"I'm not gay, but..."

[MasterOfWorlds]

I've generally only been called gay as an insult. When that happens, I'm normally saddened not because they called me gay, but because they couldn't think of anything original. I mean, I'm not going to go around kissing guys, but I'm not terrified of being perceived as gay.

 

[Something Amyss]

These kinds of things tend to change through the passage of time. Did you know, way way back in the Greek myths, the heroes would sit down every now and again and just bawl their eyes out over something simple as some other guy being unfair to them? That wasn't seen as being weak, though.

Nowadays that's horrible weak and lame. Perhaps the cycle is just an incredibly long one.

I don't remember an instance of that, but my days of reading Greek literature are long past. I should really rectify that. Though I'm not saying I doubt you.

It's probably changed up quite a bit in the interim time, and over the various cultures involved. It's just there are recurring themes in the grand scheme of things, and they tend to happen frequent enough to make it look like a constant deal.

 

[Keltrick]

?A woman simply is, but a man must become. Masculinity is risky and elusive. It is achieved by a revolt from woman, and it is confirmed only by other men. Manhood coerced into sensitivity is no manhood at all.? -Camille Paglia

I like this quote, and I think it helps establish at least someone's explanation for why there is such a fear of being misconceived as homosexual. They feel they are earning their masculinity through how they live and are perceived by others.

 

[natural20]

I always wondered why girls hardly ever have this issue. We never have to excuse ourselves after recognizing that another lady is pretty darn hot.

Gonna pull from classic literature here: Virginia Woolf says that is necessary for both men and women to be in touch with their masculine and feminine sides in order to be a complete person. Bro culture has got to make this REALLY hard for guys. (Yes, I know that's a double-entendre.)

 

[binvjoh]

A lot of people these days seem to care way too much what everyone else thinks.

Of course I'm guilty of this myself. I wish more people could gather the confidence to act how they like without having to explain themselves at every turn, afraid that they might not be considered "normal".

 

[Keltrick]

These kinds of things tend to change through the passage of time. Did you know, way way back in the Greek myths, the heroes would sit down every now and again and just bawl their eyes out over something simple as some other guy being unfair to them? That wasn't seen as being weak, though.

Nowadays that's horrible weak and lame. Perhaps the cycle is just an incredibly long one.

Also, take a look at gothic literature, and the sort of emotion the males displayed in it. I think it is a cycle. I think it is a long cycle too, but maybe not so long as everyone is led to believe. We could be due for a bout of MASCULINE crying, as a society, couldn't we?

 

[Leemaster777]

I'll speak from experience on this one.

Back in high school, one day in gym class, a girl walked up to me and asked if I was gay. I said no. I then spend the rest of the entire day asking all my friends if I came off as gay or something.

Looking back now, I have no idea what I was thinking. I'm not homophobic in any way, I have gay friends, gay relatives, and I'm very pro-gay marriage. Like others have said, it's just a social stigma. Saying someone or something is "gay" almost always has negative connotations, regardless of one's feelings on the issue of homosexuality.

It's just something that we, as a society, have to get over. Not just men, but women too. I really don't feel like this has something to do with "manlyness", per se.

Personally, since high school, I've become much more comfortable with my sexuality. If someone were to ask me if I was gay now, I just say, "No, but sometimes I wish I was. It'd make things ALOT easier!".

 

[delet]

I don't remember an instance of that, but my days of reading Greek literature are long past. I should really rectify that. Though I'm not saying I doubt you.

It's probably changed up quite a bit in the interim time, and over the various cultures involved. It's just there are recurring themes in the grand scheme of things, and they tend to happen frequent enough to make it look like a constant deal.

The Iliad makes for a quick example; I think you'll find an example in either the first or second books.

I suppose, but again it probably works in cycles. I suppose those men who stray a fair bit from the normally accepted ideal will never be completely on top, but they certainly rise up in the ranks every now and again.

 

[oppp7]

No matter what people say, being homosexual has a certain negative quality in today's culture. It's not just being gay; the same goes for anything that we don't want people finding out about.

Whenever we slightly imply we are something negative, we feel the need to defend ourselves. For example, I'm now adding a disclaimer saying that I'm not against gays because I don't want people thinking I'm a close-minded bigot.

