"I'm not gay, but..."

[Yureina]

In the light of it being brought up in another thread...

Another thing that I find odd is how often I run into guys who seem to have to regularly inform those around them that they are heterosexual. It could be done by jumping on the sex talk bandwagon and talking about all the sex or hardcore pornography that he messes with. It could be prefacing any comment he makes that could remotely be taken as "gay" with the line "I'm not gay, but" or something like it. Or, it could be that subconscious fear to desperately avoid things that stray away from his, or other men's standards of what is "okay" for a straight male to like or enjoy.

This is another thing I don't really understand. I don't have to personally worry about it, but it is something that I see enough that it strikes me as curious. Why does this happen so often? What is so scary and horrible about being different or thinking of things outside of the "macho man" stereotype?

Discussion value: Why do straight men seem to have a crippling fear of anything that might imply that they are homosexual? What drives this "need" to regularly reassure others that they are "normal" in this manner? What do you think of the idea that certain thoughts or activities are pigeon-holed into either the realm of the "straight male" or that of the "non-straight male"? What do you think about this fear that straight men seem to have about deviating from what is considered "normal" for them?

 

[SimuLord]

It's part of the "bro" culture, I think. Men can be very affectionate toward each other in a manly sort of way, but we're wired/socially conditioned to think "affection = fucking", so it short circuits the male emotional center and the default "ERROR: CANNOT FIND TOKEN" response is "no homo".

 

[Irridium]

Well, look at the world. It seems to be considered a homosexual is to be considered different, not normal, not one of them.

Its a completely stupid way of thinking and I wish it would just die. If your not gay, your not gay. End of story. Talking about things that might seem gay doesn't make you that way. Talking to gay people doesn't make you gay. If your straight, your straight.

It happens because its basically how society conditioned us to be over the years.

It's part of the "bro" culture, I think. Men can be very affectionate toward each other in a manly sort of way, but we're wired/socially conditioned to think "affection = fucking", so it short circuits the male emotional center and the default "ERROR: CANNOT FIND TOKEN" response is "no homo".

Also this. More or less.

 

[Shynobee]

Here's how I see it, its not so much a "fear of being different" as a fear of the stigma that goes along with being gay.

Firstly, if a girl thinks that a guy is gay, that guy is relegated to something along the lines of "the friend zone." If said guy is interested in that girl, that is not a zone he wants to be in.

Guys also have to think about their standing with other guys. If his male friends think he is gay, more often than not, they will act differently around him. It could be in little things, like avoiding certain conversation topics, or just all out excluding him from certain activities all together. Today's society is still not 100% accepting of gays, and as long as that is the case, there will be straight people who will not want to be thought of as gay.

 

[manythings]

"I'll learn"?

OT: Don't gay guys care if they are assumed to be straight? I don't have a "crippling fear" of being considered gay but I do find it presumptuous of people to think they can tell me who I am. I've always seen it in the same light as when you refer to another guy as a woman (or a little *****). The issue isn't that it is terrible and degrading to be a woman, it is you implying he isn't a man. It's just a simple masculinity and personal image thing.

Homosexuals have their own "crippling fears" and so does every group of every kind. That's how we are.

EDIT: Never said "no homo" in my life.

 

[Grand_Arcana]

All of the above, as well as being perceived as something that you're not.

 

[Danzaivar]

it's quicker than saying "I am aware that what follows is a somewhat effeminate statement, however...". I sincerely doubt that when your straight friend says 'im not gay but stephen fry is one sexy sonofabitch' they're actually worried that you will think that's their lame way of coming out the closet, it's just aknowledging what they're about to say isn't very macho.

tl;dr: you're taking the statement too literally.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

It's part of the "bro" culture, I think. Men can be very affectionate toward each other in a manly sort of way, but we're wired/socially conditioned to think "affection = fucking", so it short circuits the male emotional center and the default "ERROR: CANNOT FIND TOKEN" response is "no homo".

This is the truth.

Even now homosexuality (or even suspected homosexuality) brings about a lot of negative attention from the general population of mankind. I don't think it is such a bad issue with women but for men this seems to be huge.

If you even say something that sounds remotely gay, you *have* to say "no homo" to protect yourself.

