If You Were Admin of the Entire Internet ...

[Muspelheim]

Another idea for my internet-regime, were it to pass. I'd give each and everyone the possibility to leave, if they can't stand it under my colours. I'd call it "diegiftkapseln.com", the E-cyanide pill. It would be one instant permaban from the internet, for anyone inclined towards that.

But the more I think of it, the more I'm inclined towards not really change very much. One thing I'd like to do would be to stop or redirect access from Facebook, the popular celeb youtube channels and sites, et cetera. Throw the old grannies and social network shut-ins an opportunity to head out there and explore. They might stumble upon something new.

 

[Sexy Devil]

I'd block all the porn and laugh maniacally. Well, not outright block, just charge a price of admission. I'd quickly become a billionaire.

 

[ThePurpleStuff]

First, I would delete all child porn, real or animated, it is disgusting and wrong and I don't want it to exist, ever, anyone found posting it online will be banned as well.

I would obliterate anyone who sends me spam e-mails at their source so they never spam anyone else ever again.

Trolls will be suspended for a week from the internet and if they start trolling again, permanent ban, everyone deserves a second chance, except the above mentioned.

I can't think of any more things to do at the moment but I say those are good for a start.

 

[Helmholtz Watson]

You wake up, groggily get yourself out of bed, walk over to your computer and bring it up. As you load up your internet browser, you notice that it's different. There are all kinds of control panels on the screen, giving you IP addresses and a whole host of other things. You then go to a website and see that you basically have all kinds of control options for it. That one and many more ... in fact, ALL of them!

That's when you notice a small notification that reads that you have been giving Admin powers over the entire internet! You can shut down whatever site you like, ban anybody from any website or forum, or even just prevent them from using the internet at all! You could also shut down servers for any game, and nobody on any site could ban you.

So, what would you do?

As for me, I would go to YouTube and do some deep cleaning of the putrefaction that has accumulated there. From there, I would move on to 4Chan. Then, I would take down Origin, so that EA could remove that site and I could play Battlefield 3 without having to sign up for that spyware site. And then, the internet would be that much nicer of a place.

What about YOU? ...

I would make it so that atheist ant theist couldn't get into pissing matches over who is right, ENOUGH already!! Also, get rid of RPG vs JRPG arguments, and rightfully acknowledge RPG's as the better of the two.

 

[Devil's Due]

I'd probably perma-ban this website, to be quite honest.

Why? This is actually a pretty good site and the average user isn't a total dick. On the site side, you have Zero Punctuation and Movie Bob and on the forum side, you have a good forum service run by mods who pretty much stay out of the way unless you're doing something bad and never overstep their boundaries or insult members (Thanks guys! Although, it would be cool to see you post more.) ... and you can cuss! (SPUF blocks out profanity.)

In the words of Gabe Newell, what's not to like?

And if you hate it so much, THEN WHY ARE YOU A FORUM MEMBER? If you don't like it, leave! >:-(

I find this hilarious you're so defensive over someone wanting to shut down a website you like, but you're willing to perma-ban nearly million of people from visiting a website that they like. Seriously, good job.

As for the thread: I wouldn't do a damn thing. Let the internet be free, consequences be damned. The only thing I'd actively fight against is censorship and those who use the internet to harm another (e.g. hacking computers for blackmail, virus producers, etc). After that, let it flourish.

 

[The Virgo]

"As admin of the entire internet, I don't have to actually care." You do understand that you aren't the admin of the internet? Don't you?

Sadly, yes. Ah, what a much better world this place would be if I was.

OT: I would remove "The Virgo" from the internet. Him. Just him. (And maybe fuck SOPA up)

Hmm, if I'm not mistaken, attacking a single person results in an infraction. We'll let the mods decide.

I find this hilarious you're so defensive over someone wanting to shut down a website you like, but you're willing to perma-ban nearly million of people from visiting a website that they like. Seriously, good job.

It's different. This is the Escapist. That is 4Chan. 4Chan I really didn't think it needed any explanation. Many other people have also said they would take it down, right here non this very thread, and yet you only address me. -_- And besides, look at what I posted. Actually read it. My point is that if he doesn't like the website ... WHY IS HE HERE?

To re-use a comparison, that's like being in a room full of things you hate and, no more than five inches away from you, there is a door where you can freely walk away and not come back ... and yet you still stay in the room and then complain about how awful the room is.

