"I'm not gay, but..."

[Something Amyss]

If only we all had boobs and a penis, we'd solve the gender problem.

I really don't want a penis, though.

As an aside, this:

I'm a bro, and we just don't want to be identified as something we're not.

Readily makes me think of this:

They are not comfortable enough with themselves to have what is known as a "Bromance."

To that end, the "bromance" has always puzzled me. Dudes making up an artificial constraint to make acceptable that which shouldn't be a problem in the first place.

 

[Something Amyss]

wait a minute. Isn't phrases like "I'm not racist, but..." generally a good indication that that person IS racist. Just a thought. "I'm not gay, but I'd totally have sex with that guy over there"

The need to point out you're not gay usually comes from homophobia, anyway.

So it's not much different, you're right. It's more socially acceptable to be anti-gay, though.

 

[delet]

Not to mention, we're currently in an era where "metrosexuals" and sensitive guys are being less demonised. Maybe not accepted in the status of the hypermasculine space marine, but certainly less likely to be immediately called a "homo" or harsher words.

Though at the same time, it's far from a complete turnaround. On the other hand, since the "beefcake" type never did anything for me aesthetically, I can appreciate the change on a couple of levels.

Yeah, you can't really expect everything to change over night as it's a very slow change, but it's certainly progressing well. It's all just one step at a time.

 

[JaredXE]

I have to occasionally reassure some people (read: girls I am into) that I am straight because there have been some instances where they initially thought I was gay. I think it had to do with the fact that I treated them like a real person and didn't try to dry hump them when I first met them. Yes, because only a gay man would engage you in conversation and really listen to what you have to say......

So in my opinion, having to reassure people you aren't gay isn't homophobia, it's trying to get some from the gender you are attracted to.

 

[yizas]

But hugh jackman is one sexy man although personally i prefer jason statham

 

[JUMBO PALACE]

I've never really noticed this before. My friends and I make gay jokes all the time, but it doesn't matter because we're straight

 

[Canid117]

They are not comfortable enough with themselves to have what is known as a "Bromance."

To that end, the "bromance" has always puzzled me. Dudes making up an artificial constraint to make acceptable that which shouldn't be a problem in the first place.

It's not really a constraint so much as two guys who are not physically attracted to each other but are extremely good friends. A platonic type of love if you will and Bromance has always been acceptable.

 

[thenumberthirteen]

I have to occasionally reassure some people (read: girls I am into) that I am straight because there have been some instances where they initially thought I was gay. I think it had to do with the fact that I treated them like a real person and didn't try to dry hump them when I first met them. Yes, because only a gay man would engage you in conversation and really listen to what you have to say......

Despite enlightened attitudes to Homosexuality I still cringed when girls have come up to me and said "You're Gay, right?" in a casual tone. Not gay; just not all that interested in women.

 

[Spacelord]

I personally have said the "I'm not gay, but..." line, but that's only a preface to when I say something incredibly gay. By which I mean that what comes after the now infamous line could easily be interpreted as stereotypically gay. For instance: "I'm not gay, but I think the Dutch rendition of Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat has a great cast, especially Joseph himself who has just the face and body for it" or "I'm not gay, but I'd totally have sex with Stephen Fry and pleasure him any way I know how".

To me, the line 'I'm not gay, but...' is not so much about being afraid to come off as gay. I'm all right with people thinking I'm gay. It's just that being perceived as gay does have some very unpleasant effects for me personally: first of all, women will not try and have sex with me. Secondly, men will. If I were to be perceived as gay, I'd miss out on a lot of female attention and I'd have to disappoint a few men as well. Wow, that sounds conceited.

To me it's a disclaimer; no more, no less. Especially since my roommate (who is gay) and I have been spending so much time together lately that I feel like I have to remind him and gay friends that I am, indeed, a heterosexual. Because when you like musicals and gay sex with Stephen Fry those homo's will stop at nothing to try and convert you.

 

[JaredXE]

I have to occasionally reassure some people (read: girls I am into) that I am straight because there have been some instances where they initially thought I was gay. I think it had to do with the fact that I treated them like a real person and didn't try to dry hump them when I first met them. Yes, because only a gay man would engage you in conversation and really listen to what you have to say......

Despite enlightened attitudes to Homosexuality I still cringed when girls have come up to me and said "You're Gay, right?" in a casual tone. Not gay; just not all that interested in women.

Oh, see I am very interested in women and find it rather ego crushing and sad when it's assumed I am not a sexually viable candidate. And my friends wonder why I can be so bitter.

 

[thenumberthirteen]

I have to occasionally reassure some people (read: girls I am into) that I am straight because there have been some instances where they initially thought I was gay. I think it had to do with the fact that I treated them like a real person and didn't try to dry hump them when I first met them. Yes, because only a gay man would engage you in conversation and really listen to what you have to say......

Despite enlightened attitudes to Homosexuality I still cringed when girls have come up to me and said "You're Gay, right?" in a casual tone. Not gay; just not all that interested in women.

