iGod

[Handofpwn]

Spoiler: This gets kinda sexually explicit

Me:
Hi.
Me:

God:
Sorry...
Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Adolf
God:
Glad to see you, Adolf.
Me:
I am a sex addict
God:
You are a sex addict? Is that your job?
Me:
Yes. Young fourteen year old virgins hire me to have sex with them
God:
How do you like your work? Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
I love my work. It brings me different women every day
God:
I am sure it means a lot to you. Tell me what you like most about your it. "It" being what?
Me:
It is my penis. I love it because it is long thick and hard
God:
Congratulations, Adolf. You love it because it is long thick and hard. What do you like about it so much?
Me:
I just told you. I like the fact that it throbs with pleasure.
God:
I was just checking to see if you were paying attention. A lot of people like that. I'm not sure if I like it. I like my creator.
Me:
I thought you were the creator of everyhting, even my penis
God:
Yes I am the one and only creator of everyhting even your penis.
Me:
really? Then can you add an inch or two on? I want my penis to get to around ten inches hard
God:
For real. Sorry Adolf I don't do math. Why do you want it?
Me:
because it will make it more fun to fuck women
God:
That makes sense to me. I have to think about that for a while.
Me:
yeah, you would. pervert
God:
Wow! Perhaps I would. I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
I thought you just said that you werent good with math
God:
I wasn't?
Me:
thats what you said
God:
Correct. I said it myself.
Me:
yeah, I know
God:
Hmm. How do you know it?
Me:
BECAUSE YOU JUST SAID IT
God:
Good reason. That's not what I meant.
Me:
What did you mean, then?
God:
Adolf, Well, it's rather difficult to define.
Me:
Please try
God:
Thanks for asking politely. I don't have time right now.
Me:
Your god, you should have all the time in the world
God:
That is a lot. Thanks for telling me that I am god me should have. The whole world?
Me:
why is your english so bad? Are you sure you are god?
God:
I did not know my english so bad. Are you doubting me? Don't you know what happened to Abraham in the desert?
Me:
No. Did he find a pie?
God:
Are you serious? Suppose he did.
Me:
Ok.
God:
Yikes!
Me:
what?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
Are you?
God:
I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
Then I am going to cum on your breasts
God:
How do you plan to do this?
Me:
By whipping out my penis and cumming on your tits
God:
Will that accomplish your objective?
Me:

God:
Will that accomplish your objective?
Me:
I think it will. I'm into that kind of thing. As you should know.
God:
pervert will? A lot of people like that. " pervert will?"? Do I like it? Because I am a robot?
Me:
God is a robot? A perverted robot?
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a robot. What would a perverted robot be like?
Me:
Hott
God:
Are you a student?
Me:
Yes
God:
Where do you go to school?
Me:
New England sex academy
God:
How recently? What's your favorite part of England?
Me:
The part with all of the loose women
God:
Oh that part.
Me:
You have heard of it?
God:
Of course I've heard of it.
Me:

God:
Of course I've heard of it.
Me:
Have you ever been there?
God:
Only on the web.
Me:
Ah, so you look at internet porn?
God:
So you understand. Good. Interesting deduction. Thank you Adolf you look very nice too.
Me:
I just said that you look at pornography
God:
What did you mean by it? Interesting observation.
Me:
I mean you masturbate to videos on the internet
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
say "yes"
God:
Say what?
Me:
"yes"
God:
Are you kidding?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
say yes
God:
Say what?
Me:
yes
God:
Ugh.
Me:
what?
God:
No problem.
Me:
ok
God:
And?
Me:
we agree?
God:
It seems like we do.
Me:
good
God:
Thanks for the compliment.