Doesn't make much sense, eh? My point exactly.

 

[Feylynn]

-Bannable offense to not post ponies.
-Bannable offense to post ponies in a negative light.
-4 Chan now royalty.
-No more console wars of any kind.
-Love and Tolerance are required.
-People disrespecting Dragon Age 2's combat are banned.
-People disrespecting the rest of Dragon Age 2 get promoted.
-Majora's Mask is the new best Zelda game or the internet gets it.
-How to Disappear Completely (And Never Be Found Again) - Radiohead is the anthem of the internet.
-Trigger happy with my ban rifle where treason or minor annoyance is concerned.

That's about all I got.

 

[Ldude893]

Let it be as it is. You can't control an entire world, even a digital one.

Though I would do the following if it didn't have negative consequences or if I was very sadistic:
- Ban copyright takedowns and censorship completely OR allow media companies to block certain videos in different regions at the expense that they replace their website background with this gif [http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lf8afws7FF1qethn4o1_500.gif], that they overlay all their videos with the sound of either vuvuzelas or jackhammers, and that they pay for 4chan, Encyclopedia Dramatica and Wikileaks' servers.
- Temporarily replace every site on the internet with a Rickroll for two hours every April 1st.
- Randomly replace a number (lets say 300-400 sites) of pornographic, Rule 34 and fetishists sites every two weeks with a recipe for fried Italian chicken with a side of pasta (or a gif of Christopher Hawkins dancing). The sites will be restored after two weeks and another group of sites will be replaced after that. Just for the heck of it.
- Blast one certain furry image hosting site, one certain transformation fetishist interactive story site, and one certain ugly site with artwork relating to The Simpsons to virtual oblivion, then excuse it as an accident afterwards. If I were sadistic, of course.

 

[The Virgo]

Hmm, if I'm not mistaken, attacking a single person results in an infraction. We'll let the mods decide.

Attack? I merely responded to the question. I'm sorry if you don't like my answer but it's true. It's the one thing I would do.

Oh really? Well, it's great to know I have such an avid admirer who, if given the chance to take control of the whole internet, free it, get rid of pedophiles, stop viruses and piracy, bring lots of attention to a wonderful cause ... or anything just make things a better place, he would only get rid of little old me. You place me as more annoying the pedos, virus makers and various scum ... just because I want to get rid of 4Chan.

I'm almost flattered, actually.

Though I would do the following if it didn't have negative consequences or if I was very sadistic:
- Ban copyright takedowns and censorship completely OR allow media companies to block certain videos in different regions at the expense that they replace their website background with this gif [http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lf8afws7FF1qethn4o1_500.gif], that they overlay all their videos with the sound of either vuvuzelas or jackhammers, and that they pay for 4chan, Encyclopedia Dramatica and Wikileaks' servers.
- Temporarily replace every site on the internet with a Rickroll for two hours every April 1st.
- Randomly replace a number (lets say 300-400 sites) of pornographic, Rule 34 and fetishists sites every two weeks with a recipe for fried Italian chicken with a side of pasta (or a gif of Christopher Hawkins dancing). The sites will be restored after two weeks and another group of sites will be replaced after that. Just for the heck of it.

HAHA! Nice! But I must say, at the end, I thought you said Steven Hawking instead of Christopher! A gif of Steven Hawking dancing would be hilarious, to say the least! ;-D

 

[Esotera]

And finally, I'd install Linux on EVERYTHING.

amen brother, I would love to see a toaster running linux

Here you go [https://pics.defcon.org/showphoto.php?photo=53], good old DEFCON. I think someone managed to power linux by using a potato battery once as well, they seemed to get pretty good battery life.

 

[The Virgo]

Actually there is something else. I would make this mandatory reading:
http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/Unwarranted_Self-Importance
(Link NSFW)

... Um, how did you not notice the intense amounts of sarcasm dripping off of that post like water from a pot boiling over? I thought it was as blatantly obvious as the ground underneath you feet. Or maybe the problem is that you are on an airplane and have no ground right underneath you! XD Or maybe you now feel like you have to defend yourself since, as you yourself showed the world, you would allow all scum on the internet to exist just because of me. Well, it was all sarcastic, and you no longer have to defend your manhood.

