...I mean all the horrible things Hetro people have done.

I feel guilty, by proxy.

Super.

I think you seriously need to re-evaluate your life if you actually think like that. Figure out what actually makes you think that way, I really doubt it's 'hetero-guilt', whatever the fuck that is.

 

[Vuliev]

More and more I fear, getting into a relationship, with a man. I mean I desire men, but now I feel that it's wrong, and that if I do, I will become the enemy of LGBTQ people.

Are you for real? The enemy of LGBT?
I'm starting to think you're joking now, that or you live in a seriously messed up fantasy land.

You think embracing your sexuality is going to make you the enemy of... How can you even think that? Why should your sexuality matter one bit to anyone else? Isn't that the point of a lot of the LGBT movement?

I'm so confused.
I'm trying to understand how you think the world works but it's not happening.

I swear to you I am not, in any way, joking about this. I struggle with this, just about every day of my life.

The thing is I'm not sure why, but it seems the older I get the more I feel like being Hetro is just...I mean all the horrible things Hetro people have done.

I feel guilty, by proxy.

I'm with Colour-Scientist on this one, you're not making much sense. It sounds like you have a different kind of issue (some kind of existential crisis, maybe?) that somehow managed to get caught up in your sexuality.

In a way, I remember having similar thoughts to yours during my crisis of faith in junior year. For me, I got past it by stumbling into a new perspective on spirituality and religion; why not try something similar? As someone else suggested, if it's the people around you making you feel guilty-by-proxy, then find a new community. I don't know how old your are/your dependency on your parents, but you definitely need a change of pace. People aren't as bad as they seem, and your line of thinking isn't going to help you in the long run.