In Case Of.....

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

...run in circles, screaming.

In case of being an attractive girl when Paul Banks is around...

 

[Last of the Chinchillas]

...then...get molested by Paul Banks, I guess?

In case of having no idea who Paul Banks is, and refusing to look it up...

 

[Kuchinawa212]

neither will I

In case of extreme laziness...

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

...get Hail Fire to tell you who that is.

In case of Hail Fire not being home...
[sup]He's the song writer/singer in the band Interpol. Basically hes a musically talented british guy with a lazy eye. He's also perverted as hell. So perverted that he has "breasts" written on his black Les Paul custom guitar[/sup]
Edit: ninja'd, but it works.

 

[Timotei]

Ask for his brother Side Winder (weapons joke)

In case of Hello Kitty invasion...

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Get the flame throwers.

In case of flame throwers not working...

 

[Last of the Chinchillas]

...cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war!

In case the dogs of war are napping...

 

[Timotei]

Unleash the Zerg Rush kekekekekeke

In case Zerg Rush meets R&R group...

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

...lock yourself in the uber basement.

In case of uber basement getting breached...

 

[Timotei]

Draw thine sword and prepare to battle.

In case sword is a butter knife...

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

...prepare to die.

In case of death being very painful...

 

[Pm0n3y]

Deploy the Nukes.

In case of being late your doctor's appointment...

 

[Last of the Chinchillas]

...lessen the pain with eggnog.
...just live with the tuberculosis.

[sup]Oh, eggnog. Is there nothing you can't do?[/sup]

In case of eggnog not being able to do something...

 

[Pm0n3y]

Drink something else.

In case of being late to your doctor's appointment...

 

[Timotei]

An Hero (pwning yourself)

In case of An Hero'ing

 

[Last of the Chinchillas]

...swim around in Sheol for several hours until you get bored.

In case of being bored with Sheol...

 

[Timotei]

Watch paint dry.

In case of paint being instant dry.

 

[Kuchinawa212]

Watch grass grow

In case of no grass in 10 miles

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

...plant some.

In case of being in the Sahara desert...

 

[Azraellod]

...buy more of it. That stuff sounds useful.
...move house.

In case of being unable to afford a house...