I'm unsure what this sexuality is... [No google results]

[The Funslinger]

I'm pretty sure this is a troll post, but I likes it. All these bollocky sexualities people make up annoy the hell of of me. If you like the opposite gender, you're Hetro, both is Bi, and the same is Homo; the rest is just pretentious rubbish.

My uber-pseudo-pan-auto-sexual friend is very offended by this.

 

[Brutal Peanut]

YOU'RE A FREAKISH MONSTER!!! oh god... WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?! WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!

Oh yes, there'll be children alright.

You... you mean children born of a... a union between a man and a woman?

Oh my. That's... oh god no. NO!

Really?! I think....I think I'm going to be sick.

 

[Bazaalmon]

*scoffs* Heterosexuals. Heterosexuals are just a myth perpetuated by the Catholic church. They don't really exist.
In addition: Lime-Grapefruits. It's just like this thread! It looks normal from the outside, but you cut into it and it's like WOAH! Also, you might get juice in your eye.

Spoiler

 

[Hazy992]

I... I have a confession.

I like consensual, heterosexual sex in the missionary position with a condom! *Cries*

I'm sorry!

What the hell is wrong with you?! Too far man! Too far!

Think I'm gonna be sick...

 

[Irridium]

YOU'RE A FREAKISH MONSTER!!! oh god... WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?! WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!

Oh yes, there'll be children alright.

You... you mean children born of a... a union between a man and a woman?

Oh my. That's... oh god no. NO!

Really?! I think....I think I'm going to be sick.

Out of curiosity, how many pictures of people puking rainbows do you have?

capcha: beg the question

heh

 

[MrBaskerville]

Hetro...


I know its crazy but its actually a thing, sick fucks all of them.

This is now a High Res Fruit Thread

Damn, that´s some high res fruit right there.

 

[DugMachine]

I came in here expecting someone to be attracted to toaster ovens or something but it's so much better. Thanks for the laugh OP and yes you're hetero as far as I can tell...

 

[SirPlindington]

Well, looking over your post, I have come to two, absolutely solid conclusions; You are either attracted to staplers, or you're straight. Yes, I know! Straight! It's just a theory, and it's far more likely that you're staplosexual (as is the correct term for people who are attracted to staplers) but we must consider the possibility that you may in fact be straight. Don't be afraid of it if you are. Society is becoming more and more accepting of straight people over time, and overall, these forums are very accepting of heterosexual people. So if you find that, in fact, staplers aren't your thing, then it's okay. You'll be among friends.

 

[Kungfu_Teddybear]

I hope you're trolling...

...You are trolling, right?

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

I... I have a confession.

I like consensual, heterosexual sex in the missionary position with a condom! *Cries*

I'm sorry!

OT: In all seriousness:

Another one?! Oh Christ, the breeders are fucking everywhere in this thread. Honestly, what's wrong with kids these days?

(On a side note, I haven't seen that film in ages, but bloody hell that guy was chewing the scenery there. XD)

 

[The Funslinger]

I... I have a confession.

I like consensual, heterosexual sex in the missionary position with a condom! *Cries*

I'm sorry!

OT: In all seriousness:

Another one?! Oh Christ, the breeders are fucking everywhere in this thread. Honestly, what's wrong with kids these days?

(On a side note, I haven't seen that film in ages, but bloody hell that guy was chewing the scenery there. XD)

Wait...

I said with a condom, and you call me a breeder.

Logic!

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Wait...

I said with a condom, and you call me a breeder.

Logic!

Well...shit, didn't think that through. XD Was just the first pejorative against straight folk that came to mind. :3

 

[GameChanger]

I... I have a confession.

I like consensual, heterosexual sex in the missionary position with a condom! *Cries*

I'm sorry!

OT: In all seriousness:

Another one?! Oh Christ, the breeders are fucking everywhere in this thread. Honestly, what's wrong with kids these days?

(On a side note, I haven't seen that film in ages, but bloody hell that guy was chewing the scenery there. XD)

Wait...

I said with a condom, and you call me a breeder.

Logic!

And we are supposed to believe that you use that condom? Lies! Straight-faced lies! All of them!

 

[The Funslinger]

I... I have a confession.

I like consensual, heterosexual sex in the missionary position with a condom! *Cries*

I'm sorry!

OT: In all seriousness:

Another one?! Oh Christ, the breeders are fucking everywhere in this thread. Honestly, what's wrong with kids these days?

(On a side note, I haven't seen that film in ages, but bloody hell that guy was chewing the scenery there. XD)

Wait...

I said with a condom, and you call me a breeder.

Logic!

And we are supposed to believe that you use that condom? Lies! Straight-faced lies! All of them!

To quote Charlie Sheen: "The ten seconds it takes to put on a condom beats the hell out of ten years of pretending to like soccer."

 

[Seagoon]

Hetro...


I know its crazy but its actually a thing, sick fucks all of them.

This is now a High Res Fruit Thread

Spoiler: This fruit... SO HIGH RES!

OT: So OP, you saying that you AREN'T bisexual, a furry, gay or asexual! How can you even be on here then!

Spoiler: KIWI

 

[Chairman Miaow]

My reaction to this thread

Spoiler: WHAT?!

Time to cheer myself up.

 

[Mikeyfell]

I think you're just strait.
You don't need a whole new sexual orientation for not liking girl on girl action

 

[hooksashands]

Interesting. So you feel as though you have settled on hetero but would bang the other gender if you were opposite gender? That is a logical enough assumption. We're assuming probability here so... Yea. It's not weird to dream you're gay.

I'm pretty sure every hetero person has had their gay clarity moment, where you find someone of the same sex attractive. For me it's Toby Turner. His smile and his eyes are pretty in a way that defies the gender binary for me. Just a tad. Yes, I would totes fuck him. Passionately and for hours. On a regular basis.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

OT: So OP, you saying that you AREN'T bisexual, a furry, gay or asexual! How can you even be on here then!

Hey! You forgot about pansexuals and demisexuals. You have to be such a bigot, don't you.

OT: You're either hetero, homo or bi. There is no pan or demi and I'm very skeptical of the asexuals, so they're in the maybe pile. Turns out, OP, that you're hetero and that's okay, you don't need to be in a minority.

 

[ToastiestZombie]

OT: So OP, you saying that you AREN'T bisexual, a furry, gay or asexual! How can you even be on here then!

Hey! You forgot about pansexuals and demisexuals. You have to be such a bigot, don't you.

OT: You're either hetero, homo or bi. There is no pan or demi and I'm very skeptical of the asexuals, so they're in the maybe pile. Turns out, OP, that you're hetero and that's okay, you don't need to be in a minority.

Oh crap, I forgot them! I've been on the Escapist for quite long, how could I forget those!