Well not starting, Im past anxious.
Yeah 22, I know, what a loser. In all honesty Im not sure anymore if its by choice or by chance anymore because I wanted it to be something special but at the same time I dont know if its because of the life ive led. Let me elaborate for a moment.
I am officially the youngest in my family. My parents were in there mid thrties as I recall when they had me. So to put it shortly I was born late. Now I cant help but think that thats kind of a factor because they were raised in the 50's and 60's. My father was never taught anything about sex so he learned by watching Farm animals mind you have sex. So basically all I learned was the basics. To be honest that does now bother me being a free thinking adult. Though some people might say back to me (on here or newgrounds) "your not an adult until you have sex".
Losing virginity never bothered me really it started to call to my attention when I was in high school. There were moments where people could instantly tell that I was one and It started to kind of mess with me in a way. I would wonder to myself "how the hell could they even tell". Then it really hit me in the face when I went to community college. I met this girl while attending who I fell in love with. Were talking head over heels here. She was also a virgin whereas she walked around proud of it. Soon after I adopted this attitiude and at some point every person I was around threw it right in my face. "Dude your still a fucking virgin are you kidding me? How is that possible? When the hell are you going to be ready". It just escalated from there. Luckly the women I was in love with (who BTW had no feelings back for me and wanted to play the friendship card to the fullest) did in fact encourage me that there was nothing wrong with it and kind of admired it. Until one day where she finally had enough of it due to our wonderful group of friends (same people who gave me the shitstorm) god laid. She treated it like it was a full blown compitition two weeks before it happened. Come to think of it another friend of mine did the exact same thing. I am now at a point where I am very much fed up.
And now that I think about it that last line in the paragraph made me feel like a guy whos begging for sex lol. Moving on...
I am at a point in my life where I have no idea what to think about this however I am taking the inniative to make an effort to lift it off of me. The saving it for merrage idea sounded good at one point but im not mormon or even that religious in the first place. Every relationship Ive had in the past was (oh this is going to come across really emo) for the lack of a better word "pathetic". I have made out with girls but just never went all the way. My pattern went like this; the girls I had an interest in had nothing back whatsoever and the girls that were interested in me I had absolutly nothing back yet I still gave them a chance.
Im just at a total stump right now in my life I still get crap for this and I have been outspoken about this to my family members. Lets put it this way my father offered to get me a prostitute but I said I would think about it. My best friend hears about this, who by the way now gives me the most shit about being a virgin, says no way to that idea.
I have more to say but this is a good start
could be confidence but ill get to that in my second post. (yes there is more)
Yeah 22, I know, what a loser. In all honesty Im not sure anymore if its by choice or by chance anymore because I wanted it to be something special but at the same time I dont know if its because of the life ive led. Let me elaborate for a moment.
I am officially the youngest in my family. My parents were in there mid thrties as I recall when they had me. So to put it shortly I was born late. Now I cant help but think that thats kind of a factor because they were raised in the 50's and 60's. My father was never taught anything about sex so he learned by watching Farm animals mind you have sex. So basically all I learned was the basics. To be honest that does now bother me being a free thinking adult. Though some people might say back to me (on here or newgrounds) "your not an adult until you have sex".
Losing virginity never bothered me really it started to call to my attention when I was in high school. There were moments where people could instantly tell that I was one and It started to kind of mess with me in a way. I would wonder to myself "how the hell could they even tell". Then it really hit me in the face when I went to community college. I met this girl while attending who I fell in love with. Were talking head over heels here. She was also a virgin whereas she walked around proud of it. Soon after I adopted this attitiude and at some point every person I was around threw it right in my face. "Dude your still a fucking virgin are you kidding me? How is that possible? When the hell are you going to be ready". It just escalated from there. Luckly the women I was in love with (who BTW had no feelings back for me and wanted to play the friendship card to the fullest) did in fact encourage me that there was nothing wrong with it and kind of admired it. Until one day where she finally had enough of it due to our wonderful group of friends (same people who gave me the shitstorm) god laid. She treated it like it was a full blown compitition two weeks before it happened. Come to think of it another friend of mine did the exact same thing. I am now at a point where I am very much fed up.
And now that I think about it that last line in the paragraph made me feel like a guy whos begging for sex lol. Moving on...
I am at a point in my life where I have no idea what to think about this however I am taking the inniative to make an effort to lift it off of me. The saving it for merrage idea sounded good at one point but im not mormon or even that religious in the first place. Every relationship Ive had in the past was (oh this is going to come across really emo) for the lack of a better word "pathetic". I have made out with girls but just never went all the way. My pattern went like this; the girls I had an interest in had nothing back whatsoever and the girls that were interested in me I had absolutly nothing back yet I still gave them a chance.
Im just at a total stump right now in my life I still get crap for this and I have been outspoken about this to my family members. Lets put it this way my father offered to get me a prostitute but I said I would think about it. My best friend hears about this, who by the way now gives me the most shit about being a virgin, says no way to that idea.
I have more to say but this is a good start
could be confidence but ill get to that in my second post. (yes there is more)