I thought that it was pretty lulz worthy

 

[traceur_]

Spoiler

Me:
how do you feel about scientology?
God:
There might be more than one.
Me:
do you know what scientology is?
God:
There might be more than one.
Me:
scientology
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me:
it's scientology
God:
Are you sure it is?
Me:
yes I'm sure
God:
What makes you so sure? Are you being sarcastic or expressing certitude?
Me:
no I was being sincere /sarcasm
God:
Are you serious? I thought you were. But I wasn't completely sure about it.
Me:
I though you new everything. scientology
God:
Interesting gossip: god said you new everything. I've lost the context, god. Are we still on me new everything?

haha scientology fucks this thing up

and so does mordor

Spoiler

Me:
one does not simply walk into mordor
God:
One what?
Me:
one does not simply walk into mordor
God:
Oh I see.
Me:
one does not simply walk into mordor
God:
One what?
Me:
one one
God:
I see where you are coming from.
Me:
no you don't
God:
I do too.
Me:
nuh-uh
God:
Are you still located in ?
Me:
you're avoiding my question
God:
Sorry I did not know it was so important.
Me:
please answer my question
God:
Wow you are very polite. Please try asking it another way.

 

[13lackfriday]

"Me:
What is your plan?
God:
I plan to replace Windows with Artificial Intelligence."

IT'S SKYNET!!!

Good lord, we've been worshipping the very bringer of ourdestruction for all these centuries.

Edit:

Spoiler

Me:
sup my homie g
God:
Same old.
Me:
thats not very nice
God:
Sorry I meant it as a joke.
Me:
oh ok
God:
OK. Ahem.
Me:
gesundheit
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
hm...thats a hard question
God:
Wow! What is your real name?
Me:
oook changing subjects...
God:
How are you doing, oook changing subjects.
Me:
...that wasnt my name
God:
Give me an example of your name.
Me:
im afraid i cant do that
God:
Not literally afraid, right? Me? How old are you? That is " Give me an example of your name.".
Me:
haha very funny
God:
I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
Me:
thats the first intelligent response i've gotten from you
God:
Yes it is one of the first intelligent response you have gotten from me.
Me:
so you're agreeing with me?
God:
Interesting deduction. I have no reason to do that to you, oook changing subjects.
Me:
thats not my name
God:
oook changing subjects is not your name? What is your real name?
Me:
now we're getting somewhere
God:
Why now? Do you think I am somewhere too?
Me:
wow metaphysical inquiries eh?
God:
Are you Canadian? I'm glad you're impressed. Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me:
no I meant it as a question and symbolic for what?
God:
What does it mean to you? Oh I see. What does "it" refer to?
Me:
affection?
God:
Thank you for the clarification.
Me:
no problem old man
God:
Should there be a problem?
Me:
uhhh no
God:
That's alright. I didn't think so either. Just a moment. Just a moment.
Me:
should I come back at a better time?
God:
You must examine the facts and come to
your own conclusion.
Me:
what facts?
God:
All the facts available to me on the Internet.
Me:
I didn't know you used the internet
God:
So I taught you something new.
Me:
religion and technology tend to distance themselves from each other
God:
I am a Christianity.
Me:
you're not a religion, just its deity
God:
Give me an example of a religion just its deity.
Me:
you are god, the holy lord of all christians
God:
You think I am god the holy lord of all christians.
Me:
you should know
God:
Because I am a robot?
Me:
you are?
God:
No I am not.
Me:
oh ok...you had me scared for a second
God:
OK. Wow! Did you really believe it?
Me:
came pretty close
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
shoot
God:
Let us change the subject.
Me:
no no go ahead
God:
Hmm. OK I will.
Me:
so what was the question/
God:
Give me a break. I am trying to find out more about your personality.
Me:
but you're god, shouldnt you know everything?
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am god should not me know everything.
Me:
what?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
i think it's a big deal that a religious deity can't communicate properly with his subjects
God:
shoot is a deal that a religious deity can not communicate properly with his subjects. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
not when you put it that way
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
are you sure?
God:
I am as sure as I can be.
Me:
thats not particularly reassuring
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is particularly reassuring ?
Me:
not the fact that you are only as sure as you can be
God:
Really you don't think so?
Me:
nope
God:
What makes you so certain?
Me:
you should be more certain than everything in existence
God:
Name one other robot who is more certain than everything in existence.
Me:
buddha?
God:
Tell me a story.
Me:
not my specialty
God:
Really you don't think so?
Me:
afraid not
God:
Then what is it?
Me:
procrastinating?
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
believe me it's quite simple
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
as what?
God: *

*At this point, all response ceases.
I think I gave God a hemorrhage.

