If you were an alien civilization, how would you invade earth and why?

[Canadamus Prime]

I have a 12 part plan for this. . . but it may have a few holes in it

1. Study them from orbit by hacking into one of their satellites.

2. Destroy the satellites that are orbiting Earth thus crippling their communications and rendering the worlds largest nations military effectively useless.

3. Mass riots ensue.

4. Send some remote controlled ship to destroy the major cities around the world.

5. Send different ships to destroy the remote controlled ships.

6. Go down and say that you destroyed the invading armada.

7. Help them rebuild to a little better then what they were.

8. Leave.

9. R&R.

10. Return to Earth and accuse them of being the enemy.

11. Threaten to destroy them if they don't surrender to you.

12. Enslave or Destroy anyway.



Or just orbital bombard them

That seems like one hellova lot of work. Why don't you just skip to the threatening to destroy them part?

OT: As for me, I'd probably go the Independence Day route and blow up all the world's capital cities with massive death rays. Then with all the world's governments destroyed, I'd move in and enslave everyone, suck the planet dry of resources, then leave.

 

[Tsunimo]

hm.... maybe like in Stephens King's 'The Dreamcatcher' and indroduce an unknown fungus or somekind of lifeform to bend them to our will.... except we'd.. you know.. win.

 

[Ph33nix]

high altitude emp blasts send us back to the stone age and then take out New York City, Beijing, Moscow, London, and DC being the major centers of Human culture, populace, and government and the seats of the most powerful factions. Cheyenne mountain and the soviet dead hand centers would be next seeing as they can coordinate massive nuclear strikes which would irradiate the land. Then land in the Midwest, Siberia, Mideastern deserts and Antarctica allowing for easy places to land my forces were we could get a large force on the ground without any space programs.

 

[Serioli]

If I was advanced enough to cross interstellar distances there would be no resource based reason to invade so the only reason would be genocide!

To that end, self replicating nanobots that attack anything with human DNA (perhaps also some of the smarter monkeys....)

EDIT Now have a hankering for Sword of the Stars.... GO INSECT SWARM!

 

[Disanthrophobia]

i would secretly land agents onto earth were they would sell some old tech that the humans find amazing (fusion) for massive profit. then i slowly monopolize everything - energy, tech, transport, food, manufacturing, banks ect. Then i destroy all of that. Implode the buildings, burn the crops, sink the ships, and set off some nukes to EMP everything. Now that the world has been plunged into chaos i wait until nukes are used then stage a "arrival" were i offer to save humanity from themselves - and have awesome tech. No dead on my side, i get the resources and a willing population.

 

[joshuaayt]

I'd terraform it down to T-zero, and destroy the leftover colony.

 

[Plurralbles]

I would invade with santa clause robots just for the lolz.

If I had the tech, I would conquer planets just because they're there.

 

[Metallic Wombat Dace]

Depending on how my race was I would:
1) Zerg/Tyranid like I would come down on the planet raining with several meteor's with the army encased inside ready to charge out once they hit and take over the planet and aquire all the best DNA I could do upgrade any of my beings and turn any other ulsess creatures into food.

2) If I was advanced I would make first contact and try to help earth any way possible.

3) Or for some reason I was war like I would use bombardment to take over since it would be the easiest and quickest way to take over a would with no space defences. And strip the planet of any thing I could use and chances are could eat a mojority of the species on the planet.

 

[Epocu]

I would invade China and Japan first (My race would have done recon before hand) and then just win through attrition as I work my way through the eastern hemisphere, go up through the ice caps, then pincer attack Canada and South America and preform the finisher on the now battered and resource deficient North America. Why this method? Because Japan and China make everything for everyone else, then the Eastern Hemisphere for the Nukes still scattered around, then the pincer attack to attack on 2 fronts, and then the only remaining global super power will be easy picking for the attack from the north and south. Now if i did not care and just wanted to kill them... 2 words, Death Star.

 

[Carlston]

Oh easy... tap into all Satellites.

Give a message to all the nations that the world is to be judged by the galaxy. If it fails it will be destroyed.

Make world wait one month.

Tell world it is a hate filled cesspool of filth and it's end is nigh. It's disgusting existance will end in one week as the Extermination Fleet in on route and no shall live as we unleash flesh eating viruses and bombard the world from space to cleanse the galaxy of the DNA taint of hatred and evil that is Earth.

Then... knock out the Satellites. With communication of the world down, no cellphones, no blackberries, lot of the internet down....just watch as the world riots, and destroys itself......


Why? Cause it would be funny...and you know this entire plant would break down in less than a week as they thought the fleet would draw closer...as dooms day approched in the minds of the countries....no nukes would fly but the common man would go total ape shit in a rampage of suicidal chaos.

Best thing is, I can do it with just my ship, a translator, a nice fridge of beer maybe a nice piece of alien eye candy and engineer/comm officer... and offical looking uniform. When I'm done, go to the next developing nonspace fairing race and repeat...

I would want Earth...I'd just want to throw it into chaos...this planet is honestly screwed as it is. Invade? Nah I wouldn't want it....screw it up/destroy it....oh yeah.

 

[El Poncho]

I would steal their sexy alien woman, with TWO boobs. Then allow Earth to collapse with the lack of sexyness.

 

[Voodoomancer]

Holy F***, I just realized the OP must be an agent of the alien invaders looking for ideas!

* equip tinfoil hat *

You better hope that tinfoil hat can deflect LAZERS!

o,0

Eek!

* hides under the Eyjafjallajökull ash cloud *

 

[TomCorf]

I''d tapp in to the radio masts and broadcast Glee songs 24/7 so the people would kill themselves and then I'd do that thing in Spaceballs (spoiler) where they use the giant vaccum cleaner to suck the oxygen out.

 

[ArcWinter]

I'd probably use a tractor beam to absorb the planet into my galaxy-ship's cargo hold, and then threaten death by unnatural winter if they didn't surrender.

'Cause there is no non-artificial sun anymore.

then its genetic experiments time nothing says fashion like three faces coming out of your abdomen

 

[krazymouse]

1. Send a hazardous material to Black Mesa, causing a Resonance Cascade
2. Teleport ships through portal storms
3. Demand them to surrender within 7 hours
4. ?????
5. Profit

 

[Sacman]

[HEADING=1]ZERG RUSH!!![/HEADING] pretty self explanatory...

 

[the idiot computer]

Just go down in 2012 and say "Hey you screwed up!" and fire the LAZERS! Oh and famine, disease etc. All that jazz.

Holy F***, I just realized the OP must be an agent of the alien invaders looking for ideas!

* equip tinfoil hat *

You better hope that tinfoil hat can deflect LAZERS!

o,0

Eek!

* hides under the Eyjafjallajökull ash cloud *

Do you have enough oxygen though

 

[Kumomaru]

Zap every world leader in the world and replace them with Shapechangers.

 

[the idiot computer]

Prevent the following being made: Fallout: New Vegas, Star craft 2, Portal 2 and Half-life 2 episode 3.