Spoiler: Even Vegeta needs to

Personally I think the whole issue is bullshit but I understand why we do it. We're afraid of people different than us, the so called "normal" people.

 

[TeeBs]

I usually joke about being gay, even though im not, I think its because Im confortable enough with my sexuality to joke around about it, where the "Bro" Culture thinks gay is something you catch or something.

 

[Ironic Pirate]

Because society makes us think that if we aren't the pinnacle of macho-hood, we aren't a real man. That we have failed the only thing we can really achieve.

It's a terrible, horrifying fear that we will be considered utter failures. There's nothing wrong with homosexuality, but as humans we still feel that we must be prime "breeding" candidates.

 

[rokkolpo]

One of my best friends turned out to be bisexual.

it took him very long to tell me that because he didn't want to take the chance of me not accepting him.

I don't care either way, but the gay/bisexual person never knows how others will take it.

 

[Dango]

I've never felt the need to tell anyone that, and I never have. I even tell people that I'm a pretty feminine boy, but I still don't feel the need to tell them that I'm straight. The reason people do it though is because they don't want to be perceived as the "opposite" of what they really are.

 

[Jaranja]

I usually joke about being gay, even though im not, I think its because Im confortable enough with my sexuality to joke around about it, where the "Bro" Culture things gay is something you catch or something.

I'll agree with this right here.

I'm bisexual and am comfortable with it, I still call things "gay" and such, though.

 

[delet]

The way society has turned, the 'ideal' man is big, strong, and shows no emotions among other equally annoying attributes. A lot of guys just back this up by turning the idea of being gay into a horrible thing, and so it's used as an insult. Thusly, having traits that are stereotypically considered to be those of a gay guy make you a weaker, less 'ideal' man. You can't show any emotions or anything, or else you're a lesser man than those around you.

It's very annoying, but it's just how things work. Luckily, I think this kind of thing works in cycles. Society should be soon realizing how idiotic this 'ideal' is and will turn to favoring those guys who are further away from the current 'ideal.' It'll likely just fluctuate back and forth.

 

[Continuity]

Its because "side-saddle riding" style gays are basically the antithesis of the masculine man, a straight guy has a masculine identity that is central to his psychological construct. To be associated with the gay identity is basically to have the walls of their personal reality torn down.. and no one likes that.

 

[Sarah Kerrigan]

I'd go bi for a few female game characters if that counts.

 

[Something Amyss]

It's part of the "bro" culture, I think. Men can be very affectionate toward each other in a manly sort of way, but we're wired/socially conditioned to think "affection = fucking", so it short circuits the male emotional center and the default "ERROR: CANNOT FIND TOKEN" response is "no homo".

"No Homo" amuses me so much I started saying it in random situations. Like "Dude, that guy's so hot, I'd do him in a heartbeat. Errr...No Homo."

In general, straight guys strike me as really weird.

To a certain extent, gays, too. But you don't hear many gays say "She's pretty. NO HETERO!"

Or "Man, is he ripped. NO BREEDER."

So somewhat less weird.

 

[Tonythion]

Because they think that if they don't add the "I'm not gay, but"

People will find them gay and thats an open invitation for other men to hit on them, or girls not to try.

At least that's what I gathered from my straight male friends.
Also for some reason its widely known its not normal to be gay, you want to be normal right?

I don't know the mind is a beautiful confusing place.

Gay and proud.

 

[Nickolai77]

I'd go bi for a few female game characters if that counts.

I'm guessing your a bit of a fan of a certain Starcraft character then?

Edit: Simulord hit the nail on the head.

 

[Something Amyss]

The way society has turned, the 'ideal' man is big, strong, and shows no emotions among other equally annoying attributes.

There's a line from the Galaxy Rangers, in which Goose says that Supertroopers "get mad, and [they] get angry," and that's it. It's clearly not the case, but it's hardly anything new. That was 20 years ago, and while it only referred to mutants, it's kind of true of any sort of masculine ideal (they were military), and it's been going on for much longer than that.

After all, the character was largely an homage to John Wayne and Clint Eastwood.

Guys have no feelings except being mad or "psyched." That's the cliche, and it's a pretty old one.