 

[delet]

These kinds of things tend to change through the passage of time. Did you know, way way back in the Greek myths, the heroes would sit down every now and again and just bawl their eyes out over something simple as some other guy being unfair to them? That wasn't seen as being weak, though.

Nowadays that's horrible weak and lame. Perhaps the cycle is just an incredibly long one.

Also, take a look at gothic literature, and the sort of emotion the males displayed in it. I think it is a cycle. I think it is a long cycle too, but maybe not so long as everyone is led to believe. We could be due for a bout of MASCULINE crying, as a society, couldn't we?

Most definitely. Everyone needs a good cry every now and again; just all in moderation.

 

[thenumberthirteen]

Maybe they fear being seen as homosexual to bury the feelings deep inside them that surface when their guard is down. Urges that they are ashamed to admit are with them that could break loose at any moment in a fury of unbridled passion.

Like that time when you and your friend were alone in the house watching the game on TV, drinking a few brews, having a good time. During half time you argued with each other about who would win the final next month. Some playful roughhousing ensued; good cheer fuelled by high spirits and alcohol. You ended up on the couch locked in a tough embrace. Your eyes met as your bodies were pressed together. A moment of silence, a flash of shared understanding. A brief connection that stirs deep in your soul, and then its gone. You get up and laugh it off, but you both know. You think to yourself those three words. A mantra that locks your heart, clears your head, and steels your resolve.

I'm not Gay

 

[RatRace123]

Well, the most obvious answer is that people who are closeted feel the need to deny being gay at every point, while also insinuating that other people are gay.

That might not be true for a lot of cases but, some people might even be ashamed of having even one gay thought or fantasy, so they'll push just as hard as if they were closeted.

Or they could just be assholes.

 

[Irridium]

These kinds of things tend to change through the passage of time. Did you know, way way back in the Greek myths, the heroes would sit down every now and again and just bawl their eyes out over something simple as some other guy being unfair to them? That wasn't seen as being weak, though.

Nowadays that's horrible weak and lame. Perhaps the cycle is just an incredibly long one.

Also, take a look at gothic literature, and the sort of emotion the males displayed in it. I think it is a cycle. I think it is a long cycle too, but maybe not so long as everyone is led to believe. We could be due for a bout of MASCULINE crying, as a society, couldn't we?

Most definitely. Everyone needs a good cry every now and again; just all in moderation.

I completely agree with this.

 

[vento 231]

I'm a bro, and we just don't want to be identified as something we're not.

 

[spartan231490]

because the media portrays straight men in such a way and that men are driven to fill this image of being manly men. the driving emotion is shame that arises from not filling that role.

 

[Canid117]

They are not comfortable enough with themselves to have what is known as a "Bromance."

 

[Something Amyss]

The Iliad makes for a quick example; I think you'll find an example in either the first or second books.

I suppose, but again it probably works in cycles. I suppose those men who stray a fair bit from the normally accepted ideal will never be completely on top, but they certainly rise up in the ranks every now and again.

Not to mention, we're currently in an era where "metrosexuals" and sensitive guys are being less demonised. Maybe not accepted in the status of the hypermasculine space marine, but certainly less likely to be immediately called a "homo" or harsher words.

Though at the same time, it's far from a complete turnaround. On the other hand, since the "beefcake" type never did anything for me aesthetically, I can appreciate the change on a couple of levels.

 

[Timbydude]

I'm straight, and I'll continue to preface statements with "I'm not gay, but...". Yes, it is the social norm to be straight, and I don't really feel like challenging that.

There is definitely a social stigma associated with being gay. It's too bad, but that's the way life is. Because I'm not gay, I see no reason to unnecessarily endow myself with a stigma that I don't want. If someone would look upon me negatively for being gay, it's not my duty nor is it my place to change their innate beliefs and values.

Honestly, I get annoyed by people who criticize me for not trying to change the world so that everyone loves each other. As long as there are humans, there will be hate. You can spend your whole life trying to pretend that you can do something about it, or you can accept the facts and do what you can from there.

 

[thenumberthirteen]

wait a minute. Isn't phrases like "I'm not racist, but..." generally a good indication that that person IS racist. Just a thought. "I'm not gay, but I'd totally have sex with that guy over there"