If EA took over *blank*

[bafrali]

How the hell would that not be awesome?

I didn't say it wouldn't be awesome. I am fucking hyped for MK-SF crossover too

 

[MammothBlade]

EA takes over Paradox Interactive.

"We can't work with this folks, turn Hearts of Iron into a first person shooter!"

"Victoria is too obscure, market it as a cheesy Command and Conquer prequel."

"Europa Universalis IV should be the next BioWare project, make it a Mass Effect/Dragon Age crossover!"

"Crusader Kings is the new title of The Sims Medieval II."

OH LAWD. PLEASE KILL ME.

 

[Qitz]

EA takes over EA and they're now THE most well known company in the world, releasing perfect games by every standard and even beat out Valve as most loved company out there.

Then the world exploded.

Also funny how most of this thread is an argument about gay characters in Bioware games.

 

[Issurru]

Guess what Role I think that they would be perfect for?.....*waits a few moments* No Guesses? Well death I say, as it seems like everything that they touch dies. Look at what they did to Westwood and what they're doing to Bioware (I liked ME3, but not really ME2. Also I don't believe that there was ever a Dragon Age 2)

OT: I'll just say Obsidian, EA would somehow have MORE bugs due to super rushed releases (even worse than KoToR2, and so rushed that there won't even be a bunch of awesome stuff for the fans to mod into the game) and all the characters would be ripped more than the guys from Gears of War. There will be no form of story and they will develop it for 4 years spending hundreds of millions of dollars (almost completely on advertising) then when the game doesn't turn a profit they shall "broaden it's audience" even more then still blame everyone but themselves for screwing up.

 

[scorptatious]

If EA took over Team Ico...

...The Last Guardian would finally be released.

But it would be crap. D:

 

[Phlakes]

you realize it's all jokes and fun in here..right? No one is actually suggesting that EA take over anything. just a "what if.." type scenario.

Right. Sure. There's no way people have malicious intentions toward the company that was voted the worst in America. Nope, it's all innocent.

When the TL;DR for the thread is "EA makes terrible games and ruins good developers", I don't think you get to make the "it's all in good fun" excuse.

 

[Brendan Stepladder]

EA takes over Game Freak and start working on Pokemon.

You get your Starter pokemon for free and the first 30 of the pokedex, then have to pay an extra 20 dollars to unlock the rest of your pokedex, with the option to purchase Legendaries for 10 dollars each regardless of location in the game.

Instead of capturing pokemon in turn-based battles, you run from cover to cover and hit them with the 'poke-cannon' until they have no HP, at which point they are automatically captured.

And finally, instead of two 10 year old kids, the male character is a 35 year old veteran of the Poke-Wars with the emotional range of a stone and the female character is a 22 year old with a pair of Double-Ds and 15 different customizable skimpy outfits. While male children are still encountered, all females in game are 18-26ish, sexy and inexplicably attracted to both protagonists.

there are also 4 versions of pokemon released a year, also yearly releases.

As much as I like Pokemon (which is A LOT; I have my Heartgold Rom open right now), I feel like Pokemon is an extremely sell-out series right out of the gate. What other game requires 2 versions to obtain 100% completion? The series was literally spawned as a tool to sell link cables, but happened to be a massive single-player hit.

On topic, Ea takes over Call of Duty. Thanks to the magic power of copyright, every third EA game has Captain Price as the protagonist, and all weapons in every EA game are replaced with recoilless Ak's. Also, idividual bullets are sold as DLC, courtesy of EA's total monopoly on the modern FPS genre.

 

[Eddie the head]

If EA took over Bank of America it would improve the company 10 fold. Hay EA never flat out sole money form me.

 

[Surpheal]

One that I have not seen, EA takes over Team Ico

The Last Guardian is released, though instead of the main characters being a kid and a giant bird-cat thing it is now a gruff and grizzled military spec ops solider that has, quote, gone through Hell and back, end quote, and a four legged tank respectively. And rather than puzzle platforming and not being that effective in combat as the kid as the trailers have lead you to believe, you now just walk around blowing anything that looks at you funny into the ninth dimension.

The they re-re-release Shadow of the Colossus, but with a twist. You only get the first colossus on the disk, and have to pay $10 to unlock each of the other 15 remaining colossi, as well as $15 for each of the unlockable weapons and other little bobbles. They then release a new version of it every year, with a different wanderer, in a different forbidden land, fighting more and more different colossi, that get to look more and more like walking tanks, riding something that begins to look less and less like the loosest definition of what a horse should look like.

 

[geK0]

you realize it's all jokes and fun in here..right? No one is actually suggesting that EA take over anything. just a "what if.." type scenario.