Oh, see I am very interested in women and find it rather ego crushing and sad when it's assumed I am not a sexually viable candidate. And my friends wonder why I can be so bitter.

The solution is obvious. Be extremely outwardly heterosexual, and hit on every girl you see. To remove all doubt.

It was ego crushing when it happened to me, but I sort of didn't want to correct her since it would be extremely embarrassing for both parties.

 

[JoshGod]

I've never really understood it myself (straight) but it's probly insecurity about their own sexuality. I do not have this and often turn gay jokes/insults on those who use them on me. Very fun.

 

[Bon_Clay]

I'm not gay, but...whenever I hear someone say "no homo" I want to bash them in the face and rape them until they either turn gay or die.

Honestly where did that bullshit phrase come from? The second it comes out of someone's mouth I know this is not a person who I am ever going to have respect for, and generally its people who aren't very bright anyway.

I don't know everyone's life story so judging people based on the fact they are homophobic isn't always fair to do right away, but any time I've heard someone say no homo its just around other guys, so it can't really be for the sake of reminding girls they want to fuck them.

 

[Meander112]

Dan Savage says it best:


I will point out that the women that seem to be the most fun are the ones that like the guys that are comfortable enough with their sexuality to, say, be okay with making out with other guys.

 

[Mikkaddo]

It's part of the "bro" culture, I think. Men can be very affectionate toward each other in a manly sort of way, but we're wired/socially conditioned to think "affection = fucking", so it short circuits the male emotional center and the default "ERROR: CANNOT FIND TOKEN" response is "no homo".

Well certainly that's true for something like 90% of the men in the world, but it comes from something much more distant than that, it's embedded in us for a reason. It's how almost ALL men. Homophobia is a rather unfortunate but very real thing in our world.

Another thing that I find odd is how often I run into guys who seem to have to regularly inform those around them that they are heterosexual. It could be done by jumping on the sex talk bandwagon and talking about all the sex or hardcore pornography that he messes with. It could be prefacing any comment he makes that could remotely be taken as "gay" with the line "I'm not gay, but" or something like it. Or, it could be that subconscious fear to desperately avoid things that stray away from his, or other men's standards of what is "okay" for a straight male to like or enjoy.

That's because again it's embedded in us, we're raised to think "gay = bad" unless of course, it's about women, in which case men are raised to think "gay = VERY GOOD" which is naturally a catch 22 and is also bullshit . . . unforunately we've not moved past this stage in societal evolution, but we are moving through it. Like the old saying goes "it's always darkest just before dawn" so there's that chance, slim though it may be, that all the magnified homophobia is leading into a glorious future where no one cares if you're gay or straight and no one needs to remind everyone around them what kind of porn they watch.

 

[fulano]

"I'm not ay but" has seemed at times like a funny statement made in jest, to me. Kinda like saying "I'm not gay but that guy is man-pretty," or silly stuff like that.

But sometimes it is needed to clarify where one stands, though. If you are pro LGBT rights and are having a discussion with someone that is against then you may want to state who you are and why you think what you think, otherwise the other person may keep it in his/her head that the movement, or however you may wanna call, has zero "normal" people or some other stupid though.

It can be what the OP says it is, but he/she is stopping right there then that's just picking anc choosing for the sake of complaining.

I say it's all about context, otherwise people will fall into the same thing the complain about, which is telling others why they are who they are, and what they should aspire to be. i.e. "You don't want to be associated with gays so you say that. Yo feel like you want to belong so you shun out other people, yadda, yadda, yadda..."

 

[Corjha]

I usually joke about being gay, even though im not, I think its because Im confortable enough with my sexuality to joke around about it, where the "Bro" Culture thinks gay is something you catch or something.

This. It's fun. I'm a guy who likes a certain amount of social freedom, playfulness even.

 

[ottenni]

Well i have one idea. Because people brand people as gay too easily. As a straight guy if we do anything remotely 'gay' once then we are considered gay forever, and thats just fucking annoying. Hell I've had people insist to me that i might be gay just because i'm confident that i'm straight and apparently that means i'm more likely to be suppressing gay feelings. The hell??? And this isn't annoying because i think its bad to be gay, its annoying because it happens for the most absurd reasons and when people get started they dont leave it alone. So i can imagine why people would want to make it abundantly clear that they are straight before people start trying to convince them they are gay because they like gardening or something. I'm lucky that with my group of friends we dont really care about that sort of stuff.

 

[Jennacide]

What really saddens me is that it's almost strictly a male issue as well. Girls don't harass each other for being lesbian or bi, and guys will respond with the token "awesome!" response. The comment by SimuLord about "bro culture" is frightening in how true it likely is. It's sad how much intolerance there is in the world. People argue, and kill, over race, sexuality, religion, class and even upbringing.

 

[Bruin]

I don't.

I gave up on "normal" years ago.

I'm heterosexual and honestly nothing anybody can say will change that fact.