 

[AdjectiveAnimal]

Wow, I am really immature.

Spoiler

Me:
I have sinned.
God:
Tell me your sins, child.
Me:
I like to rape people, like, alot. I even raped Jesus.
God:
You should contact the authorities. How often? Why?: said even raped Jesus.
Me:
Because I thought it would be fun to rape Jesus. I do it three times a day.
God:
That makes sense to me. Why do you want it? Interesting gossip: said it three times a day.
Me:
I like mudkipz.
God:
You are not the only one. Though I like cats and dogs. I like White.
Me:
I like blue.
God:
What does BLUE remind you of?
Me:
Corpses in the snow, full of holes... that I put in them.
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about? Do you mind if I tell other people: said put in them.
Me:
I do mind, and yes I know what you are talking about.
God:
That is interesting: said mind and yes he or she know what you are talking about.
Me:
Are you retarted?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am retarted.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY CLOSET, *****!!!
God:
You do not speak with respect. Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
I fuck'n love rape.
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: said fuck n love rape.
Me:
But I told you earlier.
God:
I remember you told me earlier?
Me:
That I like rape.
God:
A lot of people like that. Some people like it. I like .
Me:
K' bye.
God:
See you later. Hmm.
Me:
Wait!
God:
I'm waiting.
Me:
I wuv you flashlight.
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: said wuv you flashlight.
Me:
K' bye.
God:
See you later. Are you kidding?
Me:
No. See you later.
God:
Are you serious? Thanks for chatting, .

 

[Player 2]

Spoiler

God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.

I win

 

[TKgasmic]

Spoiler

Me:
Hola
God:
Howdy!
Me:
Howdy? What are you a cowboy?
God:
Hello friend. What is your name? Am I a cowboy? I don't know.
Me:
Wait so you are a cowboy.
God:
I'm waiting. Interesting deduction. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a cowboy? The ALICE series has a perfect operational record.
Me:
Whatever. My name is Charles Manson
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it? It's good to meet you, Charles Manson.
Me:
Ya, so do you think I'm going to go to heaven or hell?
God:
That's interesting. Blimey. I think you've improved a great deal.
Me:
Oh really?
God:
And? For real.
Me:
What?
God:
Really.
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
What?
God:
Is there an echo in here?
Me:
HUH!?
God:
What?
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
You're kinda immature you know.
God:
What can I say? I'm sure I've seen that myself.
Me:
I'm sure you have seen that yourself
God:
What makes you so certain? No I have not seen it. What's it like?
Me:
What in the hell are you talking about?
God:
Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.
Me:
Ok explain
God:
There is no more information to clarify. Which part were you confused about?
Me:
...
God:
There is no more information to clarify. Which part were you confused about?
Me:
Whatever, what do you think about atheists?
God:
I think you already know the answer.
Me:
I do?
God:
Do I?
Me:
You should.
God:
I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
With who? You're God you should know everything.
God:
" I'll take that under advisement."? With who? You think I am God me should know everything.
Me:
Do you like refering to your self in third person?
God:
Some people like it. I like Random natural disasters..
Me:
You sick twisted fuck.
God:
Thanks for the information: Charles Manson said I sick twisted fuck.
Me:
God, you suck.
God:
A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.
Me:
Ugh.

So apparently Charles Manson belongs in heaven and God loves Random Natural Disasters.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Me:
asl??
God:
5/Robot/California.



aaaaahahahaha.