1) Pick one of the most hilarious dangerous-thing-that-we-should-be-afraid-of from The Colbert Report's Threatdown, and kill Glenn Beck with it.
2) Pull a heist on the biggest Las Vegas casino. Basically pull a real life Ocean's Eleven.
3) Travel at any speed. That's right, not only faster than light, but negative speed. Even complex speed. Yes, it doesn't make any sense, but who cares.
I would like to swindle millions of middle class Americans and international banks using crazy financial wizardry to sell off toxic mortgages at insane prices and leave with my huge check and a golden parachute for a speaking tour where I'd get paid a quarter million for each speech about how I'd fix the economy. Sadly, that's not against any law.