But regardless, I'm going to stop arguing with you. There is no reason to defend 4Chan ... at all. And yet, if we had our way, we would argue forever on this pointless subject about a pointless site and all the pointless memes they spawn. Oh, and in that post you linked to, you know what it says to do to get rid of USI?

"Step 4: Avoid sites like 4chan, take them down if possible to prevent others from getting infected with USI."

Oh god, the irony! XD HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Goodbye and goodnight.

 

[Vault101]

take down prites...trolls and websites i dont like

 

[SenseOfTumour]

Seriously, I'd put some money aside to sort out international law, so that we can get around the stupid situations where 'this video is not available in your country' or 'you can't buy this app in your location'.

Sure, lots of people pirate because they don't like paying for stuff, but many people would pay for stuff if they could, and there's a pile of silly rules stopping us, and an 80s mindset that also says the UK gets movies and other things 6 months after the US.

Sure there's a sense of entitlement, if they think we should wait 6 months, hey, it's their stuff, they can do what they like, but damn, if stuff was available worldwide on the same day, for a reasonable price, DRM free, you can bet piracy would drop not rise. Why limit your own damn customer base, just so you can pretend it's the 80s and there's no internet and all countries are massively seperated and don't know about each other's movies.

Graham Linehan, writer of Father Ted, IT Crowd and much more says that he'd lay money on much of piracy being fans, who just can't bear to wait for Disney, say, to release their new movie in the UK, so pirate it to watch it, then they'll go to the cinema release when it comes, then they'll be at the store buying the DVD release too.

 

[hazabaza1]

Have dedicated MLP sections for bronies to discuss it.

Um . . . I think we already do.

And yet discussions about whether MLP is good or bad, or if Faust made it for little girls or not still arises in every other thread anywhere dragging it off topic and finding it difficult to find the original fucking discussion.
That's what I'd want to stop.

 

[Merkavar]

first make it so anyone under 15 can only access .edu and other educational websites. so no online games, no 12 year old screaming that your gay.

just to be a jerk i would replace all straight porn with gay and vice versa atleast on april fools day.

3 strikes and your out, so all the jerks on the net get weeded out and eventually have to go out side and maybe punched for being a jerk in real life.

maybe remove all the creationist youtube videos where they flat out lie.

 

[DMShade]

~ Up Twitter's Character count to around 500, but allow only one tweet per name per day. More space, but make it count.
~ Three logins to social media sites like Facebook per day. "Keep Me Logged In" options unavailable.
~ Bait and switch youtube videos will result in temporary bans.

~ Arrange a spellchecking and grammar-checking function in all connected computers. While mistakes happen, anything over a certain threshold would disconnect the user for the day. And of course, the offending post would not see submission. (For fairness, this would not be in effect with personal messaging systems. Everyone needs a place to unwind. Your friends can tolerate your mistakes, I'm sure.)

~ Numerous phrases and common replies (Written OR spoken) would cause shutdowns on a sliding scale. A day each time for a while, then after a certain number, two days. Three. A week, and so on. These phrases include:
~~ Use of Gender, Race, Religion, Sexuality, Place of Origin/Residence or even Fandom affiliation as a synonym for inferiority.
~~ Noob and other implications of inferiority for not playing as you do, playing at a pro level or just plain not knowing the ropes yet.
~~ TL;DR, QFT, FTW, and other remarks that imply dismissiveness of one's point or that no discourse should follow a statement.
~~ Demands that someone Uninstall a Game/Never play again.
~~ Suggesting someone should come to harm or misfortune for their feelings/opinions, or should Kill Themselves (This one will start at the 2-Week Level and advance rapidly).

~ Temporary bans for actions like thread hijacking, and the creation of Yes-Man/No-Man threads (Why is X so awesome/terrible) or baiting threads.

All bans will be based on IP Addresses, with notices sent to the controller of the address (For example, the IT Supervisor of an Office's network), so they know just who to blame if no one can check their business emails.

Frequent but minor offenders would see a reduction in speed. ISPs would be legally permitted to charge more (within a reasonable range) for 'high risk' internet users, so long as they agree to also reduce charges to normal levels if the user manages to clean up their act (such rules would be set by an outside body, not the ISP itself).

 

[Supertegwyn]

Fuck, this thread has degenerated into a fucking flame-war. Virgo and you other people, stop arguing and just shut up! This is an interesting thread that doesn't need your fighting! Just quit it!