Right. Sure. There's no way people have malicious intentions toward the company that was voted the worst in America. Nope, it's all innocent.

When the TL;DR for the thread is "EA makes terrible games and ruins good developers", I don't think you get to make the "it's all in good fun" excuse.

It's pretty much supposed to be a joke thread. I find a lot of the stuff EA puts out is kind of mediocre, but I don't hate the company. I Just made this thread for fun.

Are you picturing me as some raving lunatic who's foaming out the mouth or something? >....>,
This thread is just one big hyperbole, I'm not that serious about it. I have a tendency to exaggerate things, take a look at my Wal-Mart thread for example.

 

[Brendan Stepladder]

How about EA takes over Assassain's creed?
Your character starts off as a quadropalegic, and you must buy each individual limb for $20, and an extra $15 if you want him/her to have hands.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

you realize it's all jokes and fun in here..right? No one is actually suggesting that EA take over anything. just a "what if.." type scenario.

Right. Sure. There's no way people have malicious intentions toward the company that was voted the worst in America. Nope, it's all innocent.

When the TL;DR for the thread is "EA makes terrible games and ruins good developers", I don't think you get to make the "it's all in good fun" excuse.

well considering nothing will come of this hypothetical situation besides just banter and ideas among the users on escapist, yeah, i consider that innocent.

who in here besides the party pooper isn't having fun? It's all hypothetical, nothing will actually come of it, and if it does, it's just coincidence.

not to mention, considering how many devs they have bought out and have either shut down or the games have become watered down B versions of what they used to deliver, I think it's fair game, as do many people in here.

 

[DustyDrB]

If EA took over my house, I'd be living on the streets within a few months:
-Want some water? Sure! $5
-Hey! You gotta pay the fee to use these stairs! $8
-Awww! Your dog is so cute! I bet you want to play with him, right? Just $15 for that.
-Hey, you have visitors. Err...It's illegal to share your living space for any amount of time, so you're going to have to buy this plot of designated "Visitation Area" land next door for $100,000. And while you're at it, why not hire certified EA contractors to build an awesome Quality Time Shack? Only another $10,000!
-Uh oh! Looks like the grass is dying. You better give it some plant food! Here's some Gatorade! It has what plants need! Electrolytes, yeah! $16/square foot.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

-Uh oh! Looks like the grass is dying. You better give it some plant food! Here's some Gatorade! It has what plants need! Electrolytes, yeah! $16/square foot.

hah reminded me of this:

probably would be true, just as sims is expensive as shit, so would living your real life...

to add to yours:

wanna go downtown? Need to buy the whole downtown expansion! 50 dollars!
wanna go to a movie? the grocery store? Get the urban experience! 120 dollars!

 

[sunsetspawn]

Hell, have you played DA:O, remember that dude named Zevran (I think that was his name), he was much worse than Traynor or Cortez.

that's kind of funny..I played as a female and I actually had no Idea Zevran liked men untill I read it on the internet..I just took him as a womaniser

Zev just likes his balls emptied, and he really doesn't care how.

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

Except it was.

I explore my ship. I reach the lower level, talk to the first person I see. He blurts out "BY THE WAY I'M GAY AND I HAD A HUSBAND AND HE DIED IN THE WAR DID I MENTION I'M REALLY GAY". Yeah, that's how homosexuals always introduce themselves to others, apparently.

So after a resounding fuck that I take Shepard to the citadel. Yeah, this is pretty cool, just walking along... Suddenly, you overhear a LOUD AS FUCK conversation between a gay couple who just can't stop emphasizing how gay they are.

What makes this doubly amusing is that the straight couples in the ME universe never got this treatment. Apparently heterosexuality is out of fashion in the future.

Wait, what? Did we play the same game?

(About a minute in. Please ignore the unfortunate player commentary)

He said "husband" once. No one ever even says the word "gay". I mean yeah, there's a lot of male pronouns, but come on. They're kind of hard to avoid in a conversation about men. You could replace "Husband" with "wife" and all the appropriate "he"s with "she"s, ("him"s with "her"s, etc.) and the conversation would still make perfect sense. It's literally the EXACT same treatment a straight character might get. And about the couple on the citadel: They were in the background. As far as I know, Sheppard can't even interact with them in any way. (if we're thinking of the same couple that is) How exactly is that "shoving it in your face?"

 

[Ldude893]

EA takes over Valve.

Multiple molotov cocktails will hit the EA headquarters three days after the takeover happens.

Yes, people will be that angry.

 

[Allthingsspectacular]

From Software:

Dark Souls gets turned into a fast paced hack n' slash with lots of explosions and flashy kills. Of course, it would be like God of War.